Safe Place, page 11
Aydin grew serious. "I don't know how you put up with that every day. Doesn't it weigh on you to always see the worst in people?"
"At times. I admit I come home shaken and need to work through some things. Usually, stuff that has to do with children, but there's a lot of good out there too. I try to focus on that."
"Well, if you ever need to talk about stuff, I'm available. Once I get a place, you can drop by or call anytime." Aydin smiled. "You helped me, I'm happy to help you."
"More than anything sometimes I just need a tight hug to remind me I'm not alone."
Aydin stared at him a moment, then stood. "I'm good for those too." He held out his arms to him.
Kent was just a foot away. All he had to do was take one step and he'd be in Aydin's arms. The problem was, once he had him in his arms, could he let go? He took a deep breath, reminding himself they'd held each other all afternoon, even if it was while training. He could get a hug, then step back. He closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Aydin, giving him a tight hug.
He didn't expect the emotions that hit him. He rested his head on Aydin's shoulder, inhaling the scent of soap and shampoo. He closed his eyes, relaxing in his arms as he felt Aydin relax against him.
"I didn't realize how much I needed a hug too," Aydin whispered.
"I imagine you've needed one for a while." Kent's mouth was an inch from Aydin's neck, and he resisted the urge to kiss it.
"Yeah, I guess so. I just don't want you to think—"
"I'm already thinking it," Kent admitted, knowing exactly what Aydin was worried about. "If you're not thinking the same way I am, tell me now, because I'd really like to kiss you."
He felt Aydin suck in a breath.
"It won't change things if you're not feeling the same way I—"
Aydin turned his head and kissed Kent gently. Just a soft brush of his lips, but it was enough.
They stared at each other for a moment, then Kent kissed him, this time making it a real kiss. One that left no doubt that his desires for Aydin were way more than friends. The kiss lasted longer than Kent meant it to, but he couldn't bring himself to pull away. By the time he finally did, he could tell Aydin was just as aroused by the kiss as he was. He wouldn't go there tonight, but it eased his mind to know Aydin was turned on too. He'd worried these feelings were all one-sided. "Please don't regret that."
"I don't. But please don't let it change anything between us either. I'd rather stay friends than risk losing you because we do something we'll regret later."
Kent wouldn't regret a thing, but he wondered if Aydin would. Still, now that he'd had a little taste it only made him hunger for more. "It won't change anything. At least not negatively. I just don't want to push you. After what you've been through—"
"You're not him." Aydin met his stare. "I know the difference."
"Good, because I'd never hurt you."
"I know that.”
Kent kissed him again, this time a bit softer and slower. When they again pulled apart, he smiled. "I don't want to take you back."
"But you have to. I won't let whatever this is change things. I still have to do this on my own. You've gone out of your way to help, but I never want you thinking that what I feel for you is based on what you do for me."
Kent laughed. "I don't feel that way at all. I feel the chemistry. It's stronger than either of our need to owe each other anything. We'll take this slow. Go at a speed you're comfortable with."
"So, you want more?" Aydin asked.
"A lot more, but only when you're ready. I'll let you set the pace." If he had his way, they'd be headed to his bed now. He hated the idea of sending him back to the shelter, but he also understood why he needed to.
"One more kiss, then you better take me back." Aydin stepped back into his arms.
Kent kissed him once again, this time making sure that Aydin knew exactly what he felt and how he enjoyed what they were doing together. The closeness was going to become addictive quickly, he could tell that already. What they were doing now would play out in his mind continually until they could do it again.
Aydin broke the kiss and smiled. "I was nervous I'd never trust a man again, but you've made it easy."
"I'm glad. I don't want you to worry. Not all men are like him."
"I know. It's just hard. I was blind to him. I think more than trust in you, it's that I need to trust myself again. To know I won't fall for the same thing ever again. That I would get out before it ever got that bad."
"I pray you never face anything like that again." Kent smiled. "Want to take some pizza with you for a midnight snack?"
