Code Name: Diesel (K19 Shadow Operations Book 2), page 17
“What about the Bonannos?”
“We’ll have to ask Admiral if Fitz or March are planning to turn state’s evidence. Whether either of them does or not, I’m sure they’re both very well aware they may be next on the hit list.”
“What happens next for me?”
“Merrigan and Admiral are waiting for you to give them the go-ahead to proceed with the press conference.”
“Let them know I’m fine with it.”
I sent the text, then brought up the live feed on my phone so Bryar and I could watch.
“Can you tell me where we’re going?” Bryar asked once we were on board K19’s private plane and in the air.
“First to Montecito, where Doc and Merrigan live. We’ll stay there for a day or two, then we’ll be at Doc’s family’s ranch in Paso Robles.”
“Doc’s family?”
“That’s right. There are a couple of guesthouses on the property.”
“Doc’s family?” she repeated.
I leaned closer. “Why do you keep asking?”
“Burns and Sorcha Butler?”
I could see Doc look over at us. When I met his gaze, he winked.
“That’s right.”
“Will I meet them?”
Doc stood and walked over to the bank of seats across from us. “Not only will you meet them, but my mother will likely drive you crazy between worrying about you and wanting you to tell her every single thing you know about the investigation.”
Bryar’s eyes were wide. “And your father?”
“He’ll scold her for not letting you be, but if there’s anything you need help with, they’ll be more than willing to provide it.”
Bryar rested her head against the seat. “Am I dreaming? They’re…legends.”
“And two of the nicest people you’ll ever meet,” I added.
“There are two staterooms at the back of this plane. You’re welcome to make use of them if you’d like,” said Merrigan, walking over to join her husband. “In fact, I insist. You must rest, Bryar. We’ll be in the air approximately five hours.”
Doc smiled at his wife. “Breaking her in for Sorcha?”
“Come,” she said, holding out her hand and ignoring her husband. “I’ll show you.”
Bryar stood, and when I didn’t, Merrigan tapped my shoulder. “You too, Diesel.”
She opened the door to the room on the right and ushered us inside. “You’re welcome to make use of both if you’d like, but I sense you’d rather be in here together.”
We thanked her.
“Oh, and, Diesel, when you’re hungry, come out and let me know what the two of you would like to eat. You’ll find a menu of what we have on board tonight on the desk.”
“Pretty sure I’m dreaming,” Bryar repeated after Merrigan left us on our own.
“While Laird and Sorcha are, like I said, two of the nicest people I’ve ever met, so are Doc and Merrigan.”
She picked up the menu, raised her eyebrows, and handed it to me. “This is unreal. Do they have a chef who travels with them?”
I shrugged but wondered that myself after reading we could have anything from a four-course dinner with filet mignon to pizza.
“I think you know what I’d like. Although I’m not hungry right now,” she said.
“You should get some rest.”
“So should you.”
I waited for Bryar to get comfortable before I lay beside her.
“There are some things I need to say,” she began.
“Go ahead.”
“First, I’m sorry for the way I acted the last couple of days.”
“There’s no need for you to apologize.”
“But I want to. You have been nothing but kind to me. No one has ever cared for me the way you have these last few weeks.”
I weaved my fingers in Bryar’s hair and looked into her eyes. “I don’t intend to ever stop caring for you, but not in the way I have been. I want to be in your life, and I want you in mine.”
“I’d like that too.”
“I know your work is important to you, and I respect that very much. Wherever you need to be, whether it’s in DC or anywhere else, I’ll figure out a way to be there too.”
“The Albany field office isn’t too far from Canada Lake.”
“Over an hour’s commute.”
“Maybe I wouldn’t have to be in the office every day.”
“I take it you like being at the lake. That kind of life isn’t for everyone. It can be isolating.”
“As long as we have our camp…and each other, that’s all I need, Diesel.”
I rested my forehead against hers. “You know Doc is a physician’s assistant, right?”
“Makes sense.”
“One of the reasons we’re staying in Montecito first is so he can get you set up with a cardiologist and someone who can monitor your progress, healing from your surgery. He has your medical records, so neither doctor will have to contact the hospital to get them.”
“That was smart.”
“I’d say it was my idea, but Merrigan thought of it. All I did was give the approval for them to be released.”
Bryar smiled. “So, uh, maybe I’ll get cleared for more than going back to work soon.”
“I’ll tell you, babe. Even if you’re not, uh, all the way cleared, I’m not sure how much longer I can keep my hands to myself. Seeing you naked before and after your baths was the greatest test of my willpower I ever want to face.”
“Is that the reason you brought this for me to wear on our flight?” I watched as Bryar’s fingers slowly unfastened the buttons of her blouse.
Yeah, I’d seen her before, like I’d just said, but this was so different. This was seductive and sexy. “You remember asking earlier if you were dreaming?”
She smiled. “I do.”
“I’m asking the same question.”
She took my hand and brought it to her breast. “Does this feel like a dream?”
