Paint Me Fearless, page 20
We turned to the sound of footsteps. Lenny. Finally. “What’s up?”
Dean sighed. “Would you tell Robin that all these rumors floating around are unjust and not true?”
Lenny looked at me, really looked at me, and I searched his face for the tiniest speck of doubt. I saw none. “Robin, don’t let these gossipmongers get to you. Especially not today.”
For some reason, Lenny’s matter-of-fact, no-nonsense attitude was more convincing than Dean and Desi’s vehement denials. “Ricky is my good friend, right? He brought them home. He told me about it, and Desi told me when I got home. It’s all ridiculous.” Lenny glanced at Desi, chuckling. “As if? Seriously, trust me, Robin. We’re stuck with these two losers who can’t hold their liquor.”
I almost laughed, but didn’t.
Lenny patted Dean on the shoulder. “Hey, come help a minute, okay? James needs a hand taking down the tables and chairs in the hall.”
Dean stood up. Looked at me for a long moment. He bent to kiss me, but I turned away. He brushed my forehead with his lips, then followed Lenny back to the church hall.
That left me and Desi. I sighed deeply. Watched the gravediggers. Desi joined me on the bench and watched with me. After a long while I asked, “Where’d y’all disappear to?”
Thankfully, Desi didn’t try to play dumb. “We walked on Hummingbird Trail, which was sort of a challenge because I was trying to hold your husband up. Eventually we sat on a rock and talked.”
“About?”
“About you, Robin. Dean is really, really happy with his life. He loves you. I give you my word. Nothing happened.”
I wanted to believe her. I really did.
But I didn’t.
Somewhere deep in my soul, I’d always known Dean had a thing for Desi. It was obvious the first day she walked into Coach Cal’s class, and he’d hung on her every word.
I’d always sensed it, the lift in his voice whenever he said her name. His eagerness to befriend Lenny and thus assure the four of us remain a regular thing. I’d just refused to face it because I wanted so badly to believe I had something special that stood apart from Desi. But I’d always lived in Desi’s shadow. Dean had seen it, known it. That was clear when he’d found the very notion of my beating her for homecoming queen laughable. I guess he’d been right after all. As if, like Lenny said.
I’d been nothing more than a consolation prize. I was nothing more than a means to an end. A way for Dean to keep Desi in his life.
Desi’s eyes hadn’t left my face, pleading for confirmation that I trusted her, believed her.
But I didn’t. So I stood and walked away.
Chapter Eighteen
Smorgasbord Of City-Slicker Neopolitan
Desi
My boss was a twenty-year-old Bouncy girl. Could it get any worse? Here I stood, a mother of three, asking a bleached-blond aerobics instructor with rock-hard abs for permission to leave work early to pick up my kindergartner.
“Well,” Heather said. “I really need you to let me know beforehand so I can get coverage.” Her heavily mascaraed eyes widened as she stressed the implications of being shorthanded in the JCPenney Cold Weather Accessory Department in May. “I don’t know, Desi. I just don’t know.” I watched as Heather pondered the great importance of her decision, clearly burdened by the depths of her power and standing. “And there’s nobody else who can go pick Michelle up?”
Breathe. Count to ten. One. Two.
“It’s Micah, and no, my husband is offshore until this evening.” I waited, looking as meek and pathetic as possible. “And she got sick. Suddenly. I couldn’t let you know beforehand.”
“Well, okay. But I’ll have to dock your pay.”
I grabbed my purse and left, giving the Empress plenty of time to revel in her power and supremacy. Within minutes, I was headed out of Belle Maison toward Shady Gully. Poor Micah, I sighed, suspecting her tummy ache had more to do with separation anxiety than a stomach bug. Losing half a day’s pay wasn’t good, but I couldn’t take the chance that she might actually be sick.
