First Love, Last Love, page 4
The deep voice reverberated through Jake’s skull and the pounding in his temples took on the volume of a hundred jungle drums. Jake’s lids lifted partway but the light from the bedside lamp nearly blinded him, and he flung his forearm over his eyes and groaned,
“Put that coffee tray down on the bedside table,” the voice ordered, as his shoulder was given another nudge. “It looks like we’re going to need it.”
Jake knocked the hand away. “Dammit Hal! I told you to leave me alone! Now get out and stay out!” The command was given in a very angry, yet very soft tone, but even so, the sound of his own voice nearly took the top of Jake’s head off.
“I’m not Hal. And if you don’t haul your carcass out of the sack in the next five seconds, I’ll haul it out for you.”
Rolling his forearm up a quarter turn, Jake opened his eyes into mere slits and found himself pinned by a piercing black stare. Sam Brewster’s wrinkled, bony face was set in harsh lines, his bushy white brows drawn together over his hawklike nose. There was no mistaking the displeasure and determination in the older man’s expression.
A soft, but shocking expletive seared the air when Jake’s gaze switched to Hal Thorpe. “What the hell did you call Sam for? Can’t a man have a few drinks without you pushing the panic button, for God’s sake?”
“I . . . That is . . .”
“Back off, Jake,” Sam interceded, coming to the flustered young man’s rescue. “Thorpe did exactly the right thing. A few drinks to drown your sorrows is one thing, but you’ve been soused for over forty-eight hours. What are you trying to do, pickle your brain? Shape up, man! Pull yourself together.”
Jake’s mouth tasted like the Third Army had marched through it, and his stomach threatened to turn wrong side out if he so much as moved, but somehow he managed to struggle into a sitting position on the side of the bed. Elbows propped on his knees, he cradled his booming head in his hands. Dimly, he was aware of Sam dismissing Hal, of the door closing, of the soft creak of cushions as the older man settled onto the bedside chair, but all he could think about was that each faint sound drove through his skull like a hot nail.
Several minutes ticked by in silence. When jake finally raised his head Sam was giving him a sypathetic look tinged with amusement. “You really tied one on didn’t you?”
Looking down at his creased clothes, Jake ran a hand over the raspy stubble covering the lower half of his face. “Is that what happened? It feels more like I stepped in front of a truck.”
Chuckling, Sam poured a cup of coffee and handed it to him. “Here, drink this.”
After very cautiously consuming a half a pot of coffee and two aspirin, Jake began to believe that he might live after all.
“Want another cup?” Sam asked.
“Yeah, sure. Why not.”
Sam refilled the cup Jake held out, then settled back in the chair and watched him cautiously sip the black brew. The older man’s elbows were propped on the chair arm, his hands clasped, one forefinger tapping meditatively against his mouth. His narrowed eyes fixed on Jake’s face, he said softly, “So . . . Mrs. Prescott is the woman from your past.”
Jake’s head jerked up, his startled expression all the answer Sam needed. “How did you know?”
“It wasn’t that difficult to figure out. Thorpe told me that something happened at Prescott’s to set you off, and since the merger is moving along as smooth as greased glass it had to be something personal. Besides, I always knew that here was someone in your past, someone who was important to you. And I sure as hell never believed that Arlene was the love of your life.”
“Hardly!” Jake snorted, his mouth twisting. He swirled the cup of coffee absently and stared at the shining black surface. “But you’re right about Beth. Ten years ago i loved her more than life itself.” He drained the coffee in one long swallow and set the cup on the bedside table. There was a film of moisture in his red-rimmed eyes when his gaze returned to Sam, and in a voice that was husky with emotion he added, “I still do.”
“Did she love you?”
“Yes. Oh, yes. I was one helluva lucky man. I had it all. And like a fool, I threw it away.”
“You want to tell me about it?”
Sighing, Jake sat forward and propped his elbows on his thighs and stared at his hands, dangling between his knees. Sam Brewster was more than just his boss. He was friend, mentor, and the closest thing Jake had ever had to a father. Even so, it was difficult to force the words out.
