Paint Me Fearless, page 23
I zoomed in, my heart pounding in my chest. “Oh my God.” I noted the price and hit Purchase. “I can’t believe this,” I mumbled. “But it is…”
There was no mistaking the turbulence of the ocean, the deep-blue waves with expertly painted white caps. And the ill-fated ship against the hazy moon. How could I ever forget this painting? It had been on an easel next to the Battle of Waterloo scene Sunny had been painting that afternoon.
That magical afternoon of makeovers, Napoleon and Désireé, and fairy tales. After all this time, how had Sunny’s painting made it to a fine art exchange?
†††
I started to text Desi but realized it was too late. Besides, what would I say? I scrolled through the pictures Micah had posted earlier. She and her brother Peter, who was starting his senior year, and Luke, who was now in college. Where had the time gone?
Another photo of Micah looking fabulous in her Shady Gully High cheerleading uniform. She was the spitting image of Desi at that age. Perhaps like Desi, Micah would rise to popularity and win homecoming queen her senior year. This saddened me, for some inexplicable reason.
Especially when looking at Desi next to her beautiful, vibrant daughter. Her clothes were rumpled, her grin was forced, and her eyes reflected nothing but agony.
There was a time long ago I might have delighted in this, felt a little victory after living in Desi’s shadow for so many years. Not to mention what happened with her and Dean.
But the defeated and weary look on my friend’s face now had nothing to do with the way she looked on the outside. The torment she felt was deeply rooted on the inside, knifing through her much like the blue waves were tossing that ill-fated ship around the turbulent ocean.
Chapter Twenty
Winston In A Frame
Desi
Saint John’s Hospital in Belle Maison was a nice hospital. The rooms were nice, and the cafeteria was nice. Even the nurses and the doctors were nice. But if I had to stay here one more day, I’d slit my wrists.
While Lenny slept through most of the last three days, I perched in the uncomfortable chair next to his bed, at the ready with ice chips. The doctor came by daily to admire his handiwork, and this morning, he’d given us the okay to go home. Now we were waiting to be discharged.
My phone rang the same time Luke walked into the hospital room. Robin. Deciding to call her back, I embraced my eldest child. “Hey, honey.” Now old enough to fight in wars and buy a drink, Luke looked every bit the grown man. Polo shirt tucked into belted khakis. Conservative short haircut. He reminded me of Dean.
“How was school?” I asked.
He made a face. “Mom, it’s college. Why can’t you say, how were classes?” Luke had moved into his own apartment, and was “going to classes” at the local college in Alexandria. He also worked a part time job to pay his tuition. Lenny was thrilled at the notion his son would someday have a job that wouldn’t ruin his back.
“Sorry. I’m not college educated, so I don’t know how to talk.”
Luke ducked his head, feeling guilty. “What did the doctor say?”
“He said your dad is managing the pain well, so that’s good. When we get home, we have to focus on minimizing the pressure on the back while the”—I looked at the medical term on the release papers—“lumbar spinal fusion solidifies.”
“That’s doable. I’ll come by. Give you a break.”
We turned as Petey and Micah walked into the room. Micah, pretty and petite, was dwarfed by Petey, her long and lanky brother. She was dressed to perfection even after a full day at school, while Petey had dirt on his jeans and under his fingernails. As usual, despite being under the hood of a car all day, he maintained a skip in his step and a sparkle in his eye.
As soon as Petey graduated from high school almost two years ago, he’d moved into a trailer with one of his buddies. He also landed a full-time job at the one and only auto shop in Shady Gully. Like Luke, Petey had done well in school, but unlike Luke, he had no interest in continuing his education. “I’m done cracking the books,” he’d justified. “I’d rather work with my hands. I don’t have a problem working for the Man, especially if it means I get to settle here in Shady Gully and get a home-cooked meal at Mama’s a few days a week.”
Luke hadn’t pushed Petey. He’d always been fiercely protective of both Petey and Micah. He’d fight any battles they picked or found themselves in, and I thought Luke secretly dreamed of getting a college degree and using it for good here in Shady Gully.
