Falcon Falls Security Boxed Set: Books 1-3, page 93
“I bought her that perfume.”
Wait, what? “Why would you do that?” Did he realize how insane he sounded right now, liquor or not?
“Because I . . . because I miss the way our home used to smell. How you smell.” He’d gone from sounding angry to a wounded animal in a matter of seconds.
Annnd I need to sit again. “You hate me. Cheated on me. You’re marrying someone else. Why do you miss how I smell?” She shook her head. “This is the alcohol.” But had he been drunk when he bought Alice the Tom Ford Lost Cherry perfume too?
“The person you’ve become since we divorced is the woman I always wanted you to be.” He sighed. “Why’d you become her now? Why not when we were together?”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
“I always thought you were cheating on me while you were traveling. Your dad had you working in all those exotic locations during our marriage, and I just assumed . . .”
“Not this again,” she whispered. “I didn’t cheat. And your what-if scenarios about me were no excuse for what you did.” This conversation was way heavier than she’d anticipated it would be. She’d planned to say, Marry Alice, I don’t care. But make sure every decision you make is okay with Levi first, but this . . . THIS? What was this conversation? What was happening right now?
“I miss you,” Seth slurred.
A humorless chuckle fell from her lips, but her stomach dropped right along with the fake laugh. “That’s the alcohol talking. You don’t mean any of this.”
Not that it changed anything. But first Gray and now Seth.
What were the chances?
He was quiet for a moment before adding, “I’m sorry for calling you a bitch, or well, alluding to you being like one.” And then the line went dead.
Sydney stared at the phone in her hand, trying to grasp what had happened. From Levi yelling at his dad to Seth professing she’d become the woman he’d always wanted her to be.
So, she hadn’t been good enough for him then? But I am now?
She wasn’t sure how long she sat in a daze after tossing her phone on the bed, but at some point she’d found herself in the nearest bathroom to check her eyes. To ensure they weren’t bloodshot before facing one more man tonight. The only man she wanted to see. And he’s off-limits. Well, for now.
She went in search of the room Beckett had selected, unsure if he was still there, and found him two doors down, alone on a bottom bunk with his head in his hands.
“Mind if I come in?” She’d rather talk now before Gray came back. She wasn’t entirely sure what to say, but she assumed a conversation with him would go much better than it had with Gray and Seth.
Beckett lifted his head and looked over at her. “Of course.” His voice was raw and raspy as if he’d been yelling, but she didn’t take him for the type to have a shouting match with the wall.
“I know it’s not easy for you to stay here instead of going to get Elaina and Emily. I’m sorry.”
“I guess I should’ve expected some animosity from Gray.” He remained seated, and she wasn’t sure if she ought to risk joining him.
The last time they were together on a bed . . . well, the man had more than delivered. She didn’t trust her body to not respond around him. She didn’t have control over the feelings he provoked. But more than that, her guard kept crashing down when he was near.
“Gray’s stubborn,” she responded as if he hadn’t guessed as much.
“That makes two of us,” he tossed back with a self-deprecating smile.
She turned, giving him her profile as her nerves bested her. But at the feel of Beckett’s fingers skimming the side of her hand, she faced him.
Beckett wrapped his hand around hers, and that firm, masculine touch had her eyes closing. He guided her to the bed, and she sat next to him, not ready to look him in the eyes. “This okay? Gray’s still gone, but I’m not quite sure of the rules.”
He kept hold of her hand as she opened her eyes and looked his way, but within a second, he understood she was on the verge of breaking into a hundred pieces.
He turned on the bed and palmed her cheek with his free hand. “What happened? Did someone say something?” he said darkly, his pupils dilating a touch.
Dilated pupils, didn’t Ecstasy do that? Impact mood. Desire. Mimic the natural emotions that were now on full display from Beckett.
The case. I need to focus. That drug . . .
Worry clung to his dark eyes as he asked, “Did someone hurt you?”
“Does emotional damage count?”
