Tabloid Princess, page 16
“I didn’t giggle because I… because I was crying.” The words just forced their own way out of my mouth.
The knife clattered down. “Why?”
I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe because I knew you’d gone to the shelter because of what I’d said in the graveyard. It touched me.”
The air around us shifted into a tangible web of electricity. I crossed my arms across my chest in a vain attempt to ward off the tension. It didn’t work.
“Then I’m glad I did it.” That’s all he said as he then began to grate cheese into a stainless-steel bowl.
“Can I help?” I offered.
“No. Just talk to me. It’s nice.”
Now the pressure was on. Any conversational ideas I might have had evaporated at his request.
“By the way that wasn’t me asking you to sit in silence.” He waved the grater at me, scattering cheese.
“Okay. So, do you think your interview will have any impact?”
He paused thoughtfully. “I’d like to think so.”
“But?”
Sighing gently, he rested his elbows on the island. “I don’t know. Since I’ve met you—during which by the way, you’ve been far ruder to me than anyone else in existence.”
I had the grace to blush.
“But, in these last couple of weeks, it’s like I can see the city with different eyes. I know you know things, Leia, about what goes on out there. And I’m not asking you to share your story with me tonight, but it’s made me think. Made me feel.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t think I can ignore the rot in this country anymore.”
“And when you are the king? What then?”
His eyes rested on me. “Then I hope to be a good one and help the people.”
And that’s when it happened. My fine and delicate connection with reality finally snapped.
My lips curved.
A bubble of a giggle filled my chest.
Then I couldn’t stop laughing. Even when I was head down on the kitchen island. My blonde hair almost in the butter.
He waited, smirking almost to himself while I laughed for what felt like half an hour.
Finally, when I’d sobered enough to be able to breathe properly without my ribs hurting, he lifted an eyebrow. “You just realised you were having dinner with the future king, didn’t you?”
And that was it, I was off again.
Through my streaming eyes I could see him chuckle and shake his head as he pulled out a frying pan and put it on the stove, but I still couldn’t stop.
I’d never believe this was real. Not in a million years.
Tomorrow I’d have trouble even telling myself that I was here, with the future king while he made me a cheese toastie.
Sixteen
“Will you tell me about Daisy?”
I flickered my gaze over him, surprised he remembered her name.
“What do you want to know?” I stretched my toes. We were on his wide and soft black sofa. Somehow and I don’t know how but he made me feel incredibly comfortable.
“Everything.” He shrugged. I narrowed my eyes and he chuckled. “In case you are having trouble keeping up. I’m interested in everything about you.”
“I have no idea why.” I chuckled softly. This was madness.
“Tell me.” He turned, placing his hand on the back of the sofa, his glass of wine balancing against the back cushion.
“She likes toasted sandwiches.”
“Well then I shall win her over.”
I frowned. “I don’t think you guys get to meet. It doesn’t work like that.”
He didn’t say anything, but his questioning gaze pulled me in.
“It’s why I don’t date. I’ve never wanted her to be exposed to anything like that.”
“What do you mean? Exposed?” His expression grew thoughtful.
“Uh. When I was growing up, I didn’t have a dad. I don’t know who he is. My mum, even if she knew, never bothered to tell me.”
He nodded, silently.
“But that wasn’t to say that men weren’t all too regular.” I found myself lifting a hand and placing it over his wrist. My touch burning against his skin. “My mother was a heroin addict.” I shrugged, locking back the dark and shady memories. “How she paid for her hits I don’t know.” I hesitated. “I didn’t want to know. All I can tell you is that growing up, safety wasn’t something I experienced.”
His face froze into a still mask. This would be the bit that scared him away. I kept my hand on his arm, because if this was going to end at any moment, I wanted to know I squeezed every drop of enjoyment out of it. I’d be able to keep that with me as I shut myself off and continued with my life the way I’d always lived it.
“Janine saved my life. Literally.”
He nodded. “I guessed that.”