“Hey, old man.” Petey grinned at Lenny as he stirred. “Enough laying around now. What do you think this is?” He squeezed Lenny’s toe. “A vacation?”
Lenny grinned when he heard Petey’s voice. As did most everyone. Petey was my little charmer. He had a way about him that drew people in and held them close. He reminded me of someone else I once knew.
“Hey, Dad.” Micah kissed Lenny on the cheek. “I heard you get to come home today.”
“About time,” Lenny grumbled. “This hospital bill is gonna put us in the poor house.”
Micah leaned in and whispered in my ear, “I need to talk to you.” Her expression hinted at the dramatic. But that was the norm with Micah.
Just then a pretty nurse with raven hair came in, followed by an aide pushing a wheelchair. “Your limo awaits,” she said. She handed me some paperwork. “Just need your autograph, ma’am, and here are the prescriptions he’ll need. He’s likely to have some residual pain, so we want you to have this ready.” She was attractive, and both Luke and Petey admired her curves.
Petey squinted at her name tag. “Tammy Jo. Now that’s a great name.”
Luke folded his arms, amused as he watched his brother’s moves.
“Well thanks.” Tammy Jo blushed, turning to me. “If you want to go to the pharmacy and pick those up, we’ll have him ready to go downstairs.” She pivoted back to Petey, “What’s your name?”
“I’m glad you asked,” Petey grinned. “My mama named me after the great apostle Peter. He was the feisty one, in case you were wondering.”
“Oh, that’s good to know.” Tammy Jo chuckled. “And what does everybody call you?”
“Dweeb,” Micah said.
“I used to call him PeePee when he was little.” Luke unfolded his arms.
Petey shrugged. “You, my dear Tammy Jo, may call me anything you like.”
“I’d go with dweeb,” Micah said.
Tammy Jo laughed and patted Lenny’s leg. “How do you put up with them?”
“It ain’t easy.” Lenny’s chuckle turned into a cough.
Tammy Jo told me, “You can just pull your car around to the entrance of the hospital. We’ll meet you there in about fifteen minutes.”
I signaled to Micah, and we headed down to the pharmacy. She asked, “Is Daddy going to be able to go back to work?”
“Not tomorrow, no.”
“I don’t mean tomorrow. I mean ever?”
I sighed. “I don’t know, honey. The doctor says he’s doing well, so we’ll just have to see how it goes. Why?” I handed the prescription to the pharmacist and had to sign some papers as the pain meds were considered narcotics.
“I just found out how much cheerleading camp is gonna be.”
My heart dropped. We simply could not afford three hundred dollars now. We were already overdrawn, and the bills were mounting. Plus, I had taken a leave from work to get Lenny through this surgery.
“I know it’s a lot, Mom, but I have to go. I’m head cheerleader.”
“When is it due?”
“We have to pay four hundred now and—”
“Four hundred? Good gracious, it went up. It used to be three hundred.”
“Mama, that was a hundred years ago. It’s eight hundred now. Half now and half when we get to Natchitoches.”
I had no words. So I focused on the pharmacist. Watched the little pills as the machine counted them out. If only I could just run away, escape… but where would I go? And what would happen to my family?
I barely listened as Micah prattled on. It was only going to get worse as homecoming rolled around. If Micah made the court, how on earth would we swing that expense?
I thought briefly about Robin. About doing something I swore I would never do. Ever. No, I wasn’t that desperate. Yet.
“Mama? Are you listening?”
“Yes, of course.” I handed the cashier my credit card and prayed it wouldn’t be declined. “You were talking about cheerleading uniforms. How much is that going to cost?”
Micah looked stricken. “Not much. Just the material. Dawn’s Mama is gonna sew them to save money.”
As we headed to the elevators, I felt guilty for snapping at Micah. “We’ll figure it out, honey. Don’t worry.”