“That’s the worst kind for me.” His honesty and lack of hiding behind some manly concept of needing to be tough twenty-four seven was humbling. And appreciated. “What’s wrong?”
“So many things.” She frowned and let go of a sigh as he leveled her with a hard look, one that said he’d hurt anyone who’d so much as upset her.
He smoothed the back of his hand along her cheek, and her lids fluttered closed once again. The way he touched her, the way he seemed to know what she needed and how she needed it was just . . .
“When I’m confused or unsure about something, I call Levi’s dad,” she confessed, her body trembling as she shared something no one else knew. Well, no one aside from her therapist, who’d first recommended the idea two years ago. “Not Seth. I mean his birth father, Matt. The man who never had a chance to see Levi born because he died. Roadside bomb.”
She scooched a bit closer to him, their knees bumping in the process. And he squeezed her hand with his other one, a gentle and reassuring, I’m here for you.
“I was a Military Intelligence officer and had tried out for one of the Cultural Support Teams. I made it and was later attached to a group of Green Berets. I deployed to Afghanistan whenever they did,” she slowly shared. “Matt was one of the guys I worked with, and we became friends. Totally platonic. It was never like that.” She took a few breaths, working up to the next part. “One night, we were both feeling pretty shitty about life. The war. Everything. And we . . . you know.” She didn’t need to spell it out for him. “It was a mistake. Also, forbidden. And the next day, we both agreed it’d never happen again.”
The fact Beckett was still holding her hand through this meant more to her than she could put into words. She felt his compassion in his touch and not a flinch in the way of judgment.
“Six weeks later, I realized I was pregnant. Matt barely had time to process the news because a day later, he was ordered to roll out on an op. A target package my team had put together was given the green light by the higher-ups. It was my intelligence that put him on the road that day.” A sharp, stabbing pain filled her abdomen as she recalled the moment she’d learned an IED had killed Matt and severely wounded another guy on the team.
“You know this, but I need to say it anyway—it wasn’t your fault.”
She knew that, yes. But it didn’t erase the horrible pit of guilt when that thought hit her at the start of each day. “Matt didn’t have any family. He grew up in foster care. Never adopted.”
“That’s not true. He had family. The military. And now, he still has family. He lives on through Levi.”
Her attempts to resist crying at his words failed. It was hard not to shed her emotions when Beckett framed her face with both palms, and a few tears fell freely.
“I leave him messages about Levi. Ask him for advice. I pay to have a number in service so I can do this. I know that sounds . . .”
“You amaze me, that’s all I know.” Beckett’s rough voice had her meeting his eyes, finding them glistening as if he might cry too.
“If I were amazing, I never would’ve married a man I didn’t love.” She still wasn’t sure if she had said yes to Seth’s proposal as one last act of rebellion against her father since her dad hated Seth. Or because she felt rushed to provide Levi with a role model growing up. “And I’m not sure if you heard Gray share this morning that he knows Seth cheated on me four years ago with one of my best friends.”
“You tell me what you want and when you want to. No rush.”
How’d she feel closer to Beckett in thirty-six hours than she ever had with Seth in all their years of marriage?
“Seth just told me he misses me. He wishes I was the person I am now when we were together. As if that’d have made a difference in our marriage. But he was drunk, so I’m sure he’s just confused.”
Beckett slanted his brows in surprise. “So, he proposed to your former best friend as a way to . . . what, make you jealous? Get you back?” He narrowed his eyes as if he didn’t understand how two plus two made four in this case.
“I don’t think so, but it wouldn’t matter. We’re done.” She let that sink in for a moment. “And Gray,” she began, realizing he needed to hear this one more time, even though she’d already told him as much. “He and I won’t be getting back together either.”
He quietly studied her, his hands on his lap now. She took the chance to rid herself of any remaining tears and stood. “Can I ask you something?”
She faced him, unsure what to do with her arms. There was so much tension there. Everywhere for that matter. “Sure.”
