A Bitter Man (Special Forces: Operation Alpha), page 13
And when he turns around to climb back into bed, I’m shocked. Wow. I hope this is a long-term thing, because I have a feeling that any other man is going to have a hard time measuring up to that―literally. I mean, I’ve watched a couple of porn videos over the years, and it’s not as big as those, but it’s damn big. I really do want to touch it now. It tickles my belly when he draws me up against him. “Now, this is much better,” he croons as his arms tighten around me.
“Oh, yeah. Much, much better.”
His hand goes right back where it was before, and this time, I reach down and stroke up his length. “Ohhhh, yeah. Damn, that feels good.” He’s soft and velvety against my palm, and I’m shocked and excited when I realize how hard he is. He wants me―he really wants me. I don’t understand why he does. I’m nothing and nobody. But he wants me, and I want to be his for however long he’ll have me.
My body wants it so badly, and I move against him as it builds and swells. “That’s it, babe. Take it in and let it go.” The stroking he gives my clit is growing more insistent, and so are my hips―they want to buck.
“Oh, god, Porter. Oh, please, babe. Please? I can’t … I just …” Everything inside me wants to turn loose, to trust this man, and it’s hard to do. I’ve been disappointed so many times, and yet the woman inside me, the one who always wondered if her knight in shining armor would ever show up, wants to believe that he cares, that he wants more than just a quick fuck. “Oh, Porter, I …”
His voice is calm and soothing. “Audrey, I want you so bad, baby, but you have to come first, okay? I know you need to. Babe, just―”
I don’t hear anything else. Everything inside me empties out, raging like a river, and I can’t breathe. Every muscle below my navel is in a violent spasm, and yet it feels so indescribably good that I don’t want it to ever end. I’m beginning to think even my hearing is gone when I hear him whisper, “That’s it, babe. Let go. Good girl. You needed that―I can tell. Want me to stop?”
“Oh, god. Uhhhh, yeah, please stop.” It takes me a couple of seconds to come back to myself, get my thoughts straight, and when I do, I’m blinded again by need. “Porter, I need you.”
“I need you too, beautiful. Hang on.” There’s some rustling around, and I assume he’s getting a condom. In a few seconds he asks, “You sure you’re ready?”
“Yeah. I absolutely am.”
What takes place next is the stuff of dreams. I don’t know what will happen when we leave this bedroom, but for the time being, I belong to Porter Winthrop.
And for the girl who’s always had to take what she could get, I feel like I’ve won the lottery.
CHAPTER 7
Hollywood
I don’t know what I was expecting. I really don’t. Whatever it was, that wasn’t it.
I’m not sure if I thought she’d be more inhibited, or less inhibited, or what. All I know is that making love with Audrey was one of the most natural, calm, serene, sweet things I’ve done in a very long time. At first, I tried to tell myself that it was because I hadn’t been with a woman in so long, but that wasn’t it. She’s just … different. Anything and everything good is a gift to her. Nothing is taken for granted.
But for that period of time when I was inside her, I felt … settled. Safe. Carefree. Connected. She was plenty tight enough around me, but that wasn’t it. It was the feeling that she’d never betray me, never mistreat me, never cheat on me, never abuse me. Being inside her was like being plugged into the universe in some way. Her arms around me felt comforting and familiar. I don’t know what it means when people talk about their “soulmate,” and I wonder if that’s what it’s like, having somebody who’s on your wavelength.
When we’re done, I just hold her in my arms, her head resting on my pec just below my collarbone, and listen to her soft, even breathing as she falls asleep. It occurs to me that I should probably get some rest myself, but I don’t want to sleep. I want to lie here awake next to her and know that she’s safe and warm. A strand of hair falls down over her eyes, and I sweep it back behind her ear, smiling as I do. Taking care of her seems natural to me.
