Unlikely Hero, page 16
Four people died in the accident, one of them my father, who I miss more and more with each breath I take. I blamed myself, my guilt ate away at me every day until I was dead inside and nothing mattered. The only reason I continue to breathe is my mother. The thought of her grieving for both my father and me hurt me more than continuing to live.
Chapter 17
I loved Troy from the moment I dreamt him….
A boy with beautiful green eyes and hair black as the night, he was so beautiful I was awestruck. I didn’t want to wake up. There are times I think I’m still dreaming. You could imagine my shock when I looked up to see him standing in the doorway of my art class that day, I still smile when I think about how ridiculous I must have looked to him. I’m pretty sure I fell in love with him right then and there.
It was amazing that right after meeting Troy everything started to change. I went from a girl who was depressed, a loner, had no friends, no life, to a popular student who had a lot of friends and the perfect boyfriend. Since meeting Troy, things were different. I was different.
It was as though he breathed life back into my lungs. I was actually happy. Our relationship grew leaps and bounds in a short period of time. We are inseparable. So when I found out who he was, I was devastated, crushed. My whole world blew apart and I was thrust into this crazy realm. Where up is down and nothing makes sense.
I don’t know how to accept what happened without sounding like I should be wearing a straight jacket. My best friend having an odd ability, a gift of sorts, was just the start of my crazy. It was because of this gift of hers that I was faced with the truth; the sad, horrible, wonderful, exciting truth.
Troy…is dead. My boyfriend is dead.
So therein lies my ‘catch 22’. Just how do you tell your family and friends you are head over heels in love—I mean truly can’t draw air into your lungs without him—with a boy who doesn’t have a pulse. It’s not going to be so simple, I assure you.
Coming to terms, that Troy died that horrific night of the accident, as well as a young couple and my father was not going to be easy…I was the only survivor. I don’t know how or why these events occurred, I only know I am thankful to whatever powers that be for sending me Troy…
I took a deep breath before entering the house.
“Is that you Amber?” My mother’s voice floated through the house.
“Yes, it’s me.”
Dear Lord, this is not going to be easy.
“What’s for dinner?” I thought I’d start off somewhat normally.
“Chicken. How was school today?”
“Good.”
“Good? Well,” I looked up to see her walking out of the kitchen towards me, drying her hands on a dishtowel, “I like hearing that.”
“Almost over.” I mumbled.
“That I can do without hearing.” She placed the towel over her shoulder, “that means you are graduating, which means I am getting older.”
“We all are mom.” I stated matter-of-factly.
“Yes, this I know. But you’re my baby, and now you’re graduating and going to prom…it’s all just…overwhelming. I remember when you...”
“Mom.” My tone warning, “Please.” I rolled my eyes.
“Amber, Tim and I really want you to think about college. You have so much potential.”
“I know mom, I just have a lot on my mind right now.” I dropped my backpack on the floor at the base of the stairs. “I promise I’ll give it some thought.”
“You could just go community college until you decide what it is you want to do with your life, but I think you should give some thought to going away, living on campus. It was always something I wished I could do.”
“Trying to ship me off mom?” I said jokingly. Knowing full well it was the last thing she wanted me to do.
“No. Are you crazy? I would keep you here forever if it were up to me, but I know you need to get out there and find your own way, as much as it breaks my heart you not being here every day.”
I know she would have a worse time adjusting to my going away to college than I would, but she wanted the best for me. She wanted me to ‘experience the world’. Take classes abroad. She wanted me to have everything she couldn’t have and I loved her even more for it. She was the most unselfish person I’ve ever known, seconded only by Troy…actually I think they were pretty equal. They both put me before their own lives. It actually made me feel guilty.
What did I ever do to deserve such wonderful people in my life?
“Well, I promise to give it a lot of thought.” I reassured her.
“It’s all I can ask.” She said, her hands in the air. She grabbed the towel off her shoulder and said, “dinner’s in fifteen. Get yourself upstairs and wash up.”
I wanted to tell her I’d think about going to college if there was a way to bring my boyfriend, my non-breathing, lack of a pulse boyfriend, but I knew she would have a heart attack. Either that or put me in the loony bin. Not that I’d blame her. She’d had enough drama in the last few years to last a lifetime. We all have.
Chapter 18
“Troy.” I looked up into his eyes, envious of his long lashes.
“Amber.” He replied, mimicking me, kissing the top of my head. I paused, unwilling to release my hold. He pulled me closer to him and I heard the steady beat of his heart. “What?” He asked patiently, waiting.
Looking up again I asked, “What are we going to do?”
Unsure if I really wanted an answer to my question. I lay my head back down on his chest, somewhat defeated. He encircled me in his arms. I always felt so safe, so loved, when I was with him.
“I wish I knew what to say.”
I slowly sat up and crossed my legs looking at the indentation my body had left in the blanket and stared off into the trees, my thoughts running in a hundred different directions.
“You know what that does to me.” He said, his voice low and hoarse.
I turned my head and looked at him, suddenly realizing I had been biting my lower lip.
He reached out and pulled my lip from between my teeth, rubbing over it with the pad of his thumb.
