Summer's End, page 36
On their own, Bobby was less showy and he chatted easily to her like the boys she knew back home. He told her all about his family in Dennistoun in Glasgow, and talked about how he started singing around the small clubs when he was just a teenager.
She found him friendly and interesting and he was full of funny stories. When she said she was tired, he walked her back to her berth, and then he moved to give her a passionate kiss.
Although she was half-expecting him to make some kind of an overture, the intensity of the kiss caught her by surprise, and she was almost overwhelmed by it. It was strange, she realised, to have anyone so physically close to her other than Dara, and she had to steel herself against drawing away and hurting his feelings. She said a quick goodnight and told him she would see him tomorrow and then went inside.
She had hardly closed the door when she dissolved into floods of tears.
She undressed and took her make-up off, crying all the while, and was glad that Valerie was still walking around the deck with the drummer.
She climbed up onto her top bunk and buried her damp face in the pillow, then cried until her body was heaving up and down. Eventually, it all subsided and she lay back, staring up at the ceiling.
What had happened, she asked herself. Here she was on a fabulous boat, basking in constant sunshine, travelling from one exotic port to another, and meeting a gorgeous, talented young man who was obviously attracted to her. It was like a romantic story in a magazine. And yet there was something missing. And no matter how hard she tried to deny it, and tell herself that it was all wrong, something deep inside her was yearning for the person who was the other half of her.
The person whose heart she had broken.
Chapter 50
After the first week on board a pattern began to form.
They would have two or three days working and then the ship would pull in at a port and they would have the day and night completely free. And, as Kirsty had forecast, every day was sunny and hot and Lily spent part of her lunchtime and every evening sitting up on the deck. Sometimes she sat with Valerie or Kirsty and Larry, but more often she sat with Bobby.
She had got past the initial awkwardness of kissing someone else other than Dara, and had given herself a good talking to about the whole situation. The hardest thing for her was knowing that she would probably never meet anyone like Dara again. Anyone so like herself.
The chances of coming across someone who ticked all those imaginary boxes again was hugely unlikely. The appreciation of the same music, the books, the films, even the old buildings. In the eighteen months before she met Dara, and in all the years before, she had never met anyone like him. Never met anyone who came close.
And yet there was nothing wrong with all the nice fellows in her college, they just weren’t right for her. Even in such a short space of time Lily knew that she had been lucky to come across someone like Dara Ryan. To meet another man like him might well be asking for too much.
But, she decided, she had a long life yet to live. She wasn’t yet twenty-one and she couldn’t live the rest of her life like a nun.
She would have to throw away the imaginary list and adapt to meet whatever lay in the future for her.
* * *
As the weeks wore on, Mrs Maddox no longer seemed the formal, stern woman the girls had met on their first day. The shop had been a roaring success and the two girls had a natural way with them which helped the customers feel at ease and more inclined to try things on.
Every day they had to go through into the stock room and replenish the rails, and the manageress said she would have to re-order all the more popular lines. She said the company that owned the shop would be pleased and she would make sure to give good reports on the work that Valerie and Lily had done. She had relaxed more and now chatted to them when the shop was quiet. She told them that she was divorced, and since she had no children and no ties she decided to see a bit of the world. “You’re a long time dead,” she said. “And you have to take your chances while you can.”
Lily had taken her boss’s advice to heart and had taken the chance to visit as many places as possible when the ship came into port.
Over the weeks she had seen Naples, Capri, Venice, Sicily, and when they disembarked in Livorno, she and Bobby had taken a tour of Florence and Pisa along with Larry and Kirsty.
Initially, Kirsty had teased her for spending so much time with the singer, but gradually she had stopped and now saw them almost as a couple. Lily enjoyed Bobby’s company and felt she had got to know him much better. He had the same sense of humour as her brothers, and he was generous buying her little souvenirs from the various places they stopped at. He bought her a bracelet made from local gemstones from Venice and a leather purse from Florence.
Their nights on the deck together became longer, and had it not been for the lack of somewhere to be alone, Bobby would have pressed for their relationship to become more physical. Whilst she liked him a lot and found him very attractive, six weeks on board a ship was too short a time for her to take any big steps in that direction.
And although he was attentive and had a good way with women, Lily did have a few reservations about him. She had now seen him perform on a number of occasions, and she had noticed that he still couldn’t relax before a performance and at times she found it painful watching him look so angst-ridden. And she felt their differences when he teased her for acting too much like a teacher – for getting too engrossed in books, or for suggesting they visit an art gallery or anywhere that wasn’t in the mainstream tourist areas.
He was quite happy spending hours on deck working out the lyrics of new songs he was writing and constantly looking for her opinion of them, but when she brought the subject round to her work with children, she noticed his eyes glazing over.
On the last week of the cruise, when the ship dropped anchor at Barcelona, Kirsty suggested that she and Lily have a day to themselves. Valerie had planned to go off with the drummer, and Larry was meeting up with an old friend who had moved out to Spain.
