Healthy Progress, page 1
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Find A New Series To Love…
About the Author
Other Titles by Erin R Flynn
A Supernatural Script Inc. Book
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My name is Tamsin Vale and things are going well. No, really! I know that sounds crazy after I broke down and couldn’t tell what was a dream or reality. But I have help. I asked for help which is hard for me. I have someone I can trust to get help from.
All of that is progress for my life. Sad, but true.
It was a setback on a better path and those will happen. But people are stepping up to help and defend me. I don’t feel so alone handling too much. I feel like a real fairy most days and accepted.
And I have hope for the future. Things are great with Darby, and he’s happy about what comes next. School is better, and I’m enjoying that part of my life.
Sure, I have no idea where I’m at with four of my mates, and I wish I could make it all better. I wish I could forgive them for their mistakes and move past what’s happened knowing we won’t have any issues again, but that’s not life. So I’m going to appreciate what I have before the next thing blows up because it will.
Something always does.
Artemis University is an ongoing, hot burning reverse harem, university-age paranormal academy series with darker elements, strong language, violence, and a heroine who follows her own moral compass of what is right… And who she ends up giving her heart to.
*This book is part of a series and cannot be read as a standalone. Like all my books, this is not light and fluffy and includes dark themes and events some may find triggering. Reader discretion is advised.
1
“I’ll help you, Tams,” Julian promised over and over again. “We’ll figure this out and figure out what’s going on.”
Why isn’t he hugging me? Julian would hug me and take the opportunity to hug me.
“You told me not to touch you,” he whispered.
“What?” I whispered, still crying no matter how hard I tried to stop.
“You’re projecting your thoughts to me,” he explained, nodding when I winced. “You told me not to touch you. Of course I want to hug and comfort you, but—I never know what to do, Tams. I’m so tied up that—tell me what to do.”
I didn’t know either, but I really did want the hug and comfort even if it came from the asshole who kept breaking me. I needed to feel like I could be solid again instead of this detached mess.
It was probably the wrong, selfish thing to do, but I scooted closer and basically moved between his legs. He had squatted down in front of me at some point in my sobbing, and that would probably be an awkward way to hug me.
He seemed to understand that and sat on the ground, pulling me onto his lap. “I will figure this out. I swear it. And don’t worry, I know this doesn’t make us okay. I won’t take this as anything more than help or read into it. I’ll try not to, but I’m stupid and mess everything up. I just need you to be okay. I won’t abuse this.”
It was probably stupid to believe him, but he sounded as lost and scared as I felt. For some reason that comforted me a bit.
“Where are we?” I asked when I finally seemed to calm down some.
“The fucking house I hate that is now mine,” he muttered. “I just want to burn it to the ground. I can’t—sorry, this isn’t—sorry.”
I nodded, understanding he was upset too and things just came out. “I think my mind is broken, Julian.”
“I don’t think that at all,” he whispered as he hugged me tighter. “I don’t think people realize they’re breaking so clearly when they actually do. I think something is going on with our powers and you’ve got a new ability. We will figure this out, my mate.”
I nodded again, not wanting to have him call me that, but it was what we were. “Can I stay here tonight?” I started to pull away when he flinched. “Sorry, I didn’t mean—”
“It’s this house, not you. I don’t want you to spend more time in this house so soaked with evil, especially when you’re vulnerable.”
I slowly glanced up at him. “Then why are you here?”
“I have to be,” he whispered, looking away.
Okay, that wasn’t weird.
“Let’s just get a hotel room somewhere no one would think to look, and I’ll quietly get you a security detail.”
I wasn’t sure what I needed or to do right then so I agreed. It felt like I was also in shock, maybe from coming to Julian for help? But it was like I blinked and I wasn’t sitting on his lap anymore, but a plush chair at a hotel.
“There you are,” Stefanie whispered as I blinked around the room. She gave me a tight smile when I focused on her. “Craftsman contacted me asking for help and to not let the others know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t see what was happening, Your Highness.”
“I don’t know what’s happening and I couldn’t tell anyone,” I muttered, accepting that I had probably made this worse than it needed to be. I had only one real reason for that. “I was scared.”
“I know. I know, Tamsin,” she muttered. “You’re also exhausted. You can’t shoulder what you need to without sleep.”
I agreed with her, but I was scared to fall asleep too, so I wasn’t sure what to do with that. And where had Julian gone?
Would he come back or abandon me again?