“Hang on. Let me try something else.” When we kissed, it felt like so much more than when we had before. Now there was promise. I knew she wanted to be with me as much as I knew I never wanted to spend another day without her.
As our tongues made love the way our bodies couldn’t yet, I knew that’s what it was. I loved Bryar Davies. I loved her sass and the way she teased me and gave me shit. I loved how she could spend an afternoon by the fire, reading. I loved her beauty, both inside and out, and the way she got as excited about solving mysteries as I did. I loved her loyalty, both to her friends and to the victims whose lives she promised to honor by advocating for their stories to be heard and by bringing those who hurt them—took their lives—to justice.
I pulled back and looked into her eyes. “Bryar, there’s something I need to say.”
“There’s more I need to say too.”
“I want to go first.”
She smiled and rolled her eyes, but only a little.
I took a deep breath. This would be the first time I said these words to a woman I wanted to spend my life with. “I love you, Bryar.”
“I love you, Diesel.”
“We, uh, have another four hours or so before this plane lands.”
“Yeah? What do you think we should do with all that time?”
“You have to leave this on,” I said, tapping the heart monitor. “But everything else needs to come off.”
“You too. Everything.”
“We can’t—”
Bryar put her fingers on my lips. “I know we can’t, but we have a lot of kissing to get caught up on.”
29
BRYAR
Doc and Merrigan’s place in Montecito was like something you’d see in a magazine. I liked the little two-story cottage on Butler Ranch much better, though.
It felt right out of Scotland, but with the most luxurious bathroom I’d ever seen. However, I still preferred the camp on Canada Lake over anywhere else.
Burns—Laird—and Sorcha were the nicest people, as Diesel had said. And as Doc had said, his mother spoiled and pampered me, all the while firing questions at Diesel and me about the serial killer investigation. He encouraged me not to hold back with her either.
“She’s brilliant, Bryar. I wouldn’t be surprised if she figures it out before anyone else does.”
There were a total of three houses on the Butler Ranch property. Naughton, one of Doc’s brothers, lived in the main one with his wife, Bradley, and their little boy, Charlie.
Laird and Sorcha lived in an almost identical cottage right next door to the one we were staying in. In addition to the residences, there was a winery and a tasting room with an apartment above it, where the K19 crew who visited stayed. The remaining property was covered in vineyards.
Tomorrow, Wasp and Swan would arrive. I couldn’t wait to see them. More, though, I couldn’t wait until later today when I saw the cardiologist Doc had referred me to. In the last two weeks, my heart rate held steady and my energy level had increased daily.
“Ready?” Diesel asked the next morning. I wasn’t sure which of us was more anxious about the appointment. While we’d held each other’s naked bodies, kissed, cuddled, and talked endlessly, neither of us orgasmed when we were together. Diesel said it wasn’t fair for him to if I couldn’t. I didn’t think it was necessary for him to wait, but he insisted.
Rather than having to drive to Montecito, which was more than two hours away, Doc had found doctors in Paso Robles, only fifteen minutes from where Butler Ranch was located.
“I’m ready,” I said, feeling more nervous than I remembered being in a very long time. It wasn’t that I was afraid of what the doctor might say; I just prayed he gave me the green light for sex.
“Hey,” said Diesel, pulling me into his arms. “If he says we have to wait, we’ll wait. We’ll do whatever is necessary to keep your recovery on track. Okay?”
“Not okay,” I said, even though I was smiling. It wasn’t just sex, although that was at the forefront of my mind almost all the time. There were other things I wanted to be cleared to do, like taking a hike rather than walking on a treadmill, even eventually going for a run.
“So impatient to get into my pants,” he teased.
“We crossed that bridge on the plane. I’m anxious for you to be inside me.”
When Diesel wove his fingers in my hair, I knew what was coming—one of his soul-scorching, mind-blowing kisses. That he and I had made an art of it, was one of the few benefits of having to wait.
“Come on, let’s go and get this over with.”
Laird had given us use of a ranch vehicle, not that we’d left the property for anything other than my rehab or doctor appointments. Still, it was nice not to have to get a ride whenever we needed to go somewhere.
“Do all of you drive the same vehicle?” I asked when it dawned on me the SUV we were in was identical to the one Diesel had at the lake.
“For the most part.”
“Why?”
“Because they’re all custom. Doc orders them.”
“Oh. Wow. The FBI doesn’t care what we drive.”
“I care, and when the time comes, I’ll be sure he orders one for you too.”
“But I don’t work for him.”
“That’s okay. We pay for them ourselves; he just gets them outfitted.”
I couldn’t imagine what a vehicle like this must cost, although I did have plenty of money in the trust I’d received upon my mother’s death. I’d never touched it, preferring instead to live within the means my salary allowed. I knew firsthand the ugliness money could bring people to. I also knew it didn’t buy health or happiness.
Diesel reached over and held my hand. “I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You need to relax, or your blood pressure is going to skyrocket.”
“Yes, Mom.” Even I noticed when he started sounding like her, and I’d never met the woman.
