First Choice, Second Chance, page 6
She wanted to turn and look too much. She kept her eyes trained ahead of her and saw the sadness in Ashley's eyes. "What is it? Is something wrong with him?"
"You never heard about Scott, either? About his accident?"
"What happened? Is he okay?"
"Well, since the doctors didn't expect him to live, I'd say it's a pretty good thing he's walking, even with the use of a cane."
"What happened?" She wasn't sure she wanted to know. She had always cared for Scott. Had loved how he supported Mason even when he didn't agree with his choices. So many times she had wished her father was more like him.
"An accident with his tractor. I'm not exactly sure what happened. Mason found him out in the field, stuck under that big beast. He was in the hospital for nearly two months. Like I said, the doctors said he was lucky to still be alive, let alone walking. Mason's handled most of the work on the farm since."
"How can he do that on his own? I can't imagine one man handling it alone."
"They hired a couple of high school kids. I know they've sold off close to half of the cows. Scott has started talking about finding a buyer for it. He told Brian he's tired of feeling like a burden. Thinks if he sells, it will make things better for everyone."
"Poor Mason." She hadn't meant to let the words slip out. "Poor Scott, too. I know how much Mason has always loved that place. What will he do if they sell it?"
Ashley shook her head. "I don't know. Brian's talked to Scott about it. They've been tossing ideas around, but Scott hasn't been ready to sell. I think it's getting to be too much now, and he's ready. From what Brian says, Mason's the only resistant one now."
"It's his home," Lila murmured. "It's his whole life."
"For being gone seven years, you still know him pretty well."
That had something, she wasn't sure if it was panic or hope, clutching at her heart. "I've always known him." She couldn't take it anymore. She pushed her chair back from the table. "I'll be right back."
When she turned around, only Mason sat at the table. She had hoped to catch all three of them. It would be safer with his parents there. Plus, she wanted to see Scott. He hadn't been down in the kitchen when she'd driven by the house to see Mason. She wished she had known he'd been hurt. She would have tried to come up to see him. Kyle had never even said anything. She would have thought he would. His relationship with his family had been even more strained since they got married. Back then, she blamed them for that. None of them even came down for the wedding. As the years went by, she realized a lot of the fault lay with Kyle. He never reached out to them; he let weeks and months go by without even trying to contact them.
Mason laid his head down on the table as she headed his way with such a weariness to the action, it broke her heart. She moved over to him and laid her hand on his shoulder. He tensed up, but he didn't jerk away like she had been afraid he would. "I'm sorry, Mason. I didn't know about your father or the farm."
He snorted. "Really? Kyle didn't tell you how he refused to even come up and see him in the hospital. How he said none of us were his problem anymore? If he died, it might be better?"
It made her sick that a man she had let touch her would treat his family like that. "No, Mason, he never told me. I've realized there are a lot of things he kept from me. More than I ever thought."
He must have caught something in her voice because he finally looked up at her. "Why are you here?"
"I came to dinner with Ashley. I was catching up with an old friend."
He started to shake his head then sighed and laid it back on his arms. "Never mind. Go away."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"You can go away."
His words burrowed deep in her heart. She took a step back. "I'm sorry, Mason." She fought back tears as she headed back to her table.
"Are you ready to go?" she said to Ashley. "I think I'm going to head home. It's been a long day."
Chapter 8
Chapter 6
Mason headed up to the house, wiping his hands on his jeans. The damn tractor wouldn't be fixed. It was older than him, and they should probably let it go. Since his father already planned to sell the farm, they certainly couldn't afford a new tractor. Of course, if they did sell, the tractor would probably go along with the farm.
Mason wanted to punch something. His father had only been down to the barn for about half an hour before he had to go back inside. He was having a bad day again. It seemed he'd been having a lot of them in a row lately. Part of it was the changing weather. His body hurt more as it got cold. He hated seeing his father this way. It never should have happened.
His hand was already tensing into a fist as he left the field and made his way up to his house. He needed to get a shower, then he'd have a beer with dinner. Maybe that could help him relax. It didn't help he kept seeing Lila in his mind. The way she'd come over to him in the restaurant the other day. She had wanted to comfort him. He could see it in her eyes, but he hadn't let her. He couldn't, or all of his walls would crumble. He couldn't let her back in, sure it would be the end of him.
His eyes had to be playing tricks on him as he neared his porch. He'd been thinking about her, maybe that's why he saw her sitting there in front of his house. That's it. Had to be wishful thinking. Except she stood up and stepped toward the edge of the porch, and he knew his imagination wasn't that good.
"What are you doing here?" he asked as he climbed the steps and started past her.
"I wanted to talk to you. I needed to talk to you, Mason. I've tried to since I came back, but you keep pushing me away."
"You want to talk, well, maybe I don't want to," he said, stabbing his key into the lock. "Maybe I want you to go away. Why won't you go back? I was fine when you weren't here." It wasn't exactly the truth, but he hadn't felt like he fell apart every time he turned around.
Even with his words, she followed him into the house. "I can't go back. I have nothing to go back to."
