Healthy Progress, page 9
He could say it all he wanted. My Hudson wasn’t like that.
And I wanted my Hudson back. I wanted to understand this side of him.
I needed to.
8
“I also find it interesting you’re asking this now and clearly didn’t when it was your friend Melody,” he added when I didn’t reply.
I flinched and reached for my own food. “I did what I did to save her life. A bunch of lives. She came at me. She made me the villain and I didn’t deserve that. Especially after all we’d been through.” I took a bite of a delicious breakfast sandwich. “That’s way different than the situation with Hudson. I was partially at fault.
“I do have too much always around me, and he got pushed back again and again. It was a bit too much of an ultimatum, but I get being fed up and just…” I shook my head. “I’m not defending him. He was a jerk. I just didn’t help the way I should have. But there’s also nothing to fix with Mel. She doesn’t want the life I have to lead. Hudson does.”
He sighed, leaning back on his elbow as he kept eating so he was still facing me. “You ever have a panic attack?”
“Yeah, but I would have sensed if he was scared or panicking.”
“Just listen,” he grumbled, waiting until I nodded. “It’s like that for them. It’s not panicking, but it’s that fixating on one thing that… It’s not irrational. It’s something that can change the course of their life. Affect their future. For Mel, it was not being able to get her deserved revenge. For Hudson, it was probably always feeling like he wouldn’t be first in your life.
“Something about this was more than just going public, and until he figures it out and addresses it, he could be thrown right back into his tunnel vision.” He waited for me to nod again. “But their tunnel vision is that fixation. They can’t focus on anything else. They go through the motions. I would bet his grades fell some.”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, feeling small and like a shitty girlfriend, much less mate.
“It’s also part OCD to put it into what you’d understand. Have you ever dealt with someone with severe OCD?”
I slowly nodded. “A foster mom I was with for a bit. She’d scream if I didn’t put stuff back in the fridge the right way.”
He held up a finger to hold me off and finished chewing his bite. “No, dragons don’t have OCD. It’s that panic again. That fixation that something is wrong. You were out of place in his mind the way whatever was in the fridge you messed up for that human.”
“That seems a bit much,” I sighed.
“It is and only other dragons can really understand.” He cleared his throat and sat up, pulling his shirt over his head. He chuckled when I shot up and moved away. “Simmer down, Princess.” He gestured to his perfectly toned chest. “You see a conduit?”
“No, but I knew people didn’t keep the rules of only those who graduate supe schools. There’s a black market for anything.”
“You’re right and smarter than the councils because they’ve always thought they control that. However, I did graduate.” He winked at me and then used several runes.
Runes a wolf shifter shouldn’t be able to without a conduit.
“Being fairy-born has evolved in what powers other species can have.”
“Yes, very good,” he praised as he called his magic back. “I’m rare and that was why I was recruited. But being able to explain how I can do that to other wolf shifters is like trying to explain color to someone not just color-blind, but completely without vision. Someone who’s never seen anything and I’m talking about shades of purple.”
I swallowed loudly. “Yeah, I felt that with the demigod way of cleansing and getting stress out.”
“Yes, that’s what dragons go through. It’s also a distance thing.”
“How?”
He sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know. A dragon buddy of mine used to make it sound like how I felt when I was out of juice. Like my magic betrayed me or I just couldn’t reach it. That’s how they feel with their dragons when they’ve got tunnel vision. They can’t sync with their dragons because dragons don’t understand our complicated emotions.”
“Someone said Hudson was tearing up the dragon territory at school.”
“Oh, not just there from what I heard,” he drawled, nodding when I raised an eyebrow. “The Vogels have a huge section missing trees that they had replanted and paid for someone to regrow so no one noticed. That is part of the tunnel vision, but also he was on the outs with his mate. You weren’t pushing him away.”
“No, no, I wasn’t.”
“So next time the idiot gives you shit about running, remind him that he ran from every conversation you tried to have with him.”
I snorted. “Can you? I sound petty and a bratty lover when I do it.” I pulled my knees to my chest. “I don’t know what to do. I want my Hudson back, but if Juan could turn him into such an asshole so fast… Did we have as strong of a relationship as I’d thought?”
“I’m the wrong person to ask for relationship advice, Princess.”
“Because you lost your mate to the Underground?” I asked, shooting him a look that I’d figured that out at least.
He swallowed loudly and stared out at the water. “You know the line and how often you have to jump over it to get the bad guys. My mate never jumped back over. She was abused young, and as much as the wolf council is better than most, it’s not full of good people. One tried to sell her just like others have their families.”
“Her fear of ever being that helpless made her turn to the bad guys and believe the lie they were her only option.”
“Something like that,” he whispered. “Either way, I know she won’t be in Paradise. She went too far.” He stood and gathered up several of the containers and put them in two of the totes. “So have I, so don’t make the mistake of wanting to save me, Princess. Not everyone can be saved.”
And then the dick opened a portal and left.
With my totes, the food, and containers.
Dick.