We were ten minutes early for our appointment, and while we sat in the waiting room, Diesel stroked the back of my hand with his thumb.
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“You’re welcome.”
“Don’t you want to know what I’m thanking you for?”
Diesel smiled. “Sure”
“Never mind, then.”
He smiled, leaned over, and kissed my temple but didn’t say anything.
When a nurse called my name, I stood, wiped my sweaty palms on my jeans, and walked toward her. Diesel was behind me, his hand on the small of my back. I looked over my shoulder. “This,” I said.
What would I do without this man? I never wanted to find out. He’d been by my side for what felt like so long. I wondered how I’d ever managed without him. I hadn’t. Not really. I lived to work, and nothing else. The change in my life was profound, and I had him to thank for it. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t asked what I was thanking him for. The list could go on for days.
The nurse weighed me, took my blood pressure, and led us to an exam room. “The doctor will be right in to see you.”
“I hate waiting,” I muttered after she’d closed the door behind her.
We’d only waited one or two minutes when there was a knock at the door and the cardiologist came in.
“I’m going to get straight to it, since I know how anxious you are. You’re cleared for all activities. Just keep wearing your heart monitor for the time being, and don’t overdo it. Remember that it transmits your results to us every ten seconds, so I’ll know if your rate gets too high for too long.” He looked at me, then Diesel, then back at me. “Any questions?”
“None I can think of,” I responded.
“Have a good rest of your day, and I’ll see you in six weeks.”
I jumped off the table before he was out the door. “Let’s go.”
Diesel laughed, held my hand, and kept me from walking out of the room. “Slow down, babe. We have the rest of our lives.”
“You’re right. In fact, rather than returning to the ranch right away, let’s have breakfast and shop for a while. Maybe we could even take a drive to see Doc and Merrigan.”
“Okay, you’ve proven your point.”
I pulled him out of the room with me and swept right past the checkout desk.
“Wait,” said the woman sitting behind it. “You need to schedule your follow-up.”
“I’ll call you,” I said as we walked out the door and over to the SUV.
Diesel opened the passenger door, and before I got inside, we kissed. At every stoplight, we kissed more. Only once, did someone need to honk because we hadn’t realized the light turned green.
The minute we walked in the door of the cottage, I started removing clothes, leaving them in a trail from there to the bedroom. Diesel did the same.
I hurled myself onto the bed, not bothering to turn down the covers. Diesel stood beside it, staring at me.
“What?” I asked.
“There’s something I need to get.”
“What do you mean?” We’d already discussed condoms and had agreed not to use one, given we both had undergone tests and I was on birth control. I’d brought it up a week ago, knowing I didn’t want the moment when we could finally make love, ruined by a less-than-romantic conversation.
“I’ll be right back.”
I watched, near tears, as Diesel left the room. Why was he making me wait even longer? What in the world did he need to get?
30
DIESEL
I couldn’t explain the feeling that washed over me, knowing Bryar and I would finally make love. There was something else I needed from her before we did, though. While I knew she was confused, she’d understand as soon as I returned to the bedroom.
As disappointed as I was to see she’d gotten under the covers in the short time I was gone—so I could no longer see the body I longed for with an intensity I’d never known previously—the room did feel chilly.
I crawled under the covers with her, doing my best to keep what I had in my hand hidden.
“What’s going on?” she asked.
“Before we do this, there’s something I want to talk to you about.”
“Diesel! We’ve been talking for weeks. I don’t want to talk right now.”
“Please.”
She turned to her side and studied me. “Okay.”
“What we’re about to do won’t change anything between us. It’ll just give us the chance to express our love for each other in a more complete way. And I do love you, Bryar. So much.”
“I love you, Diesel.”
“The way it is between us…I never want it to change. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want us to have a family and grow old together. I can’t imagine a day apart from you, although I’ll learn to accept you’ll eventually have to go back to work.”
“I feel the same.”
“Do you?” I asked.
“Every word. I feel it too.”
I pulled the ring off my little finger and brought my hand around. “Marry me, Bryar.”
“Yes,” she said without a second’s hesitation. I slid the ring on her finger when she held out her hand.
We gazed into each other’s eyes and professed our love, again and again. Now, everything felt right.
We took our time, exploring each other’s bodies, trailing kisses over bare skin, like we had so many times before. There was no need for us to rush. We’d waited so long for this moment, and I wanted to savor every second of it.
Her hand had been on my cock; my fingers had been in her pussy. While it had never been enough, I was so glad we’d waited. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy what we were about to do without worrying her body wasn’t ready for it.
Bryar pushed me onto my back and straddled me. “I don’t want to wait any longer, Diesel.”
“I don’t either.” I reached between her legs and circled her clit with my thumb. I could feel her wetness. She was ready for me. I put my hands on her hips, helping guide her onto my rigid cock. My back arched once the tip was inside. “You’re so tight. Take your time,” I said through gritted teeth. “God, you feel like heaven.”
