A Bitter Man (Special Forces: Operation Alpha), page 6
End of day, and after I’ve showered and dressed, I walk over to the kitchen for dinner. I can smell it as soon as I step into the building, and I see Ghost and Bulldog bent over, staring through the glass in the oven door with the light on. “Wow, you guys should see this,” one of them says.
Priest calls out, “What is it?”
Bulldog pops up and grins. “Homemade pizza!”
Fifteen minutes later, Audrey pulls it out of the oven. There are four of them, huge, and the toppings are piled up about three inches high. They’re quite a sight. We’ve already had salads and we’re just waiting for the pizza to cool enough to handle. One piece and I’m hooked. Those pizzas almost totally disappear in no time, and the few pieces left will be great reheated.
Priest and Paddy help her clean up. I’ve gone back to my cottage and pulled off my shoes when somebody knocks on the door. It opens to Audrey, standing there in a tee and jeans, a lightweight sweater pulled on over it. “Hey. What’s up?”
She’s wringing her hands like something’s wrong. “Are you really busy?”
“Nah. Just sat down to watch TV.”
“Oh. I’m sorry to bother you.” She turns to go.
“No, it’s okay. Nothing important. Do you need something?”
“I just … I don’t know the other guys well enough to ask them. Sometime when you’ve got a little time, could you show me around the place? I mean, like, around the property? I don’t know where I can go and where I can’t, or where Taylor can play, or―”
“Let me put my shoes back on. Hang on. Come on in.” I just let the door swing open and she steps inside.
“Wow. This is nice. I like the pictures.” There are a few art prints hanging on my walls, things I picked out at a store in Hazard. “And your curtains are pretty too.”
“Thanks. I don’t know much about decorating, but I know what I like.”
“You have excellent taste.”
“Thanks!” I stand and point toward the door. “Ready. Let’s go.”
The creek is just down the hill, so I take her down there. Then we walk back up behind all the cottages and in front of the shops before we go out into the field so she can see the helicopter. “Oh, wow. That’s a very fancy helicopter.”
“It’s top of the line. Everything Tony does is.”
“Who is this Tony guy everybody keeps talking about?”
I take about fifteen minutes to explain to her who he is, what he does, why he got involved. “And you know the story of why Patch did all this, right?”
“No. Nobody’s told me.”
I take another ten minutes to explain about Daniel. Then I tell her about Patch’s time in the military and how he lost his eye. “He’s a real American hero, but he doesn’t see himself that way. He sees himself as a failure, and I think he’s afraid he’ll fail here too.”
“Why? This place is great, and you guys are making money, I guess?”
“Yeah. Some. But I’ve started to be a little afraid that we’ll never be able to make enough to sustain ourselves.”
“Oh, but I have faith in you. I think you will. I meant to ask, could I see into Bear’s shop back there?”
“Sure. Just don’t touch anything. He knows if you do. I’m not sure how, but he does.” I open the door and step in, then flip the light switch and wait for her to join me.
There’s a gasp and then she murmurs, “Oh my god. This stuff is beautiful. I feel like I’m in a wonderland.”
She’s right. I haven’t been out here in a few weeks, and it’s amazing. He’s got rack after rack and shelf after shelf of exquisite glassware, all kinds and all colors. That’s when I realize I’m going to have to help him get some of this stuff listed online. He could be making a ton of money with this glass, and he’s not managing to get much of it out there. “It is. He does great work. Some of the prettiest glassware I’ve seen.” As I watch, she reaches out to touch a piece, then pulls her hand back. The fear registers on her face―if she breaks it, she buys it, and she feels like she could never afford something like that.
Somewhere deep inside my soul, I feel a stirring, and I know what I want. I want to see her have not just what she needs, but what she wants too, to have the pretty things, the frivolous things, the things that make us want to wake up in the morning and enjoy a glorious day. As she moves around the workshop, I watch her face, and the joy there just from looking at the pieces and taking in their shapes and colors takes my breath away. This woman was on the verge of losing all hope. And we turned that around, or at least I hope we did.
After a few minutes, she heads for the door. “Guess it’s time to go. Maybe someday I’ll be able to have something like this.”
“I’m sure you will.” The smile she gives me is sad. When you’ve been beaten down your whole life, I suppose it’s hard to believe that things will turn around. “By the way, where’s Taylor?”
“Paddy and Priest are teaching him how to play one of their video games, and he’s so excited about it that he’s jumping out of his skin. He just wants to be like the other kids.”
We’re walking along back toward the kitchen, the lights inside giving us just enough brightness through the windows to see where our feet are landing. “How’s he doing with school?”
“He said a little boy let him play ball with them today. He was so excited. It’s the first time anybody’s been friendly to him.”
“Why do you think they let him play now?”
“I’m guessing his clothes. And he’s showering and all that. Makes a difference. People don’t want to be around somebody who’s not real clean, you know.” Then she stops and stares at me.
“What?”
“One of the guys told me you’re rich.”
I shrug. “I guess.”
“How much money do you have?”
With most people, I would’ve told them it’s none of their business, but she’s not trying to be offensive or haughty. She’s just curious. “I mean, I can’t just walk in a bank and get it. Most of it is tied up in the company. But the last time I talked to my accountant about it, it was about four hundred and eighty-five million.”
