Tabloid Princess, page 3
I opened my mouth to say something back, but when I couldn’t think of anything, I swiftly shut it again and turned for the door. Even though I wanted to, I didn’t look back.
I’d probably never have a day like this again, but it was time to return to reality.
A reality I was already late for.
Three
“I’m here, I’m here.” My greeting echoed in my head like a disjointed déjà vu. Part of me could only wonder if today had even happened at all.
“Mummy!” A barrel of blonde curls launched down the small hallway and into my body, slender arms wrapping tight around my waist. “I thought you’d miss bedtime.”
Kneeling, I met Daisy’s dark-blue stare. Round and bright, her blonde lashes blinked at me as her small mouth turned into a pout. “Me, miss bedtime? Have I ever missed it before? Ever in the history of bedtimes?”
Her little six-year-old brain contemplated this as she slid her hands around my neck and waited for me to pull her up. I held in my groan—she was far too old to be carried, but I found it nigh on impossible to refuse. I’d just cry to myself later when I got into bed and realised my back had been broken someplace around the sternum.
“Where have you been, Mummy? Nana was falling asleep waiting for you.” We’d just got to the lounge and I popped my head in through the door, grinning at Nana who was dozing in the chair.
“What have you done to Nana, Daisy? Did you tire her out at the park?”
Daisy giggled, the little sound lifting my heart. “We didn’t go to the park.”
I gasped loudly, hamming it up. “You didn’t? What have you been doing all this time while I’ve been slaving away in a boring office all day?” I stopped my mind from skimming back to delicious smiles and tempting bright eyes.
Now is the important bit. This is what I live for.
Princes don’t fit into my world.
Nana had her eyes still shut but her lips curved into a smile as Daisy leant into my ear and whispered, “Nana took me for ice cream, but it’s supposed to be a secret.”
“Ice cream on a school night! I’m going to have to talk to that grandmother of yours. She’s clearly a bad influence.” I ruffled the pale curls and breathed in that intoxicating scent of a clean, post-bath child. “Have you cleaned your teeth?”
She nodded, but the lie was in her eyes.
“Truth?”
Daisy bit on her bottom lip. “Maybe.”
I slid her down onto the floor and gave her bottom a gentle pat. “Go and clean them and I’ll come and read you a story. I need to give Nana a telling off for the ice cream.”
“No!” Daisy’s eyes were wide, the whites filling with water. “Don’t do that. She was being nice, and I begged.”
“Ah, now I see. You begged? How hard?”
She thought about her answer for a moment. “Quite hard.”
“Five minutes?”
She’s six, she’s got no concept of time at all. Her day is divided into time at school and time at home; how many physical minutes that actually pass during those periods is utterly lost on her.
“Three, I think.”
“Three whole minutes of begging? Okay, maybe it wasn’t Nana’s fault after all.”
“I’m sorry.”
I dropped my act and bent down to sweep her back up into a tight hug. “I’m teasing, my lovely. Just teasing. But you do need to go and clean your teeth.”
She gave me a shrewd glance I wasn’t sure a six-year-old should have. “And you won’t tell Nana off?”
“No.” I let her go. “Off you go. I’ll come and check them in a minute.”
She scurried for the small bathroom up the stairs and from my vantage point I could see her squeezing a tiny amount of toothpaste onto her brush.
“Are you a mouse?” I called up.
“No, I’m a big girl.”
“Big girls need more paste. Don’t be shy, squeeze it on.”
“But it stings!”
I rolled my eyes and went to Nana in her chair, dropping a kiss onto her forehead. “Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s okay. I was only playing at being asleep, so she’d stop talking at me.”
Chuckling, I picked up a dirty mug from the small table by Nana’s favourite chair. “You’re looking lovely in blue today.” I nodded at her cobalt T-shirt. “Are you still trying to flirt with all the dads in the playground?”
“It’s not my fault I don’t look my age.”
I shook my head and made my way into the kitchen hoping to find some leftovers I could scavenge. My stomach had growled most of the way home, but then I hadn’t eaten all day so I couldn’t blame it.
“How was work?” Nana called after me.
“Utterly bonkers.”
Her chair squeaked and I could count her ten small steps into the kitchen. “That’s not normally what you say on a Monday.”
“Today was no normal Monday, I can tell you.”
“And?”
I opened my mouth to tell her about Prince Oliver and his surprise visit. About the afternoon I’d spent with him, alone, in Janine’s office. But something stopped me. Maybe I just wanted to greedily hang onto the moment as my own for a while longer. Maybe I just needed food before I could even think about finding the energy to perform that level of squealing.
“I’ll tell you later.” I slid a plate with some lasagne into the microwave and hit the buttons until the lights came on and the plate started turning. “How has Daisy been?”
“Fine. All fine.”
“Has she needed a pump after school?”
“Just the blue one and that wasn’t until right when we got home. I think her breathing is getting better.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek. Nana’s enthusiasm was always one step ahead of mine. “We said that last year and then she ended up blue-lighted to King's.”
“But the new combination drug is working. Be pleased.”
