Unlikely Hero, page 14
Her thoughts turned to Amber. “Amber, my poor lost lamb. We will have to watch out for you darling…it’s starting.” She shook her head in pity.
***
The next morning the sun forced it’s way through the wooden blinds and penetrated the pretty yellow curtains covering the windows in my bedroom. I opened my eyes slowly, and turned my head on the pillow, to the space that should have been occupied by Jen and I suddenly felt sick in my stomach. Last night came back to me in bits and pieces. I remembered the dream. I remembered the horrified look on Jen’s face. After that, everything was a blur.
Why was this happening now? I was just starting to think that I may have put that part of my life behind me, but it will never be gone. It’ll never leave me alone. It will haunt me forever. I buried my face in my pillow and cried.
I lay there exhausted as my mom opened my door. The tired, worried look on her face told me I was right, I really had the dream last night. I took a guess that this was most likely the twentieth time she’s checked on me since she got up this morning. When she stepped into my room, she looked at my face, and noticed immediately that I had been crying. She walked over to the side of the bed and sat on the edge. Gently pushing the hair away from my face, she pulled several tissues from the box, handing them to me.
“Why mom?”
“I don’t know, baby. You have not had that nightmare in so long. I…we…were hoping it was finally behind you.” She answered me, her voice tender. She sounded painfully sad.
“And in front of Jen….mom.” I moaned, “What the heck am I going to tell her? I didn’t want to tell anyone, I want it to go away.” I wiped my eyes and nose with the tissues she handed me. “Do you think it’s starting all over again?”
Mom sat quietly rubbing my head. “I really don’t know why you had that nightmare baby.” She paused. “ I can make a few calls to see if we can get someone to give us a recommendation for a doctor we can go talk to.”
“NOOOOO!” I screamed. “No more doctors mom. Please. Please. Can’t we just see what happens,” I pleaded. It felt as though my world was crumbling at my feet. Everything I worked for, everything I built was falling apart. “It’s because of the medium we all went to yesterday. She just brought up bad memories.”
“Medium?” Mom asked, “Like a fortune teller?”
“Yeah, sorta.” I nodded.
“What, why would you have seen a medium baby?”
“Just an idea Nikki had, it seemed like it would be such fun yesterday.”
Mom just stared at me. I could see that she didn’t know what to say.
“Mom, it was weird, she knew about dad, about what I did.”
“Amber, you have got to stop blaming yourself, the doctor’s all told you the same thing. It was a horrible accident. My God Amber, I almost lost you too.” Mom started to tear up and I instantly felt guilty.
“Mom, please don’t be sad,” I said tears filling my eyes, “I’ll try to remember all the things the doctors said to help me.”
Mom bent over and kissed my head. “I’ve got to go make some coffee Amber. I’m dead on my feet. Can I get you anything?”
I could tell that she was hurting, like me. I wanted to sink into the abyss. I wanted to disappear. The last thing I wanted was to hurt my mom again. Will I ever stop hurting her?
“I’ll be down in a bit. I’ve got to call Jen and, um, apologize.”
My mom nodded, then slowly walked out of my room closing the door behind her.
I sat up and reached for my pocketbook that I’d slung on the chair next to the nightstand, and dug around the inside searching for my cell. I stared at my hands as they shook fidgeting with the phone.
I tried to come up with the right words to explain to Jen what happened. I walked into the bathroom, performed my normal morning ritual then brushed my teeth. I climbed onto my bed and sat cross-legged on top. Trying to compose an explanation in my head…then dialed Jen’s cell number.
“Hi.” Jen answered.
“Hi, I wanted to apologize to you for last night. I think it had something to do with seeing that medium lady, Madame what’s-her-name…” I trailed off.
“Amber you don’t have to apologize to me, not for anything. Not ever.” She paused, “I need to tell you some of the things I saw…then I think I should explain a few things. Are you able to come here later?”
