Bad to the Throne, page 17
part #15 of The Good Guys Series
When that finally completed, the chamberlain held the silence for a moment, as if gathering the room’s attention once again. She probably would have killed it as a kindergarten teacher.
“Is there any old business before the Senate?” she called out.
The person next to her made a show of opening up a very large book and reading through it.
“There is no old business before the Senate which may be addressed at present,” he called out.
“There is no old business,” the woman repeated. “We will now move on to new business. Is there new business to be presented before the Senate during this session?”
A young lord stood up, eliciting some groans from the others in the audience, and also from the peanut gallery up above, though it was practically empty.
“State your name.”
“I am Lord Khaelin of County Khaelin.”
“And what is your new business?”
“I call for the vote to commence.”
“The vote for Emperor is requested,” the chamberlain said. “Is this a valid avenue of business for the Senate?”
“No,” the man next to her said. “No business may be undertaken which requires the input or action of the Duke of Coggeshall–”
“Point of order,” Nicholas Edgemond, the edgelord said, standing up quickly. “It has yet to be proven Coggeshall is a duke — I propose that title stricken from the record.”
The scribe who was taking everything down sighed, and did a theatrical slash across his parchment roll to make sure the kid saw the action. I got the distinct feeling this was also something that also happened every day. Which would mean that Khaelin and Edgemond were working together to strike my title every day. A little reinforcement to really drive home that I wasn’t a duke.
Except that I was.
Or, at least I was at that moment. I was putting a lot of faith in Valamir to yank me out of this hole, and I had to wonder if it was actually going to work. I also had to wonder why I hadn’t put my support behind any of the other candidates who’d been willing to save me the trouble I’d just gone through. I mean, I had put my literal life on the line, killing hundreds of beings to make this nonsense happen.
I was sorely tempted to walk out of the Senate right then and forget everything else. But all the reasons I did what I did danced across my memory, and I just stood there, waiting for the sign from Valamir. The guy I’d thought was a treasonous, traitorous fuck until I met him and then, for some reason, decided he wasn’t. Had I been duped? Was I about to find out that–
“—High Prince of Glaton.” Valamir had gotten up to speak.
“And what is your business?”
“I would like to bring forth the current Duke of Coggeshall, Montana of Coggeshall, who has returned and been successful in the Call of the Imperial Hero.”
“Then bring him forth,” the Senate Chamberlain said.
“That’s my cue,” I said to Danald, giving him a pat on the shoulder as I pushed off the wall.
Danald didn’t care in the slightest, but some of the other workers looked confused as to what I was doing. One of them even started to come after me, as if they were going to stop me.
But a stern look from the chamberlain prevented that, and I had to wonder if Valamir had cleared this little trick through the chamberlain as well.
I walked forward, head high, ready to deal with whatever was about to happen.
“The Senate recognizes Montana Coggeshall,” the Chamberlain bellowed, gesturing to me. All the Senators turned around to stare, nearly all of whom were looking in obvious surprise, “who answered the Call of The Imperial Hero!”
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I saw Edgelord try to stand up, but an elder relative yanked the kid back down. The kid’s face was already turning red, and his veins started to bulge from his neck. The kid clearly needed to find a way to relax — otherwise he was going to wind up bursting his heart at twenty-five.
I clocked quite a few other nasty faces in the crowd, with an unsettling scarcity of friendly ones.
Fuck ‘em. I just won a war — what had they done? Breakfasted and balled. I reminded myself that I could kill every fucking person in this room if I needed, and they couldn’t stop me. They could try to stop me; they could play whatever word games, mind games, and law games they wanted. But when the steel hit the flesh, they’d bleed more than me. My teeth ached as my jaw clenched, and I could feel my nails digging into my palms. Rage was brewing inside, percolating and asking to come out before it forced its way out. These people weren’t worth my time — they weren’t worth a damn thing. Virtually all of them had just won the birth lottery and were riding that while making other people’s lives difficult.
“Woo! Yeah!” a voice called out from the balcony. “Go Montana!”
I paused and looked up, trying to see who was talking.
“Hero of the Empire!” another voice called out.
“Hero of the Empire!” another called.
And then it turned into chanting.
“Here… Oh… Here… Oh!”
Not the most original, but effective.
More people filed into the balcony. Clearly, someone had let the news out that excitement was afoot in the Senate, and the common folk were showing up to catch the show.
My rage was still there, but had subsided somewhat. I couldn’t help but smile, and while I couldn’t actually see who was chanting, I raised my fist up in solidarity.
The chamberlain raised an eyebrow and frowned a little, but seeing as I put the fist down right away and didn’t do anything else, she didn’t make a fuss about it.
Quite a few lords and ladies hurried up to the podium, either trying to intercept me or have some private words with the chamberlain, I guessed.
One of them must have said something of substance, because the chamberlain slammed her gavel down and made some hand motions, which led to large armored figures stepping out of an alcove in front of me, preventing me from moving forward.