“She found my nana, I didn’t even know Nana existed. My mum always said we didn’t have family. What I later found out was that she meant we didn’t have family she hadn’t spurned and ignored for a long time, breaking their hearts. Nana helped me stay afloat while I managed to scrape some exam passes—and look after a baby.”
His watchful gaze, trained on my face, intensified until I wasn’t sure I’d be able to speak again.
Finally, I managed to force the words. “I’m sure you saw the headlines about me being a teenage mum.”
He dipped his head, just slightly, giving me the space to fill in the story if I wanted.
“Daisy is six. I was fifteen when I found out I was expecting her.” I shook my head gently. “Bit of a shock.”
“How so?” He shifted closer then, his fingers picking up mine and studying them carefully.
“I didn’t even really remember the act itself.” I licked my lips. “As I said, Janine saved me.”
“Were you an addict too?”
The weight of the past pressed against my chest. “No. When I hit fifteen, I really didn’t know anything different. I knew Mum was a mess. I knew she was close to killing herself. But when at parties people started smoking drugs, experimenting, I figured that was just the only way. Everyone did it. Where I lived there was nothing unusual about finding someone drinking in the stairwell first thing in the morning, or worse.
“There was a party, I didn’t really remember anything about it. I woke early and knew I was in the wrong flat, asleep on a bed that wasn’t mine.”
“About three, four weeks later I was able to fill in the blanks of my memory.”
“You must have been so scared,” he whispered.
“Yeah.” My voice lowered, matching his. “I didn’t want an abortion—the thought was awful. Janine and Nana talked about adoption, and that was the plan until I held her. She changed everything.” Tears filled my eyes, prickling and hot. “They put Daisy in my hands. The pain had been awful. The doctors, they didn’t think I’d be able to do it naturally. They were ready to give me a C-section, but I was determined. I didn’t want my body to show the signs of what I’d done.” I breathed in deep, trying to keep steady. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. “But then they put her on me, made me lay her on my skin. She was bright red, her skin wrinkled like an old man. And it happened.”
“What happened?”
“I fell in love. The one and only time. I thought my heart would burst. I know that sounds cliché, but I really did. It was like it had doubled in size. She had made a mark on my body, just on my heart. There was no way I could have given her up. I fought hard. Everyone told me it was the hormones. Told me they’d settle down and fade.” I shook my head and then smiled up at him. “I knew they wouldn’t.”
“That’s why you don’t date?”
“Exactly. I’d hate for her to have any confusion about where she stood or what was happening in her home.”
“What’s she like?”
I chuckled. “She wants to be a princess; that’s her sole aim in life.”
“Doesn’t every girl?”
“Not me. I just wanted to live.”
We watched one another, no one moving.
“So you haven’t been on a single date in six years?”
“Nope. And not before either.”
His smile grew. “Honestly I’m regretting the toasted sandwich now.”
I laughed, until he shifted forward and caught my face in his hands, edging himself over the sofa and kneeling next to me.
“Do you understand why this can’t work? I don’t know what you think is happening here, but I will cause you so much bad press.” My words were bubbling as he stared at me intently. “Come on, the teenage pregnancy thing is one thing, but what about where I grew up? My mum? It’s just wrong.”
The firm lines of his face, the burn in his gaze, told me he didn’t agree.
His lips told me a totally different story. They drew me a dream I couldn’t dare to believe.
I shifted up, meeting him, my body reacting without the agreement of my head. I sighed, my lips parting, opening for him to invade.
One of his hands slipped down my body, brushing at my curves and his tongue moved faster. A flash of heat consumed me, burning me up from the inside out, and the monster so alert and desperate revelled in the touch.
I groaned, trying to pull back but he didn’t let go. “Leia,” he whispered my name. “I think you’re going to drive me crazy.”
“I think it’s you in the driving seat of crazy.” My lips moved against his as I spoke, my head whirling with the scent of wine and his aftershave. I pushed at his chest, my fingers spreading across the material of his T-shirt.