Jen’s voice was odd sounding. Like she wanted to confess something she’d done.
“Sure, just let me get myself showered and dressed. I also think I should make an appearance downstairs for a little while so my mom and Tim won’t get any crazy ideas to…” I paused, “I’ll explain a little more—actually a lot more—when I see you later. There are things you don’t know about. Things I want to talk to you about. I also have to explain a lot to Troy…” I took a deep breath, “I have kept things from him too. I think my guilt will destroy the best relationships I’ve ever had…you and Troy.”
“Amber, hold off on telling Troy anything for a bit. First let’s talk…just you and me. OK?” She pleaded.
“Ok. I’ll call you when I leave.”
“Ok. Good.”
“Oh, Jen, where do I go?”
“Um, I was thinking it would be best if you came here, in case you…Is it ok to just come here?”
“Yeah, sure.”
I hung up the phone with her and wondered why she didn’t want me to tell Troy anything. This was supposed to be my day with him, since I spent the previous day ‘with the girls’, and I really needed a hug. I’ll just run to the park next to the school, where I’m sure he’ll be waiting, and tell him I just need to see Jen for a little bit. He’ll understand; he’s always so understanding. I need to explain a few things afterwards, to him.
It’s time to tell them both my horrible story. This day is going to be my undoing. I hope I can get through it.
***
After grabbing some cereal and having some tea….tea being Tim’s remedy for just about everything, I tried to act as normal as possible. Just a teenaged girl who had a bad dream…normal right?
I told mom I needed to go to Jen’s house for a little while. Straighten things out. Explain a little. Mom of course thought my ‘talking it out’ was a wonderful idea and encouraged me. Tim just nodded a lot. I have to admit, poor Tim got the worst part of this arrangement. He loved us both so much, yet the reason he is with my mother now, is the very reason we are both so messed up. It’s like a vicious circle.
I called Jen to tell her I was on my way, explaining to her I had to make one quick stop and would be there in about a half hour.
“Ok.” was all she said.
I walked down High street and turned onto Dogwood Lane, walking to the park, Summit Bloom Park. I loved the name. It was a beautiful park full of flowers and trees and shrubs.
At the entrance, they planted mums in all the autumn colors. The leaves on the trees were beginning to make their change from green to yellow. I’m told the colors are really amazing when fall is in full force. I’ve never seen anything like that in Florida; leaves don’t change colors there.
I walked toward the benches at the edge of the Grand Street entrance. That’s where I usually met Troy. I referred to it as our bench. It was a beautiful section of the park, tucked in a canopy of trees and bushes. It was a really private place to meet and talk.
As I got closer to ‘our’ bench, I noticed Troy standing there looking towards me. I always came from the same direction. He spotted me and immediately he smiled that smile that put my heart and my soul at ease. I felt a veil of peace and calm descend on me. He had that weird affect on me.
“Hi” he said.
I threw my arms around his neck and pushed my body up against his feeling the warmth of his body pass into my own. I pushed so hard, as though I were looking to go through him instead of just hug him.
“Hi yourself.” I replied.
“I missed you yesterday,” he responded, holding me close, he put his nose in the crook of my neck and nuzzled my ear.
“That tickles. I tell you that all the time, and you still do it.” I said sternly, but my smile belied my words.
“That’s cause you smell good enough to bite,” he said playfully. He was in a good mood, as usual. In fact, I don’t ever remember him being anything but even tempered. He may have been in a thoughtful mood at times, but he was always transparent in his happiness to see me.
“You talk about me, but look at you…” he pointed out, “you won’t even let me go. Not that I’m complaining.”
“If I had my way, I’d never let you go.” I laughed as I released him enough so I could look up into his eyes. Those eyes, the green orbs I lose myself in over and over and over again.
“So, what do you want to do today?” He asked.
“Oh, listen,” I went on, “I need to go and see Jen for a little while.” I said quickly before his pout made me change my mind.
