Rush Into You, page 19
It was something I needed to fix.
I couldn’t believe I’d walked away from this woman. In that moment, I knew I needed my mom and she needed me.
She closed the distance between us and her arms wrapped around me as she rocked me slightly and stroked my hair, uttering soothing words in my ear. I squeezed her closer to me, not wanting to break the comfort she’d brought me with her presence.
“Oh, Mommy!” I cried, melting into her.
“I’m here, sweetie. Come on, let’s sit down.” She pulled away slightly, but kept her arm wrapped around my shoulders as she led me through my home. Although she had never been here before, she navigated my house as if she’d built it and there wasn’t a single hitch in her step as she guided me into the living room. I sat on my couch, and her motherly instincts made her place a fluffy throw blanket over me even though I was capable of doing it myself. She got up without a word and went to my kitchen, then returned a moment later with a can of soda for me.
I turned the TV on while I waited for her to return.
“Still drinking the Diet Dr. Pepper I see.” She smiled sweetly at me as she sat down.
I cracked it open and nodded. “Once I switched to this from Coke, I never went back.”
We sat together in silence, the only sound the soft voices coming from the television. After a few more moments, I felt my mom shift on the soft couch cushions, then turn towards me. I kept my eyes locked on the TV, afraid I’d break down if I looked at her.
The past due conversation we needed to have was about to start, and I knew I’d answer anything she asked me. I wanted to erase her pain.
“I missed you, Gabby,” she started, her voice barely above a whisper.
“Me too, Mom. So much.” My quiet voice matched hers. “I know what I did was wrong, but at the time I thought I was doing the right thing. I really am sorry.”
I heard her sniffle.
“I know you are. I know you left as you did because you thought you were protecting us, but your father and I only cared about you. They lost our respect the first time they gave you a dirty look or said something bad about you. We can live without them, but we don’t want to live without you, honey.”
Tears were gliding silently down my cheeks, but I made no move to wipe them away. I didn’t want to hide from my mother. She might not know all the details of my drug life, but she knew what happened to me. She knew the terrible mistake I made and the consequences that I had to endure. Sitting next to my mother, I wished I didn’t run from her. She was always my rock, and I forgot how much I really needed her.
“I’m here now,” she wiped my tears for me, “I want to be a part of your life. Daddy wanted to come and see you today, too, but I convinced him to let me come alone. He wants to see you, though.”
I nodded. “I want to see him. I miss him. How’s he doing?”
She smiled sadly. “He’s good. He’s missed you.”
We didn’t speak for a while as we both came to terms with the idea that we were together again. That we were a family once more.
My mom clapped her hands together. “Okay, I want to catch up. We’ll put the heavy stuff to the side for now and talk more later. But right now, I want to hear about this man that you have in your life.”
At the mention of Ryker, my heart squeezed. “He’s perfect, Mom. He wants to be with me even though he knows I’m messed up. He doesn’t know what happened before, but I’ve been approached a few times while we were out together and I know he’s probably wondering.”
“What do you mean you’ve been approached?” My mom looked wary and suspicious.
“Remember Rachelle? I bumped into her at the Breckston fair. She started running her mouth about me being a killer right in front of Ryker. Then there was this other guy…” I took a deep breath and cleared my throat. “There was this other guy that confronted me at one of Ryker’s races. He’s the son of Mr. and Mrs. Rayburn.”
“Oh, Gabby.” She sighed, “What happened?”
“I freaked out and ran. Ryker came after me, trying to help. He didn’t push for answers, but he wanted me to let him in and I pushed him away. I’m so afraid that he’ll run when he learns the truth. He says he won’t, but why would he stay when he found out how many people I killed?”
“Stop right there, Gabriella.” My mother’s voice was stern. “Don’t you for one second act like you’re a serial killer. You didn’t go wielding an ax around with the intent to kill. You made a mistake. Driving under the influence is never okay, but you didn’t intend to kill anyone.”