“My priority is Daisy; do you understand that? I can’t do this with you because it will hurt her. One way or the other she will get hurt and I can’t allow that to happen.”
He pulled back, his expression dark.
“I get the impression you are used to getting what you want?”
“No.” He shook his head, but it wasn’t the whole truth. “I’m just frustrated. So many things in my life are difficult. More than difficult. Then you come strolling in, and…”
“Fuck everything up?”
He laughed, his body relaxing. “That. Yes.”
With a sigh he threw himself back against the sofa cushions, running a rueful hand through his dark hair. The inky tangled strands stood up at angles the newspapers had never managed to capture.
“Will you play for me?” I nodded towards the piano, desperate really to break the tension.
“I’d hate to inflate my ego even more.”
I flushed. “I don’t say the right things, do I?”
His smile grew. “Strangely you do.” He stood up and held a hand out for me. “Come.”
I followed him, my fingers curled in his; utterly off the scale of believability.
After he’d sat down, he patted the stool. “Come and sit.”
I did, automatically. I wondered if there was anything he could ask me I wouldn’t instantly want to do.
Possibly not.
His fingers stretched and then he lowered them to the keys, running them in a light dance across the ivory.
I watched in utter awe as he pulled a tune from his memory, both hands lightly caressing the keys and creating a heavenly sound.
He might not be able to cook. He could play the piano.
I’d starve and listen forever if I could.
My eyes focused on his face, memorising the concentration on his features, until his lips broke into a smile. “I can’t possibly play with you staring at me like this.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s hard not to.”
He smirked and I shook my head.
“I’m just wondering what else you can do that well.”
The music trailed off, his fingers still lightly tinkling the end notes despite the fact his face turned to mine; his expression one of deep hunger. I recognised it because I had it stirring in my own stomach.
I held a breath as he shifted around on the bench, his body angled towards mine. Lifting one finger, the same that had just played so skilfully, he brushed it across the opening of my blouse.
Heat surged through me, the skin on my throat and cheeks stinging with a hot blush.
“You are so very beautiful,” he murmured.
Oh God. His voice did something dangerously dark to my insides. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and purr like a cat.
I met his gaze.
His fingers travelled across my collarbone, from my shoulder to where the two delicate arcs met in the middle. Then watching me closely, he trailed it down until it reached the first button. He paused there, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Why did you learn to play the piano?” I tried to think of anything that would break the tension running between us. That magnetic force-field we seemed to create thrummed and buzzed.
He shifted closer, dropping his head so his lips could brush my neck. “I wanted to be a rock star.” He breathed against my skin and I held in a sharp gasp as desire shot painfully between my legs.
“The prince who wanted to be a rock star?”
He lifted his face a fraction, his gaze bright. “Tragic, isn’t it?”
“Terribly.” I bit on my bottom lip as his lips returned to my skin, trailing the same path his finger had just travelled.
Using two fingers he undid the top button of my blouse. His lips skimmed another inch lower.
Another button.
His right hand pushed at the light material, sliding it off my shoulder.
I was going to die. Of that I was utterly sure.
My need for self-preservation told me to run. The monster growled, telling me to stay still and take it. The high of his touch would be worth the pain.
He kissed across my exposed skin, along the edge of my black bra and I sat rock still, too scared to move in case the moment vanished. One of his hands slipped around my back, his fingers trailing down my spine, making me sit up straighter and higher, pushing my breasts out.
I was the puppet again.
The hand not on my spine, angling my body, undid another button. His mouth wandered almost carelessly to my exposed breast, pushing against the lace of my bra, his teeth just grazing ever so slightly through the material.
I jumped up from the stool, my legs wobbly.
“Stop, please.” I almost cried.
“Leia.” Confusion flashed across his face and he reached a hand for me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I shook my head, too hard, making my brain hurt. “That’s not it.”
“So what is it?” He remained in place like he didn’t want to scare me off, but his hands bunched into tight fists.
