Unlikely Hero, page 10
I slowly took in a deep breath and tried composing myself. The headiness in my brain subsided slightly, but my eyes were still out of focus and my fingers and toes tingled from the lack of blood getting to my extremities.
I quickly shoved my Earth Science notebook into my backpack. I wanted whoever was meeting me to think I was here to study; the note was secondary.
Who was I kidding? I was here for this very reason, for this moment. The sight of him only confirmed this in my mind. I was here to see the boy who has been haunting my nights, my days and my thoughts. All the feelings I’ve suppressed inside for so many years came rushing to the surface in one giant wave, threatening to drown me.
It felt like an eternity until he was near the table. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. His eyes bored into mine. I felt faint and when he finally reached the table, he slowly lowered himself and sat down across from me. Placing both elbows on the table, he laced his fingers together and rested his chin on the top of his hands without taking his eyes off me. My gaze locked with his and I melted looking into those beautiful green eyes. I was numb. I was undone and I was born again.
For a long drawn out minute he didn’t speak. He just sat there staring at me like a guy that possessed all the confidence in the world.
Holy cow, when you look like him, you can be confident.
Then without provocation he smiled. A big friendly smile, like he’s known me all his life. His teeth were perfect. His face was perfect. He was perfect.
“Hi”
“Hi”
We continued to stare at one another for a few seconds. I was itching to crawl out of my skin. The constant urge to scratch at my covering and pull it down releasing me into the atmosphere. I was so afraid this was a dream, he was a dream. Afraid he would leave. I never wished so hard I could stop time. I think I may have squinted.
He continued staring at me. I was feeling a little uncomfortable and at the same time was the most comfortable I’ve ever been since I could remember. I felt so out of my element and yet, so where I was supposed to be.
Neither one of us spoke.
Who was this guy?
Why did he captivate my very soul?
I spoke, fumbling my words.
“I got the note you left…um,” I mumbled. “It was from you right?” It was more than a question, it was my brain grasping for sanity.
“Yes” he said resoundingly. I felt utter relief.
“Do I know you?”
“No...not yet…”
What exactly did that mean?
“I don’t mean to sound like a complete idiot, which I am certain I do right now, but I don’t really understand what’s going on here.” I went on,” I mean...” I paused thinking about what I wanted to say. All the while my mind was screaming at my mouth to continue.
He just looked at me, like he didn’t have a problem confronting a complete stranger, a babbling idiot. He smiled the most beautiful smile I think I’ve ever seen. A sweet crooked smile, the same self-satisfied smile I saw in the doorway to art class. The heat rushed to the surface of my skin, blood painting my cheeks slowly making its way from my chest to my forehead. I knew I looked like a fool, I felt so awkward, and embarrassed.
Here I was, finally face to face with the guy of my dreams, literally, and I couldn’t get my tongue untangled. Damn it. Damn him.
He continued to look at me, his eyes encouraging, patient, waiting for me to finish my sentence.
“I’m, I’m just confused.” I blurted out defeated knowing full well, I sounded as much the idiot as I felt.
His eyes continued to smile at me. I lowered my head.
“Amber.” He said my name as if testing the sound of it on his tongue. Softly. So softly it was barely audible, like a whisper. I felt my heart slow and the butterflies flew out of my stomach.
Total de’ja vu.
I immediately looked up to meet his eyes, gazing at him like a love-struck girl.
“When I first saw you smile, I knew I had to talk to you, needed to see if you’re okay. I knew I wanted to get to know you,” he paused, “So I made it my personal mission to find out as much as I can about you.”
This confused me even more.
“Excuse me.” I felt silly. “I don’t understand”.
“Something about you pulls me in. Something I have no control over. I feel the need to get to know you.”
Now I am totally lost. I didn’t know if I should be afraid of this confession of sorts, or complimented. This beautiful boy, physical perfection that he was, felt I was special enough, on site alone, that he needed to meet me. I think I may be dreaming, that I’m dreaming.
He started asking me questions. I answered unwittingly every question he asked me as though I was possessed by someone other than myself. I was mesmerized by his physical perfection and unable to stop staring at him, feeling as though I were in a trance. Whatever he asked I answered. He asked me about where I was from. He asked about the friends I had there. He asked about my family. The answers were flying out of my mouth as fast as the questions were asked. The strangest part was I felt completely at ease talking to him. We talked for some time.
It was as if I’ve known him forever. I was careful enough to leave out any details of the accident, or the shop-lifting. I was ashamed about that part of my life. I told him about the crazy things Jen told me today.
He said, “Hey, Amber, do you think maybe you can cut her some slack. Most of the kids here think she’s a freak. She is really a nice girl and she has a hard time making friends. You know how that feels.”
So he knew Jen, which means Jen knows him. I definitely needed to have a long talk with Jen tomorrow.
“Ok, yeah, sure. She just scared me a little bit with what she said, but I know how it feels to be considered a freak.”
Out of nowhere I looked up at him, at his perfect smiling face and blurted out “So is the inquisition over?”
I had a little too much attitude in my tone. I was immediately sorry I asked. I didn’t want to make him think I was mean, or too assertive.