“He knows about the drugs,” I whispered. I looked up at her to gauge her reaction, but her face was gentle. “I met him before I moved here. I was at a bar that he was working at, and we just talked all night. He treated me with such respect, and acted as if I was just a regular person. You know nobody else did that, so when Ryker did…it was special. He saw how the other people in the bar behaved around me, and it didn’t stop him from approaching me. I moved the next day and didn’t see him again, but I thought about him every day. I started thinking he was just a part of my imagination until I met him again a year later. Time seemed to stand still when we saw each other, and everything just clicked. We’ve been spending a lot of time together, and he’s wonderful. He treats me like a princess and makes me feel beautiful. I fell in love with him. He told me he loved me last night, even after what he’d heard from the Rayburn’s son.”
My mother was smiling, and her eyes looked happy.
“What?”
“Your face just lit up when you were talking about him. You went from looking so sad and broken, to happy and in love. Don’t give up on him, Gabby. It sounds like this man really loves you. Give him a chance to prove that to you. If he walks away after he learns the truth, I know it will hurt, but you’ll at least know he’s not the right guy for you. It sounds like he’s a keeper, though. He’s had many chances to run, and he hasn’t yet, so it doesn’t sound as if he scares too easily. But if you let him go without telling him the truth, you’ll never forgive yourself. You’ll live the rest of your life wondering what could have happened between you two. You need to give him a chance.”
I nodded. “He left last night to give me time to think. He wants me to decide what I want. I want him so much, Ma, but I’m just so scared.”
“I know you are. You need to ask yourself if you’ll be fine with not being with him. It sounds like you two have a good thing going, and you shouldn’t throw it away based on fear. You’re too strong for that, Gabby. You’ve been through too much. You need to tell him the truth, the whole truth, and then leave it in his hands. If he stays, then you know it’s true love. You made a mistake in life, honey, but you don’t have to let that ruin the rest of your life. You can grow from what happened. You’ve been through more in a few years than most people will ever go through in their entire life.”
“You’re right. I need to try. I can’t let him go that easy.”
“Of course I’m right.” She laughed. “I’m your mom. I’m always right.”
IT WAS DARK by the time my mother left. After we’d got through some of the deeper topics, we’d talked about random things for hours. It was nice catching up with her, and I never wanted to go a long time without speaking to her again. She cheered me up by telling me funny stories about my father and the different projects he was trying to work on. He was always trying to repair things around the house or build something new, but he wasn’t a repair man in any sense of the word.
Now that I was by myself, I couldn’t keep my brain from roaming to Ryker. I kept thinking about what my mother said, and I knew I needed to give him a chance to make his own decision. I couldn’t just end the relationship we built because I was scared he would leave me, and I knew if I broke things off with him, I’d live the rest of my life wondering what could have happened between us.
Usually I would be with Ryker by this time of the night, but he had kept true to his word, and given me space. He hadn’t called or texted me, and he hadn’t stopped by. I reached for my phone, deciding that I’d call and tell him everything, but that same unsettled feeling in my stomach that I’d woken up with came back to me. I’d felt the strange feeling throughout the day, but I’d shoved it to the side and chalked it off as stress.
When I dialed Ryker’s number, and he didn’t answer, the feeling only grew stronger, so I immediately dialed Jay’s number instead, needing someone to talk to.
“Hey, chicky!” she yelled over the loud background noise through the phone.
“Hey, Jay, where are you?”
“I was about to ask you that same question! I’m at the races. I figured you’d be here.”
Nausea filled my stomach, and I swallowed hard. “There’s a race going on?”
“Uh, yeah…you didn’t know? Ryker’s here. He’s about to start his race next.”
I cleared my throat. “We had a fight last night, and it was my fault. I was trying to get a hold of him and fix things, but he wasn’t answering his phone.”
“He probably can’t hear it. It’s loud as hell here tonight. It’s pretty crazy.”
“Crazier than usual?” I asked, feeling sick.
“Oh yeah! Tonight’s race wasn’t scheduled. Keith called the race wanting to go up against Ryker…something about them not racing like they were supposed to last night.”
