Compromised, page 11
part #1 of MetroGen Forbidden Love Duets Series
He probably shouldn’t go anywhere except home to study and figure out how to save Tiffany.
Fifteen minutes and four blocks later, she’d smuggled him into Firehouse 15 and put him to bed in a room on the second floor.
He lay there, hoping inspiration for the Tiffany situation would strike.
Sleep hit him first.
Angela’s hair lay spread across his chest, and her breathy voice was in his ear. “Michael, why are you doing this to us?”
He skated his hand down the bare skin of her back. “Angel, we can’t.”
She took his hand to her lips and kissed the palm. “Never stopped us before.”
“It’s different now,” he protested, a lie.
“No, it’s not.” Her big blue eyes hovered over his face. “No man is an island, but we’re all under siege.”
Michael tensed. Joshua’s words coming out of Angela’s mouth.
Angela was at the end of his bed, fully clothed in scrubs. She quoted the Latin off his tattoo. “Finis vitae sed non amoris. The end of life, but not of love. You were warned. Are you steel, Michael?”
He snapped out of his dream and realized he was at the fire station. Angela wasn’t standing in his call room; Erin Hudgens was shaking him awake.
Wrong word. Not callroom. Bunkroom.
“Shh, you’re at Firehouse 15. I’m no Luke Skywalker, and I’m not here to rescue you,” Erin half-quoted the Death Star scene from Star Wars.
“And I’m not Princess Leia,” he said, sitting up.
“Okay, come on. Your name is Calvin right now,” she said. “Put this uniform on and put your med student gear in this bag.”
Michael had learned to take orders when he heard one. He placed his folded white coat in her offered Panera bag and began removing his scrub top.
“Oh, no, no, no. Hang on.” Erin covered her eyes and turned around.
“Okay, I’m ready,” he said, now dressed like her, except the regulation firehouse boots.
“Good, Calvin.”
“You sure I just can’t walk out normally.” His cloak and dagger routine was rusty since the breakup.
“You probably could, but I don’t really want my captain to ask questions about where we got a medical student. Now you blend in.”
“Everyone sees what they want to see. Even when they should know better,” he said, beating himself up more for not realizing how sick Tiffany was.
“Yes, so we are two firefighters who are going to buy some Panera. Just normal people doing normal people things.” Erin opened the door.
“Normal things,” he agreed.
Of course, they ran into Dr. Jacob Carver in the hallway.
Dr. He-Carver recognized him. Michael assumed the adoption talk had happened because Tiffany’s adoption packets had disappeared.
Erin tried to make an excuse. “Carver, this is… Calvin. Cross covering. Or something.”
Neither Carver nor Michael spoke, still unable to break the silent communication.
“All right. Stop acting weird. Calvin and I are buying Panera for team dinner. You and the other cross covers can clean the kitchen. Calvin might not make it back.” Erin brushed past Carver.
They went down a flight of stairs to see a firefighter Michael had met before, Aiden Clarke, and a female firefighter standing together. There was a conversation about team problems Michael didn’t understand.
Whatever it was had to be important, since they acted like they were going to the gallows next.
“Follow me. You’ve been to Panera before.” Erin led him out into the cold and snow to Panera across the street.
“You actually expect me to go into the Panera?” Michael asked near the doors.
“Yes. You can become your true self or whatever that is when you’re inside. I’ll even buy you dinner.” Erin opened the door.
He didn’t ask about the weird tension. She wanted him to be a distraction. He needed a distraction.
Whatever was happening in the firehouse, Erin’s grin and energy remained infectious. Besides, it’d be nice to talk to someone not associated with the hospital. She’d had no compunction about kidnapping him, hiding him in a bunk room, and disguising him. Erin Hudgens would be in no position to judge his morning kiss.
And according to her medical intake form, she was completely safe. Her social history had stated she was in an exclusively stable long-term relationship.