“You make me feel things I don’t know.” I buttoned up my blouse. “I don’t even know if I want to. This isn’t who I am, or what I do.”
The monster within me growled loudly but I ignored it.
He nodded. “Tell me. If I was a man you’d met at work, if I wasn’t who I am, would you be feeling differently?”
I paused, his painful words slicing me deep. “But you aren’t. And I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this, but I’m sure you being the future king makes this almost criminally wrong.”
“So I can’t be happy?”
“Happy? Oliver, you don’t know me. You don’t know if I could make you happy, which I can guarantee you I won’t. I’m just an ordinary girl who has no role to play in your life. I never wanted to meet a prince, to feel…” I trailed off, but it was too late. I’d revealed already the intense stupidity of my feelings.
“Leia.”
“No.” I stiffened my resolve. “You said yourself you can never be a normal person. You’d never be able to turn up with flowers or take me out for dinner down the local. I can’t do that to Daisy. I can’t keep a secret from her. Not that big. You see this isn’t about me. I’m not just a me. I’m an us. And a prince of all things shouldn’t take that on. I’m not worth it.”
He stood then, his hands falling loosely, almost hopelessly, at his sides. “I think that should be my decision.”
“No.” I took a deep breath. I’d made my choice now.
This was madness. I knew it.
“I don’t know why I came. This is no place for a girl from Hackney.”
With my legs barely able to hold my weight I stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for dinner.”
His expression was flat, those lively eyes almost lifeless. He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I thank you for your interest, but I think you’ll agree it’s best this way.”
I couldn’t help but remember his words in the car the other night. When he’d said he didn’t like the thought of not seeing me. They burned like acid.
I walked for the door, him trailing behind. “I’ll call Bill and tell him you’re on your way down.” His voice cranked with stiffness.
“I’ll get a cab.”
“No.”
His fingers caught mine, turning me. “I respect what you’ve said. But remember, Leia. I might be a prince. One day I might be king, but beneath all that I’m still only a man.” His lips lifted into a small smile. “It’s the one thing nobody sees.”
His words nearly brought down my defences, but I wouldn’t let them.
I turned and ran down the stairs, flying through the black door with the brass lettering and into the waiting car.
Bill was ready and he wordlessly started the engine as I slammed the door shut.
My tears fell the whole way back. I hated the tears. Resented them. Didn’t want Bill to see them. But I couldn’t brush them away quick enough. With every one I caught, another took its place.
Outside my small house with its tiny garden and red front door I pulled myself together. It was long gone midnight. I let myself in finding all the lights off.
Nana was in Daisy’s bed. I guessed Daisy was in mine. “Everything okay?” she asked in the darkness.
“Yes.” It didn’t sound right though so I quickly shut the door and went to my own room. Pulling off the stupid blouse with its stupid buttons I threw it into the corner. My skin still tingled where his lips had touched.
It’s just my imagination.
It’s just my imagination.
The knife clattered down. “Why?”
I lifted one shoulder. “I don’t know. Maybe because I knew you’d gone to the shelter because of what I’d said in the graveyard. It touched me.”
The air around us shifted into a tangible web of electricity. I crossed my arms across my chest in a vain attempt to ward off the tension. It didn’t work.
“Then I’m glad I did it.” That’s all he said as he then began to grate cheese into a stainless-steel bowl.
“Can I help?” I offered.
“No. Just talk to me. It’s nice.”
Now the pressure was on. Any conversational ideas I might have had evaporated at his request.
“By the way that wasn’t me asking you to sit in silence.” He waved the grater at me, scattering cheese.
“Okay. So, do you think your interview will have any impact?”
He paused thoughtfully. “I’d like to think so.”
“But?”
Sighing gently, he rested his elbows on the island. “I don’t know. Since I’ve met you—during which by the way, you’ve been far ruder to me than anyone else in existence.”
I had the grace to blush.