“I am pleased.” It was only half a white lie. I was pleased, but I’d forever more be paranoid that Daisy’s next asthma attack would be the final one. It was a fear I woke with every morning and worried about every night as I dropped off to sleep.
The microwave pinged and I dragged out the plate, holding it against my chest as I picked up a fork and started scoffing the steaming food straight into my mouth. I didn’t even care it burnt my insides as it went down. I just needed to eat.
“Goodness, Leia. Have you not eaten all day?”
“No.”
“And you are still upright? How is that possible?” Her face said it all. The fact chocolate digestives and I have a mutually inclusive love affair isn’t totally my fault.
I scrunched my face. “Don’t be rude.”
Nana eyed me carefully. “You're like hyped up, you’re never like this.”
I shook my head, my mouth too full to swallow anytime soon.
“And that’s not the awful outfit you went out in this morning.”
I looked down at the dark skinny jeans and cream blouse Molly had managed to find in Primark what seemed like a million hours ago. She’d made me leave four buttons undone which we’d argued about excessively in the changing rooms. Apparently, it was the bra which made all the difference. Easy for her to say. It’s hard to tell what my figure would have been like if I hadn’t had Daisy when I did, but it was irrelevant in the grand scheme of things. And as dating wasn’t something I ever even contemplated, I was more than happy with my slightly rounded hips and buxom top half. So long as I could say I was healthy that was my important concern. That was who I wanted my daughter to see.
Finally, I managed to force my food down. “It’s a long story.”
“Do I need to wait around to hear it, or can I go home?”
Again, that strange reluctance to talk to Nana about my day held me back. “Go home, you’ve done enough for me today.” I reached out my arms and pulled her in for a hug, a strange wave of emotions tickling the edges of my eyelashes.
Nana pulled back, her shrewd gaze reading my face. “What’s up?”
I shrugged, my shoulders almost brushing my ears. “Nothing. I’m just wondering what it would have been like to have you take me out for ice cream when I was a kid.”
For a long moment we watched one another until finally she cracked a smile to alleviate the tension. Only seventy-five, she had a whole lot of glamour. Her hair streaked with grey was smooth and controlled, her figure trim; not the kind of vision of a granny I’d grown up dreaming of. “I’ve made up for it since though, haven’t I?”
Behind the smile was a deep yearning chasm of grief. An emotion neither of us ever spoke about.
“You sure did. And Daisy thinks you are the hottest nana out there.”
“I am the hottest nana out there.”
Snorting, I directed her towards the kitchen door, picking up her handbag on the way and passing it over to her.
“I’m coming to check teeth.” I hollered up the hallway stairs. There was the hasty thump of feet back in the direction of the bathroom.
Nana stopped by the front door, turning to face me. Her hands came to my face which she held in the palm of her hands, as she met my gaze and forced me to listen. “You’re a good mother, Leia. The best. But you need to be someone for yourself too. She’s six now; you need your own life. I can babysit if you want to go out in the evenings.”
“I do go out in the evenings…” My words sounded muffled, squished as my face was in her hold. “Sometimes.”
“I don’t mean with Molly and her brother. I mean out out. Like twenty-two year olds are supposed to.”
“Mummy! I’m ready!”
We both turned to the stairs.
“Coming, sweetie,” I called before turning back to my nana. “I’m doing exactly what I need to do right now, and that’s all that matters to me.”
She nodded and released her hold of my face. “I know.” She sighed. “But it worries me I have sex more than you do.”
Gah. I needed to unhear that pretty sharpish.
“Bye, Nana.”
“Bye, darling.” She gave me a cheery wave as she stepped out onto the small garden path and I shut the door shaking my head as I went. That woman, she was a liability to society, but ultimately one of the best things I had in my life.
I only had one foot on the bottom stair when the sound of my phone vibrating against my keys in my bag made me stop again. Groaning and calling out to Daisy that I’d be there in a moment, I turned back around for it.
Janine.
Crap. My stomach plummeted to my toes. She was going to sack me. All these years of her trying to keep me ‘Viable’ and it was all going to end today because I couldn’t stop from running my mouth.
“Hey.” I cringed with my fake singsong answer. Then I decided the plaster approach would be best; no point making this longer and more painful than necessary. “I’m sorry, Janine. I didn’t mean to be rude to him, I promise. It’s just you know how I feel about rich idiots with more money than sense, and he kept asking me all these stupid questions that just made me crosser and crosser.”
I stopped to heave in a breath while I thought of what I could say next.
“Leia, what are you talking about?”
For a second, I didn’t listen to her as she started to talk. All I could hear was his melodic voice saying, “Leia.” My tummy tightened just like it had at the time.
“Sorry, Janine, what are you saying?”
“I’m trying to tell you that I don’t know what you’re apologising for. He’s sending his team over and he’s going to announce us as one of his first private fundraising charities.”
My tongue stuck to the top of my mouth. “Sorry, what? What does that mean?”
“It means that Prince Oliver will be our chief guest at various fundraising events where he can bring awareness to his chosen cause.”
“Oh.” I stumbled for the sofa and fell back onto the soft cushions, my heart banging in my rib cage. “But we don’t have any fundraising events planned.”