“Sorry.” I smiled sheepishly. The wicked smile tugging at the corners of his mouth caused my breath to hitch. He had this way that he smiled that made me feel like I was melting.
Throwing my leg over his midsection I sat on his stomach. Pinning his arms to the blanket above his head I lowered my mouth to his.
“Mmm. You always taste so good.”
“You’re killing me Amber.” His whispered, his breath fanning my cheek.
“Not. Funny. Troy.” My answer staccato, the look I shot him caused his teasing grin to quickly disappear. I immediately regretted it. “You know I hate it when you say….” I paused, “I’m sorry. I’m just antsy.”
“I don’t feel it. I feel like I always did. It’s as hard for me to understand it all too.” He looked pensive.
I lowered my body and lay across his chest feeling the warmth his body radiated.
“I’m…I’m just so afraid of losing you.” Saying the words out loud made all of this far too real. He held me tight, his lips pressed against my forehead.
“I know, I’m afraid too. I don’t know what to do. It’s not like I got a manual, or directions. It’s very frustrating.” I could hear the fear in his voice.
“You never did tell me what happened to your aunt and uncle.” I said softly, almost a whisper. “Did you ever go back home after…” I lowered my head.
“There was nothing for me there anymore. I’m sure after they found out what happened they were relieved to never see me again.” His eyes were closed, and I could see that he was sad.
“I’m sure they know it was self defense, that you didn’t, wouldn’t have hurt that boy if he didn’t kill your…” I trailed off.
This subject must be very painful for him and I immediately felt guilty bringing it up.
“I murdered that kid, just as sure as he murdered Damian. Like I said before, I’m sure they’re happy not to have to visit me in prison.”
“But they must miss you very much.”
“After I left the hospital, when you were being brought into surgery, I went home.” He looked away from me, out the window, avoiding my gaze. “I stood there for what seemed like a lifetime looking at my house from across the street. I was there when the police showed up and told my aunt what I had done.” He raised his arm and lay it across his eyes. “I remember the sound of her cry, the pain in her eyes. I remember my uncle and a police officer helping her back into the house.”
I saw a solitary tear fall down the side of his face. My heart was breaking for him and I was angry at myself for stirring up painful memories.
“I turned away, left and never looked back.” He removed his arm and I could see the turmoil of emotion swirling behind his perfect eyes. “I never wanted to see that look again. They were better off without me. Besides, I had to get back to the hospital. I needed to be near you. I have to admit, I was never so scared in my life.”
I lay on top of him, my ear to his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and I closed my eyes. Praying this was not a dream, praying I wouldn’t wake up to find I fabricated everything in my head and this was all part of a desperate girl’s wild imagination.
“Maybe we could talk to Missy and Jen again. See if they have any new insights.”
“Hmm. Let’s give that some thought…but first…” I raised my head to look into his eyes and saw the devilish delight in them. He lifted my mouth to his and kissed me. I felt an electrical jolt run through my entire body, down to my toes, straight to the tips of my fingers and a shiver ran up and down my spine.
***
I awoke the next day to the sun spilling in through my curtains. Climbing out of bed, I made my way to the bathroom. After I showered, I dried my hair with a towel and walked back into my room looking for my denim shorts. I pulled a white tank top out of my dresser drawer and yanked it over my head, tucking it into the waistband of my shorts. I slipped my feet into my white thong sandals and went down into the kitchen.
I poured a tall glass of orange juice from the refrigerator and sat at the table, trying to decide between a bowl of cereal or toaster waffles. The thought of melted butter, and warm maple syrup quickly made up my mind for me.
After pushing the button on the toaster oven I grabbed a plate from the cupboard. I leaned against the counter and looked around the brightly lit room. I liked it when my mom and Tim were working. Sometimes it was just nice to have the house to myself.
In the downstairs bathroom, I brushed my long hair and pulled it up into a ponytail on the top of my head, and before I knew what I was doing, I started singing.
‘I feel pretty. Oh so pretty…I feel pretty and witty and bright, and I pity any girl who isn't me to….’
I turned around and nearly jumped out of my skin when I saw Troy standing in the doorway directly behind me.
“Troy! Don’t do that to me, you scared the heck out of me…” I screamed, the shrillness in my voice confirmed my fear.
Troy let out a laugh, so loud and lively, I laughed too, the musical sound of his laugher was contagious.
When I was finally able to catch my breath, I tapped him on his arm. “Seriously, don’t do that to me.” I reprimanded, still breathless.
“You are.” He said, his expression suddenly serious.
“What…?” I asked quizzically.
“You are so pretty… beautiful.” He breathed. The sincerity in eyes said more than his words ever could. I entwined my arms around his neck and pulled myself up onto the tops of my toes and planted a kiss on his full lips. He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck, my heart rate quickened instantaneously. “What do you want to do today? It’s really nice outside....”
“I was thinking maybe we can go to Jen’s house…” I trailed off, knowing this subject made him uneasy. “I’m hoping there is something she might be able to tell us. It’s been three days since we saw Madame Leila.”
“Don’t you think she’d call you if she saw something?”