“I really hit a nerve there, huh, Luke?” I muttered. Still, if he knew there was no going back and he’d done too much wrong, then he wasn’t without hope.
But I did agree with him that not everyone could be saved. He clearly didn’t want to be.
And I had a whole world of people to save.
Still, the outing had been worth it and gave me a few ideas of what to do next… After I was done being annoyed that Luke figured out how to get around my magic when I locked an area from portals. Most couldn’t open them out still even when I locked a place from allowing portals to come in.
Dick.
I cleaned up the rest of everything and opened three portals.
Neldor came through his first with a yawn. He glanced around and shot me a pissed look. “Are you like fucking stupid being out here all on your own? What were you doing now?”
“Getting information,” I muttered, glancing over at Commander Talila when she walked through… And raising an eyebrow when Taeral and Onas followed. “It’s never just one of you guys.”
“Good morning to you as well, Your Highness,” Onas drawled. “Why are we on a beach?”
I held up a finger and waited until Rainbow came out of his portal, greeting my dog and giving him love. Then I focused on Talila. “Everyone had strong reactions to the showing at the gallery, but yours worried me.”
I was impressed when she didn’t even deny it.
“Every time a new layer is peeled back on the mess we ignored and the results of it, I find myself…” She shook her head and looked off towards the water.
“It’s a lot, but I’m glad you’re finally admitting to yourself that you’re not handling it well.”
“I’m not sure why we’re having a meeting to discuss this, Your Highness,” she said, anger flowing off of her.
“Because we all hide too fucking much that the others need to know to keep us in check,” I snapped. “I once again couldn’t come to any of you with my problems because you all freak out or don’t handle your own shit well. So why would I trust you with mine?” I waited until she seemed to accept that. “I’m also very understanding if people are honest with themselves.”
“You are,” Taeral agreed.
I kept my gaze on Talila. “You are struggling to adjust, but what if you could stop focusing on the changes and more on what you know?”
She frowned as she looked at me. “I don’t understand.”
I pulled the coin out of my pocket and held it up. “The Underground uses these to connect to each other in stealth. Luke said I had to throw it down on natural rock and he would know I wanted to talk to him.”
Neldor reached over and snagged it from me. “Meaning they’re tied to people.”
“Yes, and considering Luke is only a captain of the Underground, there are others above him more powerful. They sense fairy magic.” I focused on Talila. “Shael said you worked mostly with the fae dogs and investigations involving them.” I waited until she nodded. “Then do that.”
“We’re stretched too thin to handle this,” Onas argued.
“I didn’t say handle it,” I clarified. “I said investigate it. Start to. We need to start finding the people we’ll have to deal with.” I took the coin back and knelt in front of Rainbow. “What can you sense from this? Do you sense Luke’s magic or the one it’s originally tied to? Can you find other magic like it?”
Rainbow sniffed it and then told me to set it down so he could touch it. It took him a few minutes to get a real feel for it, but then I had my answer.
I winked at the dog and picked back up the coin. “They can find others like it. He’s certain he can now sense that magic.”
“And the dogs can hide better than we can,” Onas muttered.
“Good to know,” I muttered. It made sense though since supes had had time to study fairy magical objects. A few might have managed to catch fae dogs and set up breeders, but not everyone could do that.
Clearly, the Underground hadn’t, so fair folk magic was still mostly a mystery to them.
Interesting.
I focused back on Talila. “You in?”
She flinched. “I will do whatever you order me to, Your Highness.
“I’m asking because ordering you when you’re struggling is a shit move. I could put you on lighter duty or force you to take a break. I don’t want to do that. So I’m asking, Commander. What do you need? Can working on this keep you focused and busy while slowly allowing you to adjust to your new reality?”
She swallowed loudly. “I don’t know, but it’s worth a shot because what I’m doing isn’t working.”
“Okay, keep me updated.” I glanced at Neldor. “You good with this?”
“Yeah, it’s the smart play.”
“Good.” I gave Rainbow some more love. “Work with the commander and come to me if you have any questions. I expect reports too.” I nodded at what he said in my mind, looking at Talila. “Please make sure this pack gets more runs in Faerie. They keep getting pushed to the last in line and they need the recharge to do this right.”
“I will see it done.” She cleared her throat. “Thank you, Your Highness.”
I nodded. “We all need to do better accepting what we need. I’m not just saying that. I’m focusing on it this break, starting with something today.”
“What?” Neldor muttered.
“Something you wouldn’t understand growing up as a prince,” I admitted. I shrugged when they pushed. I wasn’t about to tell them since it was personal.
They would live not knowing.
But that was how I ended up at one of the prisons in Faerie with a second breakfast waiting for a prisoner to be brought in. I dropped the donut in my hand when Blake Ward was brought in.
“If anyone gets to beat her up, it’s me,” I seethed as I jumped to my feet. “Who is doing—”
“You misunderstand her condition, Your Highness,” the guard cut in, looking like I’d kicked him in the nuts.
