Beware of Chicken, page 32
She wished she still had it. She wished for strength. Growing in strength was only right! Eating meat was only proper, no matter how much Chun Ke wailed and blubbered, the oaf.
She frowned as she thought about the Master’s story again. His tale of why he came here. Ah, why did the Master content himself with this? He could rule this world with ease; she was sure of it. His strength was beyond every other man! Contenting himself with only the land around him, it was just so strange!
You may go, if you wish. But you will always have a place here.
She could go off on an adventure. She could just step out for a few days. Find some beast and slay it. Go on one of these “adventures.”
She shook her head and pushed those thoughts from her mind. No, she could not. She could not do that—the Master needed her here. She was the most reliable. She was the most comforting. She was the one who understood him the most!
Even if she didn’t understand why he said he had given up power. It was surely a ruse, wasn’t it?
She stared at the boundary between the land and the outside. She shook her head, then turned around. Maybe … maybe next time. Maybe she would expand the Master’s territory! Yes, next time she went out, she would go and conquer in his name.
She turned and began to head back to the Master. She would allow him to pat her again, for deciding to expand his land. Yes, that was what she would do.
Though she wondered what that thundering sound was. She approached swiftly, only to see the Master assaulting the frozen ground furiously while Wa Shi looked on and slapped his fins on the bank of the river.
That … that was a big hole he was digging. Chun Ke had climbed in after him, and was using his tusks and nose to aid the Master’s quest.
Was it some sort of training? She supposed cutting through the hardened soil might prove some challenge. And it was better than working on the infernal numbers.
Tigu hopped into the hole. The earth could not withstand the might of her blades!
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When I’d first left for the Azure Hills, I had planned to be a hermit. I had planned to do everything myself and visit the least amount of people possible. If I hadn’t been a cultivator, that plan likely would have killed me. But then again, if I hadn’t been a cultivator, I probably wouldn’t have decided to go full pioneer in the first place. There were too many things that could go wrong.
But to hell with that mindset. This may have been xianxia land, but that didn’t mean everybody was a shithead, going for the backstabs and the betrayal like in my old sect. I had friends. I had a soon-to-be family. Even Xiulan was pretty cool, and she was a cultivator. The point was, I had people who would help. And that made everything worth it.
I needed to get a move on if I wanted to have the house done in time for Meimei’s arrival. The days were getting warmer. I had spent a lot of precious time digging a giant pit to store ice. Like … a lot of ice. The frozen ground didn’t do much to stop me from digging out a nice big underground storage area. Honestly, it was mostly borne out of frustration with the fact that my ice experiments weren’t going that well. The several tons of ice now sitting pretty in their bunker was me finally snapping.
In other words, I had been procrastinating on finishing up my house, because I had my attention captured by a dumb project—one I had borked up. By the time I realised how much work I had put into it, I had stripped an entire small lake of its ice. It was good stress relief though. Tigger was really good at cutting it into perfect blocks.
And making ice sculptures, once I showed her how. Though I didn’t really know how to feel about the life-sized replica of me, standing triumphantly atop a pile of defeated enemies.
They all had their quirks, I suppose. And really, it was a fantastic sculpture. She had even managed to make it look like I had beads of sweat rolling down my bare chest. I … I guess I should probably encourage it. It was art! She had a hobby!
My feet plodded along the melty path back home from Verdant Hill. The Magistrate had sent me a letter, telling me my glass had arrived, just in time for me to be able to finish my house before the wedding. This was the last step. The Xong brothers had offered their help, and I would be taking them up on it.
I could probably do it all myself, but the question was: Why? Having help would cost me a bit of food, and I got some extra hands and some company. It was always a pain in the ass installing windows and sanding floors. That stuff was boring as hell. Even when you could do it as fast as I could. Many hands make light work, after all.
The brothers were out in the woods when I called on them, so their mother invited me in to wait. They still lived with their parents—most people here did, with multiple generations living in the same house. Honestly, it was pretty nice. I was never a fan of the “out at eighteen” mindset a lot of people had in the Before.