“This is a very strange fire department,” he commented and joined her inside.
Chapter 17
Angela went back to Tiffany’s room much later to discuss the situation. She found one nurse recording videos on Tiffany’s phone.
“What’s going on here?”
“Come in. We’re making a goodbye message for the baby when she’s older. I’ve made one for birthdays until she turns sixty,” Tiffany said, sounding a little breathless.
Angela snuck a glance at the monitor. More beats were dropping in and out of her telemetry. It hadn’t alarmed yet, though the threshold was nearing.
“Say something for the camera,” the nurse beckoned Angela to go stand by Tiffany.
“This is Dr. Angela Perkins, my cardiologist. She’s kept me alive this long,” Tiffany told the camera.
“What am I supposed to say?” Angela said.
“Tell us about yourself,” the nurse suggested.
“I’m from New York, and I have a dog who likes to eat squeaky toys. She also plays a lot of fetch,” Angela said, wishing she lived a cooler life or had wisdom to impart. Honestly, Taussig was living at Eliza Kandal’s house most of the time this month.
“How about some well wishes?” the nurse said.
“Um… I’m really proud of your mother. She’s made a tough choice, and she loves you so much. This is the greatest gift. She has loved you since she learned about you, and no one has fought harder for you.”
The nurse suddenly set down the camera and fled the room. “I need a minute.”
“Sorry about that,” Tiffany said. “They’re acting weird today.”
Angela tapped on the monitor. “Your heart rate is changing. This isn’t good. They gave you steroids for the baby.”
“They told me. I feel different, weaker since this morning,” Tiffany said. “So it’s time?”
“Yes, it’s time. Akimova told you she scheduled the C-section tomorrow when we have the full staff here,” Angela said. “If you want to do it now, I can ask OB.”
“Will it save me if we do it tonight?”
Angela exhaled slowly and answered truthfully. “No. It won’t.”
“Then I’ll wait for tomorrow.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’d rather have this last night…” Tiffany tapped the monitor on her belly. “Is the baby in distress?”
“No,” Angela admitted. The baby’s heart rate was rock steady. “But we can get her out tonight while she is stable.”
“When they start the anesthesia, will I stay stable? Or will it kill me and you’ll still be doing the C-section to save her?”
Angela hesitated before answering. “I don’t know. I’m worried your heart won’t handle the intubation.”
“So tomorrow is just as good.” Tiffany’s voice changed. “Do you think it will hurt? When I go?”
Angela hesitated. “I don’t know.”
“Aren’t people dying and being brought back by cardiologists day in and day out? You yelling ‘clear’ and saving them.”
“Most of my heart attack patients during the heart attack feel this intense tearing pain… and then it varies. Some tell me they feel nothing until they come back. Others told me they had a sense of peace and completion. That their tasks were finished.”
“I hope it’s that. I want to see Brett again. And tell Michael’s brother Joshua how sorry he was and what he’s done with his life.”
Angela’s eyes started burning, and she couldn’t breathe…
“Dr. Perkins, a word.” Dr. Feldsher, the OB chief, stepped through the open door. “My apologies, Ms. Wickwire.”
“No problem. We were about done anyway,” Tiffany said brightly, as if they hadn’t been discussing her impending demise.
Angela ducked out into the hallway and followed Dr. Feldsher into an empty exam room. “Is everything okay?”
“I thought you could use an escape.”
“I was fine.”
Feldsher’s face told Angela she didn’t believe it for a second. “I’m asking if you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.”
“Are you?” Feldsher asked the armor piercing question. “We gave her steroids, and she’s scheduled for C-section tomorrow.”
“She’s a patient. I’m doing my job.” Angela squared her shoulders.
“Why wait till tomorrow? Tell me, and we’ll take her back for a C-section now. I can have the baby delivered in less than an hour.”
“No. I can’t.”
“You can. It can end today.”
