Beware of Chicken, page 2
Just to hammer home that this was a place touched by the magic of Qi, there were a bunch of glowing crystals about this part of the city. Some served as light bulbs, some emitted cool air, and still others spewed water into fountains.
There was even a reception area. The clerk seemed a bit surprised at my questions, but he directed me to where I wanted to go.
It was a collection of twenty five-story-tall shelves, all packed with scrolls.
I got to work, pulling a couple off. It was surprisingly quick work, and soon enough, I found my prize.
The Azure Hills. Little to no Qi. Weakest province in the Crimson Phoenix Empire. Of limited value.
Not a lot of Qi meant few spirit beasts, and more importantly, it meant barely any cultivators.
I had my destination. It was kind of far away. And by kind of far away, I mean “several days in a car, on a highway.” At least. And without any cars or planes, and not really a lot of money to my name … I’d have to walk it.
At least cultivators have good endurance, right?
I went back out into the city and got some supplies for the long road ahead.
I glanced up once at the giant mountain, where the Sect was. I couldn’t see anything. The Sect and the cultivators above were hidden behind the clouds. With one last sigh I left the city of Jin Rou’s birth, marching north towards the Azure Hills, determination in my heart.
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“One Dandanmian up!”
I raised a hand, and the kid carrying my bowl of noodles put it in front of me. I was in a noodle shop in a gorge, splurging a little. I had been getting tired of the rations I had after three days and decided to treat myself.
Digging my chopsticks into the bowl, I slurped up the spicy noodles and looked around. It was pretty busy here, with lots of people laughing and joking. I felt the tension that had built up start to drain out of my shoulders as people just talked and laughed. Maybe this world wasn’t quite as bad as I had been expecting.
Aside from the place’s location right beside a hundred-story-tall waterfall … everything seemed pretty normal.
Just as I thought that, the door burst open, and a man wearing gaudy red clothes stormed in, his eyes blazing with fury. “Tao Gui, you honourless bastard! You’re courting death!” he thundered, and the rest of the patrons were silenced.
Another person, one wearing travelling clothes, stood up, brushing off his rice hat. He had a nasty, cocky smirk on his face. “Yuanjun! You dare interrupt my meal? Kowtow a hundred times before this daddy, and I’ll let you off with a spanking!”
The hell? This daddy? What kind of speech pattern is that? I thought to myself. I saw quite a few people make moves for the exit, as the two men marched towards each other. Qi swirled around their bodies. Were they really about to have a fight in a noodle shop—
Yuanjun’s fist pulled back, and I dove behind the counter with my noodles. I nodded to the owner, who was also behind the counter, and slurped my noodles as two men started to reenact a crappy kung-fu movie. Except oh so very real. We both flinched as wood smashed and people shouted. There was the sound of breaking bones, and a few flecks of blood splattered across the wall.
I hope this dude had a good insurance policy, because shit’s fucked.
There was another roar and a detonation of Qi as the front half of the building disintegrated.
I really, really wanted to be anywhere else right now.
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The trek so far had been … mostly peaceful. The majority of the month had been just day after day of steady forward progress. Raging Waterfall Gorge was aptly named. There were thousands of waterfalls, spewing mist in the air, and the entire place was crisscrossed with bridges. There was a kind of sheer verticality to the land that was breathtaking.
I wished I could stop and enjoy it, but fate had it out for my sorry ass.
It was one thing to read about a rampaging monster attack. It’s another thing entirely to be caught in one, as the trees snapped and a giant beastie hurtled after me. The “Earth-Crushing Devil Serpent”—what the fuck kind of name was that—roared with fury, smashing apart the road. People were screaming and crying and hollering.
I just ran, my legs pumping as fast as I could make them, while I thanked whatever deity existed that the creature was kind of slow.
I ran like the hounds of hell were after me, repeating a single mantra.
The Azure Hills has none of this shit. The Azure Hills has none of this shit.
Oh, gods, I hope I live through this.
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Each day drove me onwards to my destination. Each reminder of the danger of this world made me go just that bit faster. I made, quite frankly, obscene time, my feet carrying me onwards far quicker and with more endurance than I’d thought possible. I wasn’t sleeping too well, and sometimes I’d just wake up, pack up, and start walking, even in the middle of the night.
I walked through the giant and breathtaking Howling Fang Mountains with barely a pause to admire them. The Azure Hills beckoned. The safest corner of the safest place. And then, I wouldn’t have to deal with anybody.
There, I’d start a new life. I was going to be a farmer. I’d get a wagon, some rice, maybe a few chickens or something, and then live on my own, like a modern pioneer.
Maybe I was building that idea up a bit too much in my head … but my thoughts and plans were a nice respite from the hell that was this world.
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It was a rainy, overcast day that matched my still sleep-deprived mood. But even with that, the Azure Hills looked … less harsh than other places I’d seen. Gentle rolling hills, flush with green grass. Coming out of the stark Howling Fang Mountains, it looked like paradise.
I passed through the capital of the province, Pale Moon Lake City. Situated on a giant, perfectly round lake, the city was home to over a million people.