Micah let a moment pass before succumbing to her love of random chat. “Everybody is talking about which church they’re going to Sunday. Dawn’s family is going to Brother James’s, but Rachel’s folks are going to Brother Jesse’s. Crazy, huh?”
“Yeah,” I replied.
“Both churches look exactly alike. And they’re right next to each other. Everybody at school is laying bets on where Brother Wyatt will go.”
When we walked outside, we watched as Luke carefully steered Lenny’s wheelchair toward the vehicle, and Lenny gazed up at the sunshine as if it were the risen Lord himself.
“Oh, he’s so embarrassing,” Micah scoffed.
“Who?”
She was looking at Petey, who peered over Tammy Jo’s shoulder as she entered her number into his phone.
†††
I was taking inventory in Luke’s old room. I had Sunny’s paintings divided into three piles. One for those I didn’t want to part with, one for those I couldn’t bear to part with, and finally, those I’d pass on to the kids one day. The last pile was the biggest, but the more our expenses grew, I found myself making hard choices.
The light from the bedroom window illuminated one of my favorites, a shack on a riverbend. It was jumbled with yellows and oranges, and the dilapidated shack was painted rustic red. As usual, Sunny had done a wonderful job with the river, blending tans and blues into a muddied texture that seemed sprung from another era. I snapped a picture with my phone.
No, I couldn’t part with this one.
I selected another one from the ones I didn’t want to part with pile. It was a bowl sitting atop an old-time credenza. It contained an apple, an orange, and a lime, but they paled next to the little toy car haphazardly strewn amid the fruit. It told a story of a home, a family, and a little boy. I loved this painting. Why hadn’t I ever asked Sunny what it meant to her? How had she imagined this family behind the bowl? And the boy? Was he precocious or shy? Had he been trying to hide his toy car? Or had he hastily dropped it into the bowl as he galloped off to another adventure? I snapped a picture with my phone.
No, I couldn’t part with this one either.
On and on it went, the depths of my sadness plummeting with each new picture I snapped. There was a tap at Luke’s door, and Lenny shuffled in and took in the sight of the paintings. And my tears.
“Missing your Mama today?”
“Yeah,” I said. “Do you need another pill? Are you hurting?”
“No. I’m doing good. I’m weaning myself off. Just wanted to tell you Petey is bringing over a pizza, so you don’t have to cook tonight.”
“Good.” As Lenny started to leave, I said, “Lenny? Did I tell you I saw Tom and his new wife at the gas station last week?”
He leaned onto the frame of the door for support.
“They were holding hands. At the gas station. Isn’t that disgusting? He was prancing around wearing a button-down western shirt, and she was laughing at something he said…”
“What’d you do?”
“I rode home on fumes so I didn’t have to talk to them. Her name is Wanda. She has red hair and…” I swallowed. “It just makes me sick that he’s happy.”
Lenny nodded. “Well, I reckon you could have run over them and that would have been the end of that.” He was trying to make me laugh, but I was too tense.
“I wonder if he still has any of Mama’s paintings.”
“I thought he gave them all to you.”
“That’s what he said. But I wouldn’t put it past him.”
Lenny ambled over to the rocker I used to rock Luke in and sat gingerly. “Nothing’s stopping me from rounding up the boys and going over and taking a look.”
I took in the sight of this hobbled man ready to spring into action out of devotion and sheer love for me. I was so humbled I looked away.
“Desi, I know you don’t want to talk to me about it. You never have, and I’ve let it be. But”—Lenny scratched the stubble on his chin—“I’m not so dumb I don’t have an idea what happened.”
I swatted a tear away. Looked at the floor, at Mama’s paintings spread around the room. All that I had left of her. “It was just a fight.”
“No. I don’t believe that. I believe Tom laid a hand on you. Or worse.”
My shoulders sagged with the heaviness of a lifetime of shame.
