First Choice, Second Chance, page 19
"You've never thought Mason was the smart choice for me."
"He's not. All he will do is hold you down here. Do not tell me you want to throw your life away and stay in this dusty town. What is here for you?"
"Of course I don't." Except for when Mason held her. Then she didn't care where she was. "He said he'd go with me." So had Kyle. She'd never thought he'd want to stay here, anyway.
Luca shook his head. "He will never leave this place, even if he went with us. He would hate you. Better for it to happen now."
Her heart wrenched. He was right. If she didn't choose Mason, he would hate her, probably for the rest of their lives. She wasn't sure she could live with making him hate her because she forced him to go somewhere he didn't belong. After what she'd seen of him the last two days, that thought scared her. Would he become more violent, and towards her now, if he felt like he'd been forced to do something he didn't want to?
"I know what I have to do, Daddy. Don't worry."
It didn't make going into her room to finish packing any easier. When she did close her door behind her, she sank down to the floor and leaned back against it. Tears streamed down her face. How had this summer gone so wrong? Maybe her father had been right all along. She and Mason weren't meant to be together. She should have avoided him from the moment they came back to town. Then, she wouldn't have to feel like her heart shattered into a dozen pieces in her chest. How could it still be beating when everything had fallen apart?
She dropped her head to her knees and let the tears flow. Once she got them out of her system, this would be over. She would be able to move on and get on with her own life again. She didn't even believe the thoughts going through her head. She would keep repeating them until she did.
#
Mason sat at the table, staring across it at Kyle. It gave him some dark satisfaction to see the bruises covering his brother's face. He should be ashamed of it, but he wasn't. He wouldn't go down without a fight. Lila might still choose Kyle. His fighting may have done nothing. In fact, giving in might have sealed his fate. It wouldn't be Cassie all over again. He wouldn't give in and let Kyle steal from him.
He wanted to slam his fist into that smirking face again. His father sat in the chair between them. He had already warned them there would be no fighting today. No instigating a fight, either. That one had been directed toward Kyle, but the words applied to him as well. He'd kept his mouth shut as his mother served breakfast.
Lila had called and said she needed to talk to both of them. Of course, his mother had made a plate up for her, too, and was keeping it warm until she arrived. Food might not make everything better, but Mary seemed to think it helped. Mason's stomach clenched when the car pulled up in front of the house. He didn't even have to see the car outside. He knew.
He couldn't eat. He could barely choke the one bite of egg down past his throat. He needed to know what she had decided. He didn't want to know. He'd known when he'd gone to her house the other day, but he had to hear her say the words.
He wanted to go to her as soon as she stepped into the kitchen, but he stayed back. She wouldn't look at him. Her gaze went right to Kyle. Something burned in him. It wasn't anger, nothing so strong as rage. It ran deeper. He didn't realize at first it was grief. "You could have done this over the phone," he said. Why did she have to torture him by making him see her when she said good-bye?
Lila shook her head and finally turned to him. She still wouldn't meet his eyes. "We're leaving today. We won't be back before we return to Nashville."
"You made that clear the other day." The clipped edge to his words didn't match this pain in his heart. He tipped his chair back on two legs, hoping she wouldn't be able to see the way she tore him apart.
"I have to do this, Mason. I can't cancel my life because you want me to stay here."
The front legs of the chair hit the floor. "I never asked you to. I told you I would go with you."
She shook her head, and tears glistened in her eyes. "You can't. Daddy's right. You'd never fit there."
His skin prickled as his blood started to heat. She was leaving him, going on without him, all because of Luca, because of the crap the older man kept feeding her. "I fit with you, Lila."
"Until you start hating me and decide to come back here, anyway. It's better this way, Mason." Her throat moved as she swallowed. "I've made my decision. I'm choosing me and my career, my future. I came here to tell you good-bye. I'll be going now."
Mason was sure he was frozen to the chair. He couldn't even move as Lila turned and headed for the door. Kyle obviously could. He jumped up from his chair and moved across the floor until he could grab her arm. "I'll walk you out to your car," he said and passed through the door with her, but not before sending a grin over his shoulder at Mason. Then, they were gone.
Mason's chest heaved with each breath. He was surprised blood wasn't pouring from every cavity of his body. The way his chest felt, he was sure his heart had split open and was pouring out blood.
"It's going to be okay."
He heard his mother's words, but he didn't believe them. Lila had made her choice. It hadn't been him. How could it ever be okay?
#
Lila threw the last bag into the trunk before slamming it closed. She hadn't slept the night before. Mason's words kept running through her head. She could still see the hurt in his eyes when she told him she wasn't choosing him. He'd said they fit. God, she wished it were true. That they could fit together. They could stay together. But, it wasn't. She had seen the truth of that. Her father had helped her see.
She couldn't draw her eyes from the house. From where he had stood the night before. She could remember the look in his eyes then, too. The way his emotions had flashed through his eyes. How open he'd been. He hadn't been lying about anything he said.
He'd been wrong.
