Summer's End, page 29
Lily took his hand and squeezed it, and when she saw the sadness in his eyes she wondered if that’s what had been playing on his mind the last few days. “Well, we’ll find the nearest church or we could go to the cathedral if you prefer,” she said.
“Thanks.” Then, looking straight ahead, he said, “There was a suspicion that my mother might have committed suicide. She had suffered from depression a few years before that . . .”
“Oh, God, Dara . . . I’m so sorry! I’d no idea . . . I didn’t like to ask in case it upset you.”
There was a silence, during which Lily was afraid to say the wrong thing.
“She had cycled down to visit a friend who lived by the canal.” He turned to look at her, his dark eyes glinting with tears. “It was when we lived in Westmeath. It was a bad night, wet and windy, and when it was late and she still wasn’t home my father rang down and the friends told him she’d left two hours before . . .” His voice cracked and he closed his eyes to compose himself. “Anyway, he drove down the town looking for her in all the usual places, the shops, the church and even the local pubs in case she was in chatting to someone.” He shrugged. “Eventually someone was passing the canal and saw the marks from the bicycle tyre just at the canal edge. The Guards were called and –” He suddenly stopped, unable to speak. Eventually he said. “The details don’t matter, and to be honest I never wanted to know them all, but she drowned.”
Lily turned and put her arms around him. “I am so, so sorry, Dara. But from everything you’ve said it sounds like an accident . . .”
He nodded and buried his face in the crook of her neck. “It was terrible.” Then after a while he sat up straight. “That’s why we’re all so protective of my sister, Rose. She took it really badly and was obsessed with trying to find out why my mother was depressed and why she would want to kill herself.” He shrugged. “Maybe I’m deluding myself, but I believe it was actually an accident – she couldn’t swim. My father and my brothers think the same too. The canal is treacherous and there have been a lot of accidents there between barges and people falling in.” He sighed. “She had improved a lot in the last year or two, and the doctor had taken her off the medication. She was close to us all and had a lot to live for. I just can’t imagine that she was so unhappy that she would take her own life.” His eyes filled up again. “For ages afterwards I was really angry, thinking she had deliberately deserted us all. I felt really abandoned, the loss was so huge . . . it’s hard to describe.”
“I’d go by your feelings that it was an accident then,” Lily said quietly. “And maybe over time Rose will come to realise that too.”
He nodded. “I hope she gets into Tullamore hospital. It’s the only one she wants. She’s too nervous to live away from home, and she would have to do that if she was in a hospital in Dublin or Cork.”
“She said there was another one nearby but she didn’t fancy that one.”
He closed his eyes. “Portlaoise. That’s because my mother was a patient in the psychiatric ward for a while and people are funny about it.”
“She’s a clever girl,” Lily said. “I’m sure she’ll find a hospital that suits her.”
“Yeah,” he said, brightening up. “By the end of the summer she could be all settled with a job and leading a more independent life.”
* * *
The youth hostel idea worked perfectly, and since the weather was fine they walked the length and breadth of the city, taking in all the old buildings and museums along the way. They stopped every so often for a drink or a sandwich and any time Lily needed to give her legs a rest. Dara loved the old rambling pubs on the Royal Mile and in Rose Street, as they were so different to the pubs back in Ireland. He enjoyed reading any information about the history of them or old photographs which were often framed and hanging on the walls.
While they were in one of the pubs, Dara rang home and had a quick word with his father and Rose. “They’re grand,” he told Lily. “And they both said thanks for ringing as it was a hard day for everyone.”
The hostel just off the Royal Mile was better than any of the ones that Lily had been in before, with modern showers and plenty of cooking facilities. They didn’t bother making meals as it wasn’t worth shopping for two days, and instead ate in cafés or brought sandwiches or pies back to the hostel.
They found a lovely pub near the hostel where they spent the evening and had a ten-minute stroll up through the medieval streets before going in for the night.
They sat drinking coffee and when the time came for them to go to their respective dormitories, they were both very reluctant.
Dara held her hand across the table. “I’m going to feel very lonely without you, Lily. I wish we had booked into a bed and breakfast somewhere instead of having to sleep separately.”
Lily looked alarmed. “We couldn’t, they’re really strict in Scotland. You have to be married. One of my friends went to a hotel in Glasgow with her fiancé and the owners demanded to see her wedding ring, and when she didn’t have one, they told her to come back when she did.” She started to giggle, thinking about it again. “She then made a bigger embarrassment of herself by showing them her engagement ring and the woman said it still wasn’t a wedding ring, and it looked like something she’d bought out of Woolworth’s!”
“So where did they stay in the end?” Dara asked.
“They didn’t,” she said. “They ended up coming home on the last bus. So much for their dirty weekend away.” She couldn’t stop giggling. “So we should feel lucky that at least we can stay in a hostel together.”
“Yeah,” he said, rolling his eyes. “You’re not the one sleeping opposite the big American who snores all night.”
Lily moved her head closer to his now. “Well, at least we won’t be tempted . . .”