“Four hundred and … What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah.” I’m suddenly kind of embarrassed, and I’m not sure why.
“What are you doing here?” She’s not trying to be a smartass. She’s genuinely curious.
“Because if I’d tried to go back to the life I had before, I wouldn’t be accepted. Once my name was tarnished by all of the stuff with my parents, even though everybody now knows I didn’t do it, that stigma hangs in the air like a cloud around me. It’s like I’ve got the stench of jail on me and I can’t wash it off.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Nope. Life isn’t fair.”
“So why did you have lunch with me that first day?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because.” The outside corners of her eyes droop in sadness. “Because my clothes were pitiful, and my shoes were worn out, and I know I was stinky. If I had been you, I would’ve …” She stops, and her face brightens just a little. “No, that’s not right. I was going to say I would’ve sent me packing, but I think I would’ve done what you did. You looked at what I was capable of, not how I looked or how I was dressed.” Her voice is breaking when she says, “That’s what the kids have done to Taylor at school, judged him for his clothes and shoes and stuff. I wouldn’t want a friend who only wanted me to be their friend if I looked a certain way or was dressed a certain way. That’s not a real friend.”
“That’s absolutely true. But he’s a kid, and he wants to fit in.”
“I don’t fit in anywhere.”
“That’s not true, Audrey. You fit in here.”
“I’m just an employee.”
“No. You’re part of the family. That’s what we’re doing here. We’re not just trying to learn to make things to please our parole officer. We’re trying to forge more than knives. We’re trying to forge friendships, brotherhood, a sense of family―all of those things. Penny walked right in and became part of that.”
“Yeah, but she has Patch.”
Why, I don’t know, but my hand comes up and I cup her cheek in my palm. “Audrey, you’ve got so much to offer―to your son, to a man, to a family, to this organization. You’ve been here a week and you’re already irreplaceable. We wouldn’t want anybody else in this position. Just you.”
It’s almost completely dark, but I can see the paleness of her skin as her hand rises and lands on top of mine. “Thank you. Porter, you just don’t know …”
Those words are quenched when my lips touch hers, and for a split second, I think I’m imagining this. It’s not real.
And then it is.
CHAPTER 4
Audrey
This is a big place! I love the creek. It’s so peaceful, and the little rushing sound coming from it is soothing. I could see myself out here in the dark, sitting on a quilt, listening to it as the crickets and spring peepers chirp.
Porter surprises me. I didn’t know if he’d take time to take me around the property, but he seems happy to. That helicopter … Holy shit, that thing is amazing. I’d love to ride in it sometime, and then I think of Taylor. I think he’d die of happiness if he could go up in that bird just once.
But when he opens the door of Bear’s shop and flips on the lights, I truly believe I’ve died and gone to heaven. Oh my god, it’s so beautiful in there. It’s like a million colors all came down from Heaven and lit up the room. How could anybody not be in awe of this? And just think, Bear is such a big guy, kinda scary, and seems so coarse, and yet he’s making these lovely, delicate glass objects, things he could crush in his hands, but they turn out perfectly. What an amazing man. He’s nothing like I thought he was when I first met him, and it makes me want to get to know him better.
We head back toward the kitchen and as I walk along with Porter, I realize how lucky I got when I met him. I’ve been drawn right into the group and made one of them, and that means everything to me.
“By the way, where’s Taylor?” he asks as we stroll on the path.
“Paddy and Priest are teaching him how to play one of their video games, and he’s so excited. He just wants to be like the other kids.”
It’s getting really dark, but I’m not afraid with Porter here. “How’s he doing with school?”
“He said a little boy let him play ball with them today. He was so excited. It’s the first time anybody’s been friendly to him.”
“Why do you think they let him play now?”
I shrug. “I’m guessing his clothes. And he’s showering and all that. Makes a difference. People don’t want to be around somebody who’s not real clean, you know.” That reminds me of a question because of something one of the other guys said, but I really don’t know how to ask.
I guess he senses I’m trying to say something. “What?”
I know it seems rude to ask, but I have to know. “One of the guys told me you’re rich.”
“I guess,” he answers, as though he’s not sure whether he is or not. I mean, if I was rich, I’d sure as hell know it.
There’s no holding back the next question. “How much money do you have?”
Most people would tell me to mind my own business, but I see his head tilt ever so slightly, like he’s thinking. “I mean, I can’t just walk in a bank and get it. Most of it is tied up in the company. But the last time I talked to my accountant about it, it was about four hundred and eighty-five million.”
At first, I think I’m hearing him wrong. “Four hundred and … What? Are you serious?”
His voice isn’t proud or boastful. Matter of fact, he seems kind of ashamed. “Yeah.”
Now I really don’t understand. “What are you doing here?”
“Because if I’d tried to go back to the life I had before, I wouldn’t be accepted. Once my name was tarnished by all of the stuff with my parents, even though everybody now knows I didn’t do it, that stigma hangs in the air like a cloud around me. It’s like I’ve got the stench of jail on me and I can’t wash it off.”