"I'd like that. I can eat it while I watch the fights off and on through the night."
"Are they bad?"
"Could be worse. The staff is on them quickly."
"You know you could stay here."
Aydin shook his head. "No, I need to do this on my own. One night would turn into two and that's too much too soon. It would feel like… Well, it wouldn't feel right. We're still on for next Saturday though, right?"
"Of course. Ten in the morning. And you have my number should you need me during the week or just want to talk." He grinned. "Or hug."
Aydin laughed. "I'll keep that in mind. Weekdays are busy though. I don't get much time for anything."
"Then I'll look forward to Saturday." Kent turned and found a baggie to put some of the pizza in. He handed it and two bottles of water to Aydin.
As he stuck it in his bag he glanced over at Kent. "Do you know what the worst part about the shelter is?"
Kent shook his head.
"It's that I never get into a deep enough sleep to dream. After tonight, I'd like to dream again, because I know exactly what I'd be dreaming about."
"We'll just have to keep doing the real thing until you can dream again." He pulled Aydin back into his arms and kissed him again, hating the fact that he was going to have to let go and take him back to the shelter.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Aydin had never been so scared in his life. Even when he was being beaten and thought he'd die at Jason's hand he hadn't been this scared. He'd worked a bit later at Trevor's and by the time he'd gotten back to the shelter, all the beds were full.
He'd waited around, hoping one would open up, but it was just after ten and the place was packed. Probably because of the persistent rain that kept falling, making everything wet and miserable. Which was exactly how Aydin felt as he tried to hide out under the overhang of a building and decide what to do.
He could go to Trevor's, but there was another employee sleeping in the upstairs room there tonight. Something about a fight with his wife. Aydin hadn't really paid attention, because at the time, it didn't matter. Now he was out in the cold rain, desperate for a place to spend the night where he wouldn't end up soaked.
He could call Kent, but he was still working, and he hadn't heard from him all week. Not that he'd expected to, but now he was worried Kent was regretting the kiss. He didn't want to call and ask for help and put him in an awkward position feeling as if he had to offer him a place to sleep for the night.
The worst part was, being a Friday night, he didn't even have the luxury of going to work at four in the morning. Prince's weekend guys would be working, and he didn't know them well. While he could stop in for a cup of coffee in the morning, he didn't feel right showing up at four when they were prepping just so he could get out of the rain.
Chris, the other chef at Trevor's had mentioned he'd used to find old barns to sleep in, but Aydin didn't have a clue where to find them. He'd heard others on the streets talk about houses they could squat in, but again, he didn't have a clue where they were. He had money but couldn't bring himself to spend it on a motel room. He was too close to being able to afford an apartment. What he could do was hit the all-night diner a few blocks down the road and hope they didn't kick him out if he sat there drinking coffee until the rain stopped.
With that plan in mind, he turned and tried to remember if the diner was on fourth or fifth south. He'd be soaked by the time he got there, but it couldn't be helped. If only he had that umbrella Kent had offered and they'd both forgotten about.
As he walked, he tried to stay in the lit areas, all too aware of other homeless in the area, some high, some drunk, others just wandering. He didn't trust any of them. While some of the guys he'd talked to were nice, he wouldn't let himself make friends. He had one goal, and it was to get off the streets, not get comfortable on them.
His shoes and socks were soaked, and it was impossible to avoid the puddles. The rain was coming down harder as he turned off one block and onto another. Paranoia had him watching every car that drove by, afraid that Jason would come after him. It would be the perfect time. Aydin was wet and cold, and he wasn't sure he had it in him to fight with as beaten down as his spirits were tonight. He was so tired of struggling that a part of him just wanted to fall to the ground and give up.
Tears mixed with the raindrops so he didn't even try to hide them. He'd gone this long without crying, but everything was piling up and he couldn't keep it in any longer. He was so angry at himself for letting Jason do what he had. He'd known things weren't good between them, yet he stayed. He'd let things get as bad as they had. Let Jason gain control over his life. While Jason was to blame for beating him, it was Aydin's fault he'd let it get to the point that happened.
