“Is there more?”

  Fuck, I didn’t know how to answer that. Well, I did, but did I want to tell Knox what I was feeling? He wouldn’t breathe a word of it to anyone. And I did need someone to talk to. I must have waited too long to answer him because he said my name.

  “It’s different,” I told him. “I’m not sure I understand it. I’ve never been attracted to a guy before, but Stephen isn’t just anyone. And what if I develop feelings for him? It would end in disaster. He’s Serilda’s dad, for fuck’s sake.”

  “I’m not saying it’s ideal, but you can’t help who you like. What you need to find out is if he feels the same about you.”

  “I don’t even know if I have any feelings myself.”

  “You have something. If you didn’t, this would be a nonissue. You brought it up to me, which means you’ve been thinking about it, about him, in a way you haven’t before.”

  “What if it’s just the dream making me think this?”

  “If it was the dream, you would have brushed it off and not thought twice about it.” He was right. I’d had enough dreams before to know they didn’t mean anything. But this one with Stephen stirred something in me. Longing for more time with him. Desire to see if there was anything there.

  Shit.

  There it was. In my thoughts. That desire.

  “How do I do this?” I asked, desperation bleeding through my tone.

  He chuckled. “You think I have a clue? My hand might not be sore, but I’m sure getting use out of it.”

  “You need a sleeve or something to fuck into.”

  “Jesus, Kenna, we are not talking about sex toys.”

  “Why the hell not? We both have dicks. We both like getting off.”

  “And this conversation took a turn I’m not putting my blinker on to follow.”

  “Fine, but what the hell do I do with this information? I can’t exactly call him and be like, ‘I think I might possibly have some sort of feelings for you.’ That would go over really well.” I rolled my eyes, even though Knox couldn’t see me.

  “Plus, you’d sound like you’re fifteen, so there’s that.”

  I laughed. “Shut up.”

  “The only advice I have is take it one day at a time. Are you going to see him again?”

  “No clue. We didn’t set anything up.”

  “Let him come to you now, since you asked him out last time.”

  “I can do that.” And drive myself crazy the whole time waiting. Patient, I was not. “Okay, tell me about your week.”

  Knox went on to fill me in on his training, his family, his lack of sex and a love life. I listened and told him I thought his time out there was a good thing. It allowed him to get his priorities straight and maybe by the time he got back to Espen he’d be calmer, more focused, and could look for that happily ever after he wanted.

  He was one of the best people I knew. Hell, all the guys on the team were. I was damn lucky to call them friends. I’d like to think I’d play for Espen for the rest of my career, but I wasn’t naïve enough to let that thought take root. Hockey players got traded. They got injured. Shit happened. For now, I was proud to be on the Jetties.

  “Have you heard from the others?” I asked him.

  “Devon checks in on me. He’s going to make a great dad one day.”

  “He definitely has that whole dad vibe. I’m heading out to the rink in a few days to play a game with D, King, and Hayes. I think they’re asking Nordin too.”

  “I’m jealous. I miss you guys.”

  “Awww, Knoxy, do you want me to fly out and cuddle with you for a bit?”

  “Like I’d let you in my bed.”

  “So, you don’t deny you like cuddling?”

  “Who doesn’t?”

  I laughed. Knox was fun to talk to.

  We hung up not long after that. I felt a little better about this thing with Stephen, if it was in fact a thing, which I didn’t know if it was.

  One day at a time. That was how I was going to take this. I’d see if he contacted me to hang out again.

  The TV was still playing the movie I had turned on before. The guy was still shirtless, and my dick was still not interested. But then Stephen popped up in my head again.

  I’d love to know what it was about him I found so appealing, outside of the obvious. The conversation, his personality, he was a good guy. But I had that kind of stuff with other friends and didn’t start thinking about them as anything more. I was surrounded by men the world found attractive.

  Yet…

  Stephen…

  His professional look. The way he talked. I could tell he was educated.

  And there was my dick taking interest. Of course.

  Fuck it, I needed to take care of it, or it would bother me all day.

  Reaching down, I tugged my shorts off. I was commando underneath. My dick rested heavy against my stomach, the tip already leaking. Wedged between the couch cushion and the arm was a small tube of lube I stuck there for instances just like this. I squirted a bit in my hand and moved it around to warm it up.

  The moment my hand wrapped around my dick, a moan tore from my lips. It wasn’t like it was the first time I touched myself in weeks. Hell, I got off yesterday after I got home from training while I was in the shower. But this was different. My dick was more sensitive than normal.

  I started a slow stroke, wanting this to last. I didn’t even bother trying to focus on someone other than Stephen. He was at the forefront of my mind. That cute smile of his. Those green eyes. Okay, so apparently Stephen really did do it for me.

  My hand sped up, twisting on the way up, rubbing over the head. I increased the pressure, drawing another moan from my lips. A fantasy went through my mind of that smile of Stephen’s looking up at me as I drove into him.

  Holy shit, I’d never thought about having sex with a man before. Why was this so hot?