He caught her hand. “Wherever we are, I’m constantly tempted by you.”
On Friday Lily said nothing about abstaining from meat, but when they stopped at a café for breakfast up near the castle, Dara grinned at her and said, “I suppose we’d better stick to eggs and fish today or we might get eggs-communicated from the church?”
They both laughed and the subject wasn’t referred to again. At three o’clock they walked down past Waverly Station to St Mary’s Cathedral for Mass and the traditional Good Friday ‘kissing of the cross’. And then, when the service was over, Lily went with him to a side altar and they lit a candle for Dara’s mother and another one each for themselves.
As they walked back to the hostel, Dara squeezed Lily’s hand and said, “I lit that candle for us, asking that we would come back here in ten years’ time, married and with our children.”
Lily’s heart soared, and for once she found herself lost for words.
After a while Dara slowed down to a halt and looked at her. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Have I just said the completely wrong thing? Am I going too fast for you?”
She shook her head, then she reached up on her tip-toes and put her arms around his neck. “I’ve never been so happy,” she whispered. “I was just too scared to even think that far.”
He kissed her, then he said, “Out of curiosity, what did you light your candle for?”
She rolled her eyes and laughed. “That my mother wouldn’t make a big fuss again, when I tell her later in the week that we’re going to a hostel in Loch Lomond!”
Chapter 39
The early part of the second week flew by quicker than the first week did, the only pattern being that they would go somewhere during the day, were out most evenings, and last thing at night they would wait up until everyone else had gone to bed to have a kiss and a cuddle on the sofa.
Unlike the five days in college, sex hadn’t been an issue over the two weeks. The physical circumstances of being in the house with so many other people made it impossible and in some ways it made it easier for them, as there was no choice in the matter. Sex was something they both told each other that they would look forward to when the time was right.
On the Tuesday night Lily asked Dara if he didn’t mind entertaining himself the next day while she went to Glasgow with her mother. She explained that the shopping trip was something special they always did together when she came home, and she and her mother looked forward to it.
Dara said he had no problem at all, and would happily pass the day at home reading and watching the television.
Lily suggested that they ask Ava too, but she said she had already made plans to go with Eileen to visit her mother, who was still recovering from her operation.
“I’m glad they’re getting on so well,” Lily’s mother said, “because Eileen is usually so wrapped up in the house that she doesn’t have much time for friends.”
“It’s funny that Ava’s really taken to Eileen and the kids,” Lily said, “when Eileen’s quite a few years older. I thought her and Declan would spend more time with us.”
“Ah, there’s something about Ava that’s older than her years,” Mona said, “while you’re still only a young scut of a thing.”
“Mammy!” Lily said. “Don’t forget I’ll soon be a fully-qualified teacher.”
“God help the children!” her mother laughed. “That’s all I have to say.”
When Lily got up the next morning, she put on her plain black sweater and pearls and a grey fitted skirt. She wanted her mother to enjoy the day as much as she did, and there was no point setting off on the wrong foot by wearing trousers.
Mona looked Lily up and down in approval. She was dressed herself in a nice wine-coloured suit with a sparkling brooch and earrings.
They caught the early train into town and when they arrived they started off at Arnotts Department Store at the corner of Argyle Street and then they walked up to C&A and Marks & Spencers. It was a pleasant, dry day and they both enjoyed the saunter around the shops and out in the street.
Whilst in Arnotts, Lily helped her mother choose a new raincoat and sandals and then they went into the restaurant and had coffee and scones. When they were going around the other shops, Mona said she would buy Lily some new outfits for her forthcoming teaching practice.
“I’ve got my new term’s grant money through,” Lily told her, “so I can afford to buy a few things myself without sponging off you and my dad.”
They picked out a couple of summer dresses and cardigans to match, and a deep blue suit, which had a lovely skirt and a fitted jacket with three-quarter sleeves and a Peter Pan collar which really suited her.
“You look like a real teacher in those outfits,” her mother said, a note of pride in her voice. “I think all you need now is a nice pair of cream sling-back shoes and a matching bag and you’ll be perfect.”
When they stopped at the Trees Tearoom for lunch, Lily kept her mother entertained with little stories about the children in the schools she had been in, and about all the projects she had planned for the coming term.
“There are times when I find it hard to believe you’re actually going to be a teacher,” Mona said, “when I think of the little devil you were when you were at school yourself! You never stopped talking and you nearly drove some of the teachers mad.”
Lily just shrugged and laughed.
* * *
When they came back from the hostel in Loch Lomond the following Thursday evening, Dara sat and had a glass of beer with Pat and Declan, and gave them a full report on the turreted country house, describing the sweeping staircase, the stained-glass windows and the huge ballroom.
Lily and her mother listened in, with Mona looking impressed as Dara reeled off all the architectural details of the building, and mouthing ‘very clever’ to Lily when he said something she thought was particularly interesting.
Pat told him that they should go up to Stirling Castle on his next visit to Scotland and, if they had time, travel as far as Inverness where they could see the Loch that the monster was supposed to live in.