“Apologies, my lord,” one figure said, their voice deep but muffled by the full helm. “You must await the chamberlain’s permission to continue.”
“Not a problem,” I said.
The people chanting started to change their tune, not exactly happy that I’d been blocked.
“Different sort of morning for you?” I asked.
They didn’t answer, but I thought I caught the feeling of a smile from them.
“There will be silence in the Senate!” the chamberlain bellowed. “The upper chamber will be cleared. This session is now private.”
That did not win any hearts and minds. The people upstairs lost their collective shit, and there was a lot of yelling and screaming, and even something that sounded a bit like fisticuffs.
But eventually the balcony cleared, and then we could only hear the faint noise of chanting and fighting outside the Senate.
The chamberlain slammed down her gavel, and the two guards stepped aside.
“You may now approach,” she said.
I continued my walk forward until I got to the last row of chairs before the podium set-up, and stood there.
“Montana Coggeshall, of Coggeshall,” the chamberlain said, intentionally omitting my titles, “you answered the Call of the Imperial Hero.”
“I did.”
“You were bid to…” She reached for a parchment and began to read. “‘Push Back the Armies of Mahrduhm and Retake Rumib Pass for Glaton.’ Is that correct?”
“It is.”
“Did you do so?”
“I did.”
“Is it true that Rumib Pass no longer exists?”
“Yes, but while it–”
“That is not the question. Does it exist?”
“Sure, just not really in the way it did.”
“Is Mahrduhm in possession or control of the pass?”
“No.”
“Are they in any portion of Glaton territory?”
“Not around Arenberg they’re not.”
The chamberlain turned and looked over at an older woman sitting in a comfortable chair up against the wall of the dome on the other side of the podium area.
She nodded.
“You speak the truth,” Chamberlain said.
There was a kerfuffle behind me. Someone wasn’t happy I’d been called honest.
“As there is no current sitting Emperor,” the chamberlain called out, very clearly talking to the room and not to me, “it falls to me to affirm or deny the completion of the Call. I declare it… complete.”
I felt this mad rush, and my vision seemed to blur as notifications rolled down my screen and XP flooded over me.
Congratulations! You have completed the quest:
Call of the Imperial Hero
You pushed back the armies of Mahrduhm and retake Rumib Pass for Glaton.
Reward for success: The Imperial Hero indicium, all XP gained during the Call: 178,093 XP.
God damn, that was a lot of XP.
Huzzah! Against all odds, you have reached Level 36! You receive the ability - Into the Breach.
Hey-ho, let’s go! You’ve discovered an ability: Into the Breach! Soldiers in your command ignore fear effects, gain morale boost, and during a charge you lead will gain increased stamina based upon your own.
Huzzah! Against all odds, you have reached Level 37! You receive the ability - Hold the Line.
Hey-ho, let’s go! You’ve discovered an ability: Hold the Line! You may mark a line on the ground, and the closer the soldiers in your command remain to that line, they receive buffs to damage dealt and damage received
Huzzah! Against all odds, you have reached Level 38! You receive the ability - Flame Proof.
Hey-ho, let’s go! You’ve discovered an ability: Flame Proof! Your hair no longer burns in the usual way. Instead, it burns from the bottom up as along as heat is applied. The heat, however, will not touch your person, nor harm you, until your hair has gone.
You have gained the indicium - Hero of the Empire.
The Heraldic Achievement of the Empire appears over your heart, with the blue ribbon emblazoned with the word Hero across. Gain 5 points in each attribute as long as you remain in good standing with the Empire. Gain bonus to reputation with content or better imperial citizens. Gain honorary Legion status - Pilus Prior. You gain free admission to the Arena. You may request one meeting with the Emperor per annum.
Legion status - Honorary Pilus Prior
You may command a cohort. You may requisition equipment at the Pilus Prior level for yourself and your command squad of up to 10 soldiers. You may, upon retirement, take half Pilus Prior pension.
CONGRATULATIONS. You are the first being in this era to reach over 100 in constitution. Due to this momentous achievement, you gain the ability, Gastronomicon. Wherein, anything you consume can provide you energy, and nothing you consume can harm you.
I blinked a few times, scanning over all the notifications as fast as I could, while also trying to look like I wasn’t completely out of it. Even though I definitely felt like I was completely out of it. There were so many people there staring at me, and I knew I had to be on top of my game.
“I call for recognition,” the Archduke of Edgemond, Sir Edgelord Fuckface yelled.
“You will wait,” the Chamberlain replied. “All will be seated so we may resume, or I will hand out demerits until order.”
Everyone promptly sat down. It was really kind of impressive how well the demerit system worked to keep order in a group of people who were, in many ways, way more powerful than the chamberlain. In here, in this setting, she was king.
“Montana of Coggeshall, the Empire thanks you for answering the call. When there is an Emperor, your reward will be given.”
