Dream Eater, page 3
“No meddling is required,” I said. “I’m not going to go out of my way to do anything. I’ve behaved as naturally as possible, though it’s not easy. I’m just saying, when the inevitable happens—her falling for me—I will be happy to turn her down. But she’ll get over it, just as I did.”
“There’ll be nothing to get over.”
“Quit playing matchmaker! I told you I don’t want her anymore.”
“Sure you don’t.” She rolled her eyes. “After decades of longing, I am to believe you feel nothing in her presence?”
“I’ll admit her appearance has caught me off guard. I expected her to be someone else entirely if I did happen upon her reincarnation. But it doesn’t mean I want her as I did before.”
“It’s a mistake to think you can separate her from who she was in her previous life.” Her eyes twinkled. “She’s proof that reincarnated souls are truly the same beings, is she not?”
“She certainly is.” Everything about Lily was the same, except for what was shaped by her environment. Mara was right. It was as if she’d been plucked out of the 1880s, stripped of her memories, and put in the 2000s. She was the woman I used to love, and that was difficult for me to accept.
“She’s still the same woman. That was her life, and this one is hers, too,” Mara said.
“I’m getting that.” Sighing, I rested my head on my palm.
“I’ve met people who remember their past lives, so I think with proper encouragement, anyone can.”
Perking up, I asked, “She could remember everything?”
“Well, not entirely.” Looking pensive, she tipped her head to the side as if that would help her sort her thoughts. “No one remembers every moment of their lives, but whatever memories she stored away exist in her soul. I suppose even things she forgot during that life could resurface if someone reminded her of them.”
“That is appealing, but to what end? What do I have to gain by her remembering?”
“Closure,” she suggested, looking away quickly.
“You think me a fool, don’t you?” I knew exactly what she was up to. “You think that if she remembers that life, we’ll be able to pick up right where we left off?”
“Yes!” she said, revealing her true intentions. “Why not?”
“Because she screwed up everything, and she’s still that woman. She’ll lure me in and fucking crush me all over again if I let her.”
“Okay. So, let me get this straight. You, who—according to her—have already overstepped boundaries, will remain unfazed while she falls madly in love with you.”
She was right. I had overstepped boundaries already, and had done so without even thinking about it. In the past, I’d loved making Lily angry, pushing her out of her comfort zone and paying her compliments I knew would send her into a frenzy. It was how I’d pushed her into my arms the first time. She was so stubborn and insecure that it was the only way to get to her, and I knew that. I knew it, and I’d started pursuing her again the minute she’d stepped into my office, like the fool that I was.
“Sounds about right.”
“And if she doesn’t fall for you?” she asked, sounding almost worried over the thought of Lily not falling for me. She was definitely playing matchmaker.
“She has to.”
“Why?”
Because her love is all I’ve ever wanted.
“I don’t know,” I said, because the truth wasn’t something I was ready to acknowledge.
“You’re angry with her. I get that.” She slid my refilled glass in front of me. “But if you awaken her soul, you can tell her you’re angry. You can get the closure you were denied when she died. Maybe you won’t end up together, and that’s fine. But don’t let your anger make decisions for you, and don’t be an ass.”
“No promises. I can’t go through that again.” I tried to think of the situation realistically and without emotion. “Your suggestion has merit. But what if she gets mad when she remembers? Some people wouldn’t want to remember their past lives.”
“I think she will be happy. With the way her life ended, how could she not be?”
“True... So, how do I do it?”
“You’re a manipulator of dreams. I’m sure you can find a way.”
Dreams. I could show her my memories as dreams and relive them with her. Surely, it would awaken her.
“You’re going to regret helping me.” It’s not that I wanted to hurt Lily, but I refused to repeat the past. Never again would I let a woman break me like that. “I want to be clear on that.”
“No, I won’t.” She hopped down from the barstool and winked at me. “This doesn’t end with more heartbreak; it merely begins with it in mind. I promise you that much.”
As she began to walk away, I asked, “What does it end with, then?”
She paused before the door, shooting me a smile. “You’ll see. Bye!”
“Cryptic as always.”
When I left the bar, I glanced around the area and down the dark alley, looking for remnants of Zazel and his encounter with the man, wondering what the fate of his soul was. Of course, there wasn’t any, because Zazel, being whatever he was, moved with the shadows. He was only seen when he allowed it, and he never left a trace of his existence.
He, like much of the supernatural world, made little sense to me. My mind couldn’t wrap around the fact that some beings had existed for all of time.
Given that no one had ripped my heart out yet, my existence could technically go on forever as well. Sometimes I found myself overwhelmed by the idea, because forever was a long time to spend alone. It sounded exhausting.
Women had come and gone, and I had made a few friends over the decades who were worthwhile, but I had never found love again. Damn Lily. She’d ruined me for other women. Her impression had lasted on my heart, in the shape of a gaping cavern that was impossible to fill.
As I stood in front of the bar, gazing at the few stars that peaked out between wispy, gray clouds, a woman laughing with her friend bumped into me.
