Dream Eater, page 19
“Oh, Mara.” I grabbed her hand and she visibly brightened. “I know without even asking that you didn’t do anything to warrant such a death. I bet you’re the sweetest witch that ever lived! And sassiest, of course.”
We giggled and it made me feel lighter.
“You know well, having lived when you did, that sarcasm was not becoming of a woman.”
“Oh, I remember all right.” I scrunched up my nose as I, too, recalled having to keep things to myself—except for when I was around my parents, brother, and Wren.
Wren… I couldn’t think about him without feeling like a hand was reaching inside my chest and squeezing my heart.
“So...” A smile like I had never seen on her before spread across her face. “You just found out I’m a witch, and you’re not worried at all that I might be evil?”
“Nope. Though, I can still feel your calming spell, so maybe that’s part of it.” Giving up on the charade, I turned off my TV and scooted closer to her. “Which you just kicked up a notch a few seconds ago, didn’t you?”
“Your stare was suddenly blank, and you were holding a hand to your chest, so I thought you could use it. I’m sorry. I’ll stop if you want me to. It’s just that Zazel said being awakened taxes the mind in a way humans aren’t accustomed to. He advised me to help keep you calm for at least a few days.”
“If he thinks its best, I’ll allow it,” I said, sounding unnaturally casual. “I don’t make a habit of disregarding advice from soul-eating demons.”
“That makes one of us.” When I gave her a questioning look, she said, “Let’s not start with that story, because that’s the one that will have me talking needlessly for hours.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s a story still in the making.”
Interesting. Since I remembered what had occurred between them at Divinity, and that he definitely wanted her, I was curious about them.
“I have one question: is he the one who’s been making you angry?”
She nodded.
“Okay. Now, back to what happened to you. How did you get caught?”
“I didn’t get caught, per se. I was targeted for several reasons, all of which had nothing to do with magic.” She shook her head and laughed softly, but I knew better than to think what she’d gone through was amusing to her. “Once I grew into a woman, the townsfolks took notice. My own father declared the Devil himself had impregnated my mom with the intention of using me to lure even the most faithful of men to him. You see, my feminine wiles were so irresistible they couldn’t help but—”
“Mara?!” I shouted when the couch began to levitate and her facial features contorted in anger.
Her eyes snapped to mine and then down. “Oh, shit!”
The couch lowered slowly, and once it touched the floor, I slid off of it. “Look, uh, I understand what happened to you isn’t easy to talk about, so if you don’t want to get into all of it right now, I get it. Don’t push yourself on my account, because frankly, that shit is scary.”
“I’m so sorry. I’m angry all the time, and I still haven’t learned to control my powers when I’m emotional. I’m a terrible witch.”
“Don’t say that.” I sat down again and took her hand in mine. “Besides, badass, powerful witches are overrated.”
“Right? They usually try to take over the world and whatnot, and that’s so not me.”
“Definitely not. You’re too lazy for that anyway.” A burst of laughter escaped from my throat. “Now that I mention how lazy you are, a lot of things about you make sense. The shortcuts you take, and sometimes for things that are already insanely quick and easy to complete... It’s because you’re a witch! When you’re alone, you probably magic your way through even the most mundane of tasks. To compensate for actually having to work when people are looking, you think of silly ways of making tasks easier. That’s honestly so you and hilarious.”
Shrugging, she said, “Work smarter, not harder.”
“You take that to a whole new level, lazy witch.”
“Whatever.” She perked up. “Oh! I could tell you everything I know about Wren and the time we’ve spent together without getting angry or sad.”
“You won’t get angry or sad, but I will.”
“You need to hear it, though.”
“I know. But I’m trying to grasp who I am, and when you add him into the mix, it gets more complicated. I mean, I’ve lived two lives, and now I’m this weird mixture of two women.”
“That both have feelings for Wren.”
When I frowned at her, she continued to look at me expectantly. “Fine,” I said. “To be perfectly honest, and I know it sounds silly… I love him. Even without knowing the past, I was on my way to falling for him in this life.”
“It’s not silly. You’ve had two lives, but you have one soul. Souls don’t change. Not inherently, anyway. Wren was and will always be the one for you.”
“He doesn’t want my heart anymore; he only wants my body. He’s had over a century to get over me, though, so I can’t blame him.”
When she burst into a fit of laughter, I feared we were about to start levitating again.
“Calm down!” I sprang off the couch and looked beneath it to see if it was still touching the ground.
“Don’t worry. I’ve got myself under control.” She dabbed at the corner of her eye with her shirt sleeve. “It’s just amusing that you think he got over you. It’s his enduring love that encouraged me to bring you to him. You two are the real thing. I see it, even if you don’t yet. It’s a lot to take in and navigate, but if you want a second chance with him, you’re going to have to face your new reality and own it.”
“Such a romantic,” I mumbled, unable to acknowledge what she had said.
“You two are the only true friends I’ve ever had, so it’s important to me that you’re both happy.”
“All right. I’ll grab the wine.”
“Wine and story time?” she asked, hopefulness in her gaze once more.
“Yeah. Let’s do this.”