“It’s supposed to be my day. The girls got you yesterday. Today you are mine.” He said with an impish smile playing on his face.
“I know I’m soooo sorry. But after we got back last night, I had a bad dream.” He looked at me as though I were speaking a language he didn’t understand. “I… um… something happened to me. It was really bad and I woke up screaming last night from a nightmare because of it. It was horrible, and Jen had to be taken home in the middle of the night by Tim. It was a real mess and I feel like I at least owe her an explanation. As a matter of fact, I have to tell you as well.”
The expression he wore was unrecognizable. He actually looked scared. I think he actually blanched.
“Troy? Are you ok?” I asked.
He just stared ahead right through me.
What the hell is going on?
“I promise I’ll be back soon and we can spend the rest of the day and night together, although after I tell you my past, you may change your mind about wanting to spend time with me at all.” I said with a troubled look on my face. He didn’t answer. He just stared ahead, through me. Seeing nothing.
“Troy?” It was like he was in a daze. “Troy? Hello, are you with me?” My smile disappeared. “What’s wrong?”
“Don’t go to Jen’s. Stay here with me, we will figure things out together.”
I didn’t know what to make of what he’d just said.
“I have to. I promised her that I would explain. She’s expecting me.” I was a bit perplexed by the strange reaction I got from him. He looked concerned, nervous. I was beginning to really worry. “You can come with me if you want.”
“I’ll wait here.” His voice sounded sad.
I put my hands on his shoulders and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him.
“Hey, I’ll be right back.” I looked up and saw that he was chewing is bottom lip. “I promise.”
He was unresponsive. I was a bit dismayed but figured he was jealous I was spending time with Jen on his day.
“Okay.” He said, still edgy.
“So you’ll wait here?” I asked.
When he didn’t answer, I asked again.
“I’ll be here.” Was his response.
Looking at my watch I was reluctant to leave but knew I had to, I was going to be late getting to Jen’s house as it was. I looked up into his eyes and saw pain. A look I’ve never seen on his face.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can,” I told him, “This isn’t easy for me, please don’t be mad. I do need to talk to you as well.” I paused, “Troy, I need you.” I tried to make that pained look go away with my words. I was unsuccessful.
“I love you, Troy.”
He just held my hand and squeezed it gently. I pulled away and started to run in the same direction I came from. I stopped and turned once to look back at him. It was as if he just disappeared. It was weird the way he always did that. I shook my head. Maybe he had something to do before I got back.
I got to Jen’s house and as I was about to knock when Melissa opened the door, apparently on her way out.
“Hey Amber.” she said.
“Hi Melissa, heading out?”
“Yeah, and if you knew what was best for you, you would turn and run.” I laughed at her comment, but she had a totally serious look on her face. My stomach heaved. I felt nauseous.
She climbed into her Toyota and drove off.
Missy was the first to greet me in the house and was joined immediately by Jen.
“Let’s go into the family room.” Jen said.
“Okay” I followed her. Her mom stayed back trying to let us have our privacy.
“Jen, I just wanted to apologize and explain…”
She put her hand up immediately stopping me from saying anymore. I instantly shut up and sat down across from her on the love seat.
“Amber, do you remember when we first met, and I told you about my gift?” I nodded slightly wondering where this was going.
“Well, I had a puzzle to put together then, and now I feel like I have the puzzle almost completed.”
It was my turn to look at her like she was crazy.
“I don’t know what you mean exactly.”
“Last night in your room,” she saw that I was about to start my explanation and held her hand up to stop me, “Amber, I saw. I saw everything.”
“What…”
“I saw everything. That horrible thing that happened to you...and your dad,” she paused briefly and continued, “It was like I was in a trance, with my head wired to your thoughts. I saw everything…everything you saw. It played like a movie on the wall. A horrible sad movie.”