And what about Taylor? Can I take care of him too? They’re a package deal, and I wouldn’t separate them if I could. He’s a cute little boy―smart too. Being a dad to him wouldn’t be a bad thing. I think I’d enjoy it. Would I ever want to give him a little brother or sister? I never thought about that before, but with Audrey lying here in my arms, I give it serious consideration. Getting ahead of yourself, Winthrop, a little voice in my head tells me, but I want to ignore it. That’s why I’m here, right? To make a future for myself? Does it include Audrey and Taylor? Do I want it to?
Eventually I close my eyes and relax. Morning will come soon enough. We’ll have to get up and shower, get dressed, pretend nothing happened, when we both know something important took place here. It’s a new thing, and I can’t be absolutely certain, but I think I want Audrey Sinclair in my life permanently. I know I want her in my bed. When the sun comes up, it’ll be a new day in a lot of ways. And the most important one will be the woman who’ll smile at me when she wakes up.
At least I hope she does!
The sunlight is almost blinding as it pours into the room, and I find myself thinking that I’ve got to get her something to put up to those windows to block some of that. She never sleeps in, but if she wanted to, she couldn’t. It falls directly across the head of the bed, and she’d be awake at the crack of dawn.
But looking at her face in that sunlight is almost magical. Her features are fine, her skin is perfect, and her long, dark lashes are beautiful against her high cheekbones. Most of the people in this area are of Scottish heritage, and she’s no different. If she took a trip to Edinburgh, she’d fit right in. As I lie there and watch her sleep, her eyes open just a slit, followed by a big smile. “What are you doing?”
“Just lying here with you, thinking about how lucky I am to be here.”
“Oh, yeah?” I see her glance over at the clock on her bedside table. “Well, lucky guy, this lucky girl is going to get up, take a shower, get dressed, and find something to eat. What about you?”
“Actually …” I say as I reach for her, pull her toward me, and grin, “I was hoping to partake one more time in your garden of earthly delights before we go back to our regularly schedule programming.”
“Oh, a flying fuck? You’re going to give a flying fuck?”
If anybody’s out in the kitchen, I know they can hear me laughing because I can’t hold it back. “Yeah. That’s it. A flying fuck. That’s what I was planning to give.”
“Sounds tempting, but you know the guys are going to start rolling into the kitchen in just a few minutes, if they haven’t already. They’re going to be scrounging around, and at least one of them is going to say, ‘That fucking Audrey, not doing her job. She needs to get her ass out here and cook.’ You know they will.”
“I only know one that will, and I’ve come to the conclusion that you can’t please that son of a bitch. He’s just like that.” She’s already trying to get out of bed, but I lunge and grab her around the waist from behind. “You can’t please everybody, babe. But you can please me.”
“Porter.” There’s something in her voice that tells me nonsense is off the table here. “I have to get up. I don’t know when Taylor and the guys will come rolling in, and being in bed with you all up in me isn’t going to be a good look for my mother of the year nomination.”
I unclasp my hands and let her stand. “Mother of the year awards are highly overrated.”
“And you know this because you’re a mother?”
“No, I’m a motherfucker, and I don’t care if the mother I fuck has an award or not. Credentials are not that important to me.” She’s started to laugh, a low twittering that I find adorable. “I mean, did I ask you if you had a mother of the year award before I fucked you? No, I did not. Totally unimportant.”
“You’re so bad.” Her hand cups my chin and she leans down to press a small kiss on my lips. “I’m getting a shower and getting dressed. You can join me or you can wait until I’m done.”
“Oh, I’m joining you. I’m definitely joining you,” I answer as I bolt out of the bed and grab my bag.
Thirty minutes later, we’re both showered, dressed, and set for the day. I take one last look at the woman who made my night magical as we step toward the door. “Thank you,” I whisper to her as I take her in my arms for the last time in the privacy of the room, at least for the immediate future.
“For what?”
“For making me feel normal. Masculine. Sexy. Like everything is okay.”
“Everything is normal. You’re normal.” A soft fingertip drags down my face and stops at my chin. “Thank you for making me feel cared for and appreciated.”
“You are cared for, Audrey. Deeply. And I absolutely, positively appreciate you.” I can’t help but laugh just a little. “I mean, I appreciated you before last night, but I really appreciate you now!”