“Thank you,” I said, giving her a slight bow.
I stood there, awkwardly, waiting to be told what to do.
“Do I sit?” I whispered to the Chamberlain.
She shook her head slightly, and then glared over at Edgemond.
Someone must have poked him, because in the corner of my vision, I saw him jump to his feet, surprised. He looked to his left with a grim visage on his face.
“Your name.”
“Nicholas Edgemond, Archduke of Edgemond, Duke of Estrece.”
“The Senate recognizes Archduke Edgemond,” the chamberlain said. “Do you wish to put forward new business?”
“It has come to my attention that this man has not attained the title he claims. He is not a Duke, nor does he possess any votes. Therefore he should no longer be a part of the Senate, nor the most significant and important decision of whom shall lead our great Empire.”
I held my tongue, even though I really want to sass him back. Sometimes, though, it was easier to just be quiet.
“Who, exactly, are you accusing thusly?” the Chamberlain asked.
“That one there,” Edgemond said, pointing in my direction.
I moved out of the way a little and gestured at the man next to me.
“I think he means you,” I said.
That got a chuckle from a few of the nobles, and a smile from Nadya Glaton.
“He means you,” the man snapped back, unamused.
“You must use a name, Archduke,” the chamberlain sighed.
“Montana of Coggeshall,” the Archduke barked. “We all know who he is! I don’t understand why–”
“The Archduke of Edgemond receives a demerit for indecorous behavior.”
The woman to the left of the chamberlain opened up a large book and made a note while the archduke stammered and went red in the face.
I heard a muttering rumble through the crowd.
“The senate recognizes High Prince Valamir Glaton,” the chamberlain said.
“I do wonder if the Senate might receive a reminder,” Valamir said.
“On what aspect?”
“On penalties for false accusation and slander?”
That got a load of chatter going between the high falootin’ assholes.
“You would request it formally?” the Chamberlain asked.
“I would.”
“A demerit to the High Prince for the reminder.”
“Agreed.”
“As requested, the Senate now receives a reminder upon questions of nobility, peerage, and titles: A question of nobility or peerage may be raised at any stage of the proceedings, except when the Senate is within the act of voting or ascertaining the presence of a quorum.
“Unless submitted to the Senate, the matter shall be decided by the presiding chamberlain without debate, behind closed doors, subject to an appeal to the Senate. When an appeal is taken, any subsequent question of titles or peerage which may arise before the decision of such appeal shall be decided by the Emperor without debate; and every appeal therefrom shall be decided at once, and without debate; and no further appeal may be laid without prejudice to the pending proposition, and thereupon shall be held as affirming the decision of the Emperor.
“When the question is presented to the Senate, the accused shall present their argument regarding the matter to the presiding chamberlain in front of the Senate, whereupon the presiding chamberlain may decide the matter with debate or, should the presiding chamberlain determine the argument of the accused is unworthy, the matter will be decided by the presiding chamberlain without debate, subject to appeal. When an appeal is taken, any subsequent question of titles or peerage which may arise before the decision of such appeal shall be decided by the Emperor without debate; and every appeal therefrom shall be decided at once, and without debate; and no further appeal may be laid without prejudice to the pending proposition, and thereupon shall be held as affirming the decision of the Emperor.
“Shall the question of nobility, peerage, or title be decided in opposition to the accused, whereupon the accused is discovered not to hold the appropriate titles, the accused shall be stripped of all titles, all chairs, and made to pay penalties and fines to the Senate in regards to wasted time and resources. Presumed chairs shall be forfeit until such time as the true owner is identified. Any votes or business during the meeting in which the accused participated are considered void if the number of chairs the accused claimed could be shown to have been a deciding factor of the vote or business.
“Shall the question of nobility, peerage, or title be decided in favor of the accused, the accused will be seated at the next session and no votes or business may be presented upon which the accused may have an opinion and/or a desire to use their chairs.
“The question of the nobility shall be presented without prejudice or malice upon the presumption of the member of the Senate, and there shall be no indication an illegal or immoral act has been done until such time as the true status of the nobility or peerage is determined, as outlined above. If the question of nobility, peerage, or titles is presented in such a way as the accused believes slander has occurred, the accuser shall be penalized with being unseated for the remainder of the meeting of the Senate and/or losing a number of chairs to the accused, not to exceed the number of chairs possessed by the accused.”
At that, shouts broke out across the Senate.
Most loudly from Archduke Edgmond, who was immediately screaming about how unfair that was, how that wasn’t actually in the Senate rules, blah blah blah sis boom bah.
I just stood in the middle of the maelstrom, being quiet. Sometimes it was nice to watch someone lose their shit, especially when that childish someone was then escorted from the room and told not to come back that day. In fact, nearly everyone was forced to leave, and then there weren’t enough members to hold a quorum, so then all the rest of the Senators were sent home and the session was called to a close.
