A Bitter Man (Special Forces: Operation Alpha), page 17
“So Mom came back and cooked dinner?”
What do I say? I have no idea how I’m supposed to answer him. “No, buddy. Mom got tied up at her appointment.”
“Hollywood, it’s nighttime. The doctor’s office is closed. Is my mom in the hospital?”
“No, buddy. She went to run an errand. It’s okay. I’m here.”
“Are you gonna leave me?”
“No. I’m not going to leave you. Come on. Let’s get you fed and ready for bed, okay? And when you wake up, I bet your mom will be here.” Jesus, I hope I didn’t just lie. Surely we’ll figure out where she is by then.
Unless she doesn’t want to be found.
CHAPTER 10
Audrey
Now I’m scared.
It’s pitch black outside except for the occasional lightning bolt, and I haven’t heard a sound except for leaves rustling and the sound of the rain pouring down, along with thunder. Some of the noises are animals, I’m sure. My head is pounding from the blood running to it, and I’m beginning to wonder if hanging upside down can kill a person. It’s sure as hell uncomfortable.
My hands are tired from gripping the steering wheel to keep my arms from dangling, so I start trying to figure out a way to rest them. My shoulder belt tightened as soon as I left the road, so there’s no room to stick my hands in there, and even if I could, it would just cause more pressure and tension on my shoulder, which already hurts. If I had on long sleeves, I could stuff my hands in the opposite sleeves like we used to do to keep our hands warm when we were kids, but I’m wearing short sleeves instead. And I’m getting thirsty, but I can’t find one damn thing to use as a cup, and even if I could, I couldn’t drink upside down. Sometimes I have one of those big thermal coffee mugs with me, the kind with a straw built in, but not this time. I’ve tried to find a loose piece of clothing or some other kind of cloth that I can use to soak up water and suck it into my mouth, but so far, I’ve come up with nothing. It also occurred to me to check my glove box, but I’ve tried to reach it, and I can’t. The seat belt is just too tight. Right now, that seems like a good thing. I did manage to open the console, and everything fell out and into the water. A lot of good that did me.
So I try to fill my time with thoughts, good thoughts, but when I try, all I can hear are Porter’s scalding words. The more time I’ve had to think, the more I think he’s been trying to find a way to tell me I’m not good enough for him and couldn’t bring himself to just outright say it, so this will be his way out. Unless something drastic happens, he won’t have to worry about me anymore. I’ll be out of the picture.
But will they take care of Taylor? Better question: Will the state let them keep Taylor? Maybe Patch and Penny will ask to adopt him. That would be amazing for him, to have a dad like Patch and a mom like Penny. Smart people, clean and pretty, people who know how to navigate society. Not somebody like me, somebody who’s only real experience with the real world was drugs and alcohol. I don’t want that shit for my son. I want better.
But I feel so stupid, thinking that somebody like Porter could really care for me. He wants somebody who’s confident and cultured, and that’s definitely not me. He cares way more about that company and his money than he wants to believe, and I definitely wouldn’t fit in with any of that. Taylor’s seven. He could probably be taught how to be part of that world, but me? No. I’m too old. I mean, I’m not old-old, just too old to learn new tricks.
I probably won’t have to worry about it. I’m hungry, but I’m even more thirsty, and if I understand right, I can go without food, but I have to have water. So far, I’m still coming up with nothing to help me with that, so if somebody doesn’t find me soon, Porter won’t have to worry about having someone who thinks they’re his girlfriend but can’t fit into his world. I’ll just be a memory. Honestly, me dying in this car, hanging upside down, seems a pretty fucked-uppedly fitting way for my shitty life to end.
All of a sudden, I think of something, so I try it. There’s a release on my seat that moves the back forward, like flips it up, so I pull myself up against the steering wheel as best I can, then try my best to hang on with my right arm wrapped around the wheel while I reach back with my left one and hit that lever. The seat pops upward and hits me in the back, and just like that, it’s locked in place. I’m almost folded in half, but at least I’m not totally upside down. I’m just reclining a bit headfirst. That’s better than nothing.