“Shit.”
“What’s the matter?”
“Jay, I need a favor. Can you come pick me up? I need to see Ryker before he races. I need to talk to him.”
“Sure, I’ll come now. I doubt we’ll make it back before they start though.”
“Just hurry, please! But drive carefully.”
When we arrived on the boulevard, my anxiety spiked to an insane level. My hands were trembling and I kept looking over my shoulder.
“Gabby, you’re freaking me out. What’s going on with you?”
“I don’t know, Jay. I just have a really bad feeling about something,” I bit my lip, “I’ll catch up with you in a minute.”
I walked quickly away from her and over toward the crowd of people at the spot where I usually stood when I was here with Ryker. Something in the air felt off tonight, and there was an intensity in the crowd that usually wasn’t there. I spotted a friend from my Microbiology class, so I jogged the remaining distance to him and caught his attention.
“Hey, Lukas, what’s up with everyone tonight?”
“You mean you don’t know? Well, Keith was pissed that Ryker bailed on the race last night. I wasn’t here, so I have no idea what happened, but they called an emergency race tonight.” He shrugged. “Were you here? What happened?”
I knew exactly what had happened.
“Ryker and Keith got into it a bit, something stupid. It wasn’t a big deal,” I lied.
“I don’t know about that. The way Keith was running around here breathing fire, it seems it might’ve been a big deal to him.”
“Shit. I’ve got to go.” I ran off without another word to Lukas, knowing I needed to find Ryker. I wanted to talk to him and let him know how I felt about him, but there was an unshakeable feeling inside me that something bad was going to happen. Everything was just off, and I hoped that I’d feel better once I saw him.
I heard the loud blare of the blow horn and finally spotted Ryker’s bright red Ducati a short distance from me. He was straddling the large bike, in position on the starting line. I picked up my pace, wanting him to at least see me before he took off. I shoved my way through the remaining crowd, trying to get as close to him as I could.
As I neared the front of the group, I saw Ryker lift the visor of his helmet and look around. I knew he was looking for me. Before every race, he’d flip the visor up and find me in the crowd in my usual spot. He’d blow me a kiss and wink at me, making my heart melt every time. Right now, he was looking at the spot where I always stood. Of course, that’s not where I was. I noticed the sag of his shoulders before he put his visor back down. He locked his gaze straight forward, focusing all of his attention on the task before him.
Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Keith; his helmet was lifted as he stared straight at me. His stare followed me as I finally broke free from the larger than usual group, and stood in the very front. The look in his cold eyes was cruel and unforgiving. They sent chills down my spine instantly. He pointed at me and then used his other hand to make a cutting motion across his neck. The man was absolutely crazy, and his threat scared the shit out of me. He didn’t drop his glare until Hendrix’s voice sounded through the megaphone.
“Let’s go pussies! Stop playing with yourselves and get ready. We need to do this shit before the rain starts!” The words barely left Hendrix’s mouth when I heard a deep crash and loud rumbling of nearby thunder. Another loud roar filled the sky and was followed by Hendrix’s enthusiastic voice, “Three! Two! One!”
The blow horn signaled Ryker and Keith to start, and their bikes blasted from their spots like a bullet. The black clouds above us added to the ominous feeling in the air. I cringed as the sky opened up and a pounding rain fell angrily from the sky the second Ryker and Keith started the race. The anxiety coursing through my body was making me feel sick, my nerves causing me to shake. Usually the races were cancelled if it rained because of safety reasons. Since tonight was an insisted make up race, and the guys were already riding, I knew they weren’t going to pull over and stop. They were going to see the race through.
I always got nervous when Ryker raced, but tonight was a hundred times worse because of the rain and my already unsettled nerves. The uneasiness I’d been feeling all day was at an all time high, and though I wasn’t quite sure what I was afraid of, I was undeniably terrified right now.