Lily’s eyes flicked from her father to Dara as they spoke, and she felt pleased they were obviously getting on so well.
“Oh, we have plenty of history here in Scotland,” Pat said proudly. “And more again in London and places like York. I’ve never been, but they are places I intend to go and see sometime. I’m more interested now with Lily having told us all about the old places in York that she’s visited with her college course.”
Mona nodded. “They do great bus-runs from Hamilton down South and we’re always saying we’re going to go.”
Pat looked at this wife and winked. “We will, we’ll do it one of these summers.”
“You could always come down to Newcastle to see me,” Lily said, “and then carry on to York – it’s not that far from there.”
“We might just do that,” her father said. “There’s not too many of the old buildings in Ireland. There’s only a few fine ones left, thanks to the English.” Then, he caught Mona’s warning eye. “But we won’t say anything about that.”
When Lily was helping to do the washing-up after the evening meal, her mother told her that they were having a family night out in a hotel in Motherwell on the Friday night.
“We thought it would give us all a nice night out to finish off the holiday,” Mona explained, “since Dara and Ava are travelling back to Ireland on the Saturday night boat and you’re back at college on the Sunday. They do a lovely steak meal and your dad and I will pay for you and Dara since you’re only students, and Declan will pay for Ava since he’s working.”
“That’s really good of you,” Lily said, linking her mother’s arm and hugging her. “Thanks for everything you’ve done. We’ve had a great holiday and it’s given you the chance to get to know Dara.”
“Oh, it has,” Mona said. “And he’s a lovely, lovely lad and he’s so helpful about the house. He’d do anything you ask him, you can tell he’s from a decent family.” She paused. “How are you going to manage when you’re both back at college and in separate countries? It’s not going to be easy for ye.”
“We’ll write and phone, and we’ll see each other in the holidays again.” She paused. “And Dara might come over and see me in Newcastle some time.”
“Oh well,” her mother said, turning back to the sink, “that’s up to yourselves . . . as your father said, you know your own business.”
Lily suddenly felt a wave of emotion and she went over to her mother and put her arms around her. “You don’t need to worry about me, Mum,” she told her. “I’m not stupid.”
Mona hugged her back but said nothing for a minute. “I can’t help worrying,” she finally said in a muffled voice. “And I worry about you most of all.”
“I’m fine,” she told her. “I love college and I’m looking forward to my teaching practice when I go back, and I know I’m lucky to have a career that I really enjoy.” She kissed her mother on the side of the cheek. “And I’m really happy with Dara . . . I know it’s difficult with him being so far away, but the one good thing is that he’s not a distraction from my studies. If it was someone I was going out with at college and saw every day that would be harder, or if it was somebody from back home where I’d be running back here every other weekend. It’s not ideal, but if it’s the right thing, it will work out.”
“That’s true,” her mother said. “And I don’t mean to be going on to you – I know you’re a grown woman and you need to make up your own mind.” She halted, picking her words. “If you do think that Dara’s the right one, then do what you need to do to make it work. Don’t go settling for second best. Marriage is a long hard road even when you’re with the right person.”
Lily pulled back to arm’s length now and smiled at her mother. Even though Dara had broached the subject of marriage when they were in Edinburgh, she knew it was still castles in the air. “We’re nowhere near that stage yet. We’ve both got to finish our courses and we’ll see what happens after that.”
Mona smiled back. “Me and your dad were lucky,” she said. “We might not see eye to eye all the time, but there’s never been anyone else for me, and I’d like you to feel the same about the man you decide to marry.”
Lily felt a great sadness rising up in her now. She gave her mother another little hug and then she went upstairs. She went into the bathroom and closed the door and then went to sit on the side of the bath, trying to fight back the tears. Had her mother really not known, all these years, that her father still had feelings for another woman? Had she never felt that his mind had been on someone else?
She had been tempted to talk it over with Dara on a few occasions, but she felt it would be a betrayal of her parents, and she didn’t want him to look at them differently. She knew he saw them as the solid couple and family that Lily had always believed them to be.
She and Seán had never spoken about it since that night, and she wondered if he felt as she did, or whether he had completely forgotten about it.
And her father had shown no signs of being unsettled or unhappy at home. He had just been his usual self, working hard every day driving coaches and taxis and seemingly contented at home in front of the television or listening to the radio at night.
Maybe that was the way things really were, she thought. Maybe he was happy and wouldn’t change things now. Even if a miracle happened and he was given the chance to marry that other woman. And then, maybe Seán had been right and it was all down to drink.
Lily stood up now and went to look in the mirror above the sink. Life was not at all straightforward, but she knew one thing for sure. She would only marry the person she truly loved, and if for some reason that didn’t happen, she would rather be on her own.
Chapter 40
Lily was pleased with the arrangements for the meal. It had been a while since the Grace family had had a night out together without it being for a formal occasion like a wedding or a christening. It had taken a bit of organisation for Lily’s married brothers and their wives to get baby-sitters but they had all managed to come. Sophie and Fintan were also coming as they were always included in any family get-togethers.