But now it’s impossible for me to reach the water. Am I better off? I’m not sure. But at least I’m not dizzy and my head’s not pounding as badly. All I can do is wait. If I remember correctly, I’ve got probably thirty-six hours left before …
Thirty-six hours. And then I’m nobody’s problem ever again.
Hollywood
I got Taylor into bed by reading to him for about an hour and lying there beside him until he fell asleep, all the while listening to the rain pummel the roof and the thunder following the brief flashes of lightning. When I get up and go out into the common area in the lodge, Patch, Penny, and Priest are there. “What’s up?”
Patch points to the chair across from them. “Sit down. I thought there was something you wanted to tell me.”
“Yeah.” Once I’m seated, I wish I’d gotten some bourbon before I sat down. I need it. “So Audrey and I had a … I don’t guess you’d call it a fight. It was more like a … disagreement.”
Penny tips her head to one side. “About?”
“About her. And Taylor. And how she’s always running them down. And how she thinks I’m still obsessed with the company and money and all of that shit. Which I’m not.”
“Except that attorney who showed up the other day,” Priest says quietly.
“Yeah. And my dickhead brother thinking he’s going to get out of prison and take the company back.”
“You were pretty fired up when she left here,” Patch points out.
“Yeah. I know. We talked about that, Audrey and me, and she knows how I feel about that and why it’s important to me. It’s only for the sake of the company and the employees. I don’t care about it for myself. I want to give the company to my cousin, since he’s been so good about taking care of everything. But …” And I stop.
“But what?” Penny asks.
“But I mentioned that I wanted to make sure there was enough money to send Taylor to college if he wants to go. And Audrey said something about him not being smart and probably not wanting to go to college, or being smart enough to go, or something like that, and it pissed me off because he’s a little boy and his mom should believe in him.”
“Like your mom believed in you when you were that age,” Priest offers.
“Yeah. Like all moms believe in their kids. And she thinks she’s not good enough for me, that I’ll want someone prettier or more cultured or something, like I don’t mean anything I’ve said to her and I’m just playing with her. And that pissed me off, and I told her so. I know I wasn’t very nice about it but, damn it, there’s nothing wrong with her. She’s a beautiful, capable woman, and that little boy is just as smart as any other kid in that school. They both just need a chance.”
“So she was mad at you when she left here?”
“No. She was really upset. And I’m wondering …” I can barely bring myself to say it. “I’m wondering if she left Taylor here with us and just left. Just drove away. If she thought that he and I would be better off without her.”
Penny’s eyes are huge and her jaw drops. “You don’t really think Audrey would leave Taylor behind, do you? Because she lives for that child. She probably could’ve escaped here and had a better life if she hadn’t been so determined to keep them together and keep him safe and fed. Everything she’s done, she’s done for Taylor. I’m sorry, Hollywood, but I don’t believe that. I don’t believe she’d just walk away from him because of a spat with you.”
“Me either,” Patch says, shaking his head. “There’s no way. She’d never do that. She’d take him and leave here before she’d leave him behind and just go. There’s no way.”
“I don’t want to believe she would, but―”
“Then don’t!” Priest hops up from his chair and glares at me. “You’re just giving up on her! You’re trying to make this her fault, and it’s not! She’s out there somewhere, Hollywood, and you’re not willing to look for her because you want to believe she just cut and run? She didn’t. I’m positive she didn’t. She loves that little boy and, damn it, she loves you, whether you love her or not.”
She loves me. It hits me square in the chest, and I realize in that moment that I love her too. She’s a good, kind soul who only wants to live like a human being instead of an animal, who wants the most basic of things―food, shelter, clothes, and love. That’s the part I’ve missed about her, the fact that the things she’s been through have dehumanized her until she feels totally unplugged from real life. She doesn’t have the capacity to feel good about herself, because everything in her life taught her that she was unworthy of even the smallest of comforts or life-sustaining items. It’s my job to make her feel worthy, to make her feel like she deserves to be warm and dry and fed and loved, and I fucking blew it to hell.
