In Too Deep, page 13
part #32 of Forever and Ever Series
Dad nonchalantly pushed the trash of the couch and onto the floor before he took a seat.
“You want one?” I asked.
He eyed his watch. “It’s a little too early for me.”
He was right. It was only ten in the morning. But that didn’t stop me. I twisted the cap off and took a drink.
Dad didn’t comment on my filthy apartment. I was usually pretty clean so there was no way he didn’t notice how odd it was that it looked like a landfill. “Maybe you should consider getting a housecleaner.” He winked at me.
I sat on the other couch and took another drink.
Dad rested one ankle on the opposite knee and stared out my window. “Nice day today.”
“Yeah…” I wish he would just get it over with.
“How’s work?” he asked.
I set my beer on my thigh. “Why are you really here, Dad?”
He turned his gaze out the window. “You know why.” His voice fell in volume, coming out quiet and delicate.
I didn’t want to talk about it but I knew I would have to. If it weren’t Dad, it would be Thomas or Conrad. And even worse, my mother. “Alex and I broke up.”
“Sorry to hear that,” he said. “She was a nice girl.”
“She was.” Until she stabbed me in the heart.
“What happened?”
“Work got in the way…we stopped spending as much time together…and it just fell apart. We weren’t in love anymore.”
“You seem pretty heartbroken for not being in love anymore.” There wasn’t accusation in his tone. My dad would usually make a joke, an inappropriate one, or speak his mind without a filter. Right now, he was serious and understanding. It was a side to him I didn’t see often.
“It’s hard to explain…” I rubbed the back of my neck.
“Try me. Your mother wasn’t the only woman in my life. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreak.”
I stared at the table before I spoke. “I thought breaking up was a mistake. What we had was pretty great, and I wanted to get back what we had. If we fell for each other once, we could do it again. So I went to Cambridge to tell her that…”
“She didn’t feel the same way?” he whispered.
I bowed my head. “Some guy opened the door…and it was clear he got dressed in a hurry.”
Dad’s eyes dilated slightly then he nodded his head. “I see…”
“We just broke up a few weeks ago and she’s already seeing someone?” I couldn’t hide the ferocity in my voice. “Even if it was a meaningless fling it was still unacceptable. How could she move on so easily? How could she forget about me like that?” I ground my teeth together and clenched my hands into fists. The idea of her being with someone else hurt.
Dad rested his hands in his lap and was quiet for a long time. “Well, you’re jumping to conclusions. Who knows why he was there. Maybe he came over to fix her pipes under the sink.”
“I know why he was there.”
“And secondly, she is a single woman.” He shrugged. “And I’m sure she’s depressed just like you, and when people are depressed…” He gave me a sad look. “They do irrational things.”
“I haven’t.”
Dad continued to give me a look of sympathy. “And you said you’d fallen out of love, and this feeling was mutual…maybe you’ve had second thoughts about it but she hasn’t. So, she really isn’t doing anything wrong.”
I shot him a glare. “You aren’t helping.”
He sighed. “I’m not trying to help. I have to tell you the truth even if it hurts you. It’s what it means to be a parent.”
I looked away and stared out my window.
“Tell me this.”
I turned back to him.
“Do you really miss Alex? Or do you miss the relationship you had?”
“What’s the difference?”
“There’s a big difference.” He leaned back in the chair. “You either miss the person because you can’t stand to be without them. Or you miss not being alone. You miss the closeness and intimacy. And trying to get Alex back is the quickest way to repair that.”
I knew he was right but I wouldn’t admit it.
“No matter how much time has passed, it’ll always be painful to see your ex with someone else. But don’t hold it against her. She didn’t do anything wrong, Theo.”
“It’s still too soon.”
“Depending how long you’ve been out of love, it may not be.” He stared at me with eyes full of sadness. It was clear he didn’t want to say any of this to me but he didn’t have a choice.
I averted my gaze because I couldn’t stand the truth.
“Theo, she was your first girlfriend. Most first relationships don’t work out. You’re learning what you like and don’t like. You’re growing until you become the person you want to be. And you’ll know what kind of person you want in return. Don’t be so devastated by this.”
“I’m not.”
“I know everyone else seems to have settled down…but don’t compare yourself to other people. I’d been with hundreds of girls before I met your mother. Since I had so much experience, I knew she was the one the first time I spoke to her. And the rest was history.”
I wasn’t necessarily in a hurry to settle down. And I didn’t care about being alone either. I just didn’t want to let something go if it was the best thing for me. “What if Alex was the one but I fucked it up?”
“She wasn’t.” He said it without hesitation.
“I thought you liked her.” I raised an eyebrow.
“I did. I do. But you wouldn’t have let her go to begin with if she was the one. And you certainly wouldn’t have fallen out of love with her. I can’t tell you how you’ll feel when you do find that special someone because it’s different for everybody, but you’ll know. There won’t be a single doubt in your mind, but at the same time, you won’t be able to really explain what you’re feeling…it’s confusing. But when that moment comes, it’s unmistakable. Don’t be depressed it hasn’t happened yet. She’ll be worth the wait.”