Lifting both hands, Jake rubbed them wearily over his face, the dark stubble rasping against his palms. “What do you do when you find out you’ve hurt someone so badly, so deeply, you can’t stand to look at yourself in a mirror?”
Sam’s brows rose at the bitter self-castiation in Jake’s voice, but he merely watched impassively as the younger man rose and walked to the window. Absently rubbing the back of his neck, his expression bleak, Jake stared out at nothing. Finally, without turning around, he began, his voice a dull, lifeless monotone as he related, with brutal honesty, both the events of ten years ago, and his recent meeting with Beth.
When he was done, Sam gave a long, low whistle. “So what are you going to do now?”
“Do? “What can I do? Beth will never forgive me. And I can’t blame her.”
“So you’re just going to give up? You’re going to spend the rest of your life mourning your lost love? Like some whipped cur?”
Jake whirled around, his face like thunder.” Dammit, Sam what choice do I have? If I could undo . . . “
“But you can’t change the past, my friend, so all you have to work with is the present,” Sam cut in sternly. “Do you love the woman, or not?”
“Yes! Of course I do!”
“Do you want her in your future?” Sam pressed relentlessly.
“Yes, but . . . “
“Then you’re going to have to win her all over again.” When Jake would have argued, Sam silenced him with a raised hand. “No one said it would be easy, but if she really means that much to you, what other choice do you have? Besides, I’ve never known you to back away from a challenge. Don’t tell me you’re going to start now.”
His fists unconsciously clenching and unclenching at his sides, Jake’s face worked with emotion as anger, despair, guilt and hope warred within him. “I’d like nothing better than to win Beth back, but I doubt that it’s possible.” He ran a hand through his disheveled hair and cupped the back of his neck, throwing a distraught look at the ceiling. “Hell, after what I did, I don’t deserve to have her.”
“Ahh, now we’re getting down to the crux of the matter,” Sam murmured sagely. “You don’t think you’re worthy of Mrs. Prescott.” He returned Jake’s annoyed look with a grin and shrugged. “Hell, you’re probably right. So, I guess you’re just going to have to slink away with your tail between your legs,” he paused to let the insult soak in, then added softly, “and let someone else have her.”
“No!” The word exploded from Jake like a gunshot, and Sam’s brows rose.
“No? But surely you don’t expect her to remain single? A lovely, rich young widow? There’s bound to be some nice, deserving young man out there who’d be only too happy to console her.”
“Over my dead body,” Jake snarled, his face almost purple with rage. “She’s mine! I’ll . . .”
The smug grin spreading over Sam’s face halted the tirade in midspate. In that instant it hit Jake that he had been well and truly manipulated . . . and by a master. Sam Brewster was a hard-nosed, crusty old bachelor, but he had more common sense and a keener understanding of human nature than anyone Jake knew.
A reluctant smile slowly curved his mouth. “All right, you underhanded old fox. I won’t give her up without a fight. But you’re going to help.”
“Oh? And just how am I going to do that?”
“You’ll find out.” Jake’s shoulders squared and, as he headed for the bathroom, unbuttoning his shirt on the way, his gray eyes took on that steely quality that Sam knew so well. “Right now I’m going to shave and shower and change clothes. After that, we’ll talk strategy.”
The man in the chair settled back with a satisfied smile.
The minute Beth saw the violets, she knew. She jerked to a halt, still two feet from her desk, and stared at the exquisite, tiny purple flowers, a cold finger of fear tracing down her spine. Her heart began to beat with a slow, heavy rhythm.
Violets. Ten years ago they had been the only flowers that Jake could afford to buy her. She had loved them then. Now they filled her with a dark foreboding.
Stiffly, Beth walked behind her desk, opened a drawer, and dropped her purse inside, never taking her eyes from the small bunch of flowers. They were in a dainty cut-crystal vase, in front of Daniel’s picture. Their delicate fragrance drifted to her nostrils, and, unable to resist, she reached out and ran her finger over a velvety petal.
“I hope you still like them.”
The deep, husky voice in the doorway brought Beth’s head snapping up, and her chest tightened painfully at the sight of the man standing there. Yet she wasn’t surprised. “What are you doing here, Jake?” she demanded with as much cool indifference as she could muster.