Once Micah had started Kindergarten, I’d gone back to work part time, leaving work each day in time to pick the kids up after school. It was a compromise, as Lenny said, which meant extra money without the expense of daycare. It worked great, except that I was exhausted and frazzled and felt like I wasn’t doing my best job as a mom or as an employee in the Cold Weather Accessory Department. However, if Micah made this a weekly thing, Heather the Hottie would likely use her authority as Empress to send me straight to the guillotine.
Money was tight these days, and I really needed this job. We sent a check to Dean every month for the house payment, but it seemed that the house of my dreams had created a plethora of extra expenses. Like a new roof after we discovered leaks the first time it rained. Like a new air conditioner after a hot summer revealed the original unit had been undersized from the beginning. Like a new stove after incorrect electrical wiring had shorted out and nearly caused a house fire.
We handled all those excess expenses on our own, never dreaming of mentioning them to Dean. He and Lenny talked occasionally, exchanged pleasantries, but we’d agreed it best to keep our money troubles to ourselves. Under the circumstances.
Like the fact that Robin hated my guts. Sure, I sent her and the kids’ birthday cards, and she sent Christmas cards and gifts for my kids. It was all very cordial, like the kind of relationship you had with a great-uncle or a distant cousin you never saw, and you couldn’t quite recall if they’d died a few summers back or if you’d just dreamed they did.
I’d also tried to call Robin on occasion, but the conversations were always uncomfortable and short because she had somewhere else she had to be.
Regardless of what she thought I’d done, I was devastated she could so easily rid herself of me. But her life was full of fancy cocktail parties and intellectual conversations with sophisticated people. No doubt she was jet-setting here and yonder having facials and massages and living the high life. What did she need me for anyway?
I went to church every Sunday, praying constantly for God to change her heart, but nothing changed. It hurt to lose people you loved, like Robin and Sunny, not from death but from their own choosing. Their outright rejection, their dismissal.
The worst part was hearing that Robin and Dean had flown in to visit her brothers or Dean’s family. Or catching a glimpse of Sunny and Tom getting gas or turning into the post office. Everyone was living their lives like I’d never existed. Everyone else was moving forward, and I was just stuck. I felt discarded, and it shattered me.
And then I’d see my little girl, and all was right with the world again.
I saw Micah sitting in the Elementary school office way before she saw me. She was sitting in a giant chair, and her huge bookbag was on the floor beside her. She had her head down, and appeared dejected and miserable.
I quickened my pace. As soon as I turned the corner and entered the office, Micah’s lips curved in a humongous smile. I knew instantly I’d been had.
“Mommy! It was forever. Forever, forever, forever till you got here.” She crashed into me, her little arms not quite able to encircle my girth. “Why did forever pass? Where were you?”
“I was at work, pumpkin. You know Mommy has to go to the mall and work at the big store, right?”
“Yep,” she said. “With the pink Barbie buggy. Can we go there now?”
“No, I just left there because the office called and said you were sick.”
“Oh.” She tugged on my sleeve. Pulled me lower and cupped her hand over her mouth. “They lied.”
I gave her an exasperated look as I signed her out on the office clipboard. “Let’s go.”
“Can we get ice cream?” She beat me to the car.
Luke and Petey still had another hour before they were done, so it wouldn’t make sense to bring her to Lenny’s parents and go back to work. “Want to go to the Cozy Corner?”
“Yep.” She handed me her bookbag. “I want strawberry.”
I drove less than a mile before we reached the hamburger joint at the center of Shady Gully. It was a warm day, and the sun was out, so I decided to enjoy the unexpected time with Micah. After ordering burgers and fries, I put my sunglasses on and settled at a picnic table.
“I just want ice cream. Can I get chocolate?”
“I want you to eat a little of your real food first.”
“Ice cream is real, Mommy.” Micah’s legs dangled off the bench, and she kicked them back and forth. “Do you know Mindy?”
“From your class?”
“Yep. She got a dog. He’s so cute. He has this much hair.” She held her arms wide. “Mindy brought a picture today, and his name is Bubbles.”
“Stay right here. Don’t move.” I went up to the counter and picked up our food. Spread the burgers and fries out on the table. “Here. Eat your fries at least.”