  Stephen’s smile turned into a gasp as I hit him just right when I pushed into him hard. His eyes squeezed close; his neck arched. I kept fucking him when I was really fucking my fist.

  My body tensed, a breath away from coming. It wasn’t until fantasy Stephen called out my name as he came that I let go and crashed headfirst into one of the most intense orgasms I’d ever had.

  Rope after rope of cum flew from me, landing on my shirt, which I forgot to ruck up. One even hit my fucking chin.

  I wrung every bit of sensation before stilling my hand. My breath came fast; my heart raced.

  Stephen.

  There was no doubt in my mind, he did it for me. What I was going to do with that information, I wasn’t sure.

  It could be just a crush because I’d hung out with him twice now. Something I was feeling since he was the first person I had an interest in outside of sex or hockey. Then again, I was just thinking about him as I jacked myself off.

  I went to scrub a hand over my face but caught myself before I did so and accidentally covered myself with cum. Time to clean up and find something else to occupy the rest of my day, or I was going to be the one with a sore hand and dick.

  8

  STEPHEN

  The phone on my desk rang for what had to be the millionth time that morning. With freshmen arriving in less than a month, and a few last-minute faculty changes, the list of things I needed to complete continued to grow daily.

  My conversation with the president of the university had taken up most of my morning. Thankfully, she and the Board of Governors were on were aligned with my plan for updating our academic programs in the history and business departments. The new upgrades would help us attract more students to those programs, which might also require additional housing. The board was more than willing to expand the university in any positive ways they could. I’d been extremely lucky to get this job with such a progressive group of board members.

  I reached for the phone and saw it was the new Dean of Academic Affairs. “Hello.”

  “Dr. Forrester, I was hoping we could meet later today to discuss the new program and the possibility of shuffling around a few courses for the spring semester.”

  “First, Shannon, you know you don’t have to call me Dr. Forrester. You never did in the ten years we worked together.”

  “I know, but it’s fun to mess with you in your high and mighty tower.”

  I scoffed. “Like you don’t have a high and mighty tower of your own.” Shannon had come to the university a year after me. At one time or another, we’d both been chair of the history department. When I’d moved onto the Dean of Arts and Humanities, Shannon had taken over as chair of the department. It had been a no-brainer to convince the president and the board to offer her the role of Dean of Academic Affairs when the position opened. Shannon was creative and well-researched in more than history education, which would benefit the entire campus.

  “Not as tall as yours.”

  “Well, you’re welcome to come over and visit any time you like. Which brings me to number two, if you want to talk about something you can stop by anytime. I always have time to listen to your ideas and plans.”

  “Thanks, Stephen. I thought about it, but I knew you had an interview today to head the cancer research project.”

  “I do.” I glanced at the clock. “I believe they’re scheduled around one.” It was already past noon. “How about I call you when I’m done, and we’ll sit down to talk?”

  “Sounds perfect. I’ll see you soon.”

  I hung up and turned back to my computer, where I had the information up about the latest scientist we were looking to hire to run our research cancer lab. Her credentials were impressive. Now it was just a question of whether Espen University was the right match.

  I wanted to be fully versed in the research our candidates had completed before applying to Espen University. To me, it lacked a set of manners when you applied for a job and the person interviewing with you hadn’t bothered to see what accomplishments you had that made you worth hiring. As the person doing the interview, I told myself I’d always be what I expected, no matter how busy I was.

  As I scanned the information, I found my mind wandering to Jansen. Spending time with him had been more than I anticipated. It was nice to finally be out of the house and not judged for my likes and dislikes. Why couldn’t I find a man who treated me the same way? Friends were great, but every man or woman I met over the years wanted me to be something I wasn’t. Or be somewhere I didn’t want to be. I’d given so much of myself to making other people happy and I was tired of doing it. Something about spending time with Jansen gave me the confidence to not hide my likes and dislikes. I was calm and relaxed in my own skin for the first time in years, but I really didn’t want to think about what that might mean.

  I’d learned long ago that crushes on straight men never led to anything good. Better off to look for someone else, especially when you were attracted to both men and women.

  Lost in my thoughts, it took me a moment to realize someone had knocked on my door and was currently pushing it open. Pam, my assistant, stepped into the room.

  Pam had been the backbone of this office from the moment I arrived, probably before that, as she had been the previous dean’s assistant. I wouldn’t survive without her and begged her to stay a few more years to help me navigate my new responsibilities. She agreed, promising she’d let me know when she was ready to retire so we’d have time to find her replacement together. This way, she’d know her hard work over the years would continue.

  Before I even had hello out of my mouth, Pam started talking. “Your one o’clock interview asked if they could move to two. You had nothing on the calendar, and I figured that would give you time to get lunch.”

  I set my pen down and leaned back in my chair. “Is this your way of kicking me out of the office for a bit?”

  “Absolutely. You’ve done nothing but sit in here, barely eating, while you work on staffing and academics for the fall semester. You need a break, and now seems as good a time as any to take one.”

  “There’s still plenty to do in the next month.”

  Pam walked over and shut off my monitor. “And it will get done, but not if you run yourself down to the bone. Now, go have lunch. I’ll see you an in hour with everything ready for your interview.” She scooped a few files off my desk and out the door she went.