“Now we do. He is sending a woman called Freya over tomorrow to discuss a ball at St Mark’s Palace. A ball, Leia! A bloody ball!”
“Wow.” I had nothing else to give.
“I don’t know what you said to him, but he came out looking visibly moved.”
“He did?”
“I’ve got to go. Rich wants his dinner and for me to tell him all about it.”
As distracted as I was, my mind flickered to Richard, Janine’s husband. That man always wanted his dinner, and his pudding. “Say hi for me.”
“I will.” She squealed; a sound I’d never heard her make before. “Don’t be late tomorrow. We want to show this Freya woman we are a professional outfit.”
We were officially doomed.
“Maybe he just liked us for who we were?” There was something territorial about my tone which I couldn’t quite hide.
“Oh, he won’t be back. He explained that it all gets handed over to his teams now until the events themselves. I mean, he’s a prince, Leia; he doesn’t have time to come and hang around us all day every day.” Janine snorted like this was perfectly obvious.
“Sure,” I said, but that little dart of something uncomfortable I’d experienced when I said goodbye to him flickered to life again in my chest. “That makes sense.”
And it did. It made complete and perfect sense.
“I’ve got to go. Daisy is waiting for me to put her to bed.”
Janine gave a soft laugh. “Sweet dreams, Leia.”
I didn’t even bother to argue—everyone knew I usually went to bed the same time as Daisy. I just said goodbye and hung up and then turned for the stairs.
“Where is my little monster?” I shouted once I’d crept my way up the top as silently as I could manage.
“AAAGH! I’m not a monster.” Daisy jumped as I leapt around the doorway of the bathroom and then with a high-pitched squeal ran to her bedroom. I chased after her, my fingers poised for a serious level of tickling.
“Don’t, Mummy; don’t, Mummy!” She laughed uncontrollably while screaming at the same time.
“The tickle monster needs to check your teeth.” I aimed for her ribs but kept my fingers soft.
“I can’t do it if you’re tickling me.”
“Okay.” Grinning I held them behind my back. “Show me, otherwise the tickle monster is coming back.”
She held open her mouth and I gave them the basic parenting cursive once-over. “Perfect.”
“Story time?”
“Sure.” I stepped over to her pink and cream bedding and pulled back the duvet. Not that she needed it, what with the incessant September heatwave we were struggling through, but she was like me and couldn’t sleep without the duvet, even if was only across her feet. “What story do you want tonight?”
“A princess one.”
I groaned. Princess Leia... I shook it away, stupid brain with its stupid thoughts. “Again?”
“Yes, yes. Cinderella.”
I couldn’t contain my eye roll. Not again. There were only so many times a sane woman could read the same book.
“How about I tell you a story I made up?”
“What do you know about princesses?” She had a fair point. I was more the Cinderella end of the spectrum—apart from my intense dislike of housework.
“Well not much, but what if I told you I met a prince today?”
Daisy’s eyes widened and my heart swelled to the size of the universe. “Did he have a white horse?”
“Why would he need a white horse?” I passed her a pink asthma pump and carefully watched her as she took her prescribed two puffs.
“So he could rescue us, silly.” She wiggled down under the duvet and patted for me to lie at her side.
“Sweetie, we don’t need anyone to rescue us. I’ll never let anything happen to you; you’re my everything.”
“I know, but, Mummy, if he put you on a white horse and rode off with you then you wouldn’t be lonely anymore.”
“Who says I’m lonely?” I pecked a kiss on her forehead, breathing in once again that delicious scent that completed my existence.
“Everyone. I heard Emily’s mum saying that you’re the youngest mum she knows.”
I scowled at the ceiling for a moment. “That’s because Emily’s mum is upset her face is starting to resemble a road map.”
Daisy nodded, her lips curving. “That’s what Miss Evans said.”
“Did she?”
“I wasn’t supposed to hear.”
“Right, am I telling you this story or are you going straight to sleep?”
“Story.” Her slender arm reached around me, and she nestled into my side.
“Once upon a time there was a girl who was always late, even when she tried very hard not to be.”
“And, was she a princess?”
I wasn’t going to get past this, so stifling my groan, I said, “Yes, she was. And then one day she was so late she ran straight into a very handsome prince.”
“Did she knock him over?”
“Not quite.”
“What happened next?”
“Are you going to sleep or keep asking questions?” I glanced down, catching her screwing her eyes tightly shut.
“Well, it was a very odd day. And the princess, although she knew she’d never see him again, was sad to say goodbye.”
“Because she liked him?” Daisy’s question was softer, her late night already pulling her towards sleep.
“The princess didn’t really get a chance to decide.”
“It must have been love at first sight.”
I smiled as my memories slipped back to Janine’s office. That moment of absolute insanity where I stood next to the handsome man who would one day be king; watching as he dampened his excitement to go and see if Emilia Lester was in the coffee shop.
“I don’t think so, sweetie.”
“It must have been otherwise he wasn’t a real prince,” she murmured before rolling over onto her side, her gentle even breaths filling the air.
I lay still next to her, my brain whirling, processing, not quite believing, until an unsettled sleep pulled me down too and I dreamt of princes and balls and things I had no right to dream about but still did anyway.
