Dream Eater, page 21
“Lily,” she said. “The rundown?”
“Sorry. I’m still trying to wrap my mind around all of this. Anyway, when I woke up around three after Wren left my dream, I felt exhausted. I was pissed at him, but even my frustration wasn’t enough to keep me up. Then, I woke up this morning after having the hottest dream about him, which seems irrelevant, but I will get to why it’s not. I woke up and I was sweating a lot. My head is pounding, I feel weak even though I slept and ate. But even though I feel like garbage, I can’t stop thinking about sleeping with Wren. I’ve thought about it before, and I definitely want to sleep with him, but this is something more. It feels like without touching him, I won’t survive. And that’s just illogical and not at all like me.”
“Maybe you’ve come down with the flu and you’re having fever dreams. They can leave you emotional and worked up. Though you being super turned on is a bit weird.”
When I tried to make it to the couch and fell, she went to help me up and gasped when she looked at my eyes. “What the hell?”
“What?” I pulled myself up with her help and lay down on the couch.
“You’ve got hearts in your eyes!”
“Really? That’s your explanation? I’m lovesick?”
“No, not metaphorical hearts.” She sat on the floor by my head. “Literal hearts. Your pupils are no longer little black circles; they’re little black hearts!”
“Don’t mess with me right now.” I tried to slide off the couch, but I didn’t have the energy. “Hand me your phone, please.”
“Whatever you do, stay calm.” She handed me her phone as she continued to peer at my eyes in wonder.
“After everything that’s happened, I’m pretty sure I can handle whatever this is. If it doesn’t kill me first, of course.” I flipped the camera to selfie mode and screamed. It was subtle, but sure enough, my pupils were their normal size, but in the shape of hearts. “What is this? I’m turning into a Care Bear!”
“They don’t have hearts in their eyes. It’s their noses and—”
“Mara! Who cares!”
“Well, at least it’s cute, right?” She cleared her throat and glanced away when I glared at her.
“You’re a witch. Explain this. You said the curse was random, but what in the fluffy, cute hell is this?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t explain. I don’t know what you’re turning into, but at least we know it worked.” She took her phone back and scrolled through her contacts.
“You’ve never seen anyone with weird pupils?”
“Of course I have. Supernatural eyes are often unique and different from human eyes. But I’ve never seen heart-shaped pupils. Or I guess it could be that I didn’t notice any, since they are subtle and hard to see even from a few feet away.”
“Great.”
She held her phone up to her ear and said, “I need you. Now. I’m at Lily’s.”
As if summoned by his ruler, Zazel appeared next to Mara. He immediately staggered back and scrunched up his face. After shaking himself, he took stock of the scene before him, and when his eyes happened upon mine, they widened a touch.
“Is it that bad?” I asked, not liking that even a demon was taken aback by whatever I was.
“It’s not bad. It’s just that you’ve got a heavy, seductive aura surrounding you. If a human were to step foot in here, they’d fall to their knees and worship at your feet without being prompted.”
“No!” Mara gasped, looking at me in a new light.
“I see you’ve been playing with curses again.” Zazel looked amused.
“Tell me what I am,” I whispered, my voice hoarse. I was feeling weaker by the second.
“I’m so sorry.” Mara looked at me with pity. “But you knew there was a chance you would become something you wouldn’t want to.”
“Just say it already.”
“You’re a succubus, Lily. Your soul now needs energy to maintain your supernatural state, and for your kind, sexual energy does the trick,” Zazel said.
“Oh, no! Me? A succubus? That’s the cruelest joke I’ve ever heard!”
“I’m sorry you have so much to deal with.” Zazel’s face was pinched in puzzlement as he looked at Mara.
“There’s no need to apologize. If anyone is to blame, it’s Wren and Mara for wanting me to be awakened in the first place. Then I figured, why not go all the way? Now I’m also at fault.” When I pinned Mara with a look, she returned it with a sheepish one of her own. “A succubus… Of all the things! I’m distressed!”
“Calm down.” She brushed back the hair from my sticky brow. “I understand this isn’t what you wanted, but I’ll help you through it.”
“You’ll have to stay alive for that,” Zazel bit out, and his meaning was lost on me. I knew he was the reason Mara was able to keep on living, but it had never occurred to me to ask why he allowed her to.
“I know, asshole.”
“Why wouldn’t you be alive?” I asked, alarmed by their exchange.
“I will be. I promise.” Of course she declined to answer. But all I cared about at that moment was that she didn’t leave me.
“I’m holding you to that. Because if you die, I’ll end up dying, too.” I didn’t feel confident I could manage without her guidance and support.
“You’d be fine without me. You’re strong. But either way, you wouldn’t die. Remember, you can’t,” she said. “Unless you want your heart ripped out.”
“Right. I’m going to be this awful lump of a thing for an eternity.”
“No,” Zazel said. “You won’t be like this. Your body just needs energy. Desperately, it seems. You have an intense sexual aura—which you will learn to control—that will lure in anyone you desire.” His tone suggested he thought it was a simple thing, but it wasn’t for me. I would rather have needed anything else other than sexual energy.