“Just so you know, I’ve wrestled with the idea of… hurting him. Especially when I was younger. Even now if I think about it too long, I get stirred up and want to make him suffer. At this point it might even be a fair fight, considering the shape I’m in.” He reached over and lightly brushed my fingers. “But I still think I could take him.”
I eyed him with a crooked grin. “I think so too.”
“What I’ve never understood is, what happened with Sunny?”
“She didn’t believe me,” I said vehemently. “She picked him.”
“That’s nonsense. She never picked him. She settled because she didn’t know what else to do. She hated him, Desi. It was clear in everything she did. All that hate rotted inside her, poisoned her, and eventually killed her. But I don’t think she felt she had any other options.”
“But she did. I told her she could move in with us.”
“I know. And I agree she made a bad choice. But we’ve all made dumb choices, right?” Lenny shook his head regretfully. “Sunny was amazing. Special. All that. But she was the most fragile person I’ve ever known. She wasn’t strong like you.”
“I’m not—”
“Yes, you are. This has been your cross to bear. You’ve carried it around all these years, held it close, embraced it even. And look at you. You’re the most wonderful mother, the most beautiful wife, and the most loyal friend.”
We heard the rattle of the front door opening. “Delivery!” Petey bellowed. “Come and get it while it’s hot.”
Then the sound of Micah’s sneakers as she squeaked through the garage door. “Did you get extra pepperoni?”
“No. For you I got pineapple and anchovies.”
“Gross!” Micah groaned. “You’re such a dweeb.”
As I helped Lenny up, we shared a parental chuckle. He squeezed my hand and made his way to the kitchen. Before following, I flipped through the pictures I’d taken of Sunny’s paintings, indecisive. Just then my phone buzzed with a text. Wolfheart.
I entered my security code. You sitting tight? Brad had texted. Or you need anything?
My fingers hovered over the letters on the mini keyboard. Finally, I typed, I’m good for now.
†††
Robin’s problems were in another realm. Granite versus butcher block, which apparently was very trendy now. “I don’t know,” I told her.
“Desi, look again. Come on.” She moved her phone closer to the samples, and I endured another round of bullet points on each. I was at a red light and had my phone mounted on the dash. “I like the granite.”
“Really? I do too. But then I keep thinking, it’s just a basement.”
I resisted an eye roll, lest FaceTime betray me. “Then go with the butcher block.” The light turned green, and I was on the move again after chasing my tail all morning.
“Okay.” The view on the phone shook before Robin’s face appeared. “That’s enough of that. How is Lenny?”
“Lenny is good. Are you actually wearing lip gloss and full makeup at ten in the morning? What planet are you from?”
Robin laughed. “I’m going into Louisville later. And you’re one to talk. You’ve already been to Belle Maison this morning.”
Yeah, I thought dismally. And I got a flat-out rejection from Heather Hard Body at Penney’s, who’d suggested I reapply for my old job when my family “situation” was less chaotic. “What’s in Louisville?” I asked Robin. “Have you already run out of places to shop in Lexington after two years?”
“No.” She laughed. “It’s just something I thought about doing when we first moved here. I should have done it sooner.”
“Consider me intrigued.” I ran my hand through my hair, catching a glimpse of my sloppy appearance in the rearview mirror.
“What’s up with you?” Robin changed the subject.
Nothing good, I thought miserably. A meltdown at the Belle Maison Post Office after mailing six of Sunny’s paintings to my Fine Arts Sellers Club. I’d ended up parting with both the toy car in the fruit bowl and the shack on the river painting—as well as four others. “Uh… Micah is on the homecoming court,” I told Robin. “Petey has a girlfriend.”
“That’s exciting.”
“Yeah.” I put my blinker on and turned into the last pharmacy in Belle Maison before the Shady Gully exit.
“Anyway, tell me about Lenny. Is he bored?”
“Yes, he’s losing his mind. We got into a fight this morning because I opened a new pack of coffee before the old one was empty. And he’s been watching cooking shows, so at dinner he says things like, ‘I like the texture of the radishes. They balance the smoothness of the aioli.’”