I opened my mouth but then slowly closed it. “I apologize. Please explain it to me.” I gestured at Blake, especially focused on her bruised face. “Because this barely looks like the Blake Ward I know.”
“Fuck you, Vale,” Blake bit out. “I’m still prettier than you.”
The fact she truly believed that made me want to gag, but it wasn’t true.
Not in the slightest.
“Speak to the princess as you should or your rations will be decreased again,” the guard warned, smirking when Blake flinched. “I would suggest apologizing as well.”
“I apologize,” Blake bit out.
I simply blinked at her before the guard. “Did you put a chip in her brain?”
He badly smothered a snort. “You are used to the wealthy and well taken care of vampires, Your Highness. This is one of the underbellies of their species they don’t like to speak of. Some like Ms. Ward here didn’t believe it because she was so spoiled.”
“I’m so confused,” I admitted, glancing between them.
“You will receive extra time in the exercise yard if you show the princess what I mean,” the guard said the Blake.
She snorted. “Pacing in a cage isn’t a reward. I want a couple of books and from this century. Fiction. Something fun. Not your educational training bullshit.”
I nodded. “If you use them as rewards, I’m fine with an updated library,” I told the guards. “Who is in charge of that? I’ll speak with them. Or please make sure they speak with Iolas and he can handle it.”
“Yes, Your Highness.”
Blake narrowed her eyes at me. “Don’t try to win me over. You’re still…” She trailed off when the guard cleared his throat.
Seriously, they had to have put some sort of chip in her brain. That was the only explanation I could come up with.
I raised an eyebrow as Blake pulled up the sleeve of her prison uniform and lightly smacked her shoulder into the wall. And I mean lightly smacked. It was just a slight bump that didn’t even make any noise.
My eyes almost popped out of my head as I saw a massive bruise form.
And didn’t heal.
“What the hell?” I whispered, glancing at the guard. Then it hit me. “She’s only getting the minimum blood she needs, right?”
“How can you be in charge of everything when you know nothing?” Blake seethed.
I held up my hand to the guard. “One, I say the same all of the time. Two, I can only learn so much so fast, and this is not remotely anything that could take the top of my priorities. Three, apparently you didn’t even believe this so shut your face.”
“Well said, Your Highness,” he chuckled. “And yes, without… It’s like hydration or fae food to us. If we’re not well hydrated, we can’t heal or use magic as we would want. When we have fae food, we can do more. That’s blood for vampires. They can’t heal on their own without blood.
“The blood in them wasn’t of their own making so when they are at the surviving level, it’s not working through their bodies as you’re used to seeing. I’ve heard it’s like older humans and how thin their skin is that bruises too easily. The same for vampires. Plus, other side effects. For our purposes, it’s meant to keep their strength down so none are a problem.”
I nodded along. “Thank you for explaining. I’m sorry I assumed the worst. It truly came from a place that I understand the desire to constantly smack Blake.”
He snickered. “Yes, she is trying some of the most patient fairies I know, but we’re well trained to handle prisoners and all of their tricks. It is one of the calmer roles for Guardians, and most of us here prefer the routine and consistency. The training is interesting as well and—”
“I don’t need to be here for her education into her own damn people,” Blake cut in.
“Thank you for telling me,” I said to the guard when he sighed. “I will look into it. It’s on the agenda, but everything has been so up in the air, that learning how things were hasn’t taken priority over what needs to be.” I glanced back at the vampire. “Sit down, Blake.”
“Good, I want a real breakfast,” she grumbled as she moved by the table and went to lean over.
“Fuck you and sit down,” I drawled. “This is my breakfast because I’m busy.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Then what do you want from me? I won’t give it just because you’re being a bitch.”
I swallowed a snort. She was so damn easy to manipulate. If I had just given her something she would have demanded more. Pushing her buttons to make it like she won something I would have done anyways made everything so much easier.
It always did with idiots.
“Fine, two fae bakery muffins and you answer all my questions, no bullshit.”
She studied me closely and I could practically see the wheels of her mind turning… But slower than I remembered. Wow, that had to be another side effect of not getting all the blood she wanted.
Interesting.
“Fine, but I’m not implicating anyone or letting you just mess with me.”
“I’m too busy to simply mess with you and our interrogators do the rest.”
“Fine, but I want meat. Egg. Anything protein.”
“I only have one left and it’s much bigger than two muffins,” I countered.
“Done.”
I reached into the one bag and pulled out the massive breakfast sandwich, tossing it over to her. And just to be nice, I tossed a muffin with fae fruit to the guard.
“How did you never care what was said about you?” I asked Blake after she started tearing into the sandwich.
She shrugged. “Idiots and jealous people said it. It’s just barking then from useless animals.”
I sighed. “Okay, yeah, but I’m not an idiot and I wasn’t jealous of you and I said some of the stuff. How could you simply ignore it?”
She snorted, smirking at me when she looked up. “Of course you were jealous of me.”
“No, I wasn’t, Blake. I mostly pitied you.” I flinched when she threw back her head and laughed.
“In what world would you ever pity me? That’s insane.”