The matriarch of the Xong family, Nezin Hu Li, was appropriately named—Huli being the word for fox. I could tell where Yun Ren got his looks from. She had the same fox-like eyes as her son, surrounded by laugh lines.
“Please, make yourself at home, Master Jin,” she said demurely as she brewed us some tea. “You’ve aided this Hu Li’s sons greatly, and she would like to thank you for it.”
“Please, just Jin. I’m good friends with Yun Ren and Gou Ren. There’s no need for you to be so formal with me,” I told her, and took a sip of tea.
“Well, if that’s whatcha want, then it’s all good, yeah?” I nearly spat out my tea at the swap from “formal, demure host,” to whatever the hell her accent was. She sounded almost like she was from Brooklyn. Let me tell you, that coming out from a little Asian lady was hilarious.
Her grin was so wide it split her face in two as she saw my amused look.
“Where’s that from?” I asked.
“A remnant of my tribe,” she said without the accent. “A week’s journey north, through the forest.” She swapped back. “So, you’re grabbin’ one of my brats fo’ tha summah?”
I chuckled. “Yeah. Gou Ren is going to be helping me and learning about how to grow rice like I do it. Should improve yields here by a lot, but it’s also quite a bit more work.”
She nodded. “My boy likes to complain, but he always does good work. Take care of him, ya hear?”
I nodded. “Gou’s a good friend. And you’re welcome to come visit whenever you want.”
She smiled again. “I might just take you up on that. Little Mei will need a woman to talk to, in any case. There are some things men just can’t handle,” she said authoritatively.
I nodded. She would be better at handling the “womanly issues” Meimei might need help with. If Meiling wanted to include me in that kind of stuff, I was absolutely fine with helping, but if she wasn’t, that was her choice.
She seemed a little shocked at my easy surrender, her vulpine eyes opening completely. They were a lovely amber colour, the same as both her sons.
As quickly as the shock had come, it left. “So, how did you and your husband meet, anyways?” I asked.
“Oh? Ten Ren got hurt in the forest, and I found him. He thought I was some kind of fox spirit at first, and I thought he was some kind of ascended monkey. He shaves them off now, but back then—his sideburns! Well, I nursed him back to health, and he ended up challenging my father to a hunting contest to win my hand—”
I listened to the rather funny story of Ten Ren’s increasingly mad ploys to win the hand of a tribal girl.
Finally, he just snuck in in the middle of the night and kidnapped her. Which was apparently what both she and her father had been waiting for, judging by the fond sighs and blush she got when relaying that piece of information.
All right, that’s a piece of culture shock, but judging by the story it was consensual, so I’m not gonna judge.
“And then my uncle looked right at him. Ten Ren always says he got away cleanly, but don’t believe a word,” she told me conspiratorially.
“—I swear the wood is faulty. It split right down the middle, again,” I heard Yun Ren’s raised voice exclaim from outside.
“My bow wasn’t faulty. Say that again, and I’ll beat your teeth into the back of your skull. It’s something else. That thing is cursed, I tell you, cursed!”
The brothers entered, looking quite upset, while Hu Li narrowed her eyes.
“And what are you two grumbling about now? Yun Ren’s mystery deer?” she demanded.
Both boys jumped. “Mother!” Yun Ren yelped.
“Jin?” Gou Ren called.
Hu Li glared at her sons. “It wasn’t even an hour from the village!” Yun Ren protested. “It had torn up a bunch of snow to get at a patch of still-green grass. I tried to get it, and Gou’s bow broke.”
Gou Ren grumbled.
Hu Li frowned and raised an eyebrow at Gou Ren. “So, it’s real, then, and not a tall story?”
Her younger son nodded. “I don’t think it’s a Spirit Beast. It looks too dumb. Here, let me show you. Yun Ren can’t draw worth a damn, and you told me to get what it looked like.”