***
After Mara left and I spent the rest of the night mindlessly watching I Love Lucy reruns and crying, I fell asleep.
I was seated on a bench in an alcove, enjoying a sherry while I watched my first parents dance. Then Wren appeared. I knew then that I was dreaming and recalled that I was partaking in something that no longer existed.
“Is this your doing?” I asked, feeling sad.
“This dream? No.” He sat beside me. “I merely stepped into your dream and made you aware that it isn’t real.”
“I see you enjoy ruining things for me.” I sipped my drink, thankful that it still tasted real. “I was enjoying myself until you showed up.”
“I wanted to talk to you.” He ran his hands down his thighs as he watched the scene before us. “I didn’t want you to be confused in the morning and unsure if you spoke to the real me.”
“Understandable. But considering I made it clear when I left that I didn’t wish to speak, it’s unkind of you to invade my dream and force me to.”
“You’re right.” When he stood to leave, I regretted my words. Part of me didn’t want him to leave. “It’s your choice. Should I stay or leave?”
“Stay.” I finished my sherry and set the glass on the floor.
He sat beside me once more and pinched the fabric of my dress between his fingers. “I always loved you in this dress.”
Looking down at the dark pink twill, I said, “It’s my favorite.”
“I know.” He let the fabric go and folded his hands across his lap. “I thought it was your best color until I saw you in red. You would’ve looked stunning in a deep red ballgown.”
“Mother was old-fashioned. She wasn’t convinced an unmarried lady should be allowed to wear such colors.”
“Ah, that’s right.” He laughed. “If only she could see you now, wearing a tea gown at a ball.”
“It’s comfortable!”
He smiled and a strained silence followed.
“Oh, Wren. What happened to us and to time?”
“You know what happened to us.” His mouth pulled tight and he looked away. “And as for time, it got away with us, as it does everyone.”
“Part of me wants to go back,” I said, surprising myself. “After you left, I fell into a deep depression. I had been with child—”
“The consequence of our one night together.”
Looking down, I tried to hide the tears that were building in my eyes. The shame I felt over what I had done was so strong, it was like it happened yesterday. “I didn’t know when I married him that I carried your child.”
“Our child, Lily. She was ours.” He tipped my chin up gently and brushed away the tears I thought would go unnoticed.
“Ours…” I said, cherishing the tenderness of his touch. “She was so beautiful.”
“That she was. You couldn’t see me, but I was there when you birthed her. When I gazed at her still form… I felt so sick.” Sighing heavily, he pulled away. “It was made worse by your screams, which filled the room, and the blood that drenched your bedsheets. I wanted to uncloak myself and run to you, to hold and comfort and cry with you. But there was just so much blood… I knew you were about to die. So, I left to find Mara and beg her to save your life, as she had mine. She agreed, but when we returned, you were gone, and so was your soul.”
He stood, turned his back to me, and used a handkerchief to wipe away what I suspected were tears.
“Wren,” I said, but he didn’t turn or answer.
When I put my hand on his arm, he turned around. His eyes were glowing again, the stars in them sparkling fiercely through a watery sheen. “I don’t know what the hell I was thinking in doing all of this. What purpose did it serve? I don’t feel any better. In fact, I feel like a barely sealed hole in my chest has been ripped open once more. I don’t want to do this with you. I don’t want to love you. I don’t want to waste my time again trying to convince you to choose me. I won’t do it.”
“You don’t want to love me?” As anger fizzled to the surface once more, my tears dried and my body began to tingle. A spark flickered inside me that urged me to fight for him. “You were always so foolish. It comes as no surprise, really, that you would set out to break something you’re desperate for.”
“Desperate for you?” he scoffed, the look of disbelief on his face disingenuous.
Stepping closer to him, I pressed my body against his and rose on my tiptoes. Our faces were inches apart as the aroma of sherry passed between us.
“Wren,” I said, “tell me you’re just as desperate for me as you used to be.”
“You’re not understanding, darling.” He ran his hands over my hips and wrapped his arms around my waist. Trailing his hands lower, he cupped my ass and held me against him tightly. “I’m desperate for what your body can give me, not your heart.”
Ignoring the self-deprecating thoughts that raced through my mind, I decided to act like a wanted woman. No man would have gone to the lengths he had for a woman they didn’t want.
It was difficult, but I decided to believe for once that I was worthy. Because if I didn’t, I knew I was going to lose him again. Forever.
“You can’t have my body until you give me your heart.” I ran my tongue across his bottom lip, then sucked it between my teeth. As I pulled away, I applied enough pressure to cause him a little pain, and if the way he moaned was any indication, he liked it.
When I pulled away, he pulled me back in for a kiss, but I turned away.
Smiling, he twirled in a circle and threw his hands out wide, then stopped. “You know I love to play games.”
The ballroom setting began to break away into what looked like a night sky all around us. When the floor disappeared beneath me and I began to fall, I screamed. “You only love them because you never play fair!”
His arm circled my waist from behind and he pulled me against him as we slowly dropped into his old bedroom.