It was considered small.
I stopped briefly to use the Archive in the city to find a good spot to settle. There were a few choices. The Grass Sea sounded appealing … but that was apparently where all the Sects were, so I crossed that off the list. “Blaze Bear infestation” were the words used to describe the Ash Forest. The area around Pale Moon Lake had millions of people, and nearly all the prime farmland was already taken.
That only left one place. North. To where barely anybody lived. I tapped my finger on the map, on top of a symbol that denoted a settlement. Verdant Hill sounded like a nice name for a town …
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I arrived at my new home in the middle of spring pulling a covered wagon. It was a recent addition to my journey, and I had brought everything in it that I would need from the town a few days away. Three months on the road, three months full of terror and nightmares were finally at an end. I smiled down at my new plot of land. It was a few rolling hills, covered by a forest, and had a lovely little river winding through it. It was fantastically picturesque, as were most places in the Red Phoenix Continent. It had taken me months to travel this far, but right now it was looking worth it.
The town’s magistrate considered the land mostly useless, as there were some minor monsters around. And it needed a lot of clearing, but hopefully nothing I couldn’t handle. Rou knew how to throw a punch at least, and I had tested it out by putting my fist through a tree—which had honestly scared the crap out of me.
The land had also been extremely cheap. I had gotten this place for a steal. Five hundred acres of land for less than a year of Rou’s savings. Man, fuck property prices back home. This was where it’s at! After I’d been told the price I’d considered the possibility I had been screwed over and asked the locals about this place, but nope, no sleeping dragons or ancient curses, as far as anyone knew. Just out of the way and more trouble than it was worth.
People rarely came up this way, since it was so far from the town and the surrounding villages. Nobody would bother me here.
No Spirit Beasts, no cultivator fights, no nothin’.
I breathed in the fantastically clean and invigorating air and slowly let out the breath, my shoulders sagging as the tension finally bled out of them. Enough lazing around. I had some work to do.
I reached into my packed wagon and grabbed my axe, causing my chickens to cluck in irritation at me and the young rooster to crow at the sudden jostling, puffing up his red feathers. The large, sturdy cart was full to the brim with supplies and a few tools. Everything else would be made from scratch. I’d have to get creative, but for just one person it would be enough. The rivers were full of fish, and the berry bushes should let me live off the land for a while, along with the rice seed, of course.
I gave my chicken a little scratch under his developing wattles, and the little guy calmed a bit.
Well, time to get to work. Operation “No Cultivator Bullshit” is a go! There would be no fights here, no mad scramble for resources. Just me, a plot of land, and peace.
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There’s a certain sort of zen you reach when you engage in heavy physical activity for long enough. My axe hewed through trees, my saw made planks, my hammer drove in nails, and my plane made things level. All fuelled by the supernatural strength of a cultivator—even if I was an exceptionally weak one. It was surprisingly calming and invigorating at the same time, and I must confess I heartily enjoyed the heavy physical labour since I had the strength of ten men. Fragments of memory guided one part, while my own experiences in the Before, growing up on a farm, guided the other. My breathing was a perfect rhythm, and my Qi circulated around inside me. I felt so at peace and refreshed!
Also, being able to tear a stump out of the ground with nothing but brute strength would never get old.
The first task, as always, was shelter. There was absolutely nothing here, so that was the priority project. A simple one-room affair that didn’t take me too long to build, with how strong I currently was.
It wasn’t anything spectacular, but it would keep the elements off me and the bugs at bay, with its thatch roof and pounded-dirt floor. Apparently, the survival classes I had … before came in handy for this lifestyle, though wiping my ass with leaves was an annoying novelty. At least the river was right there. I’d built my shack right against my chicken coop, so I could hear if there were any predatory interlopers during the night. The foxes and the wolves had yet to notice my intrusion into their territory or the tasty treats that were clucking away, curious about their new home.
I was proud of the little things I had built.
I woke to the call of my rooster, who I had named Big D. An incredibly childish name, but it amused me greatly. My young lad would follow me around during the day, hopping around and often sitting on my shoulder. From his lofty perch, he proclaimed his dominance to the world, the cheeky shit.
“Cock-a-doodle-doo!” he’d screech.
“You tell ’em, Big D,” I’d reply.
My hoe bit the earth and never dulled, reinforced as it was by my Qi, and it tore into the ground with more speed than any ox could ever accomplish. My chickens eagerly followed behind me, pecking at bugs and plants I unearthed with my efforts, bucking and clucking all the way.
Yes, get good and fat, my pretties, and you will be delectable in the future.
Ah, even now the thought makes my mouth water.
Up and down went the hoe, up and down went the hoe, until I noticed something. A strange root poked out and had a vague sense of Qi about it. Interested, I picked up the lumpy and nondescript tuber.
In novels, this was where the protagonist would immediately identify the plant, spouting that it was some rare so-and-so “Root of Six Elixirs” or something. But quite frankly, I had no clue what it was. I’d have to go to the town Archive at some point, but considering it was here, it probably wasn’t very rare or important.