"There's always my brother." She flinched, and he realized there was something to the talk he'd heard around town. "Your big house, your career." He ticked the points off on his fingers, and she flinched with each one. The pain in her eyes nearly stirred something in him. He shut it down. "All your fans."
She took a step closer to him. "Those are all gone. All because of your brother. The only things I have left are what I could pack into a suitcase. He spread lies about me, deceived me, and I let him do it. He cheated me, not just with the other women. He sucked away my money until nothing remained. Daddy had to pay the lawyer who handled my divorce."
Shame mixed with the pain and grief in her eyes. More of that sympathy he'd fought back with his bitterness surged up. "I'm sure you can make more money. Everyone loves to hear you sing."
She shook her head. "Not after the lies he's spread. Not only the gossip rags. That I could overcome. When everyone in the business thinks I'm a hack, I can't get work anywhere. That's why I'm back up here, teaching my one passion to kids at the Christian school. It's the only thing I can do now."
He wanted to reach out to her, but it would be a mistake. If he did, he would never want to let her go. He couldn't keep her. It wouldn't work. "Why are you here? Not in town. You obviously needed your family now. You don't need to be here at my place. Why can't you leave me alone?"
"There's so much between us, Mason. I want to make things right, but I don't even know where to start."
His heart thundered in his chest. She was so close. If he reached out, he could touch her. He hadn't been able to in seven years, except in his dreams. "I don't know if you can."
She stepped even closer to him. Her arm brushed across his chest, and he had to clench his teeth together as the shock went through him. Even now, even after what she had done to him, his body reacted to her. "I'm not going anywhere, Mason. I'm here for good. I have a job that keeps me here. I have nowhere else to go. We can find the way back to where we were."
He shook his head. "No, we can't. I'm not eighteen anymore. Neither are you. We can't ever go back there."
"Then, maybe we can start over with where we are. Please." She shifted so her front pressed right up to his.
It sounded more like a dare than a plea. She stood there in front of him, waiting for his answer. Mason's mouth went dry, and he wasn't sure he could force even a single word past the lump suddenly in his throat. He'd never been able to resist a dare from her. Now, her eyes stayed steady on his, and he couldn't turn away, couldn't run away from her again. No matter how much he wanted to.
Mason turned away before his resolve could weaken, even though he wanted to keep staring into her eyes, like they held him hostage. He searched for a glass then filled it with water. Anything to wet his dry throat. The tension thickened the air as he took the first sip. Then, she brushed against him as he set the glass in the sink. She had moved closer.
His breath caught as her scent took over his senses. He closed his eyes, as if that would block it, and forced the air out. She wouldn't give up until she had an answer. She had always been stubborn. "This isn't right," he finally said, opening his eyes again. "We both know it would never work. Everyone knows. I'm sure you've heard them talking, too."
She didn't step back. Instead a smile spread across her face. "You didn't say you don't want it to happen. That matters more than what everyone else thinks is wrong or won't work." Her skin brushed against him as she braced her hands beside him on the counter. "Do you want to kiss me?"
Her breath fluttered against his skin. He had to close his eyes to force his brain to work through the fog of desire clogging it. "This isn't right," he said again. How he wished it were. Nothing had ever felt more right than holding her against him.
"Why not?" she demanded, and that mask of confidence she'd been wearing slipped. "Whose right is it to say what's right or wrong for us?"
He couldn't take any more. "It's my right," he shouted, afraid he would explode if she didn't step back. "It's my right to decide what's right for me. It's not you anymore." He could almost taste the bitterness on his tongue as the words spewed out of his mouth.
She took a step back at that, but it didn't ease the pressure that had started to build as soon as he had seen her on his porch. Now the dam had burst, and he couldn't plug it back up or keep the words and hurt from flowing out. "I waited for you," he told her. "For two years, I waited while you went out there and figured out who you were and what you wanted your life to be. I always hoped I would have a part in it. I was still waiting when you finally came back home. You didn't choose me." Tears filled her eyes, but he couldn't let it move him. "I would have supported everything you wanted for your life and given you the time you needed. When I thought all that waiting had been worth it, you turned away from me. You went into my brother's arms instead." He had to take a deep breath, trying to refill the hole in his chest.
Her tears spilled over now, and she turned from him. He still caught the glint of shame through the tears. When she spoke, her voice was so soft he almost didn't hear her. Her words pierced the wall he had built around his heart when it came to her. "You can see where it got me. Alone again because he left me with absolutely nothing when he walked away."
He wanted to tell her she had gotten everything she deserved. He knew his brother better than anyone. He had been the popular one, the one who excelled at everything he attempted: school, business, women, even sports. There had always been a dark side to him most didn't see until they got too close. "Then, why would you even want to take a chance on the other brother again?"
"Because I chose the wrong brother," she finally said, her voice trembling with tears. "I knew it when I did it. You scared me with what you made me feel. I thought he was the safer choice. Daddy made me feel he was a better fit for me. I was wrong, and I want the chance to make the right choice this time."
Her words shook Mason, but he turned his back to her. "It's too late. I've moved on," The lie barely made it through his mouth. "It's time you do the same. Now, please leave."
Her breath caught, but he didn't turn back to her. He could hear the tears in her voice when she whispered, "Goodbye."
