Lamented Pasts, page 5
part #1 of Timeless Affection Series
He looks tired and worn, like he hasn't slept in days, but when he smiles at me all his exhaustion seems to melt away.
"Hello," he says quietly, as he takes me in.
I smooth my dress down self-consciously. I've been so anxious all morning that I'm sure I look a fright.
"How are you?" I ask lamely.
He takes a step towards me, and before I know it, I find myself running at him, and jumping into his arms.
He laughs and spins me around.
"So, it's true?" I ask breathlessly.
"Is what true?" he asks, his mouth twitching.
I slug him on the arm and he sets me down and drags me in for a kiss. Our tongues tangle together. He angles my head where he wants it and groans into the kiss. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth, and I laugh.
"It's true," he whispers.
"But how did you convince your father?"
"Well evidently when your only son threatens to abdicate the throne and leave the country, you actually have to listen," he laughs out bitterly.
"You threatened to give up your throne?" I ask, tears beginning to collect in my eyes. "You shouldn't have done that."
"You and I, we're alike. We're selfish in our pursuit of each other. I would sooner have the world burn down around me and take everyone with it, then not have you in my life," he says fervently.
It might sound wrong, but it's true. Isn't that what the ball was all about? I would rather him pick me than the good of anything or anyone else around me. Even a French/British alliance. I just want him.
"So, your father just gave in?" I ask, still unable to comprehend that this is really happening after weeks of uncertainty.
"We might have lost a few useless titles, and I'm sure introducing you to Father won't be pleasant, but it's happening."
The phrase "it's happening" seems enormous all of a sudden.
He must see the misgiving in my eyes because he starts pulling me from the room.
"Where are we going?" I ask, but he just continues to pull me along.
He hoists me on top of the horse that he rode over on, and then jumps up behind me, setting us off on a brisk gallop. We ride for a few miles until I see the outside walls of the castle.
"Are you introducing me to your father right now," I squeak out, very sure that I should have changed for an occasion like that.
"Come on," he says, laughing at the terrified expression on my face.
He opens the hidden entrance that he showed me so many years before, and we walk into our orchard. I can't think of it just as the King's any longer after the part it has played in bringing us together.
While I look around admiring the branches heavy with fruit, James surprises me by dropping down on one knee.
I stare at him shocked. When he said ,"it's happening," he obviously meant it.
"Are you…?" I ask, my fingers flying up to cover my mouth.
"Juliet Farryn Caris, the day you stole the King's apples, you also took a piece of my heart. I never forgot you and when I finally saw you again, you took all the rest of it. You drive me mad in the best possible way. You're all I see, and all I want, Juliet. And if I had to choose between you and losing everything else in the world I hold dear, I would choose you a million times over. Please, say you will be mine."
I stand there for a moment, holding his hand and absorbing the devotion I see written in his eyes. Nothing will be the same after this. Am I ready?
A thousand times yes.
"Yes," I whisper, memorizing the moment so that it will stay with me forever.
We're both smiling when our lips finally meet.
I feel the tingling begin as I brush out my hair in the bedroom I am staying in until the wedding happens in a few days. James has gone to a meeting this morning with his advisors to prepare for our long honeymoon. He won't tell me where we're going, just that it's a surprise.
I stand up and stretch, thinking that my limbs have fallen asleep from sitting down, but the tingling continues, spreading until I feel that I may faint.
I weave my way to the door to find help. As I reach for the door handle, I hear James saying something to a guard out in the hallway. I feel a wave of relief that I won't have to go far. James will know what to do.
The tingling increases until it feels almost like my skin is burning. Right before I touch the door, I watch in shock and horror as my hand fades away in front of my face, followed by the rest of my arm, and then all the rest of me.
In a moment of desperation, I once searched for myself in the Library of Congress, intent on finding anything to confirm that my love story with James had existed. I found that I had been erased from history books, relegated to nothing but a long-forgotten rumor of a young girl that had either run away or been stolen away on the eve of her wedding to The Crown Prince. James had lived for twenty more years, eventually marrying again and taking over as King after his father passed. I wondered what his new queen had been like, if he loved her like I believed he had loved me. Had he thought of me throughout his life and mourned me like I had mourned him? The selfish part of me hoped he had, that he had carried the memory of my love with him throughout his life. I wondered if he had been able to eat apples after I had disappeared, since I couldn't eat one without gagging to this day. I wondered if he thought of me when he saw the sea. If the spray of the waves crashing on rocks filled him with melancholy. Yes, the selfish part of me hoped that he had never forgotten and had missed me for the rest of his life.
The unselfish part of me hoped he had been happy.
Now
My sleep is fitful, filled with a slideshow of all the memories I can never escape. I feel exhausted when I wake up, and I spend most of the day on my moth-eaten couch, contemplating if it would be possible to just hide away in my apartment when Liam comes to collect me for the party.
Finally, thirty minutes before he's due to pick me up, I get off the couch and hurry into my bedroom to get ready. My apartment only consists of two rooms, and certainly didn't come with a closet. I have a makeshift rack leaning against the wall to hang my clothes on, and I peruse its meager offerings unexcitedly. It's certainly inconvenient that my wardrobe from each of my lives doesn't come with me.