As the rain started to fall even harder, he took refuge under a large awning, staring up at the lightning-filled sky, praying it would end. The night was a lot scarier when you didn't have a home to return to and the storm felt like a personal attack when he was stuck out in it. He slumped down to a squat, tucking himself into a tight ball as he tried to keep warm.
He wasn't sure how long he'd sat there when he heard a car honk. He looked up to see a squad car, but it was impossible to see through the rain who was inside. He prayed it was Kent, but then again, did he really want him to see him like this? He stood, ignoring the tightness and weight of his drenched clothing as he walked over to the car, expecting it to be just an officer on patrol telling him he had to move on.
"Get the hell in the car." Kent's voice called through the passenger window which was rolled halfway down.
"I'm soaked," Aydin argued.
"I don't care. Get in." Kent leaned over and pushed the door open.
Aydin was too miserable to argue. He tossed his soaked backpack onto the floor of the car and slid in, slamming the door shut as Kent rolled up the window. "Thanks."
"What the hell are you doing out in this?" Kent reached over and handed Aydin a small package of Kleenex. "Sorry, it's all I have."
"It's okay." He took one out and wiped at his face, but his hair dripped as fast as he was wiping.
"Why aren't you at the shelter?"
"Beds were full by the time I got there. I worked later than usual. I thought I'd make it, but with the rain, demand for beds was high." Aydin closed his eyes and rested his head back against the seat. "If you can take me to Denny's, I can wait the storm out there."
"Fuck that. You're staying at my place tonight."
"You don't have to," Aydin argued, not wanting to inconvenience him. He didn't want handouts or favors. At least not any more than he had to take.
"I want to. You've put up with this long enough. You don't deserve to be there. You did nothing wrong. You should have gotten the house and Jason should be at the shelter. It's bullshit that you get attacked and are the one to suffer for it. You'll stay with me tonight and we'll talk more in the morning. I've still got to finish out my shift, but I'm going to drop you off at the house and you can shower and get warm. The guest room is at the end of the hall. There's a bathroom attached. Shower, make yourself at home, get something to eat, and we'll talk when I get there if you're still awake." Kent pulled back onto the road.
Aydin hated how angry Kent was, and even though he knew it wasn't at him, he felt responsible. "Just tonight. I'll go in the morning."
"We have plans tomorrow, or did you have something else come up?" Kent focused on the wet roads.
"No, I just figured if I stay tonight…" Aydin sighed. "I'm too cold and wet to argue right now." His teeth chattered as he clicked the seatbelt into place.
"Why didn't you find a phone and call me?" Kent asked.
Aydin shook his head.
"Damn it, Aydin. You do have people that care about you. You could have called me. I'd have had Matt come grab you if I couldn't get time to do it. I'm sure Prince or Trevor would have helped too. You don't have to do this alone. I know you hate asking for help, but right now, you need the help. Stop being so stubborn. Let us help you."
"You've all done so much already."
"So you'll stay outside in this crazy storm and risk dying instead of asking for a bit more?" Kent sighed. "I hoped we'd moved past that. I hoped with what happened between us last weekend you'd see that I want you to come to me when you need help. I want to be the one you call."
"I wasn't sure." Aydin wrapped his arms around himself, trying to get warm.
"Damn it." Kent turned the car heater on high and angled the vents toward Aydin's side. "Be sure, okay? Even without whatever this is between us, we're friends. You call me when you have a problem. You don't sleep out in the rain in the middle of a dangerous city. I know all too well the risk you put yourself in just walking after dark in some of these areas."
Aydin nodded. "I know."
Kent sighed. "I don't want to yell at you. I was just worried. The last thing I expected to see out there tonight is you."
"I shouldn't have stayed later at work. It was my fault."