“I can draw just fine …” his brother muttered while Gou Ren got a piece of charcoal and started drawing on the table.
My first thought when the drawing was done was, Gou Ren is really good at making things look cute.
The second was, That’s a goddamn moose.
Well, if there are sugar maple trees …
Hu Li looked a bit confused. “A thunder-hoof? This far south?”
“Hey, that’s kinda cute. Nice drawing, Gou,” I said, looking at the little picture. Look at those doe eyes! He blushed. How could you mistake a moose for a deer, Yun Ren?!
“Yeah, the babies are cute. You won’t be saying that when it grows up bigger than the headman’s house,” Hu Li shot back.
Okay, what?
“And they’re not Spirit Beasts?” I asked incredulously.
“Some of ’em are. Mostly, they’re just big. They live up in the northern wastes, out in the Sea of Snow. This one is real lost to be this far south.”
What the hell, xianxia land.
“Do you … want me to chase it off?” I finally asked.
She shook her head. “It’ll clear off on its own. And it won’t hurt us none, as long as we don’t poke it with arrows,” she snarled, glaring at her sons. They had the grace to look embarrassed. “They’re good fortune, anyways. It’ll stay for a while, then head back to the wastes.”
She shook her head.
“Now! You came here for my boys! Take them, before they cause any more trouble!” she demanded, shooing us out of their house.
Both of her sons started whining about needing a change of clothes, and she relented. She leaned against the wall of their house as we packed up.
“… you know, sometimes the tribe’s hunters are around the area where you live. I’ll pass the word on that you’re open for business, if you want some things from further up.”
“Just tell them to enter through the gate. Big D and Tigger don’t take kindly to trespassers,” I warned. Especially if those trespassers were carrying weapons.
“I’ll tell’ em, don’t you worry. I’d tell you to take good care of little Mei … but I don’t think you need to be told to do that.”
I nodded.
“Well, take care now, and don’t be afraid to tan their hides if they muck up,” Hu Li said with a wave. “Really, trying to hunt a thunder-hoof,” she muttered.
I resisted the urge to go running off and find the baby moose. I had a job to do. The house had to get done. Maybe I can see if I can find it after I finish?
Anyways, we hadn’t spent long packing up before we were approached by Meimei, Yao Che, and Xian the Elder.
“What are you boys up to?” Che asked leadingly.
“They’re going to help me with my house. Gotta get the windows in and the floors done, so I asked for a hand.”
“Oh, glasswork?” Che remarked, not sounding surprised at all. “Don’t leave it to these two miscreants, if you want a fine touch. I’ve little to do right now, and I want to see what these brats have been squawking about!”
Hong Xian nodded. “I would see your home as well,” he asked politely.
Well, the more the merrier.
I shrugged. “Hop in,” I said, banging the side of my cart. “We’ll be there in a couple hours at my pace. Meimei, you coming too?”
Meiling looked like she wanted to but had a silent conversation with her father. He shook his head slightly, and she nodded.
“I’ll stay here this time,” she decided. “Let some things be a surprise.”
Well, it wasn’t too long till we were married …
I scratched Rizzo’s head and nodded at Meimei.
“Well … I’ll see you soon, then.” The rest of the men seemed to be busy with the cart, so I darted in and kissed her on the forehead.
She giggled and swatted me away.
There was a bit of a nervous flutter in my stomach, as I would be showing my father-in-law around my house for the first time. He would like it. I knew he would like it.
I picked up the cart once they were all settled in and started running.
CHAPTER 45
STATUES AND A HOUSE
There was less rocking than Xian had expected. They were travelling forwards at a terrifying pace, the wind in his hair … and yet the cart was nearly completely stable. Not a single piece of glass rattled against another while Jin’s stride utterly consumed the ground in front of him.
If there was one thing Xian never thought would happen, it was to be carted around by a cultivator. But ever since Jin had shown up, the improbable seemed to become rather more likely to happen.
He had travelled this fast only once before, under decidedly more dire circumstances, in a vastly more uncomfortable ride. There had been horses screaming, soldiers shouting, and arrows thunk-ing into wood.