Now my challenge is to find her and change her mind, make her see herself like I see her, like we all see her here. Patch’s phone rings, and he steps outside, but he’s back in just a second. “That was the IT guy from KSP. They tracked Audrey’s cell phone signal. The last place they have any data from it was here. She’s right here somewhere, Hollywood. I don’t know where, but somewhere here. Tomorrow morning, we launch a full-scale search for her. And I’m calling in reinforcements.”
“Who?”
“Ethan and the Eagle Point team. If they can come, they’ll cover more ground. Matter of fact, I’m going to send him a text right now so he sees it first thing in the morning. Now it’s time for all of us to get some sleep so we’re fresh in the morning. We’ve got a lot of territory to cover. We need to be at the top of our game.”
“Okay. Let’s do it.” I stand and shake hands with Patch and Priest, but before I can do the same with Penny, she grabs me and hugs me. “Thank you,” I whisper to her and feel her pat my back.
“She’s my friend too, Hollywood. I’ll be out there looking right alongside all of you. We’re going to find her and we’re going to bring her home. Believe it.”
I want to. More than anything else in the world in that moment, I want to.
Audrey
I’m so cold.
There’s a little light, and I’m guessing the sun is coming up. Stiffness has set in, and I can barely move. Between that and the seat belt, I’m mostly immobile.
I’ve been wriggling my toes, and I still have feeling in them, but the dash is cutting off some of the circulation. Trying to move my legs is not happening. They’re jammed in there as tight as can be. Unless somebody shows up with one of those jaws things, I’m permanently stuck in this car.
If only I had a sweater or something. Everything in my brain seems to be shutting down. I keep thinking about things that happened fifteen years ago, things that my parents did, times I sat with my grandparents and listened to them talk about their childhoods. It’s been long enough now that I’m not hungry anymore, just thirsty. It’s hard to swallow because my mouth is so dry. What’s that old poem? Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink? Samuel Clements? No. Coleridge. I remember now. The Rime of the Ancient Mariner. We studied that in school. Why the hell am I thinking about that stuff? Something catches my eye and from my limited vision I see a snake swim past under me, right through the inside of my car. Maybe I’m wrong, but there’s a chance I might be hallucinating.
All I can do is shiver. Occasionally I hear what sounds like a car in the distance, and I figure it must be up on the road, but there’s such a ringing in my ears that I’m not sure. When I close my eyes, I can smell the Italian food from that first night that Porter and I sat in the restaurant, and it smells so good, and he looks so handsome, and …
There’s no hope. No one knows I’m here. I have no phone. I have no way to get any water for myself. Soon it’ll be twenty-four hours, and then the clock will really start to tick loudly. Time. It’s the only thing I had all those years. Nothing else. No food, no clothes, no electricity or running water, nothing. Now I have all of that, and what am I missing? Time. It’s slipping away from me.
My eyes close and I send out a silent prayer. Please let Taylor know that I love him. Please let Porter know that I love him too. And I love Patch and Penny and how kind they’ve been to me. My son is in good hands, and I’m thankful for everything. All those years, I was afraid of dying because there was no one to take care of him, but I’m not afraid anymore. This is just the perfect shitty ending to my shitty life, so there’s no surprise there. But would it have been too much to let me enjoy it for just a little while? I guess so. That was never something I was supposed to have, I guess. Okay, well, I think I’m going to sleep now. I did my best, so thank you, God, or Goddess, or Allah, or Muhammad, or Krishna, or Shiva, or whoever. I’m sure I’m forgetting somebody. All of you. Thank you. They say we’re reincarnated so we can learn more lessons. I’d really rather not learn any more, if that’s okay. This one has been enough. Uh, amen, I guess. Bye.
My eyes close and I hope I don’t open them again. I just want to let go.