“I’m sorry,” she said, but her tone betrayed her. She had bumped into me on purpose.
“There’s no need for that.”
“Oh, my gosh, he’s English,” her friend whispered loudly, making me wonder why she’d even bothered to lower her voice at all.
Smiling, I turned and was about to take off towards my car when someone grabbed my arm.
When I looked at the sleeve of my jacket, thin fingers with nails painted hot pink lay there.
“I could make it up to you.” The brunette girl who had bumped into me tipped her head towards the bar. “I’ll buy you a drink.”
As I removed her hand, I fought the urge to let an icy look slide into place on my face. I hadn’t been in good spirits since Lily’s return, and my patience had grown thin.
“No, thank you.” I managed a feigned, charming smile. It’s not like it was her fault I wanted to punch a hole in something.
“Oh, come on...” She tugged on my arm again. “Just one drink.”
That time I couldn’t help myself. I ripped my arm away from her so quickly, she went stumbling forward. I put a hand out to catch her in case she actually fell, because I wasn’t a monster, but it would be no more than she deserved.
The girl righted herself and turned towards me with an alarmed look on her face. As if I were the bad guy even after I was willing to catch her fall.
“May I ask you something?” I asked, my tone chilling.
The serial grabber slid over to where her friend stood and they linked arms. They watched me nervously as she said, “Sure.”
“If a man, a stranger, were to latch himself onto you and ask if you wanted a drink, would you be comfortable?”
Exasperation shown on her face. “Yes, if he was just trying to be friendly.”
“And what if, after he was told no, he tugged you towards the bar anyway. Would the exchange still be viewed as friendly?”
“Look, she just wanted to buy you a fucking drink. Chill out,” said the other girl, and she tugged on Grabber’s arm. However, Grabber didn’t budge.
Stepping up to her, I said, “Men aren’t any more your possessions to touch whenever and however you please than you are theirs. Do not persist in touching someone who obviously doesn’t want you to.”
“Asshole.”
“You know it’s an awful double standard, so don’t be a hypocrite.” Bored with the conversation, I walked towards my car while her friend fired off a slew of profanities.
It was excessive of me to take it that far when I could have simply told her to fuck off, but after over a century of women throwing themselves at me, I was tired of it.
It was boring. There was no challenge.
Lily would be a challenge…
“Lily,” I said aloud, hating how her name on my lips still stirred something inside of me.
As I drove home, I replayed our first encounter over in my mind. Well, not our very first, but the one from this life of hers. My physical reaction to her had been instant. My heart had thrashed in my chest, the air had left my lungs in a rush, and my fingers itched to pull her to me.
With perfect clarity, I recalled what her skin felt like beneath my fingers. I longed to know if she still felt the same. With harrowing sadness, I recalled just how she tasted, and because I was a sentimental fool, I desperately ached to test the memory.
After the door to my condo closed and beeped behind me, I leaned against it. Looking down at the bulge in my slacks, I frowned. “Ridiculous.”
The battle ahead looked a lot more difficult than I had thought while in the bar. But I wasn’t about to let Lily lead me down a dark path once more just because I wanted to have sex with her.
Over the many years of my life, I had proved that I was more than capable of sleeping with women and keeping my heart out of the equation. She would no longer be an exception to that rule.
No, she would not break my heart again. Of that, I was almost certain.
Chapter 3
Lily
As I walked down the hallway towards my office, I reminded myself that I wasn’t any less me just because I was wearing nicer, more fashionable clothing. In truth, I had always wanted to shop at the stores Mara had taken me to, but I was never able to afford such luxuries.
My parents hadn’t made much money while we were growing up. They had owned a small mom and pop restaurant on the outskirts of the city, and we’d lived in a small apartment above it.
My brother and I had never complained, though, because we had loving parents who saw to our every need. It didn’t bother us that we shared a bedroom that was split in half by a thin, makeshift wall, or that we had to get all our clothes at thrift stores.
Our parents taught us that love was the greatest thing one could have in life, and money didn’t even make the list. Love was what made life worth living.
We’d lost them a few years ago when I was twenty and Mason was eighteen. They’d had us late in life, so our mom, Susanna, was sixty-three when she died from breast cancer. Then, it was about six months later that our dad, Gerald, who was seventy years old, passed away from a heart attack.
Though some would say it wasn’t possible, it seemed to me that heartache was the real cause of Dad’s death. Once my mom died, my dad had tried his best to be happy for his children, but we could see how lost he was without her. So lost that Mason and I were relieved when he passed, because we knew how he had longed to be with Mom again.
When I thought about their passing, a dark cloud tried to wrap its arms around me. But I found immeasurable comfort in believing with all my heart that they were somewhere together, looking after Mason and me.
For my peace of mind and my ability to attribute meaning to life, I had to believe that there was more to it. That there was something after life, and that love endured even after death.
Sighing, I ran a hand down my stomach and relished the feel of velvet. I wondered what my parents would think of the dress.
They’d say I looked beautiful, regardless of the price tag. They weren’t so set in their ways that they turned up their noses to people with money. But for a second, I almost felt guilty, because they’d never had such nice things.