The races usually ended quickly because of how fast the guys rode their bikes, but it seemed to take forever tonight. I was straining to hear the loud roar of the motorcycles over the rumbling thunder, but it proved to be impossible. I looked around desperately searching for a familiar face. I saw Jay on the other side of the crowd, and we locked eyes. She started walking towards me.
My head whipped back to the street, and I perked up the second the motorcycle engines could be heard over the thunder. As soon as I saw Ryker’s red bike rounding the bend, I felt my body relax, and a little bit of my fear fade away. He knew what he was doing, and I was sure he had raced in the rain before. He’d be fine. He was in the lead, and in a matter of seconds this race would be over and he’d be next to me, and we’d go home together.
Keith’s bike came into view a moment later right on Ryker’s tail. Ryker kept the lead, but Keith was easily keeping up. The unrelenting rain poured fat drops in rapid succession all over the pavement and people. Puddles were forming on the street, and the bikes raced right through them splashing water high into the air. My eyes strained against the heavy downpour, and tried to stay focused on Ryker. I knew they were pushing their bikes over a hundred miles per hour, but everything seemed to be moving in slow motion. Instead of trying to pass by Ryker, I noticed Keith moving closer to him…almost as if he were aiming for him. I tensed, any shred of relief I felt a moment ago fleeing my body.
“What is he doing?” I whispered to myself under my breath, watching horrified as Keith inched even closer to Ryker. I closed my eyes for a quick second and sent a silent prayer up to God to keep him safe. A quick flash of orange sparks caught my eyes the second they reopened, startling me. They were gone before I had the chance to look closer, the rain eating them up.
My hand flew to my mouth covering my gasp as I watched Ryker fight for control of his bike. Keith charged after him, completely avoiding the opening he’d just had to pass him. There was no question in my mind what I was seeing. The moment Ryker steadied himself, Keith deliberately rammed his bike into the back of Ryker’s, not even caring about his own safety. Just yards away from the finish line, Keith and Ryker began losing control of their bikes.
“What the fuck!” I screamed at the same time everyone erupted into chaos. ”Oh no! No, no, no! Please, God, don’t let this be happening!”
There was absolutely nothing I could do right now except watch as Ryker failed to control his bike. Between being side swept by Keith and the slickness of the boulevard, there was nothing he could do except fall. The wet pavement gave him no chance to steady himself; it only assisted in bringing him to the ground faster. I shook my head frantically, trying to erase the nightmare from before my eyes.
I saw Keith swerve maniacally before skidding off the road and out of sight. The crowd screamed and ran in the opposite direction. Not a second later there was an earsplitting crash. I could see the panic and fear paralyzing Ryker as his strong grip remained locked on the handlebars. My mind flashed to all the moments I’d spent with him; images of his smile and the sound of his laughter warming me ever since the first day we met.
This couldn’t be happening to him right now.
Everything moved in slow motion as my world crashed down upon me once again. I watched my boyfriend lose the last shred of control he had as his bike tipped over and landed on top of him, pinning him onto the street. He started skidding at probably one hundred miles per hour down the slight slope of a hill. Sparks were flying endlessly and disappearing almost immediately from the rain. The screech of the metal from his bike against the pavement was never-ending, and my stomach churned at the very vivid memory it brought back for me. I fought the darkness of my own past as I took off in a sprint toward Ryker. I stopped short as he whipped right by me underneath his bike.
Luckily, I heard sirens in the distance in that exact moment, and I was grateful, but the only thing on my mind was Ryker. I needed to get to him, even though I was absolutely terrified of what I’d find when I did. I didn’t know what I’d do with myself if something happened to him. I just needed him to be okay, and everything else could be dealt with later.
Even though it was probably only a matter of seconds, a minute at the most, I felt like it took years to get to Ryker. I ran as fast as I could, dodging people and jumping over everything blocking my way. When I finally got to him, my world crumbled. Again. The sight of him, bloody and bruised while pinned beneath his almost five hundred pound motorcycle was heartbreaking. I couldn’t see his entire body because of the bike, but his limbs were bent at odd angles, and I knew he was still alive because of the agonizing groans coming from deep within his soul.