“Why can’t we get a dog?”
I took a bite out of my burger, stalling. Micah had been too little to remember Winston, but his passing had been hard on all of us, especially Luke. Lately Lenny and the boys had been campaigning for another pup, and apparently Micah had picked up on it.
But I just wasn’t up to it. I didn’t have the will or energy to take on any more responsibility. Besides, Winston was one of a kind.
“We’ll see, pumpkin. Eat your food.” I finished my burger while Micah played with her fries.
As vehicles hustled in and out of the Cozy Corner, the hub of lunch time cuisine in Shady Gully, a familiar truck slowed at the four-way stop sign. I prayed it would keep going, but it just wasn’t my day.
I quickly wadded up my burger wrapper, disgusted with myself as I realized not only had I devoured my burger, but half of Micah’s. I rubbed my tongue over my teeth as Adam hopped out of his big red truck. He’d long since traded in his white Corvette for his signature four-wheel drive.
I scrutinized him as he meandered over to the counter and placed his order. Still tall, with a little more weight around the middle. And still sporting his boyish “life’s just a game and I get to roll first” grin.
“Are you ready?” I asked Micah.
“No! You promised!” Her face reddened with the outrage of a regularly bribed kindergartner. “I ate all my food. You promised. I want strawberry.”
“Okay, okay. Shhhh.” I hurriedly gathered our trash into one bag.
“No, I think I want chocolate,” she whined. “Maybe vanilla. Mommy, don’t throw the trash away. We’re not leaving!”
Adam and his big, bold belt buckle moseyed over with his bag of lunch. And a bowl of ice cream sprouting a spoon and a cherry. “Well howdy, ma’am,” he said to Micah. “Is this seat taken?”
Micah looked completely baffled. But make no mistake, she saw the ice cream. She nodded shyly.
“Well, thank ya, kindly,” Adam said. “As a token of my appreciation, I’d like to present you with this here prize-winning ice cream.” Her eyes widened as he placed the bowl in front of her.
“Mommy, it’s… every color.” She looked at Adam to confirm that he was indeed real and not just a figment of her imagination.
“It surely is. It’s what the city slickers call Neapolitan. And that there is a Shady Gully cherry, which makes it extra special. Like magic.”
Micah tentatively stuck the spoon into the ice cream. After the first bite, she dug in with gusto.
Adam grinned at me. “And you, my lady, could I offer you a fry?” He popped one into his mouth.
I shook my head. “You’re too much.”
“That I can’t deny.”
“I heard you got married again.” For heaven’s sake, why oh why did I have this compulsion to grill him on his romantic status every time I ran into him? “A couple more kids?” Stop talking now, Desi.
“What can I say, Dizzy Desi? I reckon I’m still searching for the right one.” He took a huge bite of his hamburger, glancing at Micah, who had made the chocolate disappear, and was now halfway through the strawberry. “And you? Still set on breaking my heart?”
I didn’t respond. Apparently finally gaining control of my mouth.
“The one that got away.” He sat back, appearing melancholy. “That’s what you are. You’re like… unfinished business. Maybe I’ll write a song about that.”
I chuckled. Okay, so maybe I giggled.
“Got me a tour coming up,” Adam said. “A big one. My manager says my new tunes are gonna bust the charts wide open.”
“Wow. Where’s the tour?”
“South Louisiana. Houma. Thibodaux. Thereabouts. Wrapping up in the Big Easy.”
We turned as the gravel crunched under the wheels of another Cozy Corner customer. “Great,” I said under my breath.
Adam laughed. “What? You got something against Wolfheart?”
“Seems I recall you warning me off of Brad and his clan, saying girls like me should steer clear.”
Adam threw his head back in an all-out chortle. “That’s true. But something tells me you’re a little more experienced now.”
I broke eye contact first. Focused on Micah, who looked dangerously sated. “You ready, pumpkin?” I gathered her napkins, and put them in the food bag. “Now what do you say to the nice man?”