Instead of a freckled maid shouting obscenities, an Archivist screaming in a much higher pitch than said maid, and himself praying to whatever gods would listen, Brother Che was looking mostly bored, while Yun and Gou argued about what meat tasted the best. Jin occasionally interjected over his shoulder.
Yun Ren had championed rabbit, Gou Ren beef, and Jin chicken.
“Chicken?! But it tastes so bland!” Gou Ren scoffed.
“Bland?! It has a lovely subtle flavour! And it takes seasonings so well!” Jin shot back. “And fried—fried chicken is the ultimate dish!”
“All of you youngsters are wrong! Pork is best!” Brother Che derided them. “Sausage and dumplings are what a man needs to grow big and strong!” He flexed his muscles, bulging from a lifetime at the forge. Both the Xong brothers went quiet at the declaration but glared mutinously. Jin just laughed. Even into his forties, Che’s muscles rivaled Jin’s in size—and Che wasn’t a cultivator.
Xian liked deer himself. Both his late wife and daughter made excellent roast venison. He absently watched the passing trees, remembering the speeding carriage. No evidence needed to get to the court the next day, else their heads would roll. The lack of urgency was letting him enjoy the speeding ride.
Court intrigue was hazardous to one’s health. Doubly so when you got involved by accident.
He shook his head to rid himself of the memories. Even the years couldn’t make him think fondly on those terrifying days, though the times that came after had more than made up for them.
The journey to Jin’s house, which was nearly the same distance away from their village as Hong Yaowu was from Verdant Hill, took mere hours instead of days. And Jin wasn’t even winded. He looked a little nervous, shooting glances repeatedly at Xian, but it was understandable. What man wasn’t nervous about showing his future father-in-law his home?
The gate to his land was large and sturdy, with a maple leaf and the amusing “Beware of Chicken” sign displayed prominently. The Xong brothers and his own daughter had thought the sign was hilarious.
And there too was the aforementioned chicken. He had seen it before at his village, briefly, shrouded in dusk on the rooftop.
In the bright light of the day, his true colouration was revealed. His plumage was more vibrant than any painting Xian had seen, including in the Palace of the Pale Moon Lake City. His red neck and breast looked like fire captured in plumage. The blues were like the most perfect of sapphires. The green on his tail, pristine jade. His talons and spurs shone like silvery metal, and his comb was a deeper red than what the noble ladies wore on their lips. The fox-fur vest he wore paled in comparison to his magnificence.
The rooster’s gaze was stern but not judgmental. A proud guardian. The rooster bowed to them, as Jin and the cart passed the threshold, welcoming them into Jin’s “Fa Ram.”
The Xong brothers bowed back, as much as they could sitting down. Che started to bow, and then his eyes caught on something else.
“What the hells?!” he gaped.
“We didn’t tell you about the General That Commands the Winter?” Yun Ren asked cheekily.
Xian started laughing. Meiling had told him, but it was one thing to hear about the massive golem made out of snow, and another to see it. It was a happy-looking fellow, with a dumb grin and a giant hat coloured black with ashes. It was a creation that would have taken their entire village a week, and Jin had apparently built it in a day for the fun of it.
Jin continued his walk, bypassing a small shack and continuing down the hill to a small river—until Jin suddenly started to slow, his mouth open in shock and a bright blush forming all over his freckled cheeks.
“Tigu’er …” What came out of Jin’s mouth was almost a whine. Gou Ren and Yun Ren burst out laughing, and Che sounded like he was choking on something. Xian turned from “The General” and looked forward.
There was a little cat, still a kitten really, sitting in between a bunch of ice sculptures and looking like it had just managed to slay a thousand mice. It bowed to Jin.
A bunch of ice sculptures depicted Jin, nude, in various martial poses. Trampling on a giant rat. Staring boldly forwards, his hands on his hips. One even had him in a one-handed handstand, flipping over a boar.