“I don’t have a reason to. She’ll be as bad tomorrow.“
“This is OB. We can always find a reason to deliver someone. We’ll say the baby’s having placental insufficiency. The fetal heart rate is becoming more variable and erratic with signs of distress.”
“Lie?”
“It’s not lying. It’s mitigation,” Feldsher said calmly. “Don’t dismiss this. If we had a clinical indication on the baby, it would be easier on everyone.”
“I can’t. I won’t.”
“So you’ll see this through to the end? This might be my car, but you’re the one with the foot on the gas. The staff is not ready for this to happen tomorrow, no matter how they’ve prepared. Give me an excuse. Anything you feel is concerning, and we’ll deliver her right now.”
“My feelings shouldn’t matter.”
“Our feelings always matter, because despite patient autonomy, we’re the ones who set the goal posts. We draw the line in the sand and go no further. And we choose when it’s time to cross the Rubicon.”
“I crossed the Rubicon three months ago. We only have to wait a little longer and treat her appropriately,” Angela said.
“Appropriately for whom? You and I both know what will happen. Tiffany Wickwire is sweet and nice. What’s happening to her is unfair and undeserved. She’s ready, but the staff—my nurses and my medical students aren’t.”
“They have to be.”
“If we take the baby, it will be on our terms and the staff will feel we had to act. Otherwise, we’re killing her on our schedule. The outcome for Ms. Wickwire is the same either way. The question is—are we going to continue this? Will you stick to your guns till the end, or will this break you?” Feldsher was relentless.
“No. If every member of the cardio department failed to change my mind, nothing will,” Angela said, which didn’t include the myriad other departments who had refused to get involved—vascular surgery, cardiothoracic surgery, perfusion, transplant team, and anesthesia.
“Good, because we’re depending on you for leadership. The medical students, in particular, need this. Michael Harper… I’m worried about him.”
“Me too,” Angela said and wondered what Feldsher had heard or suspected.
Feldsher leaned forward slightly, a few inches taller than Angela. “I ought to have barred him from visiting her. He’s too close.”
“It’s a learning experience. He has to learn,” Angela whispered.
Feldsher raised her eyebrows. “His problem is he’s too old.”
“What?” Angela startled.
“Harper’s personality is set. He’s less malleable than most of the medical students. They’re easier to mold and bend. I can push in the directions I want for them to learn to cope. Harper is less flexible.”
Angela rubbed her eyes. “He didn’t want to see.”
“He does not,” Feldsher agreed. “Which means you cannot falter tomorrow.”
“I understand,” Angela said. “In cardiology, our survival rate is much lower than yours.”
“I supposed that is true,” the OB said. “Except nothing hurts more than losing a mother. We never get used to it. I’ve been doing this for over thirty years, and it’s never gotten any easier.”
“Omnes Una Manet Nox. One night awaits us all,” Angela said.
Feldsher responded, “Kol Ha’olam kulo Gesher Tsar me’od veha’ikar lo lefached klal.”
“That wasn’t Latin,” Angela said.
“No, it’s Hebrew. You are right. ‘One night awaits us all, but the world is a very narrow bridge and the most important thing is to not be afraid.’”
Angela gave a helpless little laugh. “I lost a head-to-head battle in classic quotes.”
“As I said, thirty years. Chin up, Perkins. You’ll lead us through the darkness and into the Promised Land yet,” Feldsher said. “There will be pain, suffering, and doubt, but stay the course. Get some rest. Tomorrow will be harder than you can imagine.”
Chapter 18
Angela got in line, forgetting she had been semi boycotting Panera since it had been the meals she and Michael had eaten together at her rowhouse.
Then she heard laughter and turned.
Michael was at Panera with a tall Black woman. He had his arms around her, smiling. The couple was both wearing the pants and uniform shirts of the fire department.
The word exploded from Angela’s mouth on its own. “Michael!”
He released the woman, guilt written across his face.