A wave of depression follows that thought. There are far more important things than clothes that I haven't been able to bring with me.
The only thing I have that could even be considered suitable for a party, is a simple, long-sleeved black dress. I slip it on, and notice that I seem to have lost at least ten pounds from when I first bought it. It hangs much looser than it did when I picked it up a few weeks ago. A by-product of depression and not having enough money to buy food, I suppose.
I stare into my mirror, noticing how pale I've become. I pinch my cheeks to try and bring some color into them, and then swipe on some mascara and some light pink lipstick. I decide to leave my too long black hair down since I'm cutting it close to be ready in time for Liam to pick me up. I run a brush through my hair and stare at myself critically. It's been awhile since I tried to look halfway decent at all. I shouldn't have tried. There's a haunted look in my eyes that prevents me from looking normal.
I'm just about to change back into my pair of yoga pants, and call the night a failure, when a knock sounds on the door. I wring my hands nervously and take a deep breath.
"It's just a party with a friend," I tell my reflection in the mirror.
The girl looking back at me looks like she knows I'm full of shit. Rolling my eyes at my reflection, I grab my small purse and slip on a pair of black heels before walking to the door.
I open it and see Liam's dazzling face staring back at me. He takes his time looking me up and down, and I squirm uncomfortably while also taking my time to look him up and down. Friends admire each other, right?
"You look gorgeous," he tells me, and I can't help but blush, which immediately annoys me. I can already tell that he's going to make it very difficult for me to hold him to this friendship pact.
I slug him on the shoulder awkwardly.
"You don't look half bad yourself," I tell him, and he stifles a laugh at my social ineptitude. He looks far better than "half bad" though. Wearing fitted dark jeans that I can tell cost more than what I make in a week, he has a charcoal sweater on that's tight on the sleeves, showcasing his perfect, sculpted arms. His blonde hair is slicked back with something tonight, and I ache to run my fingers through it and mess it up.
He gestures forward and holds out his arm for me to walk with him to where a sleek, black, spaceship-looking car sits at the curb waiting for us.
Intent on keeping my distance, I ignore his waiting arm and walk to the car, wobbling a bit in the heels that I haven't worn in forever. I get to the car and delicately run a finger along the hood.
Liam chuckles at my awestruck look, but again says nothing. I like that about him, that he's all right with leaving things unsaid even if they are obvious. It's like he can read inside my head when not to point something out.
We get in the car, and Liam starts it.
"No driver tonight?" I ask.
He gives me a sheepish grin. "I try to only use the limo for business meetings, but I didn't have time to pick up a car before I met you at the diner. I didn't want to miss you."
The way he says 'miss you' seems to carry more meaning than just not catching me before I left the diner. The way he says it, seems to be like he would have missed me. Ugh, I'm being stupid.
"So where are we headed?" I ask.
"My friend lives in Beacon Hill. But I was thinking we could grab a bite to eat before we head there," he says casually.
I side eye him. Grabbing a bite to eat sounds awfully like a date. I open my mouth to object, but he lays a hand on my thigh, rendering me speechless for a moment.
"It's just a bite to eat, Juliet. Don't overthink it," he says firmly.
I take a deep breath and resolve to stop acting so crazy.
"Sounds good," I tell him.
We pull up to a steakhouse called Abe and Louie's that I had heard about, but never dreamed I would eat at due to the cost. The inside of the restaurant makes me feel out of place in my second-hand dress and my scuffed heels. It's far too fancy for a girl like me.
The restaurant's dim lighting, cherry wood interior, and antique decor reminds me of Landon. He always had an eye for fine things, and this was just the place I could imagine my beautiful mobster holding clandestine meetings.
"Juliet," Liam whispers, bringing me back to the present.
I smile at him blankly.
"Where did you go?" he asks.
"Just admiring the decor," I tell him.
He stares at me for a long moment, and I feel like he's stripping me bare. Like he can see all the cracks and broken pieces inside of me.
"Ready to eat?" he asks, flashing me a smile that makes me feel more than it should.
Looking over the menu, I want it all. I had always eaten well with all my men, and my stomach growls thinking of the chance it has to finally taste some steak again. I have eaten far too much ramen in this life.
The waiter comes to the table, and I rattle off an order that I'm sure has Liam gaping. I sure hope he's paying because my meal isn't cheap. Making me like him even more, when I turn to look at him he doesn't make a comment or a weird face. In fact, he turns to the waiter and orders the biggest steak on the menu before turning towards me nonplussed.
"This is my favorite place to get a good steak," he tells me. "I've been coming here for years."
I just nod, and the silence feels awkward.
"So tell me about yourself," Liam says, going back to the old standby of all first dates. Not that this is a date. Definitely not a date.
"Not much to say," I tell him. "Just another waitress trying to pay my bills."
"I'm sure there's a lot more to you than that," he comments, peering at me intently.
I shrug my shoulders at him non-committedly. There's definitely a lot more to me than that, a whole host of lifetimes and loves that could fill a few dozen books.