Dad was hardly serious like this. He usually joked around, and I wondered if that was just a projection. Dad was a writer and wrote some pretty serious stuff. Or maybe he was both, serious and funny. “When did you become so serious?”
He had a dazed look in his eyes. “I write the lives of different people…so I guess I’ve experienced a lot of different things.”
“But it’s not real…it’s all in your head.”
He released a faint chuckle. “You would think…”
I didn’t know what he meant but I didn’t press him forward.
“You’ll be okay, Theo. I give you my word.”
I stared at the ground.
“And don’t hate Alex for what she’s done. She’s not in the wrong.”
“I can’t imagine sleeping with anyone right now…”
“Give it time and you’ll be back to normal.”
I stared out the window for a long time. “Is Mom your only relationship?”
“No.” He rubbed his palms together. “I was in a serious relationship before I met her. We were together for about two years before we went our separate ways. Then I slept with every girl I could get my hands on.”
“What happened with her?”
“A mutual break up,” he said. “We were friends afterward.”
“You never missed her?”
“Occasionally.”
“And she wasn’t the one?”
He shook his head. “I loved her—very much. But it was nothing in comparison to how I felt when I met your mother. The second I looked at those pretty green eyes and those gorgeous legs I was lost. And when I heard her open her mouth and tell me off, I knew.”
“That quickly?”
“Oh yeah.” He gave me a smile. “And she’s been the one ever since.”
Would that happen for me?
“How about we do something fun?” he asked.
“Like what?”
“Hit the batting cages. We need to work on your swing.”
“My swing?” I asked incredulously. “You’re the old man here.”
He smirked as he headed to the door. “Well, you’re about to get smacked down by an old man.”
I followed him to the door.
He stopped before he walked out. “Make sure you clean this place up. I’ve been breathing out of my mouth this entire time.”
I rolled my eyes. “Shut up, Dad.”
“Seriously, it smells like someone died in here.”
I touched his shirt. “I’m pretty sure that’s just you.”
He chuckled and his eyes brightened. “You’re lucky I’m too nice to make you feel like shit right now.”
“Yeah, I guess.” I patted his shoulder. “Thanks for coming over, Dad.” I didn’t want to make this more emotional than necessary but I was glad he came by and brightened my day. Without him, I’d still be moping around my cave.
Dad put his arm around my shoulder. “Of course, son.”
Chapter Seventeen
Roland
I got a call from my father the next morning. It was early, long before my alarm was expected to go off.
“Huh?” I mumbled into the phone. I tried to keep my voice down so I wouldn’t wake up Heath.
“Hey, it’s Dad.”
“Yeah, I know,” I said irritably. “Why are you calling me right now? At this hour I don’t have a dad.”
Dad’s voice turned serious. “We need to talk.”
He only said that when something really important happened. That wiped away the tendrils of sleep behind my eyes, and I sat up as my heart slammed in my chest. “Everything okay? Mom okay?”
“She’s fine,” he said. “I guess you haven’t seen the paper? Or the news?”
“No…”
Heath turned over beside me, my voice obviously waking him.
“Well, I guess it’s better if you hear it from me instead of someone else…”
“What?” What was this about?
“Those reporters finally took your secret to the press. Everyone in the country knows you’re gay…it made the front page.”
My heart slowed down. I feared it was something much worse, like someone being sick or hurt. I didn’t care if people knew I preferred men to women. It wasn’t something to be embarrassed about. But I knew this affected my father. “I’m sorry, Dad…”
“Don’t be sorry,” he said immediately. “I don’t care. I’m not losing any sleep over this. But I wanted to give you a heads up. Be safe. I’m sure there are a lot of people who couldn’t care less. But I’m also sure there will be people who have a problem with it.”
“You mean people will want to interview me?”
“Yeah…and give you trouble.”
“I’m not scared,” I said immediately. “People can call me devil spawn all they want.”
“I’m not referring to meaningless words or insults,” he said. “Just be careful and aware of your surroundings.”
I understood his meaning, but I couldn’t picture anyone hurting me over this. My sexual preference didn’t affect them in the least. Why would they take time out of their day to make mine miserable when my actions didn’t affect them at all? “I will.”
“Prepare Heath.”
“He’ll be fine, Dad. Thanks for calling.”
“Of course. You can call me if you need anything.”
“I know.”
“Love you, son.”
“I love you too, Dad.” I hung up and set the phone on the nightstand.
“What was that about?” Heath asked as he propped himself on one elbow.
I sighed. “Word got out about us. It’s all over the news.”
“Really?” he asked with a raised eyebrow. “That made the front page?”
I thought it was stupid too. “My dad is pretty famous, and his article in People Magazine didn’t help.”
“We have so much other shit going on in the world,” he said. “This is really worth talking about?”