Angela felt like a total fool. Here she was worrying about him struggling to cope when he had found comfort somewhere else.
And forget this morning’s kiss.
Burning with humiliation, Angela whirled around and ran out into the cold, icy street.
No clue where she was going, Michael caught up with her in front of the fire station.
“Angela! It’s not what you think.” He grabbed her arm and spun her to face him.
“Why does it matter? We aren’t together. I can’t be upset. You be you. Date as many news reporters or firefighters as you want. You are not mine. We are not anything. We are nothing!” she screamed at him, the snow swirling around them unabated.
“Nothing?” Michael snapped at her and pulled her to him.
His mouth came down on hers, and he gave her a very deliberate, very powerful kiss right there in the street.
Damn it, she capitulated without a fight. This wasn’t the hazy confused kiss of this morning. It was hunger, it was need, and it was heat.
The snow had to be melting, because she was. Logic had no meaning here, since her body welcomed him, craving the completion he offered it. Her body and heart knew where its perfect match was, the piece to complete the puzzle.
The world could disappear, and this would be enough. Only this.
He stopped to let her breathe, and they stared at each other, unable to move from their little bubble.
Until she saw Firefighter Lady chasing them out of the Panera, bags in hand.
Angela jerked back and landed on her butt on the snowy sidewalk. She glanced around and found curious firefighters watching the whole debacle through their station’s front window.
“Let me—” Michael reached down to help her.
She recoiled and rolled to her feet. “I can’t do this. There is no this. There is no us. We are getting confused. I have to be clear.”
His eyes glowed with the same familiar hunger. “Yes, this is totally clear.”
Passion, even love, didn’t fix what was broken. A few kisses couldn’t hide their bigger looming issue.
She had to stop things now. He was a medical student. She was a doctor, and she had a duty to prepare him for the future he didn’t want to face.
“I have to be clear because you cannot misunderstand me, no matter what we were. Tiffany is getting worse. OB gave her another dose of steroids as a precaution because we’re taking the baby tomorrow, one way or another.”
“The plan was 35-weeks. She has two more weeks, and by then maybe she’ll be better.” He sounded like she’d slapped him.
“There is no better. There is no two more weeks. It’ll be a miracle if she makes it two days. We’re delivering her tomorrow. We have to.”
“It will kill her.”
“Delivery was always going to kill her. We’ve run out of time.”
“She won’t consent. She wanted 35-weeks.”
“She already agreed.”
“Did you do this because cardiology pushed you again? Tired of standing up to them?” Michael aimed for her sore spot.
It worked, making her flinch, but she wasn’t going to back down. She used her best doctor's voice. “We’re doing it because I am the damn doctor. This is my specialty, and I have determined this is clinically indicated. I’ve already stuck my neck out far enough and dragged three departments with me kicking and screaming. I have five more years of clinical experience than you, medical student. Stay in your lane.”
He straightened, teeth clamped together. “Then I, the medical student, defer to your superior knowledge of the heart."
Angela restrained her desire to scream at him. She saw the Firefighter Lady, who she now recognized as her rarely seen next-door neighbor. “You can have him. A plague on both your houses.”
Her neighbor shook her head. “Oh, no, no, no. I prefer my firehouse plague-free. We are NOT together. Not in the tiniest bit.”
“Then don’t get any closer and watch your step.” Angela stomped westward toward Doctor Row, leaving Michael and the hospital behind.
She didn’t get far when her cell phone rang.
It was the bedside nurse. “Dr. Perkins, you need to come back. Her heart pattern changed. The QRS is weird.”
“Weird?” Angela’s heart sank. “Is it extra fast?”
“Yes. I don’t know what to call them.”
“Did you call the on-call cardiologist?” Angela hoped.
“Yes, he said he’d come up when he finishes the cath he’s in.”
“Call the delivery team.”
“They’re in an emergency C-section. Someone abrupted.”
“I’ll be right there.”