Jake stepped inside, closed the door and leaned back aainst it, his hands still on the knob. His expression was bland, unreadable, but his eyes held a warmth that unnerved her. “I’ll be running this branch for a while,” he answered quietly, watching her.
“You? Bu-but that’s crazy! You’re Sam’s fair-haired boy. The number-two man in Brewster Pharmaceuticals. We’re small potatoes.”
“We want to be sure the change-over goes smoothly.” Jake pushed away from the door and strolled toward her. He was dressed in a superbly tailored three-piece charcoal suit, which emphasized the fitness of his lean, rangy body. His shirt was a pale gray, his silk tie a red, gray and charcoal paisley print. Everything about him shrieked money and power and sensuality, and for the first time in her life, Beth was frightened of him.
Ignoring the chairs, Jake walked to the side of her desk and braced his hip against it. He reached with one finger and idly ruffled the small bouquet. “Besides, this is where you are.” He looked up, his gaze locking with hers, and added softly. “How can I court you unless I’m where you are?”
His words hit her like a blow to the stomach, and Beth dropped into her chair, stunned. Gripping the arms, she closed her eyes and drew several deep breaths. She felt like such a fool. She should have known!
Ten days ago, when Sam Brewster took over the final stages of the negotiations, explaining that Jake was needed elsewhere, she had been profoundly relieved. After her run-in with Jake, followed by two days of silence, she had been afraid that she had botched the whole deal . . . and at times, when she thought of having to face him again, equally afraid that she hadn’t. Sam’s sudden appearance had seemed like a reprieve handed down from the powers that be.
Reprieve my foot! It had all been part of a carefully thought out plan. And like an idiot, I fell for it! Beth’s mouth compressed into a firm line as she shook her head at her own gullibility.
Sam was a shrewd but amiable businessmank, and by the end of the week, they had wrapped up their deal to the mutual satisfaction of all concerned. She and Will had each received a large block of Brewster stock and seats on the board. In addition they had signed contracts to reamain in their current postitions for at least three years. When Sam had told them he would be installing a general manager from among his staff she had not been worried. Jake, as Sam Brewster’s ramrod and personal assistant, was much too big a cog in the Brewster oranization to bother with the day-to-day running of their newly acquired veterinary branch. At least, that was what she had told herself.
You fool, Beth berated herself scathingly. You should have known that Jake wouldn’t just let the matter drop there. He was the most tenacious, most determined man she had ever met. When he wanted something, he didn’t give up until he had it. And he wanted her. Again.
Beth stiffened at the thought. Oh, no. She wasn’t about to leave herself open for that kind of pain again. She opened her eyes and focused on Jake, her expression cool. “You’re wasting you time, Jake. What we had is over. Finished. We’re not the same two people anymore. You can’t expect to just walk back into my life and take up where you left off.”
“I love you, Beth. I’ve never stopped loving you. And I’m going to win you back,” he said quietly, decisively. “No matter how long it takes.”
His dauntless persistence unnerved Beth but she hid her reaction behind a coldly contemptuous expression. She knew Jake Forrest. Show him the least bit of weakness and he would hammer away at it. She clenched her hands together tightly in her lap and stared back at him, her light blue eyes like chips of ice. “That’s too bad, Jake. Because, you see, I don’t love you. I won’t love you,” she stressed with soft forcefulness. “It’s just too painful.”
The spasm of sheer agony that flickered over Jake’s face was quickly hidden, his features hardening into a rigid mask of determination. But Beth had seen the betraying reaction, and, though she found it disturbing, she could not subdue the feeling of fierce satisfaction that exploded inside her.
“You loved me once,” he insisted quietly. “I’ll make you love me again.”
“No. It won’t work, Jake. I’m not the same naive, twenty-yeary-old innocent you knew. I’m a woman-ten years older and a hundred times wiser. It would be utterly foolish to even consider renewing our relationship. Too much has happened. Too many things that can’t be undone.”