He slowly rose and removed his ball cap, a new one he must’ve grabbed from his suitcase since she was pretty sure he’d lost his other one in the jungle. “What do you want?”
“That’s easy.” She wet her lips and stared into his eyes, a sense of calm washing over her with his gaze pointed her way. “I want what I can’t have.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
“What is it that you want but can’t have?” Beckett wasn’t so arrogant as to assume she meant him, but damn, he wanted exactly that.
Sydney’s fingers danced along her collarbone while saying, “I want what Valentina and Martín have. I didn’t need to spend much time with them to know they have the kind of marriage most people dream about. I could see and feel their love for each other in every look and touch.”
He could sense her guard was still down, but was it temporary?
“I gave up on the possibility of ever falling in love again,” she continued in a soft tone, “but seeing them together made me wish I could have that too.”
“And why can’t you? Why is it not possible?” He’d sworn off love and romance too, but then this blonde badass archer with a beautiful soul came into his life, and now he wasn’t sure what to think from one minute to the next.
“Hey,” a voice called out. Jack and his horrible timing . . . “Emily and Elaina just pulled up.”
Beckett took a step away from Sydney at the sight of Jack’s disapproving frown.
“Coming,” Sydney told Jack, stealing a quick look at him still hanging back in the hall.
Jack must know about us. But is there an us? Can there ever be?
Jack nodded and slapped the doorframe once as if to say hurry, then left.
Beckett hated that their conversation felt unresolved, and he had no clue when or if they’d have a chance to pick things back up again. He followed her from the room, then paused at the top of the stairs, wondering if they shouldn’t enter the living room side by side.
“You go first,” Sydney suggested, sharing his thoughts. “I’ll give it a minute and come down.”
“Yeah, okay.” At the sound of Elaina’s voice, he shoved aside his emotions and maneuvered around Sydney to go downstairs.
“Beckett!” Elaina called out the moment he walked through the doorway to the living room. She shot straight for him, arms stretched open for a hug.
Elaina wrapped her arms around his waist, and the guilt at being there and away from his daughter struck him hard. “Hey,” he said softly, meeting Emily’s tired eyes from across the room where she stood between Gray and Griffin.
Aside from Jack on the couch, the room was empty, but he heard footsteps coming from the hallway.
“How are you?” He meant his question for both Emily and Elaina as Emily swapped places with her daughter for a hug.
“I’m here. That’s all I know,” Emily said into his ear and faked a small smile for his benefit after pulling back.
“I’m sorry,” he mouthed, his head spinning, reality settling in with the two of them in Santiago.
“Mya.” Elaina beamed and started for Mya, who’d walked into the room with Oliver.
“Wait, you two know each other?” Beckett pointed a finger back and forth between them as he tried to remember when and how Mya had met Elaina.
“I was at Julia and Finn’s wedding in North Carolina last fall,” Mya reminded Beckett, and then it clicked as Elaina fist-bumped Oliver in greeting. “Both of us were.” Mya tipped her head toward Oliver as if this would jog Beckett’s memory.
Oliver dragged a finger over his throat, and it came back to Beckett. Julia and Mya were friends. They’d been the ones to help keep Oliver from losing his head last year. And Julia was married to one of A.J.’s teammates, Finn.
Mya waved to Emily. “How are you?”
“I’m here,” Emily repeated what she’d told Beckett and faked yet another smile. She looked exhausted and stressed, and she had every right to be.
As more guilt stabbed him in the chest, he crossed his arms and tried to steady his breathing so he wouldn’t look so shaken up.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you anything in D.C.,” Elaina told him while striding back his way, and she pursed her lips apologetically. “It had to be this way.”
“Right.” Beckett nodded. “Mya,” he shared. “She would’ve . . .” He closed one eye a second later. “Why’d you call her a dark-haired woman with dark eyes if you knew Mya’s name?” he asked at the realization. “Why not tell your mom it was Mya that needed help?”