They didn't fit together. He would never be able to handle living in Nashville. He didn't love her.
With a sigh, she turned away from the house. Kyle slipped his arm around her waist. "We need to get going, baby."
She stiffened up at the term. She hadn't chosen him, either. She'd told him that. He seemed intent on worming his way in. He'd told her father he'd drive down with her, had even showed up with his bags packed that morning, insisting he didn't have anything holding him here. Nothing to keep him from going to Nashville with them. She liked him, but she wanted it to be Mason going with her.
She hadn't been able to get that thought out of her head, no matter how self-destructive she knew it to be. Still, he was right. Her parents had left nearly an hour before. They would meet them at the fairgrounds for this final concert. Her father would worry if they were too far behind. "You don't have to come, Kyle. Just because I didn't choose your brother doesn't mean you have to follow me. Maybe I chose myself."
His smile was easy and seemed sincere. "That's fine, Lila. I did tell your father I'd make sure you would get to that concert. I'll see that through. What I said before still holds true. There's nothing holding me here. There never has been. I have no problem starting over in Nashville."
She closed her eyes as he leaned toward her. She shouldn't kiss him, shouldn't want to feel his lips on hers. Not when her heart already felt so broken. Still her head tilted up to meet his.
He kept the kiss short then stepped back. "We really should get going."
She climbed into the car after handing him the keys. She couldn't keep herself from casting one last glance at the house. She didn't know when they would be back again, if they ever would. She closed her eyes on the thought. She wasn't sure if she left behind more than she gained by going back. It was a stupid thought. Everything was back in Nashville. There wasn't anything left for her here. She'd made sure of that.
Her eyes snapped open again, and she realized they were near the edge of town. Her gaze was drawn to the figure standing at the corner of the street. Her stomach twisted. Mason. She couldn't even bring herself to wave. His eyes looked so dark, like storm clouds were brewing behind them. No smile on his face, none of that love he professed to have for her. Maybe she had killed that. Before they even reached him, he had turned away. Lila could feel the pressure building in her chest. She wouldn't cry. She had made her decision, had decided to leave him behind. Now, she would have to live with it.
Kyle reached over and squeezed her hand. "It'll be fine. His loss. You have me, though."
She wanted to say it was her loss. Instead, she said nothing, only closed her eyes as Kyle drove them out of town. She'd made her decision. She couldn't go back now.
Chapter 30
Now
Mason didn't want to be here, but he didn't have an excuse to skip the harvest festival. All of his harvesting was done for the year. The cows would survive without him. Brian had been insistent. His parents hadn't helped. He needed to get away from the farm. He'd barely been in town since Homecoming. Spending the last three weeks almost entirely on his own wasn't healthy.
Healthier than him drinking away her memory. Again.
All of their arguments ran through his head now. It still didn't change the fact he didn't want to be here. He'd rather be back at the farm and closed up in his house. At least there he didn't have to worry about running into Lila, or worse, Kyle. He wasn't sure he could handle the hurt look on Lila's face again. Or the smirk on his brother's. Suddenly he wanted to hit something. The only thing around was Brian. His family walked not far from them. He wouldn't hit the man in front of his own daughter.
"I'm telling you, you need to go talk to her again," Brian told him. "She's not going to change her mind. She doesn't want him anymore. She wants you."
"So I can be her second choice? No thank you." He'd let himself forget that's what he was. When he was with her, and happy, he didn't even think about it. Now, it's all he could think about.
"Come on, man. She made a mistake. We both know it. She knows it. Are you really going to hold that against her the rest of your lives? Are you going to make both of you miserable because seven years ago you were both too damn young to be thinking about forever, to be expecting it."
He was right, but it still hurt. "I don't want to talk about this, Brian. I made it clear. She needs to make that decision. I can't wait around to see if she'll decide to go back to him. I couldn't stand it again."
"She's not going back to him, Mason. I've been trying to tell you. She still won't file criminal charges against him, even though I tried to convince her he's guilty of theft and breach of contract, if not embezzlement. She wants to go through the civil court. Says she doesn't want to drag him down like he tried to do to her. She wants what's hers. She won't go back to him after doing that."
Mason had to swallow past a lump in his throat. She was actually doing it. He hadn't been sure she would. "I told her to come to me when this is over. She hasn't yet."
"Oh, God, Mason are you really thick-headed or just plain stupid?" Mason winced when Brian knocked on his forehead, as if to see how thick his skull actually was. Then, he dropped his hand. "She thinks you don't want her anymore. You told her to go, so she thinks she's lost you, too."
He didn't want to think about it anymore. He'd told her he loved her, had made sure to say it more than once. It was one thing she'd accused him of before. Not saying it until too late. He didn't want to make that mistake again. How could she think he went from that to not wanting her in an instant? "I'm going to walk by myself for a while."
He walked a little faster, putting distance between himself and Brian. Even when the other man called out to him, he kept walking. He needed time and space to think. He couldn't do that when he was around the happy little family. Because Brian was right about one thing. He had been miserable since he pushed Lila away.