“We’ll start fresh. Forget about the past,” he argued, planting both hands on the desk top and leaning toward her, his face taut with anxiety and purpose. “What we had was beautiful and special, and we can have it again, Beth. I know we can.” His gray eyes roamed over her, intent and warmly possessive. “I remember how it was, Beth,” he said in low, husky voice. “Every tiny detail. The way you melted in my arms, the warm satin feel of your skin against mine, the sweet joy when our bodies were joined together.” His gaze dropped to her trembling lips. “Even now, i can still remember the taste of you, the exquisite feminine scent of you.” His eyes grew heavy-lidded and he leaned closer. His breath feathered across her skin in warm little puffs that sent shivers of sensual awareness rippling through Beth. “We belong together, darling,” he whispered. “We always have. We always will.”
“No!” Beth shouted, as much in denial of her body’s helpless response as to the evocative words. Her heart was slammin against her ribs and a throbbing heat was speading through her body. Gritting her teeth against the unwanted physical attraction, she said tightly, “Don’t you see that even if I still had any feelings for you, which I assure you I don’t, I’d never be able to foret that after only two months in her bed you couldn’t wait to marry Arlene.” Her eyes flashed with hurt and something that looked very much like hatred. “As I recall, you refused to even consider marrying me until after I graduated.”
A look of surprise altered Jake’s expression, and he sucked in his breath, his eyes widening. Then the surprise chaned to dread and he shook his head slowly. “Oh, Beth, I thought you knew,” he said softly, contritely, “Arlene was pregnant.”
It was like a blow to the heart. Beth could feel herself sway, feel the blood drain from her face, feel her lungs stop functioning as the twisting pain ripped through her. Inside she was trembling, but she stared back at him, valiantrly struggling to hide her reaction behind a cool expression. Why? Why does it still hurt so much? She cried in silent despair. Clenching her hands together in her lap, she cleared her throat and said tightly, “I see. And the child?”
“A girl. Her name is Lisa. She’s nine and bright as a button,” Jake said with a fatherly pride that cut Beth to the bone. She drew in a shaky breath and bit down hard on her inner lip. She had wanted so badly to have his child
“When Arlene and I were divorced, eight years ago, I received complete custody. As soon as school is out, Lisa will be joining me here.”
“Oh, Jake.” Beth sighed his name on a scornful chuckle. “And you honestly think that we can pick up where we left off?” She looked at him pityingly across the width of the desk, and shook her head. “Can’t you see? Your daugther would be a constant reminder of your unfaithfulness.”
“She’s not to blame, Beth. She’s just a child.”
“Yes. She’s Arlene’s child. I could never forget that.”
Her words scored a direct hit. She saw it in his eyes, heard his sudden intake of breath. As she watched, his head drooped between his braced arms and his whole body slumped with dejection. Something stirred within her- something very much akin to pity or compassion-but Beth resolutely thrust it aside. She couldn’t afford those emotions where Jake was concerned.
At last he straightened. Rubbing the back of his neck wearily, he turned and walked to the glass wall behind her desk. The silence stretched between them for several minutes, but he just stared out, squinting his eyes aainst the reflected glare of the sun bouncin off the windshields and the tops of cars in the parking lot. Beth fiddled with a pencil on her desk.
“Maybe . . .” He stopped and looked over his shoulder at her, the retraced his steps and folded his long body into one of the leather chairs in front of her desk. Holding her gaze, he started again. “Maybe you would understand better if I told you why I did what I dit ten years ago.”
“You’ve already told me. You didn’t trust me. You believed Arlene’s lies because ou didn’t have enough faith in me.”
“No. It wasn’t that I didn’t have enough faith in you,” he corrected quietly but firmly. “I didn’t have enouh faith in myself.”
“You?” Beth almost hooted with laughter. Jake was, and always had been, the most self-assured person she knew. Ten years ago his maturity and confidence had made him stand out among the younger men at college. It had been one of the things that had attracted her to him.
“It’s true,” He assured her when he saw the surprise and skepticism that flickered across her face. “Oh, I never had any trouble when it came to other things, but somehow I could never quite believe that someone with a background like mine could win a woman like you. When you’re the kid from the wrong side of the tracks, and the son of the town drunk to boot, you don’t expect to wind up with a princess.”