“Thank you for the magic ice cream.”
Adam made a show of tipping his hat, which Micah thought was funny. As we got up, he drawled in a low voice, “I think I just came up with a perfect title for that song.”
“What’s that?”
“How about… ‘Unfinished Pleasure’?”
I shook my head, picking up Micah to rush her along.
“It’s got a nice ring to it, huh?” Adam grinned, heading to his truck.
I turned toward my car, hiding my scarlet face as I settled Micah into her seat. Brad Wolfheart appeared, opening the driver’s door for me. “How ya doing, Desi?”
“Good, Brad. How are you?”
“Not bad. Have you heard from Robin lately?” He reacted when I flashed him a dirty look. “What? I was just asking. She called me a while back looking for some—”
I angled myself in front of Micah’s line of vision. “Looking for what?”
Brad scowled. “Man, what is with you? I try to be friendly, but every time I see you, you are so wound up. You need to chill.”
“I can’t chill, Brad.” Feeling suddenly frazzled. “I have a crappy job, and I work for an arrogant bimbo, but I have to work because I have a house that is a money pit and I have three kids that want everything, including a damn dog, which I can’t handle and I don’t want because I miss my old dog, and I live in a nosy town and everybody is up in my business and making snide remarks about me losing my best friend because a hateful gossip told her lies and I…” I couldn’t breathe because the waistband of my pants was cutting me in two. “And I’m getting fat!”
Brad pursed his lips. “That all?”
I rolled my eyes. Unbuttoned my top button as I slid into the car. As I turned the key, the engine cranked up. Brad still lingered outside my window, looking shell shocked. “Sorry, Brad. It’s just been a bad day.”
“I can see that,” he said. “But I’m telling you, I got something that can take the edge off.”
“No thanks. Last time I did that, my life fell apart.” I shifted into reverse.
“Just saying. That was a long time ago. It’s way better stuff now.” He moved aside as my car started moving.
I was almost to the school to pick up the boys when Micah said. “Mommy, my tummy hurts.”
“Not now, Micah. And you’re seriously going to have stop pretending—”
I never finished the sentence because a kaleidoscope of vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry swirled like a tornado and in slow, excruciating motion slid down every crevice of my car. The windshield, the gear shift, the glove compartment… the cracks between the seats and the console. Micah spewed a smorgasbord of city-slicker Neapolitan… and I’m pretty sure the magic Shady Gully cherry landed in my purse.
†††
Lenny had fallen asleep in his recliner, watching a cop show I’d seen a hundred times. I switched the channel, pausing on a cooking show featuring a woman making a chocolate souffle. Naturally she was a size two and had long, flowing tendrils and shiny pink lip gloss.
“That looks good,” mumbled Lenny as he woke up.
“Yeah.” I sighed dejectedly.
“What’s wrong, Desi? The kids are all sleeping. Even Micah’s stomach seems settled. For the moment.”
“I know. And tomorrow I get to get up and do it all over again.”
Lenny looked back at the TV, watched as the chef created a base for the souffle by folding a rich chocolate sauce into an egg white meringue. Or maybe he was watching the sexy chef. I picked up the remote and turned the TV off. “What are you doing tomorrow? If you can pick up the kids, I’ll see if Heather will let me make up the hours I lost today.”
“I can take them, pick them up. Whatever you need.” Lenny reached over the cluttered end table, offered his hand. “What’s wrong, Desi?”
From the love seat, I returned the gesture, squeezed his back. “I don’t know. I’m just in a rut, I guess. I’m tired, but I’m bored too. I was thinking maybe we could go on a little vacation. Maybe take the kids to see Harry in Santa Fe? He and… Connie… bought a house there.”
“Well, if you’re gonna pitch it, pitch it like you mean it.”
“I’m trying to like her. I really am.”
Lenny nodded, understanding without further elaboration. “We can’t afford plane tickets, but we could drive. I’d have to get the car checked out. And see if I can switch schedules with somebody.”