"I'll go then, since you so politely asked," he tells me jokingly. I stick out my tongue at him childishly, and immediately want to punch myself. How dorky can I get?
"I'm the only son of the most wonderful woman in the world who single handedly raised me after my father left us high and dry. As I told you before, we lived in the poor part of Boston. After graduating from college, I started a business with my high school friends and got both myself and my Mom out. I enjoy the Sox, the Patriots, and long walks on the beach with gorgeous women," he says with a perfectly straight face. "Your turn."
I gape at him and think of what I could say. Just as I'm about to say something extremely lame like "I'm well-traveled," the waiter comes with our food.
It all looks more amazing than anything I've had lately, and I dig in. I scarf it down like it's the last good meal I'll have, which is a very possible thing since in my last life I was living off whatever animal I managed to kill. I'm pretty sure that I don't look up until my plate is all the way clean. I pat my mouth with my cloth napkin and look up to grab my glass. I freeze when I see that Liam is looking at me in shock. He looks so off guard that for some reason it makes me burst into laughter, the kind of laughter that comes from deep inside of you. The kind of laughter I didn't think I would experience again.
Somewhere in the middle of my laughter, Liam joins me. Our laughter over my ridiculousness is just what we needed to break the awkwardness that's been present since he picked me up.
Liam still has half of his enormous steak to finish, but he insists that I need to try it, along with the five extra sides that he orders once he sees that I'm basically starving.
One thing that I've gotten very good at over the years is making people talk about themselves instead of asking about my past. I pepper him with questions and find out that he was being modest when he talked about graduating from college. He actually graduated valedictorian of his class at Harvard, and his company is already valued at almost a billion dollars.
"What exactly does your company do?" I ask.
"We rehab failing businesses. Our specialty is determining why a company is deteriorating, getting it moving in a different direction, and then selling it for a profit."
It's hard to concentrate on his words since I'm too busy watching his face. He's expressive, and it's clear that he has more passion for his work and what it can do for people than most people will ever have for anything in their lives. His eyes sparkle, and he gestures to illustrate his points. In that moment I know that I'm in trouble. If there's one thing I have a weakness for, it's passionate, powerful men. Liam Calloway exemplifies both. I take a deep breath and resolve to enjoy the night before I tell him I can never see him again.
Suddenly he leans in to me, as if he's about to tell me a secret that only I can know.
"I like to find broken things, discover their secrets, and repair them until they're far better than how I found them," he says, staring at me intently.
I squirm under the weight of his stare. I feel like he's looking straight into me, searching for all of my secrets. I ignore the double entendre of his comments and concentrate on finishing the most delicious piece of chocolate cake that I've ever tasted.
After we're both done eating, he escorts me to the curb where the valet has brought his car. He opens the door for me and I feel a shiver as he holds my hand while he helps me inside. He runs to the other side, and quickly gets the heater started as we start our drive out to Beacon Hill.
Despite the hard life I've had here, Boston is one of my favorite places I have found myself. The flawless way that the past and the present weave together has always charmed me. I love that I can in the same day, walk the Freedom Trail and visit sites dating back to the 1600s, and then afterwards walk among the towering skyscrapers of the Financial District. It's incredible.
When I appeared in this time period, I found myself in a small town in Nebraska. This was the first time since leaving Gabriel that I found myself in a place and time that gave me a chance to find out what happened to him. I rode a Greyhound all the way to Virginia where I finally found out that he had ended up in Boston. I only found this out thanks to a letter in the local library that had been saved and preserved in a glass case because it was supposedly from one of the founding fathers. I had been in Boston for almost a year, searching every cemetery I could find in my spare time, but I still hadn't found his grave yet. I was still hanging onto the hope that I wouldn't find it at all.
We pull up to a gorgeous, red brick townhouse in Beacon Hill, and my thoughts bounce back and forth between the past and the present. It's a pricey, historic neighborhood with cobblestone streets that make me long with every fiber of my being for Gabriel every time I see them. We had spent so many evenings walking along cobblestone streets, talking about everything that passed through our minds. The first time he had kissed me had been on the cobblestone streets in the main square of the town.
My happiness at dinner has faded from my march down memory lane, and I feel trepidation and a wave of depression as Liam finishes parking and opens my door for me. Liam grabs my hand as we walk to the door, and I feel the itchy urge to pull away and run. He must feel the tension in my body because he stops us in front of the door.
"Everything all right?" he asks, squeezing my hand reassuringly.
"Everything's fine," I tell him, knowing that the smile that I'm flashing is not very convincing. "I just haven't been to a party in a long time."
I leave out the fact that I've never been to a party in this lifetime. I'm sure what we are about to walk into will be a far cry from the parties of my past.
Liam opens the door without knocking, and we walk in. Despite the classic look of the outside of the townhouse, the inside has been completely redone to give it a modern feel. Liam lets go of my hand, and moves his arm to the back of me, sliding his hand to the bottom of my back as he does so. It feels intimate, much more so than even holding hands had felt, and I wonder why that is.