  And these were exactly the reasons I kept her. Pam was right, even though I’d spent time hanging out with Jansen lately, I’d also locked myself in my office all day working. Maybe it was the upcoming semester, or maybe it was the fact I didn’t want to work at home any longer, in case Jansen called.

  I dropped my head to my hand. Things with Jansen were moving into dangerous territory for me. I couldn’t let myself fall for a straight guy. After everything the last few months, I didn’t need more heartache. This was something I needed to talk through.

  With more time now than I anticipated, I picked up the phone and dialed Shannon’s office. The phone barely rang once before it connected, and I heard her laughing in the background.

  “Miss me already?”

  “Actually, yes. My interview moved until later today, so I wanted to know if you’d like to meet me for lunch?”

  She laughed again. “Let me guess, Pam is forcing you to get out of your office for a bit and eat real food.”

  “She is. What better way to spend my lunch than catching up with you?”

  “That’s just so you can make it a working lunch without her knowing it.”

  I scoffed. “If I called Gene from the science department, that would completely be my goal. But I figured we could talk a bit about the project, then catch up. It’s been forever since we had lunch together.”

  “Well, aren’t you lucky I have some free time right now. Normal spot?”

  “Of course.”

  “Then I’ll see you in ten.”

  I grabbed my wallet, leaving my jacket behind, and left the office, waving to Pam on the way out. She tapped her watch. “I don’t want to see you for a full hour.”

  I held my hand over my heart. “I promise.”

  The heat hit me as soon as I pushed open the doors. Rolling up my sleeves, I made my way across the campus. Shannon’s office was closer to our normal spot, so when I stepped into the café, I glanced around. Sweat beaded on my brow from the heat, the air conditioner blew directly on the door. I was tempted to stay there for a few minutes longer, even after I found Shannon sitting in a booth in the far corner.

  She waved as I left the cool breeze and stepped farther into the café. On the table she already had two iced coffees.

  I took the seat across from her as she pushed one over to me. “Exactly how you like it.”

  “Perfect.” I wrapped my fingers around the cup and lifting it to my lips, I sipped from the straw, savoring the sweetness as it hit my tongue. I rested my arms on the table. “Let’s hear about this class.”

  Shannon smiled and told me the details of the new classes she wanted to include in the spring semester, along with others she wanted to add to the graduation requirements of incoming freshmen. I heard her talking, but my thoughts were drawn back to Jansen when she mentioned a course in the evolution of sports. It was very easy for me to get distracted when it came to him.

  She cleared her throat, but before I had the chance to tell her my thoughts or pretend I heard everything she said, her name was called from behind the counter.

  “I’ll be right back.” When she returned, she had a sandwich in each hand. “I knew you wouldn’t eat unless I ordered it for you.”

  I shook my head, laughing. “You know me so well.”

  “That I do. Now, tell me why you zoned out when I was talking to you.”

  “I didn’t zone out.”

  She lifted a brow and stared me down with a look I knew all too well. One she’d always given me when she knew I was bullshitting her.

  I blew out a breath. “Fine, I only heard up until the point you mentioned a course about the history of sports.”

  “And? You and I have talked about that course for years. What changed? Did you finally land yourself a hot baseball player?”

  The heat rose to my cheeks before I could do anything to school my features.

  “You did, didn’t you?”

  “No.” I said a little to emphatically.

  “Spill.” She picked up her cup, eyes locked on mine. Silence stretched on while we kept our gazes on each other. It was a battle I couldn’t win, but damn if I wasn’t going to try to use the time to come up with a reason for my reaction.

  I threw my hands up as my eyes shot down to the table. “He’s not a baseball player.”

  “Okay, then what’s the big deal?” She laid her hand over mine. “It’s about time you moved on from that asshole.”

  “I’m not actually seeing this guy. We’ve only spent some time together lately.”

  “That sounds like dating to me.” I lifted my eyes as Shannon took a bite of her sandwich.

  “It’s definitely not dating. First, he’s straight, and that’s not the biggest complication.”

  Shannon reached for her coffee. “Okay, straight guy sounds like a pretty big complication. What could be worse than that?” She took a sip of her coffee.

  “It’s Jansen McKenna, Serilda’s ex.”

  Coffee sprayed all over the table. Shannon’s eyes were wide while she sat there sputtering. I went to the counter and grabbed a few napkins to clean things up. By the time I returned, Shannon had gotten her bearings.

  “Jensen fucking McKenna?” she whisper-yelled. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

  I dropped back into the seat. “I wish I was. I ran into him one night and before I knew it, I was asking him to go to the Emperors’ game with me.” I didn’t stop there and told her about when we had dinner.

  “You didn’t kiss him, did you?”

  “No.” I shook my head to get the point across.

  Her eyes narrowed. “Okay, but you want to, don’t you?”

  “What I want doesn’t matter. Besides the fact that he’s straight, I can’t even think about my daughter’s ex that way.”

  “Even if you can’t, you already are.”

 

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