Even though no one expects her to cook on Saturdays―well, one person does, but his shitty opinion doesn’t count―she makes a huge pot of oatmeal. There’s all kinds of fruit to put in it, and chocolate bits, and cinnamon and sugar, and raisins, and dried cranberries … I never realized so many things could be put into oatmeal, and hers is spectacular, all creamy and smooth. And now I figured out her secret. I found the empty carton of half-and-half in the trash, and I know that’s what she uses to make it spectacular.
Breakfast cleanup is done and a couple of the guys are talking about going into town in Hazard to get some things they need when the door opens and a small figure comes rushing in. “MOM!”
“Hey, baby! You’re back! Did you have a good time?” The force with which he hits her almost knocks her down, but she keeps her footing and wraps her arms around him as he hugs her waist.
“Oh, Mom, we made a fire! And I could hear all the night sounds just like always, but no bobcats. I don’t know where they were. And the creek is all clear and has little fish in it, and there was a snake!”
“A snake? Really?”
“Yeah. It was just a rat snake, but it was pretty, and it doesn’t hurt anything, and it eats mice and stuff, so it’s a good snake. And Patch told me he knows where there’s a cave and it has bats! And he’s going to take me to see the bats come out! How cool is that, Mom? I had so much fun. Paddy taught me how to tie some really awesome knots in some rope, and I practiced and got them right. And I know how to make a tent stand up now, and everything. And we cooked breakfast on the fire! It smelled sooooo good. Can I do this again, please? Please?”
“Of course, but you can’t bug Patch to take you. Wait until he offers,” she says and looks up to see our fearless leader stride in the door. The look on her face is priceless―gratitude I’ve never seen before. “But I hope you thanked him for taking you.”
“I did, Mom. About a million billion times. And Paddy too.” He pulls back and looks up at her. “I think I’m gonna go take a shower now. I smell like outdoors and leaves and dirt and smoke.”
Audrey laughs. “Yes, you do! Go ahead. Come on out when you get finished and we’ll figure out something you can do this afternoon, okay?”
“Okay. Hollywood?” he blurts out, and that makes me snap to attention.
“Yeah, bud?”
“Are you my mom’s boyfriend?”
“Taylor!” Audrey fairly shrieks.
I shake my head. “No, no. I think that’s a fair question. So do you want me to be your mom’s boyfriend?”
The child nods. “Uh-huh.”
“Well, truth is, as far as I’m concerned, I’m your mom’s boyfriend. I’m not sure how she feels about me, but that’s how I feel about her.”
He wheels on his mother. “Mom, can he be your boyfriend? Please?”
Audrey’s cheeks are stop-sign red, but honestly, every man in the room has frozen in place, waiting for her answer. She stares around at all of us, then smiles at me. “Sure. Sounds like a good idea to me.”
“Yay! You have a boyfriend! I’m gonna tell Clifford! He’s gonna be so excited.” And off he goes at a dead run to their room.
That’s a name I haven’t heard before. “Clifford?”
Audrey blushes again. “His imaginary friend. He’s never had a friend, so that’s as close as he can get.”
Something about that makes me sadder than I’ve been in a long time. “We’ll have to change that. We’ll think of something.”
And we will. Somehow, Taylor will have a good life too. I’ll make sure of it.
After all, I am his mom’s boyfriend.
Audrey
Oh my god, that was embarrassing. And apparently I’m Porter’s girlfriend. I was too afraid to ask, but I should’ve known Taylor would take care of it for me. He’s pretty good about just blurting shit out.
It’s a couple of hours before lunch, and Taylor has been napping. Sure, he had fun, but I’m betting he didn’t sleep much. I’m also betting he didn’t let Patch or Paddy sleep much either.
I leave him sleeping and carry the garbage out. Porter is at his cottage doing laundry and reading, or at least that’s what he said he would be doing. Honestly, I have no reason to doubt him. When I step back into the kitchen, Patch is in there, his head stuck in the refrigerator. “Can I get you something?” I ask.