“I’m sure she would, but I’m so anxious.”
“Sure. If you want to go to Jen’s, then we’ll go to Jens.” His tone was tentative. “I know we have to do something, I just don’t want to hear anything negative.” He lowered his eyes.
“I know it may be…unpleasant, but it would be better to find out what we could, rather than keep guessing. Right?” I waited for his approval.
“You’re right, go eat your breakfast.” He said pushing me gently towards the kitchen.
After I ate and cleaned up, I sat back down. “Troy?”
“Yeah.”
“Where do you go when you leave me at night.” I asked, “I mean, you don’t have anybody here in New Jersey right?”
“I just walk around.” He looked thoughtfully out the window, “I don’t sleep… so I walk.”
My heart ached when I heard those words. It must be so lonely to be dead…“Well, from now on you’re staying here. With me…in my room.”
He stared at me as if I had grown a horn from my forehead.
“Amber, your parents…”
“Troy.” I cut him off, “You are staying with me. That’s it, end of discussion.”
“There’s no place I’d rather be…”
His smile slayed me.
“I feel so horrible, you walking around all night…”
“Amber…it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters to me…except you.”
I was breathless.
***
We walked to Jen’s, his arm slung over my shoulders, mine draped along his waist, my hand dipping into his back pocket. The sun felt so warm on my face. Troy had such a calming effect on me. Whenever I was with him, I felt at peace. I leaned my head on his shoulder; it felt like home.
Chapter 19
Melissa opened the door. Her hair divided into two long pigtails. She was wearing sweats.
“Amber.” She said.
“Melissa.” I countered, “How are you?”
“Okay, I guess. Mom and Jen are in the family room. I’m on my way out to get a run in before practice. Good to… um… see you.” She slipped past us on her way out the door, down the steps. When she reached the sidewalk, she stuck her ear buds in and took off running towards the park. Our park.
I pushed the door open, fully aware Missy and Jen already knew I was here. They always knew before I even decided to come. I towed Troy behind me, gripping his hand tightly in mine as we passed through the kitchen into the family room. They were both standing, facing us, the looks on their faces told me I was right, they knew.
I stepped two feet into the room, holding Troy’s hand securely, afraid to let go. Missy was the first to step forward. Her big arms enveloped my small frame. For some unknown reason, all the emotions I had been holding back began flowing like a small river down my cheeks, I let go, my hold tightened on Troy’s fingers, but he never pulled away, never struggled for me to release him. I hadn’t even known I had been tense, until then.
Jen cautiously walked towards me, her gaze never waivered. I looked back into her clear blue eyes and saw the friendship, love and honesty I have come to cherish these past months.
“Jen, Missy.” I murmured, unable to say anymore.
“Amber…we are so happy you came,” Missy paused, looking behind me, “that you both came.”
Her eyes scanned mine briefly. She continued, looking beyond me. “Troy, it is nice to see you again. I’m sure you both have lots of questions. I sense your uncertainty. Please.” Missy motioned with her arm indicating we step in.
“Thank you.” I mumbled.
Jen stepped closer… she looked through me, towards where I knew Troy stood. I felt the tension in his grip.
“Troy…it’s really nice to see you.” Jen looked to me then towards Troy. His grip on my hand lightened. I could feel his relief like an electrical current flow through me. My heart skipped a beat.
“Please come in and sit.” Missy’s voice soft.
“Yes.” Jen echoed.
I hadn’t realized how afraid I was. Fearful they would tell us something we didn’t want to hear. Even more fearful they would try to drive Troy away. I wasn’t so confident in our relationship to say he would NEVER leave. No one could be. But at the same time, I needed to know the truth.
“Hey guys, I don’t want it to be weird or uncomfortable with us. I’m trying to relax. Really I am.” A nervous laugh escaped my lips. “Trying that is.”
Troy’s relaxed grip tightened.
Jen said nothing. She rubbed her forehead and continued to stare in the direction I knew Troy to be. Then she slowly moved towards us. Looking beyond me and her eyes opened widely. A slow smile started pulling at the corners of her mouth made it’s way to her face, lighting her eyes. “Troy.” She said her eyes settling on him. The way she looked at him, it was as though she could see him…
“Hi Jen, Missy, good to see you both again.” I heard Troy say.
Missy relaxed, you could physically see the tension drain from her face. The rosy color returned to her cheeks. The lines framing her eyes relaxed. “Troy, you are always welcome in our home.”
I took a deep breath releasing the tension I held, tightly bound, inside.
Missy’s eyes did not leave Troy. “Troy, you have a beautiful aura…your color… so pure.” She said low.
“Jen.” I murmured.
“Amber, I love you.” She stopped. Jen continued staring at Troy, Missy was unable to look away. “You are my friend, my best friend…”
“I love you too, you know that.” my voice cracked as my tears welled.
The silence in the room was deafening.
“I’m sorry…I was listening to Troy. Amber, we need to talk.”
Listening to Troy? What did he say that I was unable to hear? I wasn’t able to feel a twitch, a tremor, yet he apparently spoke with Jen. I looked at Jen, her smile returned, her face relaxed.