“And they’ll sleep with me even if they wouldn’t otherwise be interested in me?”
Mara nodded.
“That’s rape!”
“You don’t have to use your aura. You are in control of it. As well as the glamor you will need to conceal your eyes. So, you can go for someone who wants to sleep with you,” she said. “Someone like, I don’t know, the man you love. I think his name is Wren or something…”
“That man isn’t getting any of this until he admits he still loves me!” When her mouth dropped open and Zazel laughed, I covered my mouth with both hands. Even though I had thought it, I normally didn’t dare make such brazen, confident claims out loud.
“Fascinating!” Mara said, clapping her hands together. “It’s loosened your tongue and given you the confidence to be exactly who you are out loud! That’s a step in the right direction.”
“No. I can’t. This won’t do. I’ve spent my whole life burying this side of me, because it doesn’t suit what I have on the outside. I’ll make a fool of myself.”
“You underestimate what confidence can do for a person. It ups their attractiveness. You won’t look silly to anyone. It will take some getting used to, but you will be able to control yourself and wield your confidence in a reasonable, humble manner,” Zazel said.
“Everything sounds so damn logical and easy when you say it.” I smiled at him for the first time ever, and his frown deepened, making me laugh.
Mara snorted and tilted up her chin, displaying her indifference to him needlessly.
“It may not seem like it now, but it will be that easy before you know it. Well, if I’m no longer needed—” Zazel said.
Cutting him off, Mara said, “Give her energy before you go.”
“She needs to go out and get it herself.” He pinned a dark, heated look on her.
“She can’t right now.” She finally met his eyes and a fierce storm brewed in her own. Lightning cracked and branched out from behind her pupils.
“She can easily get it from anyone, with her aura. It will work on any human.”
“Will it work on the supernatural?” I asked, and he shook his head. “How did you know I had an aura, then? Can supernaturals sense other supernaturals?”
“No, they cannot, unless there are obvious physical indicators. The only reason I know what you are and can feel your aura is because I’m different. I can sense the essence of a soul, which tells me whether someone is human or supernatural. No one escapes me.” He glanced at Mara, and the message in his eyes was obvious: Mara wouldn’t escape him, either.
Since I was trying to process everything he had said and all that he was, I simply nodded.
“You better learn how to turn your aura on and off quickly or you’ll have more prospects than you know what to do with. Unless that appeals to you,” he said.
“I won’t need the aura.” In that, I was confident. “I won’t sleep with anyone unless I know the person is into me naturally.”
“That works as well.”
“But I only want Wren. Can I even take from him?”
“Yes. Energy won’t be something you need or want every day either, and you won’t feed off him simply by mating,” he said.
“Okay,” I croaked. Talking was quickly sapping what little energy I had left. “Simple enough.” Not. Especially not when Wren was holding his heart hostage, and I wanted it before I gave myself to him.
“You poor thing.” Mara snapped her head around to look up at Zazel. “Give her enough energy to last a few days at least, so she has time to get things sorted out with Wren. She isn’t ready to go seducing randoms, and she doesn’t want to. Some people have moral standards.”
“Do you think it’s wise to ask me for another favor in the same fucking breath you insult me?” He knelt beside her and tipped his head to the side, the movement jerky and spine-chilling.
“Please?” I asked, ignoring the tension that threatened to suffocate us all. “I beg you.”
“Take note of what it means to beg.” He forced her to keep her eyes on him by holding her chin. “For if there is one thing I foresee, with the utmost certainty, it’s that there will come a day when the ability to do so is all you will have left, and that day is fast approaching.”
Mara swallowed hard as a faint blush crept across her cheeks, but she didn’t respond.
Stepping away from her, Zazel approached me and put his palm out towards my chest. Without touching me, he transferred energy to me, which was unseen but felt throughout my whole body.
“That should give you a bit of time. When you need more, the fade will be more gradual, and you won’t be sick like this. From what I’ve seen, only some newly born supernaturals and those who have gone extended periods of time without sustenance get this sick.”
“Thank you so much for everything. Call me crazy, but with how I feel right now, there isn’t an inch of space left inside me for regret or wishing this hadn’t happened to me.”
Zazel, ever the quiet, expressionless one, nodded his understanding and then was gone.
“Have you been calming me down again?” I asked Mara.
“I told you I’d keep it up as long as you need. But I do a little less of it each day.”
“Sounds good. I’m not going to work until next week, and in the meantime, I’m going to need some guidance.”
“Okay.” She crawled up onto the couch next to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t curse you with something more suited to your personality. Actually, I’m sorry about everything. It was technically my idea to try and make you remember the past, and Wren wouldn’t have agreed to it if he’d known it was going to lead to this.”
“I don’t care that this happened. Truly. Now that I don’t feel like garbage, I don’t feel any different than before.”
“I’m glad you’re taking it so well, but I still feel terrible.” She paused a moment and looked thoughtful, so I waited. “I have to be honest, though, and I know this is incredibly selfish, but you being a supernatural like me is kind of nice.”
“Good! It is nice, and I already feel as if it has made us closer. So, don’t feel bad, okay? I asked for this. It’s tough right now, but I have your magic and your company to ease the pain of this transition. And I honestly feel… I don’t know. Hopeful? Oddly confident? Like this is the beginning of something great and adventurous!”