Shrugging, I put it in my house, then got back to work. After this field—which was going to be my vegetable garden—I’d start on the rice paddy. There were lots of rocks to clear out of the way, but they were no match for my mighty shovel!
It sucks that I haven’t been able to get any wheat yet, but whatcha gonna do?
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That night, I had an absolutely delicious egg fried rice, with Big D sitting on my shoulder. Maybe it was a little morbid to eat eggs right in front of your pet chicken, but he didn’t seem to mind. There were eggs from my chickens, rice from the stuff I had brought to get myself set up, some sesame oil that I had splurged on when I bought my land, and some of the leftover Lowly Spiritual Herbs I had, uh … “liberated” from the Cloudy whatever Sect. They tasted pretty damn good once I’d stir-fried them. A little spicy, a little sweet, a little savoury—I would definitely have to grow more of them. They weren’t that hard to grow, according to Rou’s memories. I’d just have to baby them for a bit.
Sure, I could convert them into pills, but I was extremely suspicious about all the pills these people choked back. I’m half convinced that every cultivator is so damn nuts because of all the drugs they did.
I shook myself out of my introspection and turned to the pleased clucking sounds coming from my “kitchen.” Big D was eagerly pecking at the little nubs of spirit herb I had cut off that looked a bit wilted.
They probably wouldn’t kill him. They were supposed to be good for the body.
Eh, if he likes ’em, he likes ’em. Not going to deny the little man his treat.
I got ready for bed, with Big D jumping up onto the perch I’d made him by the window.
Man, if I was still in the Sect, I’d be doing shitty chores or sitting in a corner cultivating for months on end, instead of actually making stuff.
I smiled when I looked up at the grassy hills that led to the back of my new home, the sunset warming my body. Then I wandered into my house and collapsed on what I was charitably calling my bed. It was just a frame with some blankets on it, but it was mine and I’d made it! I curled up and went to sleep, my mind already whirling with what I would do tomorrow.
My eyes drifted shut. I didn’t have any nightmares. It was nice being able to sleep through the night again, with a warm spring breeze caressing my face.
CHAPTER 2
RICE FARMING 101
I jolted awake to Big D’s furious battle cry and the angry snarling of a fox. I had my shovel in my hand and was out the door as fast as I could. It was an extremely pleasant night. The stars formed ribbons of light that shone brightly, uninterrupted by any light pollution. But I had no time to admire the view.
Big D was flapping around the fox’s head, kicking at it furiously. His spurs, the little blades of bone roosters have on the back of their legs, struck and slashed. He was too small for them to deal any real damage, but he was trying his little heart out.
I was transfixed for a moment as David challenged Goliath. They were two streaks of colour in the night. The other chickens were cowering and clucking nervously, watching the battle unfold.
With a burst of speed, the fox managed to hit him with its paw and knocked him down and away. Big D’s footing was fouled. His fate was sealed. The fox pounced, its razor-sharp teeth going for the kill, trying to end my little warrior.
Oh? You dare trespass into this Daddy’s domain?! … I couldn’t believe I’d just thought that. I really was going native, using that turn of phrase. I snorted to myself.
The fox’s teeth clamped down on iron instead of flesh, and it looked up, shocked at the shovel I had put between it and Big D.
It was then the fox realised it fucked up. It turned and tried to run.
My shovel whirled, and with a clang—the fox died.
I looked back to my little warrior. He had managed to get to his feet and was glaring as hatefully at the fox’s corpse. I gave him a once-over, and he was fine, as were my girls—just a fright.
I didn’t blame the fox; it was their nature to hunt. I hoped he didn’t blame me for braining him with a shovel in retaliation.
I also hope he forgives me for selling his fur because I’m totally going to do that. I think you can eat fox.
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You can, in fact, eat fox. I … just wouldn’t recommend it. Tasted like ass. I forced myself to swallow the grilled meat. It was a measly, dry offering, as predators don’t tend to have much fat. The gaminess was really off-putting too. Food wasn’t scarce at the moment, but that was no excuse to waste any. I had to take what I could get … and what I’d gotten was a fox.
I reserved the right to complain, though.
I grunted as I moved a pot full of dirt to its proper position, then got things ready for the second part of rice planting.
Growing rice properly involves a bit more than just chucking your seed into the ground and hoping for the best. I had witnessed the farmers’ techniques from the village, and they were a bit … lacking. Or at least lacking by modern standards; they seemed to be able to feed themselves just fine.
For example, the first thing you do before planting is soak the rice in a one-to-sixteen ratio of salted water. Rice seeds with the greatest amount of endosperm—those with the best chance of a yield—will sink to the bottom of your barrel. Filling the barrels was pretty easy, they barely weighed a thing to me, but the salt was a bit trickier. It wasn’t as expensive as I’d thought it would be, which I was thankful for. The lighter rice will then float to the top and is easily skimmed out. Those I would pound a bit more and eat, getting off the husks and boiling them for brown rice.
Then, after soaking, you plant the desirable seeds in wide buckets for the first part of their life as they sprout. That was what I was doing at the moment.