“Uh, no. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be in here,” he mumbles as he backs away.
“What? No! That’s not what I meant at all. I just meant if you want something, I’ll be glad to fix it, or find it, or put it on my list if I don’t have it. It’s your refrigerator.”
His smile is soft, and the more I’m around this man, the more I like and trust him. “No, it belongs to everybody, but you’re the gatekeeper. And if we eat something you were going to use for dinner tonight, we’re screwed and it’s not your fault. I was kinda looking for pickles, but I’m guessing Reboot ate them all.”
“Surely not. I just …” I open the door and look in. “Seriously? I had two brand new jars of dills in there. He ate them?”
“The guy is a pickle vacuum. If it’s pickled, he’s going to eat it. No way around it. I just thought I’d get one because I’m kinda craving something crunchy, but nope.”
“Does he like pickled eggs?”
“Oh, yeah. I remember hearing him talk about eating them.”
“Does anybody else here like pickled eggs?”
Patch laughs. “Based on the comments when he mentioned them, it’s fair to say that he’s the only one.”
“I’ll make him some pickled eggs and he can eat those. And he can leave pickles for everybody else.”
“Sounds like a plan, and a good one at that.” He stops for a second and fixes me with that one eye. “So everything going okay so far?”
“Oh, yeah. Fine. I love being here. Taylor does too. Oh, and about Taylor, thanks for taking him camping last night, and I’m sorry if he kept you up all night. He was just so excited.”
“Nah, he was fine. Once he fell asleep, he slept like the dead. We had to literally put him in his sleeping bag. One minute he was talking and the next, he was out like a light.” There’s that smile again. “I take it you guys had a nice evening?”
“We did. It was really pleasant and quiet. I mean, you know, without Taylor.”
He’s nodding and grinning. “I get it. Once we get a chance to talk to Tony and his brothers, maybe we can get your room divided up and you can have nice quiet evenings even with Taylor there.”
I can barely bring myself to ask him, but I have to. “So … I’m doing an okay job?”
“No. You’re doing a great job. We couldn’t have hired anybody better, and all the guys like you.”
I give him a little side eye. “All the guys?”
A little sigh comes from his lips. “Look, I know why you’re asking that and, honestly, it’s not you. He was all over Hollywood before you even came here. I’m not sure what his beef is, but he’s harsh and angry about something. We just don’t know what it is, and he’s not talking. I told him he needs to back down and chill out, and he’ll be fine for a bit, but then he gets squirrelly again with somebody. Don’t take it personally. It’s not you. It’s something he’s dealing with that we don’t understand and he won’t say, so we can’t help. But don’t let it affect you. We’re all happy you’re here.”
“Thanks. I’m hoping to get a regular schedule set up this next week so I can start doing the cleaning on the cottages too.”
“Take your time. But make sure you order some good rubber gloves. You walk into Ghost’s cottage, you’ll wish you had them if you don’t.” He’s been leaning back against the countertop, but now he straightens. “Audrey, you’ve been dealt a shitty hand most of your life. That’s over. You’re here, and we want you here. We’re going to take care of you and Taylor. You’ll have a home for as long as you want it. I think Hollywood told you we’re going to get you a car, and anything else you need, we’ll provide it. You’ll have a paycheck, so you can have some things you’ve never been able to afford before. Life from this point on is going to look a whole lot better. And if you stick with Hollywood and he sticks with you, you can have a really good life. He's happy here, but you could take expensive vacations, go places you never thought you’d get to go, do things you really want to do.”
“Guess we’d have to save up.”
That one eye stares at me―hard. “What? No. He could pay for anything he wants right now. Don’t you know?”
“I know his family had money, and he still owns the company, but he said he doesn’t really want anything to do with it.”
Patch smirks. “Oh, I think he could be persuaded to spend some on you.”
The idea makes me smile. “Oh, you think so?”
“I’m pretty damn sure.”
“But why doesn’t he go back to that? I really don’t get it.”