“Well, not really,” he laughed, “There is a lot more I want to find out about you.” He explained.
I just looked at him. Why? Why me? Those words kept playing over and over again in my mind.
“I think you know more about me than I do. I want to know more about you.”
“We have plenty of time for that.”
Plenty of time…. that means I’ll be seeing him again.
“Oh.” I blushed.
I admonished myself, feeling a little silly. Here is your chance to find out about the boy who has been taking up all of your waking thoughts and you come up with “Oh”?
“Would you want to meet me here again tomorrow?” he asked.
I fervently nodded my head.
He must think I’m a total loon.
“About the same time?” he asked.
“I, um, yes, I would like that.” I paused, “then it’s my turn.”
His eyes widened and he smiled sheepishly, I found myself smiling. The look on his face was engaging. He was absolutely beautiful. I must pale in comparison to him. I couldn’t figure out why he was even speaking to me. What would make him want to know anything about me?
“Good, tomorrow then. It’s a date.” He exclaimed.
WOO HOO, I screamed inside. He WANTS to see me. A date!
I felt removed from my body like I was watching myself from the outside. Frankly, looking at how stupid I looked right then, it was a wonder he would want to meet me again, ever.
He stood up slowly, walked around to my side of the table and waited for me to get up. I slowly stood, my legs wobbly and weak. I brought my eyes up to look at his face and saw he was smiling at me so captivatingly my heart began to race again. I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to stay here with him. Throw my arms around him. Feel his arms around me. I felt a pull towards him. I glanced down at my watch and realized that we had been there for over three hours.
Where did the time go?
He spoke, breaking the silence, “Can I walk you home?”
“Um, yes. That would be nice” I replied. Don’t ever leave my mind shouted so loud; I thought he must surely hear my thoughts.
I stood there like an idiot. He held his arm out to me and I stepped onto the path toward the street. He stopped, “Here, let me take that.” He reached over me taking my backpack.
We turned left onto High Street and slowly walked towards the street that would lead me home. He smiled and looked to the side at me several times. We continued in silence for a few minutes. Then he resumed his questioning.
‘Was I adjusting to the school ok? Did I like my teachers? How did I like New Jersey?’
He mentioned he saw the picture I drew and complimented me on my talent.
He liked the picture I drew. Holy cow. I blushed. I was embarrassed. Clearly he must have seen it was a drawing of him.
“Hey, how did you know my name?” I asked trying to steer the attention off my drawing of him.
“I… heard someone call you,” he stammered, “I’ve been hearing your name in different conversations all over campus. You’ve gotten a lot of notice,” pausing, “Contrary to what you think, your name comes up in a lot of conversations. You are a very popular person.” He explained. “I like it.”
“Like it?”
“Yeah, your name.”
“Oh,” I replied, “apparently, so does my mom.”
He laughed and smiled…and I melted. At that moment, the attraction I felt for him was so strong, I would have gone anywhere with him. We walked until we turned onto my street and then he stopped just a few houses from mine. I turned to look at him, my heart pounding so loud, I was afraid he could hear it.
He leaned in closer to m and I could smell him. He smelled so good, like nature, clean, soapy…perfect. I wanted to lean in closer and inhale deeply, but he already must have thought I was a nut job.
“I’ve got to be going.” He said interrupting my thoughts, “but I’ll see you tomorrow right?”
“Um, yes.” I blurted. “I’ll be there.”
“Good. I’m looking forward to it.” He smiled.
I faded further into the abyss.
“Oh, and thanks for walking me home.” I said.
“My pleasure.”
He handed me my backpack, which felt lighter than air, and turned to walk away. He stopped a few feet from where we stood a moment ago, turned, and stood there watching.
“Oh,” I said once the veil of crazy wore off. “I never asked you your name.” I said softly, somewhat embarrassed I’d been talking to him for so long, telling him very personal things about myself without even knowing his name.
He laughed and smiled an enigmatic smile that reached his beautiful green eyes. “Troy” he said. It was almost a whisper.
“Oh, ok… Troy.” His name sounded like a song to my ears.
“Troy.” I said it out loud, testing the sound on my lips. It was music.
“Troy, I’m really looking forward to tomorrow.”
He smiled and said, “Yeah, me too.”
I couldn’t suppress my smile. I haven’t smiled like that in years. t was as if I’ve been lost for so long, buried, and he found me.
“Tomorrow.” I said.
“Tomorrow.” He replied.
I took the final steps to my house and had my hand on the doorknob when I turned to look at him one last time. He wasn’t there. It seemed like he’d just disappeared and just like that, he was gone.
What if he didn’t show tomorrow? What if I’m just crazy? What if he doesn’t exist outside of my fantasy? I scolded myself, he WILL be there tomorrow; he had to be.
I was so elated; I found it hard to keep my feet on the ground. I had so many questions to ask him.
When I walked into the house I was still floating. I went into the family room.
“Hi, I’m not hungry right now, maybe I’ll grab something later. Got to finish my homework. I’ll be upstairs. Maybe watch some TV or read. Night guys.” I said all without giving either one of them an opportunity to talk.