Mason had to hold onto the counter to keep from going to her and taking back everything he had said. Her shoes clicked against the floor. The door opened, and he was still in the same position when it swung shut a moment later. Suddenly, he felt empty. Like he had lost what could have been the best thing in his life. He couldn't live with being someone's second choice. It would be better to be alone.
Mason released the counter and let out a sigh. "I really need that beer now."
#
It had been a stupid idea. Lila admitted that to herself as she drove back toward town. She'd already pulled over once when she couldn't see through the tears. Why had she even thought it would work? He hated her now. He'd made that clear every other time they'd seen each other since she came home.
Daring him to kiss her? What the hell had she been thinking?
She hadn't gone there trying to seduce him. She'd never been able to seduce anyone before, anyway. Why had she thought that would change with Mason? She was so stupid. Such an idiot to think it would work. She couldn't come up with a decent plan by herself, like Kyle had always said. She smacked her hand against the steering wheel at the thought of her ex-husband as she pulled into a parking space in front of the diner.
"No," she said. "Damn it, no. You're not going to keep dragging me down to that place. Get out of my damn head, Kyle Akeley. You don't have a right to be there anymore."
She drew in a deep breath and glanced around, but no one stood close enough to have heard her yelling at herself. Or rather, her ex-husband who was seven hundred miles away. He'd dished out enough misery to her. She had to stop letting him give her more.
After another breath, she climbed out of the car and had started toward the diner when someone called her name. Turning, she saw Brian Sharrock walking toward her. She smiled at her best friend's husband. "Brian. Well, don't you look nice. Especially for coming out of the hardware store."
He laughed and pulled at his tie a little. "Stopped by on my way from work. Wanted to see my mom."
Lila's gaze darted toward the store window. "Your mom works at the hardware store?"
He smiled, but it seemed weak, and he reached up to scratch at his cheek. "After Dad died, she needed a job. Tom was nice enough to help her learn how to run the register and do inventory. Last year he made her assistant manager. She's doing really good."
"I'm sorry to hear about your father. I didn't know until I came back."
"Don't be," he snapped, then he winced. "I'm sorry," he added, "but, trust me, we're all better off without Caleb Sharrock in our lives."
She nodded a little. Life had been rough for Brian; his father had been rough. She'd seen the bruises, had known why Brian threw those parties. Even why he'd thought he wasn't good enough to go off to college. Thankfully, Ashley had been there for him.
He looked at her carefully now, like he saw through her smile. "What's wrong, Lila?"
She shook her head. "Nothing. I'm fine. I was going to get some dinner and head home."
His eyes still stayed locked on her face. She thought he would press the issue. Instead, he asked, "Have you seen much of Mason since you got back?"
His name felt like a kick right in the gut. Brian's eyes narrowed, and she realized the pain must have been written right on her face. "Actually, I just came from there," she admitted. "He doesn't want anything to do with me. I'll be staying away."
Now, Brian's face softened. "The boy's mad."
"Yeah, I know. Can't blame him after what I did."
Brian shook his head. "Not what I meant. Lila, do you know how upset Ashley was when you didn't show up for the wedding?"
"I didn't even know about it. I never got an invite."
"She talked to Kyle. He said he'd tell you as soon as you got home."
Her mouth pulled down. "He never said a word. That was…Right before you went to law school, right? A little over four years ago." At his nod, she did the math in her head. "I wasn't even on a long tour then. I did a few shows in Tennessee, but I was mostly home that year. He never told me."
Brian didn't react, as if he'd known what she'd say. "Yes, that's what we figured when we learned what was going on. It still hurt that her best friend wasn't here for it, here for her." His gaze sharpened again. "You were a lot more than a friend to Mason, Lila." Then, his lips twitched. "I was just as angry with you for quite a few years. Watching him fall apart was not easy. It caused a few arguments between Ashley and me. Don't let him convince you he hates you. He's crazy to hold onto the pain."
"I'm not sure I can convince him otherwise, Brian."
"Maybe you're both mad," he muttered, turning away. "I'll see you around, Lila. Remember, you don't have any excuse not to keep in touch now."
She watched him walk away, remembering he'd always been blunt, and he'd always made her think. That's what she didn't want to do right now. She turned and walked to the diner, refusing to think about any of it. She'd eat dinner then go grab her guitar. Maybe she could drown the pain in her music, the only thing that seemed to drive it away.
Chapter 9
Before
Mason balled up the paper from his sandwich and tossed it into the bag. He glanced over at Lila, but she was looking out across the park. He had a blanket spread in the back of his truck and had picked up lunch for a little picnic. He wouldn't have minded a little more private spot, but all the tables at the park were occupied, mostly by families. Eventually, they had to find some privacy somewhere.
He glanced over at Lila. She licked some ketchup from the tip of her finger. His stomach clenched at the sight. He leaned over the blanket, pulling her hand down and laying his lips on hers. He stroked his tongue along them, tasting the ketchup she'd cleaned from her finger, the salt from her French fries, and a hint of the sauce from her sandwich. None of that should be so alluring. The blood drained into his lap at just a taste. Again, he wished they had a little more privacy.