I shrugged. “I don’t get it either.”
He rolled his eyes. “People need to take up more hobbies or something.”
I chuckled. “Yeah, I guess.”
He rubbed my arm. “You okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said. “Dad just told me to be careful.”
“We probably shouldn’t go out at night until this blows over.”
Both of my eyebrows rose. “Is it really that big of a deal?”
“Well…nighttime is when people drink…and drunk people do stupid things.”
“I refuse to be scared.” I shook my head then got out of bed. “Nothing scares me.”
He made eyes at me. “Alpha…I like it.”
I chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that. I need to get ready for work.”
He pulled the covers back then patted the sheets. “A quickie wouldn’t hurt, right?”
I chuckled. “I think it would. I don’t want to be late.”
He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back to the bed. “Come on, let’s do it right on top of a bunch of newspapers and magazines…we’ll show them.”
“You just want to have sex.”
He shrugged. “So? Did it work?”
I reached my hand under the sheets and grabbed him. “What do you think?”
***
When I walked to work, I felt stares directed my way. I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it, but I could feel the heated looks coming from different directions. Was I just paranoid or were people really looking at me?
When I looked up, I made eye contact with a woman on the street. She quickly looked away like she hadn’t been staring at me. Then I felt the stare of another man. When I met his gaze I was met with a look of pure loathing.
This was weird.
I headed to the office, silently persecuted the entire way. My skin burned in irritation and I wanted to tell everyone to fuck off. But I managed to remain calm as I entered the elevator.
Then my phone rang, and Skye’s name was on the screen.
“Hey, what’s up?” I said when I answered. I was particularly nice to her since Cayson was gone. I knew she was going through a hard time and I did everything I could to make this easier for her.
“Have you seen the news…?”
I sighed. “Yes.”
“You doing okay?”
“I’m fine,” I said quietly. “It’ll blow over in a few weeks.”
“I just wanted to give you a heads up just in case you didn’t know.”
“Dad called me.”
“Oh…” Her voice grew quiet. “Let me know if you need anything.”
“I’m okay.”
“How’s Heath?”
I thought about the good sex we just had. “He’s more than fine.”
She breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m glad you’re handling it well.”
“The only person I feel bad for is Dad. That’s the only reason why this is relevant.”
“Don’t worry about him,” she said. “He doesn’t care. A few reporters are at the office right now but he won’t let them in.”
“I just hope they leave him alone.”
“You should see what he’s wearing today…”
That was a weird thing to say. “A suit? Like always?” What else would he wear?
“Actually, he’s wearing jeans and a rainbow t-shirt.”
Both of my eyebrows shot up. “What?”
“I’m serious.”
I couldn’t believe my dad would do that. He wore a suit to work every day of his life. Now he wore a gay pride shirt…just for me?
“Mike is wearing one too. So is Cortland.”
That moved me beyond words. “That was nice of them…”
“If I’d known they were coordinating like this I would have worn one too.”
“It’s okay, Skye. I know where your loyalties lie.”
“Well…I should get to work.”
“Me too.”
She paused for a long time. “Love you, Roland.”
My sister never said that. “I love you too, Skye.”
***
It was unusually tense at the office. It was quiet, too quiet. Everyone purposely didn’t look at me. It was like I didn’t exist. It was better than being stared at all the time, but it was also awkward.
They clearly heard the news.
I wondered if they weren’t staring at me because I was their boss so they really couldn’t do anything. Maybe avoiding me was the only reaction they could give.
I felt like I was living in the mid-west, not New York City. I’d met tons of gay people and it seemed like most of the population was fine with them. Was it just because I had a famous father? Was it just because he was depicted as a family man? Did they see me as a demon that sabotaged that? Did they hate me because I humiliated my father?
They didn’t even know me.
I immediately headed to my office and shut the door. I shouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit and I wasn’t going to.
***
Heath walked into my office at lunchtime. “So…has your day been as shitty as mine?”
“Worse, probably.”
He sat across from my desk and tossed me a sandwich. “I’ll keep the door open so people don’t think we’re having butt sex.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t care what they think we’re doing.”
“So…you want to have butt sex then?” A devilish grin was on his face.
He made me smile when I thought it wasn’t possible. “Maybe later.”
“Damn.” He took a bite of his sandwich.
I realized something as I stared at him. “Didn’t people already know you were gay?”
“A few people. Like I said before, I don’t exactly parade it around.”
“And how did they treat you?”
He shrugged. “It didn’t seem like anyone cared.”
I sighed in irritation. “So, I’m taking this heat just because I have a famous father?”
He continued eating.
Judging his silence, he knew something. “What is it?”
“What does it matter?” he said after he chewed. “Forget them.”
“Heath.” I gave him a firm look.
He sighed and put down the sandwich. “Okay…it’s because your dad is from a notable family. He’s been considered Mr. Perfect and he’s always had a flawless reputation. Now everyone thinks he’s a fake…and you’re the reason for that.”