“I wish I could manage an attitude like yours. I’ve been moping for hundreds of years.”
“Maybe it’s time to change that.”
“Hmm.” She shrugged. “Maybe.”
“There’s no time like the present. Wow. I now have more time than I know what to do with. How will I stop myself from being lazy? I’m going to live forever! Or until someone rips my heart out, at least.” I laughed at the terrifying thought.
“You’ll manage just fine. But be warned: after a while, living forever can seem daunting. It’s not unheard of for supernaturals to choose to die after living for centuries.”
“That doesn’t surprise me.” I pondered her warning until it threatened to overwhelm me. “Wren’s going to live forever…”
“Indeed.”
“And now, so am I. If I have my way, we will live together forever, or until we grow weary of this life.”
“Yes! We have to believe all of this happened for a reason. Fate is working to reunite two people who should’ve never parted,” she said.
“Oh, how romantic! But now I have to do my part.”
Nothing about what had happened or what was to follow, as I adjusted to the new me, would be dealt with easily. But for the first time in my life, I felt equipped to fight for what I wanted.
Chapter 21
Wren
It was imperative that I remained calm and unaffected over Lily’s refusal to speak to me, since I’d visited her almost a week ago in a dream. Being hurt by her in any capacity was an instant no for me. But it was no easy feat after not hearing from her for that long.
She’d ignored every call and every text that I’d sent. I’d even gone to her apartment a few times after work, and both times Mara had sent me away.
Lily would speak to me in dreams, but not in real life, and that pissed me off, so I didn’t visit her dreams again.
It didn’t escape me that I had hurt her as well, and that coming on to her when I’d known we had history and she didn’t was selfish and unfair. But I hadn’t done it to make things worse; I’d just lost sight of my goals around her. I couldn’t see past the temptation, and that was what had always gotten me.
I was an absolute fool for her.
My only consolation during Lily’s absence was that Mara had assured me that she was adjusting well. But when she followed up by saying something unexpected had happened that Lily was getting used to, I grew worried all over again. Which I was advised not to do. Mara asked that I trust her and the process, but considering her process in accomplishing anything was half-assed and unpredictable, I remained wary.
It was on a rainy Monday that Mara came into my office and informed me that Lily would arrive shortly.
Finally. After many sleepless nights resisting the urge to visit her dreams, I could see her face again. It was going to be the first time outside of dreams since the day her soul barriers had been removed and she had awakened.
“I’m not going to give you any of the details because she asked that I not. But as I mentioned, something else happened.”
“Was it an unforeseen consequence of what Zazel did to her?” I was displeased with what I was hearing, even if it didn’t make sense yet.
“Uhm. No. When I say ‘happened,’ I don’t mean to imply it was an accident.”
“Mara...”
“It’s not bad. Though, I suspect you won’t be pleased.”
Alarmed, I stood. “What do you mean? Is she okay? I should’ve never allowed him to do that to her.”
“Stop,” she said. “She’s fine. It’s not like that. You’ll just have to wait and see, okay? She doesn’t want to tell you yet. And this has actually helped her deal with everything and has motivated her.”
When she started to back away, I said, “Wait! Motivate her to do what?”
A smile I had learned to fear pulled across her face. “You’re in trouble, Wren.”
“Mara!” I called as she bolted out the door. “To hell with it all!”
There was nothing more frustrating than being left in the dark, to feel hopeless and useless. It was Lily, for fuck’s sake. I knew her better than anyone else. So, it hurt that she didn’t want me around while she dealt with her world being turned upside down. Even if she was mad at me, and rightly so.
A half hour later, something shifted in me when I heard her enter her office. Whether it was the nervous energy that ran through my body or the unchecked anticipation, I wasn’t sure. I was sitting on the edge of my seat, chewing on my teeth, as I watched the door. I didn’t know what to expect. Anger? Silence? A fight?
When she stepped into my office, I schooled my features into a scowl. “You’re late.”
She arched a brow, shocking me with the blatant disapproval she displayed. It was a look that would have served her well in her past life. It was the look of a duchess scorned, who was not to be trifled with. Anger had always made her more confident and fiercer.
“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned… Congreve was a wise man,” I said.
“Or a stupid one who angered the wrong woman.” Her hair fell in her face and created a shadow over one eye. Rather than tuck it behind her ear like she usually did, she left it there to brush against her cheek.
Biting back a chuckle, I asked, “Like me?”
“I wasn’t going to say as much, but since you mentioned it.” Stepping forward, she folded her hands in front of her. Her back was straighter than usual, but not so much that it was as rigid as it was when she had been a woman of English society. “You didn’t leave an itinerary on my desk. Though I heard you brought in someone from another department temporarily, I figured there would be something I would need to catch up on.”
“There is nothing to catch up on.” Seeing her like this stirred up every emotion I had tried to drown and sink to the bottom, never to be felt again. “I didn’t leave you an itinerary because I didn’t believe you would show. You’ve ignored me and behaved like an employee who wants to be fired.”