I saw my mom smile at me, a look of relief settling on her face. Tim just stared at me. He probably thought I was crazy. But mostly I remember Troy’s smile, and a shiver ran through me. I wanted to run upstairs, but decided to walk slowly. Painfully slow not to draw attention to myself.
Once inside my room, I changed, washed my face, pulled my sweats on and cracked the window. I got into bed and as I placed my head down on the pillow, I smiled. And for the first time in so long, I looked forward to tomorrow.
It’s funny how you forget how the little things do matter. It could be something so trivial, like having something to look forward to, and the thrill it gives you, that makes you feel happier than anything.
As my eyes slowly closed, I made a mental note…first thing tomorrow I needed to find Jen. I have a lot of things to ask her. I started compiling my questions, as I faded off to sleep.
***
When I woke up, I felt refreshed, new. Like I was coming out of a deep sleep and was seeing things clearly for the first time in years. In my mind, I was trying to compose a list of questions to ask Troy. Troy. I loved his name.
I wanted to find out as much as I could about him. Where did he live? I wanted to know everything about his family, his friends, and his whole life. I wanted to know what he liked, what he didn’t like. What classes he took? What were his plans for the future? Did he plan on going to college? I came to the conclusion, if it had anything to do with him, I wanted to know it. I wanted to know everything, even something as benign as his favorite flavor ice cream.
I took special care in picking out my clothes for the day. I chose a pair of black jeans and a white tank top. I put the matching black jean jacket on my bed next to my backpack and went into my bathroom and attempted to put makeup on. This time I did much better. Less is definitely more, just like mom said.
When I got to school, I searched through the throngs of kids hoping for a glimpse of Troy. No luck. I soon switched my focus on finding Jen. I had so much to ask her, but I knew I had to approach her diplomatically. I wasn’t so nice to her when she tried to talk to me. I was somewhat rude to her and felt guilty about my behavior.
I watched as the kids got off the buses. I stood in one spot looking at all the people who were walking from the student parking lot, the buses, the walkers and the drop offs; all headed towards the campus. I didn’t see either of them and started to panic inwardly. I had to make my way to my first class soon or I would get a demerit for lateness.
I noticed the other kids looked at me differently. Did they notice the change in me? Did they notice I was glowing?
I was glowing.
I was walking from my English class to lunch when I spotted Jen in the hallway walking ahead of me into the cafeteria. She stopped, spun around and looked behind her, where she spotted me looking at her. She stopped and smiled. Her eyes never left mine as she waited at the entrance for me to catch up. I approached her smiling and I could see the trepidation on her face.
“Hi Jen.”
“Hi Amber.”
“I was looking for you. You weren’t in class earlier, I thought maybe you were sick and didn’t come in.”
“No, I did have a doctor’s visit so I missed my first three classes, but I made it here for lunch.” She said with a light chuckle.
I laughed along with her.
“Yeah, lunch is my favorite too…” I paused, “Um, can you sit with me today. I have been thinking a lot about what you said and have a couple of questions. If that’s ok.” I asked.
She smiled and said, “Sure. I’ll tell you what I know, whether you’ll understand a single thing or not is another story.” She giggled.
I laughed out loud. She was easy to talk to. I instantly felt guilty about how I acted during our last conversation.
Wasn’t exactly sure where this would go, but it was a good place to start.
We walked over to the table I always sat at and dumped our backpacks on the empty chairs. I pulled out money from my bag.
“I’m gonna go grab a small salad, want anything?”
“No thanks, I brought my lunch.” She opened her backpack and took out the small lunch pouch.
“Ok, I’ll be right back.”
She went to refill her water bottle at the water fountain.
She was sitting there unwrapping her sandwich when I finally finished assembling my salad and took my seat.
“So how’s it going today?” she asked.
“It’s going ok, I guess.” I said. “I don’t know if it is me, or what, but I feel like everyone is staring at me.”
“Nope,” she went on, “they are all staring at you like today is the first time they’ve ever seen you. They are all so weird here. They ignore you like you’ve got the plague and then all of a sudden they find you interesting or something.”
“Yeah, something like that.” I replied.
“Hey sorry if I freaked you out the other day,” she said.
“No, don’t be. I imagine I come off as weird to everyone.”
“No that would be me.” She replied laughing. We both laughed breaking the tension crackling around us.
“Jen?” I asked quietly, “What do you know about Troy? I mean what can you tell me about him?”
She stopped eating her sandwich mid-chew and a strange look appeared on her face.
“Troy,” Jen looked right through me staring at nothing, then said “Troy…. Troy is his name.” As if realizing for the first time his name was Troy.
I looked at her oddly and said, “Yeah, he said you know each other…” I trailed off.
She took a sip of her water bottle and asked “Um, what else has Troy told you?”
Unable to contain my excitement, I started to tell her about the note left on my easel in art, the meeting, bits and pieces of the conversation we had. She seemed to be taking it all in, letting me talk the entire time. If truth be told, I had to say it was nice having someone to talk to, or in my case someone to listen to me. I found myself thinking it would be nice to make at least one friend. After I ate my salad, I was still hungry. As I began to relax and feel comfortable, my appetite grew exponentially; I was hungry.