“You sounded near panic on the phone,” Edelman said, worry thick in his eyes.
When had I called Edelman? I wouldn’t have.
“Sorry to upset you and drag you out of your bed, mate,” I said.
No, Julian did.
A dream. This is a dream unless I suddenly learned how to speak with a British accent and deepen my voice. Glamour couldn’t do that.
Could it?
“What’s going on?” Edelman asked.
“I need to take a leave of absence,” Julian answered, clearing his throat when Edelman couldn’t hide his surprise. “After finals. For all of next semester. I’ll talk to Sontar, and there’s got to be a fairy who can fill in for me. Their schools aren’t even open yet. I will get the—”
“Julian, slow down,” he said as he came over and grabbed my arms.
No, Julian’s arms. It was so confusing to remember that when it felt like me. I could feel Edelman touching my arms. I was experiencing Julian’s worry like it was my own.
“Tell me what happened,” Edelman ordered.
“My mate is struggling and she came to me for help.” He pulled away and paced. “Even after all I’ve done, she came to me, and I won’t fail her again.”
“I say this as your friend, but are you in a place to be able to help anyone else?” He sighed at whatever was on Julian’s face. “You are drowning yourself. You have to finally admit that, Julian. And to her. You cannot keep going on like this and need to just tell her.”
I felt my eyes roll. “I’ll take mating advice from just about anyone else after what you said before landed me in more hot water.”
Edelman winced. “I did warn you that I wasn’t mated. But, I said her videos seemed to also ask you to prove you did—and do—truly love her and it wasn’t all a lie. I stand by that. I didn’t think you would hear that advice as being flirty and sexy. That’s not love.”
“It is if I’m willing to make such an ass of myself,” he grumbled, sounding like a petulant kid instead of the confident man I knew. “I have to help her, Kyle. She came to me and has at least this much trust in me. Something inside of me knows I can do this. Even if I can’t get her back, I have to do it.”
“Do you think that’s why the gods made you mates?”
“I think it might be the answer to my prayers which I hate becaus
“I know, I know, Julian,” he whispered, making me realize that Julian was crying. He hugged the younger warlock. “You try so hard, but that is not always what is needed. The simplest explanation is normally the correct one. You know this.”
“What is it?” he choked out. “I don’t even know anymore.”
“Tell her the truth, idiot. Tell her what’s really going on with you. Tell her about your depression. Tell her how you hurt. Tell her that you haven’t been sleeping. All of it. Tell her about the panic attacks. How can you ask her to give you another chance when you still won’t fully let her in?”
“She has too much to bear already,” Julian argued. “I can’t make her shoulder more.”
“Julian, she’s already bearing it,” Edelman sighed. “If you explain what has truthfully been going on, you can maybe take some of that pain off her stress. What do you have to lose at this point? Can you not trust her?”
“No, I always trust her. Tamsin does—her soul is good.”
“Then why can you not share the truth with her?”
I felt tears trail down his cheeks faster. “What if I do and she still won’t accept me? No matter what I’ve been through, my mum always accepted me. I don’t have—I miss that.”
“Is that why you love Tamsin?”
“No. She makes me feel everything I didn’t know I could.”
“Then trust her. If you’re willing to put your career on hold for her, trust her to hear you, Julian. She might not forgive you, but she deserves to know the truth.”
“I’ll try.”
“Good and get some damn sleep or you won’t be of any good to her.”
I woke with a start, glancing around in confusion as my heart raced and beat in my ears.
Julian moved into view and held his hands out in surrender. “You’re okay. I asked Stefanie to put you to sleep since you were too tired to block her. You slept for…” He glanced at his watch. “Six hours. We’re at the hotel I brought you to.”
I slowly bobbed my head. “Yeah, okay. Got it.”
“Is this normally how you wake up?” He frowned when I didn’t say anything. “I can’t help you if you aren’t honest with me, Tams. I’m sorry if it’s difficult, but I need to know.”
“You first,” I mumbled, looking away from him. “Isn’t there some things you’re supposed to tell me first?” I glanced back at him when he gasped. “What?”
“You—did you see me talking to Edelman?”
I swallowed loudly. “Did you go talk to him?”
He nodded and slowly sat on the bed. He didn’t touch me but more like he needed to sit down at hearing what I said. “What did you see?”
I blew a raspberry. “We’re going to go crazy dancing around each other. This isn’t helping and—”
“Yes, I went to Edelman,” he blurted. “I asked for a leave from Artemis. I’m taking all next semester off.” He studied me closely as I swallowed loudly. “You saw that?”