Elaina turned to look at Mya for a moment. “I didn’t know Mya was in trouble.” She lowered her head as if surprised by that fact. “I only saw the other woman in trouble. I’m sorry.”
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m fine.” Mya approached Elaina and took a knee alongside her. “If Beckett hadn’t gone to Mexico, I might not have been okay, so you saved me anyway.”
“Wait.” Now Beckett was really curious. “You said ‘the other woman.’ Who’s the woman who’d die if—”
“Her.” Elaina pointed to the hallway, and Beckett swiveled around to see Camila and Carter joining them in the room.
“Well, you must be the one I’ve heard so much about.” Camila smiled and extended her hand while waiting for Elaina to approach.
Elaina took slow steps, studying her without accepting her palm. Was she nervous around her? No, that wasn’t it. But the way Elaina observed her was—
“You were going to die earlier today,” Elaina whispered, interrupting Beckett’s thoughts. “But you didn’t.” There was a childlike quality to her tone Beckett hadn’t heard from her since they’d met when she was around eight or nine.
Camila withdrew her hand and peered at Carter for clarification. She appeared as confused as Beckett felt.
“What do you mean?” Carter asked, and Beckett spied Sydney coming into the room from the corner of his eye.
Elaina frowned and took one more step toward Camila as if feeling the need to inspect her closer. “You were going to be somewhere else earlier. You would’ve been taken as a hostage. Tortured. And then killed.” Well, that was blunt, even for Elaina.
“I, um.” Camila’s forehead tightened as she studied Elaina, and Mya pushed upright to stand by Sydney.
“Elaina, sweetheart.” Emily came up behind her daughter and set her hands on her shoulders. “Sorry,” she apologized to Camila.
“It’s okay,” Camila began. “I was supposed to be somewhere earlier, but then Carter called, and I changed my plans. She may be right.”
Beckett remembered now. Camila had planned to surveil Jorge’s house, and fuck, that meant she would’ve more than likely been detained while there. Because Elaina was always right. And neither Mya nor Camila would be standing there now had . . . Well, had Cora not called me for help. Because either way, Mya would have been in Tulum to meet her contact. And Camila would have tracked her scientist to Santiago and to Jorge Rojas.
But Cora . . . she was the link that brought them all together. The reason these two women were still alive. This is over my head.
Elaina continued to observe Camila as if there were something else she wanted to share, searching for a thought that wouldn’t quite materialize.
“What is it?” Mya asked, drawing the same conclusion as Beckett.
Elaina reached for Camila’s arm instead of her hand. Closing her eyes, she whispered, “You’re like me, aren’t you? But not quite the same, I suppose.”
Beckett watched the whole scene unfold in shock, not sure what to make of it. It seemed only Emily was at ease with her daughter’s abilities. Of course, she knew Elaina better than anyone in that room.
“I don’t know what you mean,” Camila said while Elaina opened her eyes.
Beckett shifted to the side to better view Elaina as Emily offered her daughter an alternative explanation, “Maybe you just feel connected to her because of your vision.”
“Honestly, it’s starting to feel like we’re all connected,” Oliver spoke up, voicing exactly what Beckett was beginning to believe.
“If you’re not ready for others to know, I understand.” Elaina let go of Camila’s arm and stepped back. Emily wrapped her arms around her. “Most people wouldn’t believe you anyway.” She peered around the room, remaining comfortably within the safety of her mother’s embrace. “But they will.” Her shoulders fell on a sigh. “Mom, my head doesn’t hurt anymore. The headache is gone.”
“Well, that’s something to celebrate,” Emily said, her eyes glistening as if she might cry at the news.
“But I’d like to go to bed,” Elaina told her while squinting at Camila with that searching-for-a-memory look of hers Beckett had grown to know.
“I saved you a room with a queen bed instead of bunk beds,” Carter said. “Griffin can show you where it is.”
“Of course.” Griffin stepped away from where he’d remained by Gray and swiped a hand along his jawline.