But I had to look the part.
After talking to Mara as I got ready for work, I had come to realize that Wren wasn’t being entirely unreasonable. She was right: most jobs had dress codes, so I couldn’t fault him for having one as well.
Besides, it was the job of a lifetime. I couldn’t pass it up just because the boss was an asshole. Even if it was a job I’d never wanted. It was a bit sad that my decision to work at Intrigue had been made because of money, but I didn’t live in a cheap city.
While pursuing a degree in business administration, I’d dreamed of working for a company that made a difference. A company I could help cultivate and expand into something that could touch and change the lives of many. Yet there I was, working for a company whose products touched genitals rather than lives.
The only lasting imprint we were making was on the minds of the horny… But admittedly, I didn’t understand the good we were doing for people in regard to their self-esteem. Mara said women wanted to feel sexy, whether it was for themselves or a partner, and that was exactly how Intrigue sought to make them feel.
Even I would have loved to know what it was like to feel sexy.
As I pushed open the door to my office, I let out a sigh. I was reluctant to be there again so soon, even though I was trying to think positively.
I hung my grossly overpriced peacoat on the hanger and ran a hand down my red wrap dress again. Mara had insisted it was work appropriate, but until I had seen the other women in the office, I’d had my doubts. Apparently, Wren had a unique perspective on what clothing was office appropriate.
The women I had observed as I’d walked the floor where Mara worked—which was littered with cubicles—were all well-dressed. Many of them wore business attire, as expected. But the clothing looked more luxurious, and at times, sexier than one would expect. I was informed they did it by choice, that Wren didn’t disparage modesty, and I found comfort in that.
Though I found little comfort elsewhere, because I was in a world I didn’t belong to. I was outnumbered by elegant women and a few men, who looked at me like I was an outsider. Wren had been honest about the nature of the people who worked for him, because they did look like they would eat me alive for the slightest misstep. I also knew from experience that they withheld smiles like their salaries depended on it.
Thankfully, the clothing truly was armor of sorts, providing a thin layer between them and who I was inside.
Pulling a tube of matte, red lipstick out of my purse, I stared at its black studded casing. I was tempted to remove the lid, but I wasn’t quite there yet.
What are you so afraid of?
The truth… I had always been afraid of trying to look and feel pretty. If someone called me out, I would never live it down. As an average-looking woman, it was safer to own it, to let the world know that I know. I never tried to step out of bounds. So, to get all dolled up, wear pretty dresses, and put on that fierce, red lipstick… Well, that was like asking people to notice me trying way too hard to be something I wasn’t.
When the door to Wren’s office opened, I quickly shoved the lipstick in my drawer. Then, I stood to face him with what I hoped was a bright, confident smile–just not too confident.
“Good morning, Lily.” He paused, eyeing my dress, making me feel exposed.
“Good morning, Mr. Everly.”
“You may call me Wren.” When he reached the door leading out to the hallway, he looked over his shoulder. “Red is your color.”
I sucked in a breath, the very color he’d spoken of likely spreading across my cheeks like wildfire. It was a simple compliment, one he could’ve easily paid to his mother. But it still hit me like a freight train, temporarily derailing my carefully crafted persona.
Heavy was the realization that I was starved for attention, for someone to notice me.
The door clicked behind him, drawing me out of my stunned silence. He didn’t even wait for a response, for which I was thankful. I didn’t want him to see all the cracks, because then he’d know how deep my insecurities were. And I didn’t want him to know that, despite appearing happy with what I had, I wanted more.
I wanted to be more.
Some days, even though it made me feel guilty, I even wished I were someone else. As if I weren’t wonderfully and beautifully made, regardless of the world's beauty standards.
There you go. That’s who you want to be… Content with who you are.
The phone rang, halting my contradicting thoughts and emotions. “Intrigue. This is Lily speaking.” I pulled the phone away from my ear as someone had a meltdown. “Can you please slow down and repeat that?”
“You didn’t email me the employee engagement surveys last Friday. I need them. Now.”
“I’m so sorry. I will get them to you right away.” I paused as the obvious dawned on me. “Hey! Wait a second… This is my second day on the job, so I am not responsible for them being late. I wasn’t here last Friday.”
“Oh, wow. This isn’t Lindsay, is it? I hated that woman. I’m sorry. I get so fired up prior to calling your office that when she answers I aggressively whisper-yell everything before she has a chance to say anything beyond a greeting.”
I smiled, realizing he wasn’t the asshole I’d initially thought him to be. Which allowed me to find the humor in how he’d first addressed me. Yes, he had aggressively whisper-yelled, which was hilarious.
“I accept your apology. I promise to do my best not to be a Lindsay, and in return, I expect you to be kind and patient with me.”
“Your wish is my command!”
“Awesome. I will dig through the files on my computer, and once I locate those surveys, I will send them over.”
“Cool. Thanks. My name is Sean, and I’m the director of human resources. We will be in touch often, so I thought I’d let you know.”
“Nice to meet you, Sean. I’m Lily.”