#
Lila didn't know why she had agreed to this. She said as much to her mother. "The fair was supposed to be my last performance. Why did I let them talk me into this?"
"Because you like to sing," her mother answered. "It's just the town. You've been in front of more people than this before."
"And every time, it felt like one of those big restaurant grade mixers in my stomach, twisting everything together. I don't know if I can do this again, Mom." Especially since it would be a big deal. Not only because of the town, but because Brian had promised he'd make sure Mason would be there. She wasn't sure if she could go through with this in front of everyone. What if he still turned away from her?
"Of course you can." Her mom stepped back and took her face in her hands. "You are incredibly talented, Lila. Don't let anyone ever tell you any differently. You can do this, and you will. Mason will never turn away from you once you offer your heart. That's exactly what this song is."
"How do you know? He's barely spoken to me since Kyle came back. Maybe he really doesn't want me."
"That man has never wanted anything else. He's scared. I'm sure you can understand that." Her mom gave her hair and make-up a final check then fit the microphone clip on her shirt. "You're ready to go. As soon as they come for you."
This was always the worst part. Waiting to go out on stage left time for her nerves to get the best of her. Going through the song list in her head usually helped. Her mom was right. This was different. She didn't have a long approved list of songs. It wasn't a large stage, only something set up in the center of town. She wouldn't have her big back-up band, only a couple kids from the high school on drums and guitars. They'd practiced together, so she wasn't worried. Only Mason worried her right now. That he would turn away as soon as she came out. When she bared her heart to him. Her mom was right about that, too. She had put her heart into writing that song and could only hope he heard it.
She had started to go through the song list again before the mayor stepped into the room. "We're ready for you, Ms. Corelli."
Lila let out a breath then picked up her guitar. "All right. Here goes."
The mayor kept smiling. "You're going to do fine. This is only a fraction of what you see at your concerts, I'm sure."
She wished he knew his words didn't calm her down any. In the larger crowd, little mistakes might be missed. A smaller, more intimate audience would notice more. Only one person out there really mattered. She pushed away the butterflies in her stomach. Okay, this reminded her more of a nest of enraged hornets right now. She walked out to the street with the mayor, sliding the guitar strap over her shoulder as she walked up onto the stage with him. Her little band already waited for her, and she gave them a weak smile while the mayor introduced her.
When he stepped back down from the stage, she moved over to the microphone and waited for the applause to die down. As much as being on stage unnerved her, this was the best part, to know those people waited to hear her sing. It almost made it worth it. Although she'd rather be singing to an even smaller crowd. She'd found the classes, and the congregation at church, the perfect size.
"Thank you, everyone, for coming out to see me today. I wasn't expecting to play for a crowd again, but I couldn't let you all down."
She strummed on the guitar for a few minutes, her gaze sweeping the crowd. She was looking for one person, one very important person. She didn't see him, though. He wasn't here. Tears pricked her eyes, and they slipped into her voice as she sang one of her biggest hits, the one that had initially launched her into the spotlight.
No one else seemed to notice her distress. In fact, most of them sang along, or at least kept the beat, as she slipped into another song. She kept scanning the crowd as she sang. Brian had promised he'd have him here. He would be here. Brian hadn't broken any other promises he'd made to her.
As she finished the fifth song on her list, she saw them. Brian walked beside Ashley, carrying Alyssa on his shoulders. Beyond them, she could see Scott moving slowly with the help of his cane. The cooler weather coming in wasn't helping him, and Mary was right beside him. Her gaze was drawn behind them to where Mason brought up the rear of the group. He had his hands in his pockets and his gaze trained on the ground in front of him. Something about his posture spoke of misery. She hoped she could change that.
"This next song is a new one," she said, keeping her eyes on Mason. "It hasn't been recorded to an album. In fact, I just wrote it earlier this week." She nodded back at the boys on the drum and back up guitars. She'd be doing this one on her own. "I've made plenty of mistakes in my life. I'm sure we all have. One in particular I made seven years ago I have always regretted." She took a deep breath and ran her thumb over the strings of her guitar. "This one goes out to Mason." His head came up, but she bent hers to the microphone as she started to sing.
I had you once upon a time.
Our love could have been forever
But, I let you walk away
I thought I had chosen better.
When she came to the chorus, she brought her head up. Mason looked right at her. She almost choked on her breath, but she pushed on, keeping her eyes locked on his.
When the choice
Was laid before me,
I was too blind
I couldn't see
It was always you.
Forever you.
He stepped forward, pushing through the crowd. She wanted to let a smile bloom over her face, but he wasn't smiling. She kept singing, still not taking her eyes from him.
I never thought
To get you back.
But sometimes
Two hearts are
Meant to be
When the choice
Was laid before me,
I was too blind
I couldn't see
It was always you.
Forever you.
Mason jumped up onto the stage and stood there in front of her. She let the guitar drop and hang from the strap as he strode forward. He took her hands in his. She wanted to jump into his arms, but she had to finish the song.