I slowly nodded. “As if I was you. That’s how I see the dreams.” I glanced from the chair where I’d been sitting to the bed now. “Were you thinking about it while I was sleeping?”
“No, I was thinking of other things.”
“Shit.”
“Yeah, but this is still good news.” He nodded when I frowned. “What you’re seeing is real then, Tams. You can verify it with people and it’s—you’re not cracking. It’s just a new extension of your power we have to figure out. We can get control of this.”
I really hoped he was right. Still, it was hard to believe it was all real and not—I felt so shattered. “Then be honest and tell me something Edelman wanted you to.”
He pulled his foot up on the bed and hugged his knee, staring at the nightstand instead of meeting my gaze. “You’re going to think I’m trying to be the victim and get sympathy.”
“Why do you never have any faith in me? Was I really so horrible to you?”
“No, never. I have faith in you, Tams. I always have. It’s the perception, and you’re normally valid. You’re drowning, and I’m going to sit here and tell you what’s going on with me? That absolutely seems like I’m trying to get sympathy.” He let out a dark bark of laughter. “It seems that way even when I don’t try to. I’ve tried to be honest and it all goes so wrong.”
“Because you push it on me. I’m asking. Tell me something.”
He swallowed loudly but still didn’t meet my gaze. “I haven’t been sleeping.”
“For how long?”
“A while.”
I wanted to reach out and shake him. “How long is a while, Julian? You wanted me to care and I’m asking. Stop making me feel stupid for giving a shit about you still!”
He slowly looked at me with wide eyes and time seemed to freeze as we both absorbed my outburst. “Since I found out I was next in the Craftsman charter and would take over the family. I don’t think I’ve slept more than three hours a night since that moment.”
I couldn’t get my mouth to work. “I would have felt your exhaustion. Others would have.”
“I’m not lying,” he rasped, turning away like I’d slapped him.
“I know you’re not,” I admitted. “I’m confused. It wasn’t an accusation.” I sighed when he didn’t say anything. “How can I not know you’ve been so exhausted when you’re always around me? What am I missing?” And then it hit me. “You’re using my power level to block me from sensing you.”
He frowned but then slowly looked at me. “You really can’t tell?”
I shook my head. “I can tell with Izzy and Darby. It’s not so much exhaustion but their power level is in the tank. That’s how I can tell. I don’t like scan them.”
He opened his mouth but then closed it. “I’ve been using healing runes.”
“Yeah, but there’s only so much you can do for yourself if you’re exhausted.” I snorted. “I know from personal experience.”
Julian was quiet several moments but then winced. “I think using your power level to make it so you can’t hide from me might make me hide from you in a way I didn’t realize.” He sighed and then stared at me, seeming to focus past me.
And then I felt it. I felt his exhaustion ooze out of him like a tipped-over paint can that was slowly spreading all over the floor.
“Jesus, Julian,” I whispered. It was soaked into every inch of him, and I was honestly surprised he was standing. “You’ve been hiding this from more than me. People would have noticed.”
Pain flared in his eyes and he looked away. No, he thought they did notice and didn’t care. No one loved him anymore now that his mom had shown her true colors, and that was most of what ate at him.
I reached out without even realizing it and gave him a healing rune. I slowly gave him energy as well and felt him healing a little bit. I couldn’t do too much with such a severe case, but it was a good start.
“You really did care,” he whispered. “I thought I had broken us so badly you stopped caring that I was drowning.” He shook his head. “No, I thought you were drowning so badly that you couldn’t see what was happening to me.”
“Or both,” I said for him so he was honest. “I couldn’t tell. I just felt distance. Before the black magic even it was like you were sand slipping through my fingers again.”
“I’m sorry for that,” he muttered, focusing on the nightstand again. “I was so scared.” He shivered. “I was…”
I listened to his thoughts and sighed. “You’re an idiot.”
“I’ve never said otherwise,” he chuckled darkly. “But why this time?”
“You were terrified about being in charge of the lives of so many people. Who does that sound like? Who was dealing with the same and should have been the person you turned to?”
He winced. “Yeah, I should have turned to you. I swear… It made so much sense what my mum said. I didn’t know she hated you. She seemed… It wasn’t hate. It seemed like sadness that you had to suffer so much, or because of what you suffered you were so rough around the edges. That’s what she’d said.”