Hollywood
I’m up super early, getting Taylor ready for school and feeding him before we leave. I’m driving him. He’s so upset that there’s no way I’ll make him ride the bus. “Will Mom be back tonight?” he asks innocently as he climbs out of the SUV at the elementary school.
“I hope so, buddy. I miss her.”
“I miss her too. If she calls you, tell her I miss her.”
“I will. See you after school.”
“Okay. Bye, Hollywood. I love you.”
That catches me off guard, but before I can stop myself, I call back, “Love you too.” And I do love him. He’s a precious little guy who’s had the worst life has to offer thrown at him, and he’s still here. It hurts to watch him just wander down the sidewalk, blissfully unaware of what’s really happening. I’ve done a lot of important things in my life, but today, nothing is more important than finding his mom and bringing her home.
By the time I get back to the farm, there’s a strange SUV in the drive, and I wonder who it belongs to until I see the license plate―Virginia. They’re already here? They wasted no time.
As soon as I step into the kitchen, I see Ethan and Cohen, and there’s another guy with them. Patch spots me as soon as I step inside and waves me over. “You know Ethan and Cohen.”
“Yeah. Great to see you both,” I say and extend my hand. Ethan takes it first, and then Cohen.
“And this is Drew. He’s former Virginia State Police.”
I extend my hand again and the man takes it and holds it firmly. “Pleasure to meet you, but I wish it was under different circumstances.”
“Thanks. Me too. Thank you for coming.”
Ethan nods. “We left the other guys behind so we’d be covered there, but if we don’t find her today, I’m asking Raiden to come and bring Duke with him. That dog can find anything or anybody.”
“Thanks. Any idea where we should start?” Patch asks.
“You guys know the area better. Has anybody seen her car?”
I shake my head. “Nope. That’s the part we can’t figure out.”
“That’s okay. I don’t suppose it has a locator on it? Like that OnStar stuff or something like that?” Cohen asks, and I remember that they call him Rocky most of the time.
I shake my head. “No. I wish it did.”
“Us too. So I’d propose this plan. Start looking this morning. If nothing, take the bird up after four o’clock this afternoon. After that, if we still haven’t found her, we call Drew.” Ethan looks around our little circle. “Does that sound logical?”
Patch nods. “Yeah. I’ll get a map and we’ll all look at it, take sectors, see what we can figure out.” The door opens and, to my surprise, Bulldog walks in. He doesn’t speak, just catches Patch’s eye and nods. Patch nods back. That’s the end of the exchange, but I understand the meaning immediately. He’s joining us. Doesn’t matter what I think of him―I’m thankful he cares at least that much.
Food won’t go down my throat, so I just drink a couple of cups of coffee and sit there, numb. What the hell will I do if we don’t find her? I’ve carried my mug to the sink and turned toward the door when I hear a sound. There’s no chance to say anything before I hear Reboot call out, “What the hell is that?”
Paddy has the door open and he yells, “Holy shit!” I almost knock everybody else down running to see what’s going on, and when I peer over his shoulder, I can’t believe my eyes.
It’s the KSP helicopter landing out beside our bird. I hear Patch murmur from behind me, “Well, I’ll be a sonofabitch. We owe Commander Grummond a big thank you.”
Someone’s running toward the buildings, and I recognize her―Laurie, Dean’s first officer. When she gets within two hundred feet of the building, she yells out, “What are we looking for?”
“Small silver car. Dodge Dart. We know she headed into Mallie on the road out there, but we don’t know where she went.”
Laurie shoots us a thumbs up and yells back, “Twenty-two alpha!” We all watch as she takes off at a dead run toward their helicopter and in seconds, they’re in the air and gone.
Priest is already bolting toward the lodge, and the rest of us follow. Radios go into everyone’s hands, and the guys from Eagle Point already have theirs. As soon as I turn mine on, I hear, “… northeast over Mallie, Kentucky, proceeding toward Hazard at two meters altitude until terrain warrants a rise. This is KSP Air Unit Five, over.”