"You shouldn't be punished for wanting a bit of overtime or staying to help co-workers out." Kent glanced over at him as they waited at a red light. "I'm serious about you staying. You have dry clothes in the garage if you want or you can steal some of mine. Go to my room and everything is in the dresser. Fix some hot chocolate or coffee, get warm, and we'll talk about things later. I'll be home by midnight unless I get a call that keeps me out. Don't wait up if you're tired. We have all day to figure things out."
"Thank you." Aydin tried to smile but just didn't have it in him. His hair continued to drip and he was sure he'd leave a puddle on Kent's car seat as wet as his clothes were.
"It's what friends do for each other." Kent shook his head. "This storm is crazy. The wind picks up anymore and we might lose power. If that happens, there are some candles on top of the fridge and matches in the drawer next to the fridge."
"Is it supposed to get worse?" Aydin asked.
"I haven't heard. I thought it was supposed to die down tonight and pick up again tomorrow afternoon."
"Then I'll need to be at the shelter earlier," Aydin said, not wanting to end up out in this another night.
"We'll discuss that later." Kent turned down his street. As he pulled up in front of his house, he handed Aydin a house key. "Key with the red band is the front door. The blue band is the garage. Seriously, make yourself at home. Cook, shower, sleep, and do whatever you need to. I'll be home as soon as I can."
Aydin wanted to argue again, but it would be pointless. He was here and he would find a way to pay Kent back later. "Be safe out there?"
"Always." Kent smiled, then leaned over and brushed a small kiss over Aydin's lips. "You go get warm."
Aydin climbed out of the car, grabbed his backpack, then rushed to the front door. By the time he pushed it open, Kent was already halfway down the block. He quickly walked in and shut the door, thankful for the one dim light left on in the hallway so he could see to find other light switches.
It was strange being in someone else's home alone, but he couldn't dwell on that. He was dripping water everywhere. He hurried down the hall and found the guest room and stripped off his clothes, hoping the stuff inside his backpack wasn't soaked too. He probably should have gone to the garage just in case, but he couldn't wait to strip off the uncomfortable, wet clothing. He set his wet clothes in the sink, then turned on the shower, barely waiting for it to warm before stepping in.
He shivered as he started to thaw out, but as the numbness wore off the anger and depression grew. He couldn't live this way anymore. He was so tired of depending on others. Just when he thought he was getting ahead, shit like tonight happened, reminding him of just how worthless he was.
Tears filled his eyes again, and he let them fall, allowing himself for the first time to mourn the life he'd left behind. It was time to let all the frustration, anger, and fear out. He'd held it together as long as he could. He had a few hours before Kent would be home and he took the time to get everything out of his system.
He was exhausted by the time he climbed out of the shower and rummaged through his backpack for something dry. Not finding anything, he debated on running out to the garage but didn't want to put cold, wet clothes on again to do that. Leaving the wet clothes on the bathroom counter, he made his way across the hallway to what had to be Kent's room. He flipped on the light, all too aware of how strange it was to be standing in another man's bedroom in just a towel. Still, he took the time to look, taking in the large king-sized bed, dark brown comforter, the pictures of him and what looked like high school friends sitting on one nightstand, and a painting of an ocean scene above the bed. There wasn't a lot scattered on the dresser. Nothing that really gave him any insight into Kent's life.
Having gotten a glimpse of the room, he hurried to the dresser and opened one drawer after another until he found a pair of sweatpants. He quickly pulled them on and left the room, hating the feeling that he was invading someone else's space.
He'd forgo a shirt for now and hopefully get a load of laundry done while he waited for Kent to get off work. He found the laundry room, shoved everything he had into the washer, and started it. Then he laid his backpack out on top of the dryer so it could air dry since he couldn't find a tag on it with instructions and wasn't sure it was safe to toss in the dryer.
The house was quiet except for the loud clashes of thunder that sometimes rattled the windows. It was almost eerie being there alone since it wasn't his place, but he forced back the unease and headed to the kitchen. Kent's comment about hot chocolate had stayed with him and he quickly found the small pouches and made himself a cup to help take the last of the chill from his body.