My breath caught in my throat as my eyes adjusted to the dim lighting. I saw us on his bed, tangled in each other’s arms, sweat glistening on our skin and moans filling the room.
“Look at yourself,” he whispered, brushing the hair away from my ear. “See how beautiful you are when you let it all go.”
When I looked at myself on his bed, as he lowered his head between my legs, I, too, saw beauty. It was the first time in either of my lives that I’d looked at myself and seen a sexy, desirable woman.
“I want to see that look on your face again,” he said against my neck, pressing an open-mouthed kiss there.
My eyes fluttered closed as one of his hands moved over my hip and between my legs.
“This is what we were made for.” He grabbed my chin and tipped it up, forcing me to look at the bed once more. “I won’t make the mistake of thinking we were made for more again, so don’t bother denying me under the false presumption that I want anything more from you.”
“Liar.” Moving my hands to the sides of his thighs, I gripped them firmly and pushed my ass against his erection.
Impatiently tugging my dress up, he ran his hand up the inside of my thigh. “Let me wake you and touch you for real. I cannot wait any longer.”
“I’m not the same woman I was. I’ll not have you for a night, or even a few, then watch you walk away.”
“I’m not the one who walked away,” he bit out.
“But you want to be the one who does this time.” My body became slack as his fingers slipped beneath my drawers and ran the length of my slit. “Mm. Goodness… No one is walking away this time.”
“We can keep things simple and there will be no need for anyone to walk away.”
“I don’t want simple.” I dug my nails into his thighs harder as he ran his fingers over me lightly.
“Why can’t you just be satisfied with this?” He tugged on my earlobe with his teeth as he moved his fingers faster, though his touch was still whisper soft.
“Because it’s not enough.”
“Then we’re at an impasse once again.” He pulled away, leaving me unsatisfied. “Sleep well, Lily.”
Chapter 19
Lily
Two days had passed since Wren had visited my dream and left abruptly, making it clear that he only wanted one thing from me. But when he hadn’t returned, I counted it as a blessing. I needed to think and formulate a plan.
When evaluating memories from my first life, I realized I had underestimated how Wren had felt for me. If ever a man had loved me deeply, it had been him.
He was not without fault, though, as there were many things he’d been blinded to in the past. And the fact that he thought it was okay to seek closure in the manner he had, in a way that changed me forever, was infuriating. But worse of all, him thinking I would fall for him again without him falling for me sent me over the edge. As if I needed to fall for him again anyway, when my love for him had merely been forgotten.
For two days I had alternated between feeling enraged, sad, overwhelmed, and lonely. I was a mess of emotions and need, all thanks to Wren. But no matter what I was feeling, I wanted him, forever. The weight of that statement was not lost on me, because as it was, his forever was literally forever. Mine, not so much.
There was only one thing I could do about that, one thing to make sure I was the only woman who would ever be loved by him, and that was to become like him. When the thought had first crossed my mind, I’d questioned my sanity. But when I considered the alternative, him going on without me again, I didn’t care if I was making a rational decision.
“No. Not this time.” Pacing the room, I kept glancing at the door anxiously.
A knock sounded, and even though I had been waiting for it, I jumped.
“What took you so long?” I let Mara in and resumed pacing. “Don’t you have a broom or something that’s faster than your car?”
With her eyebrows drawn low as she followed my movements, she said, “Yeah, ya know, I just didn’t think I should fly through the city in broad daylight on a broom. Some people might get the wrong idea.”
“So, you do have a broom, though?”
“Yeah, for sweeping my kitchen.” She took a seat at the table. “Care to tell me why you’re so anxious?”
“I want you to change me.” I dropped to my knees beside her and grabbed her hands, preparing to beg.
“In what way?”
“I want you to make me supernatural.”
“What?!” Her jaw dropped. “Are you crazy?”
“Maybe… Does it matter?”
“Do you understand what you’re asking for? It’s a curse, and an unpredictable one at that.”
“Wren’s not living a cursed life! He’s a billionaire and he can’t be killed!”
“He’s not unkillable; he’s just only killable in one way: heart removal.”
“Whatever! Who is going to be able to get close enough to rip out his heart?”
“He could piss off the wrong supernatural,” she said weakly, knowing Wren was unlikely to do such a thing when he kept to himself.
“Look, I’m just saying it doesn’t seem like he was cursed. He’s thriving. And if he’s going to live forever, possibly” —I held up a finger to stop her from correcting me again— “I’m going to as well, right by his side.”
“He’ll kill me if I do this to you.”
Letting go of her hands, I leaned back on my palms and smiled. “You’re forgetting that I know you can’t die unless Zazel pulls the plug.”
“This is insane.” She stood, walked to my sliding glass door, and looked outside. “This is not at all what I was expecting. But I suppose it’s reasonable. How could you two be together when you’re different beings?”
“Exactly.”
“I’m not saying I’ll do it. You just present a good point.”
“You don’t understand what’s inside of me. You don’t understand how I felt when I married someone else. I can’t do that again or let him make that mistake. I know it’s crazy; all of this is. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t freaking out. But there is one thing I’m sure of: I love him, and I want him to forgive me and be with me.”