They dressed up in bright trousers and colourful tops and wore their sunglasses, and Larry and several others remarked how glamorous they looked and how they could pass for sisters. They both laughed, happy with the comparison.
They had a few hours around the shops, and Lily picked up a nice scarf for her mother and leather wallets for her father and Declan, and bought some small ceramic pieces to give to her married brothers and their wives.
When they were sitting having lunch and sharing a bottle of Lambrusco in an outside café, Kirsty asked her if she would be seeing Bobby when she got back home.
“Do you know, I haven’t even thought that far . . .” She was silent for a few moments. “I like him. I like him a lot, but when I take the time to think it through, I don’t honestly see how it would work out.”
Kirsty took a sip of her wine. “I suppose he has all those tour dates coming up and you’re in Newcastle.”
“That’s part of it,” Lily said. “But I don’t think we’re really that suited. Don’t get me wrong, he’s a lovely guy, but when we get off the ship I don’t think we’ve enough in common to keep us together. He’s not like . . .” She halted and corrected herself. “Bobby is really talented and I think he could make it big, but I think he needs to concentrate on his music career and not have anything that will distract him for the next couple of years. And I need to get on with my college work, make sure I pass all my final exams and then start looking for a teaching post.”
Kirsty studied her for a few moments. “You never told me what happened with Dara.”
Lily looked up sharply, although her eyes were hidden behind her sunglasses.
“I heard all about it from my mother,” Kirsty said. “She was very worried about you, and sorry that things went so wrong. She told me all about Declan’s girlfriend and the lies she told.”
Lily took a deep breath. “That Ava was a disaster.” Her voice was suddenly strained. “I still can’t even bear to think about it.”
Kirsty reached over and touched her hand. “I didn’t mean to upset you. If you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine.”
Lily sipped her wine and sat in silence watching the people going up and down outside the café, and then suddenly the words came tumbling out.
“I loved him, Kirsty. He was different to anyone I’ve ever met . . . I still love him.”
Then she told her cousin everything, from how they met in the cinema, their letters and phone calls and she even told her about Dara’s visit to Newcastle. Kirsty offered no comment or criticism, she just sat and listened.
“Everything,” Lily said, “was going perfectly well between us until that vicious Ava ruined things.” For a moment she contemplated telling Kirsty the whole story about Seán and how Declan had been made a fool of – but she stopped herself.
She had no doubt that Kirsty was completely trustworthy, but she felt that to say anything would forever put a question mark over Seán and Eileen’s marriage and she felt it wasn’t fair. They and their children deserved another chance, and who was she to deprive them of that?
“And is it too late?” Kirsty asked. “Surely if Dara knows that the whole thing was cleared up . . .?”
“I wrote to him and explained it all before I left,” Lily told her.
Kirsty’s face brightened up. “There might be a letter waiting for you when you get back!”
Lily shook her head. “There won’t be. He’s been hurt too much by everybody including me. I didn’t stick up for him that night and I let him go back to Ireland without saying a proper goodbye. I was terrible to him.”
“Contact him the minute you get home and tell him how sorry you are. Don’t let him go. You’ll never meet anyone like him again.”
“Oh, I know that . . .” Lily looked down at the table, as two large tears slid down her cheeks. “I haven’t told you it all, Kirsty. I haven’t even told Dara . . .”
Kirsty leaned forward, lifted the wine bottle and filled their glasses up. “We’ve all afternoon,” she said, “and I’m listening.”
Ten minutes and several paper hankies later, Lily finished the saga of her father and the love of his life, Helena Casey. Then she told Kirsty that her father’s old flame was Dara’s mother.
“My God!” Kirsty said, sitting back in her chair. “What a coincidence! The chances of you two meeting up!”
Lily nodded sadly. “The thing is, Dara’s mother suffered from depression and some people think that she might have committed suicide. I thought about that later and wondered if it was because she had never loved her husband. If maybe that all those years she had suffered, wishing she was with my father.”
Kirsty considered it for a few moments. “I doubt it very much. People can have depression for all sorts of reasons, and from what you’ve said, it sounds far more likely that it was an accident. You said Dara told you that she had been fine for a few years before she died. I think that tells you everything.”
“But what if . . .”
“What if anything? I think you’ve been reading too much into things that aren’t connected.”
Lily took her glasses off for a moment to rub her red-rimmed eyes with a tissue. “But don’t you think that the whole thing between my father and Dara’s mother is too creepy and weird for us to be going out?”
“You’re not suggesting that Pat’s Dara’s father or anything like that, are you?”
“Not at all. Apart from the fact that it happened years before either my dad or his mother were married, he has two older brothers and he looks like his father and he’s got the exact same thick head of hair.”
“Well, what’s the problem?”
“The fact that they went out together and we’re boyfriend and girlfriend . . .”