I could feel my eyes fill and could do nothing to stop the stream of tears from running down my face. I was so afraid of this, of reliving it. Of having anyone know what I’d done. To see what I really was.
“Amber, there was nothing you could have done.” She said as if in answer to my guilty thought.
“I could have stayed home, I could have gotten home when I was supposed to. I could have stopped yelling at my dad…and let him pay attention to the road…I could have died instead of him….” I was shaking violently. I felt dizzy, empty. I felt the horror and the emptiness return to my soul, just like the first time I found out my dad died.
Missy came into the room and sat next to me on the loveseat. She wrapped her large arms around me holding me tightly to her, but even her warm embrace couldn’t stop the trembling inside me. A horrible racking sob shook me. My emotions were raw, bleeding. I felt defeated.
“Amber, you would have died. You were supposed to die. You were rescued.”
The disbelief in my eyes must have shocked Jen, because she started to shake as well.
Missy continued. “A boy pulled you out and dragged your body to the grass. He tried to get to your father. He even went back a second time when he couldn’t get him the first time. His sleeves caught on fire trying to save him. He tried even though he knew he was already dead. He heard you call for your father, that’s when he tried the second time. He turned and went back for your purse, looking for something to help you…a phone…to find a telephone. He called for help. He called 911. If he hadn’t you would have died.”
I can’t even imagine the look on my face.
“Amber, it was a boy on a motorcycle who saved you.”
“How come no one ever told me this before? Why is this the first time I’m hearing this?” I was visibly shaking, my voice not recognizable, even to me.
“Amber, I don’t want to frighten you, or traumatize you any more,” Jen took a long pause here. We were both exhausted by the revealing of that horrible night, she told me things I had no idea about and she saw everything I couldn’t, she knew everything I’d forgotten.
“If you want me to stop now I can?” She looked at me expectantly.
“No…no. I need to know. Tell me.” I said disputably.
“There were three vehicles involved in the accident; your car, of course, a mini van, and a motorcycle. There was a big explosion. Everyone involved in the accident died. Everyone…except for you.”
“I don’t understand, I’m confused…” I trailed off.
“This is the part that we,” she indicated her mom and herself, “we are really confused as well, because from what we can see, and we have a very clear picture, is the boy from the motorcycle, the one who pulled you out of the car. See Amber, he… he is the one who saved you.”
A long silence filled the room and I found myself dumbfound trying to grasp everything being told to me.
“But you told me everyone died except for me,” I paused, “was he alive when he pulled me out?”
“Amber, his was the first vehicle to enter the intersection, and he was the first person to die that night.”
We all looked at each other as though we didn’t recognize the other.
“Amber, the boy who pulled you out, he…” she took a long pause, raising her hand to her mouth. Her tears fell freely now, “was… is… Troy.”
My stomach turned, I tried to stand, I wanted to run, I wanted to scream, I wanted to run screaming. The last thing I remembered was the room fading into the darkness as I passed out.
I woke up to Missy sitting on the edge of the couch with a glass of cold water in her hand. Jen was on the telephone, telling my mom, in a very cheerful voice, that I was staying for dinner. When she hung up the phone, she came over to where her mother was standing.
I sat up, still shaken, and took the proffered water. I managed a few sips and felt better as the cold liquid revitalized me. Troy. Troy? My Troy? But he is so loving, so beautiful, and so alive. They must be wrong.
Jen instantly saw the determined look on my face and said, “Amber, we are not wrong, it was Troy.”
“That was the presence I saw following you that first day of school. The aura I told you about. He is strong, protective. He wants to protect you, feels a need to protect you.”
I was dizzy, my stomach heaved. It made no sense, yet it made all the sense in the world. The feeling I felt when I was near him. The fact he won’t be with me when I’m with my friends. That he hasn’t introduced me to his family and even after I begged him, to meet my mom and Tim. Why when I started to dream about him, the horrible nightmares ended. Why I felt so happy and alive.