I know how that feels. Not the jail part. The stench of poverty. But he didn’t deserve that. “That’s not fair.”
“Nope. Life isn’t fair.”
“So why did you have lunch with me that first day?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because.” I don’t know how to say it without sounding desperate. “Because my clothes were pitiful, and my shoes were worn out, and I know I was stinky. If I had been you, I would’ve …” And then I realize I’m wrong about Porter, and I know in that moment that I’m wrong about me too. “No, that’s not right. I was going to say I would’ve sent me packing, but I think I would’ve done what you did. You looked at what I was capable of, not how I looked or how I was dressed.” It’s hard to speak when I say, “That’s what the kids do to Taylor at school. I wouldn’t want a friend who only wanted me to be their friend if I looked a certain way or was dressed a certain way. That’s not a real friend.”
“That’s absolutely true. But he’s a kid, and he wants to fit in.”
A sadness strikes me square in the chest. “I don’t fit in anywhere.”
“That’s not true, Audrey. You fit in here.”
“I’m just an employee.”
“No. You’re part of the family. That’s what we’re doing here. We’re not just trying to learn to make things to please our parole officer. We’re trying to forge more than knives. We’re trying to forge friendships, brotherhood, a sense of family―all of those things. Penny walked right in and became part of that.”
“Yeah, but she has Patch.” I want to say, And she wasn’t an employee, but I don’t.
Shock takes over when his hand touches my cheek in a way no man has ever touched me―gentle and kind. “Audrey, you’ve got so much to offer―to your son, to a man, to a family, to this organization. You’ve been here a week and you’re already irreplaceable. We wouldn’t want anybody else in this position. Just you.”
His touch … It’s what I’ve longed for all my life, a bit of fondness, a slight realization that someone finds value in me, and I lift my hand and press it to the back of his as it rests on my cheek. “Thank you. Porter, you just don’t know …”
I’m caught completely off guard when his lips shush me, and for a split second, I think it’s my imagination. Then he deepens the kiss, and I know it’s not. I feel something between us, some kind of spark, and I’ve never felt that before. It’s interesting and a little bit scary. And it’s so, so sexy. Gawd, what I’d give to … Shut it down, Audrey! I tell myself. But I can’t.
When he pulls back, I wonder if he’s going to laugh at me, or push me away, but instead, he takes the hand that had been resting on his and grips it. Those blue eyes of his are addicting when he looks into mine, and I’m holding my breath, wondering what he’s about to say. When the words come out, I’m shocked.
“Do you think you could ever be interested in me?”
Oh my god, I can’t believe he asked me that, and before I can stop myself, I start to chuckle. That turns into a small laugh, and before I know it, I’m laughing hysterically. Even when I see the hurt look on his face, I can’t stop. “You want to know … to know if … if I could … if I could … Oh, god, Porter, that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard!” Breathing is hard from all the laughing I’m doing.
“Well, if you find it that ludicrous, I’m sorry I asked.”
He turns to walk away, but I’m still holding his hand, and I tighten my grip. “No! Wait! I’m sorry!” I’m still laughing, and I’m trying to get it under control. “I’m sorry, really. You just … if I could … Porter, do you realize how totally ridiculous that sounds?”
“Am I that bad?”
Well, that ends my laughter. I can see that I’ve really hurt his feelings. “Oh, no! No, not at all! It’s me! I mean, why on earth would you be interested in me? I’m just trash straight out of the hills of eastern Kentucky. I’m nobody. You’re a rich guy with a good education. I’ve got a little kid. Why would you want me?”
He hangs his head, and I’m pretty sure I’ve done maximum damage. That was over before it even started. “Because I may be a rich guy with a good education, but I’m an ex-con living in the same place you do, trying to make a living by hammering on steel and writing checks, all while constantly being on call to go out into the woods searching for somebody, and I might never make it back. Why would I want to be with you? It’s more like, why would you want to be with me?”
“Well,” I start, rolling my eyes to the side and shifting my weight with nervousness. “Because you’re really, really handsome. And you’re strong, like, you’ve got big muscles,” I say and point to his arms, “and you work hard, and you’re smart, and you’re kind and funny. Now, you answer my question.”
“Because you’re beautiful and―”
“Me? Beautiful? I’m not―”
“Don’t argue with me. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and to me, you’re beautiful. You’re smart and―”
“Not smart enough to stay away from dumbass Damien.”
“Stop it. Stop running yourself down. You’re smart and capable, you work hard, you’re obviously a very good mom, and you’re one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Plus you’re open to doing new things, meeting new people, going new places. You came right on out here with me like you’d known me all your life, and I’m really glad you did.” Now he’s reached for my hand again, and I take his and squeeze it. To my heart’s delight, he squeezes mine back. “Now, let’s go over in the lodge and check on Taylor. And we’ll take the rest of the evening to think about what we’ve talked about, and then we’ll talk about it again.”
“That sounds reasonable. Okay.”
“Good.” Then he grins. “Hold my hand while we walk?”
I don’t answer, just hang on tightly, and we walk together toward the lodge, stealing little glances at each other from time to time. That’s one thing I’ll say for Porter, and for all the guys here.