“But it’s kind of romantic in a way.” Kirsty wrinkled her brow and then smiled. “I’m sure in a lot of small places that situations like that could happen very easily. Just think about it. And you often hear about two brothers going out with the same girl, or two sisters going out with the same brother.” She laughed. “Well, maybe not often, but it’s not unheard of.” She shook her head. “Lily, it was over twenty years ago. Why do you care?”
“Because,” she said, “I’m afraid that Dara will always remind me that my father didn’t really want to marry my mother.”
Kirsty looked at her incredulously. “Why on earth would you think that? They have their ups and downs, but your mother and father are as happy and devoted as any couple I know.” She patted Lily’s hand. “And look at the lovely family they have together and their beautiful grandchildren. Are you really going to tell me that all that means nothing?”
Lily took a deep breath. “I never thought about it like that.”
“And even if your mother wasn’t your father’s first choice,” Kirsty said, “lots of people marry their second and third choice and end up happy enough. Life isn’t all straight lines, Lily. Look at me and Larry. You were too young to realise, but my father wasn’t a bit happy when we were first going out, but we stuck with it and look at us. I couldn’t imagine being without him. We do everything together and he’s the absolute love of my life. Dara sounds like yours. Why on earth would you walk away from him?”
“Because of all this . . . He doesn’t know.”
“Well, get a bloody paper and pen and write and tell him! Tell him the truth about all this and see what he says. If he’s okay about it then I don’t see why you should let it bother you. If he thinks it’s all too weird then at least you’ll both agree.”
Lily bit her lip. “Do you really think so?”
Kirsty smiled at her. “I certainly do. Get writing tonight and he’ll have it by the time you get back to Scotland next week.”
Chapter 51
After she had posted the letter, Lily felt as if a ton weight had been lifted off her. She had no idea how Dara would react but at least they would both know she had been completely honest with him.
It had been hard finding the words, but after three drafts she had somehow managed to pull it all together. She had given the final version to Kirsty the following morning, and she had looked it over and said it explained things perfectly. Then, before she had a chance to change her mind, Kirsty put a Spanish stamp on it and posted it in the staff mailbox.
Later that evening, after she and Valerie finished work in the shop, she went looking for Bobby and had the honest chat that she felt was necessary with him.
He seemed surprised that she thought they needed to talk about anything, and thought it was okay for them to continue as they were until the last night.
“I thought you were enjoying us being together,” he said, a hurt note in his voice.
“I was,” Lily said, “but we need to be realistic. There’s no way that the romance can continue when we leave this ship. We’re probably never going to see each other again, and I think that it’s only making things harder on ourselves when we know it’s not going to get any more serious.”
Bobby had reached out and touched her hair. “Are you sure about that? I’d like it to be more serious. I’ve been talking to Johnny, and we were thinking if we did a wee bit of juggling about with the cabins for the last week, that maybe I could come up to yours and Valerie could go to mine with Johnny.” He looked into her eyes. “What d’you say? It would be a lovely memory to take away with us. A great way to end the summer.”
“Are you serious?” Lily asked.
“Deadly,” he said.
She started to laugh. “Thanks for the offer,” she told him. “I’m very flattered. And I have to say I do like you a lot, Bobby – and I think you’re a terrific performer – but let’s just say a summer fling is not my style.”
“Aw, don’t say that!” He reached out and took her hand. “I really, really like you, Lily.”
“I’m sure it’s my loss,” she said, “and I’m sure that in the future when I tell all my friends I turned down the famous Bobby King, they’ll all think I was mad. Who knows, I might even think it myself.”
“I would hate you to have any regrets . . .”
“I’ll live with it,” she said. “Whereas I couldn’t live with a meaningless fling. It’s just not me.”
“It’s a pity. We get on so well together. And it wouldn’t be like that. I would really try to see you again. I’ll always get back to Glasgow between my dates.”
“It wouldn’t be enough,” she said.
He grinned at her then. “I was hoping I might get a chance to see you wearing the teacher’s mortarboard with the cane in your hand.”
She wagged her finger at him, like a teacher would do to a naughty pupil. “Have you heard of the Everly Brothers?”
He looked at her as though she was mad.
“Well, they have a song,” She started to sing. “Dream, dream, dream . . .”
He looked at her and then he put his arms around her and kissed her on the lips and said. “You are a case, Lily.”
* * *
The final week on the ship flew by. Mrs Maddox was sorry to see the two girls go and told them it had been a pleasure working with them. She also told them they could pick anything in the shop at a fifty per cent discount.
“I’ll probably get shot for doing it,” she laughed, “but I think you two helped bring a lot of the sales, so I think you deserve it.”
Lily was glad everything had worked out, but also glad it was only a summer job. At times she had found it very boring and repetitive, and couldn’t imagine doing it day in day out, and it made her all the more grateful to know she had something more fulfilling planned with her teaching career.
Lily thought carefully about what she would buy as the clothes were so expensive. There was no point in buying summer clothes as she had loads of them and the weather wasn’t likely to be that great in Scotland or Newcastle. After discussing it with Kirsty she bought herself a lovely soft blue cashmere sweater that she knew she would get the wear out of.