“But, in these last couple of weeks, it’s like I can see the city with different eyes. I know you know things, Leia, about what goes on out there. And I’m not asking you to share your story with me tonight, but it’s made me think. Made me feel.”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“I don’t know. But I don’t think I can ignore the rot in this country anymore.”
“And when you are the king? What then?”
His eyes rested on me. “Then I hope to be a good one and help the people.”
And that’s when it happened. My fine and delicate connection with reality finally snapped.
My lips curved.
A bubble of a giggle filled my chest.
Then I couldn’t stop laughing. Even when I was head down on the kitchen island. My blonde hair almost in the butter.
He waited, smirking almost to himself while I laughed for what felt like half an hour.
Finally, when I’d sobered enough to be able to breathe properly without my ribs hurting, he lifted an eyebrow. “You just realised you were having dinner with the future king, didn’t you?”
And that was it, I was off again.
Through my streaming eyes I could see him chuckle and shake his head as he pulled out a frying pan and put it on the stove, but I still couldn’t stop.
I’d never believe this was real. Not in a million years.
Tomorrow I’d have trouble even telling myself that I was here, with the future king while he made me a cheese toastie.
Sixteen
“Will you tell me about Daisy?”
I flickered my gaze over him, surprised he remembered her name.
“What do you want to know?” I stretched my toes. We were on his wide and soft black sofa. Somehow and I don’t know how but he made me feel incredibly comfortable.
“Everything.” He shrugged. I narrowed my eyes and he chuckled. “In case you are having trouble keeping up. I’m interested in everything about you.”
“I have no idea why.” I chuckled softly. This was madness.
“Tell me.” He turned, placing his hand on the back of the sofa, his glass of wine balancing against the back cushion.
“She likes toasted sandwiches.”
“Well then I shall win her over.”
I frowned. “I don’t think you guys get to meet. It doesn’t work like that.”
He didn’t say anything, but his questioning gaze pulled me in.
“It’s why I don’t date. I’ve never wanted her to be exposed to anything like that.”
“What do you mean? Exposed?” His expression grew thoughtful.
“Uh. When I was growing up, I didn’t have a dad. I don’t know who he is. My mum, even if she knew, never bothered to tell me.”
He nodded, silently.
“But that wasn’t to say that men weren’t all too regular.” I found myself lifting a hand and placing it over his wrist. My touch burning against his skin. “My mother was a heroin addict.” I shrugged, locking back the dark and shady memories. “How she paid for her hits I don’t know.” I hesitated. “I didn’t want to know. All I can tell you is that growing up, safety wasn’t something I experienced.”
His face froze into a still mask. This would be the bit that scared him away. I kept my hand on his arm, because if this was going to end at any moment, I wanted to know I squeezed every drop of enjoyment out of it. I’d be able to keep that with me as I shut myself off and continued with my life the way I’d always lived it.
“Janine saved my life. Literally.”
He nodded. “I guessed that.”
“She found my nana, I didn’t even know Nana existed. My mum always said we didn’t have family. What I later found out was that she meant we didn’t have family she hadn’t spurned and ignored for a long time, breaking their hearts. Nana helped me stay afloat while I managed to scrape some exam passes—and look after a baby.”
His watchful gaze, trained on my face, intensified until I wasn’t sure I’d be able to speak again.
Finally, I managed to force the words. “I’m sure you saw the headlines about me being a teenage mum.”
He dipped his head, just slightly, giving me the space to fill in the story if I wanted.
“Daisy is six. I was fifteen when I found out I was expecting her.” I shook my head gently. “Bit of a shock.”
“How so?” He shifted closer then, his fingers picking up mine and studying them carefully.
“I didn’t even really remember the act itself.” I licked my lips. “As I said, Janine saved me.”
“Were you an addict too?”
The weight of the past pressed against my chest. “No. When I hit fifteen, I really didn’t know anything different. I knew Mum was a mess. I knew she was close to killing herself. But when at parties people started smoking drugs, experimenting, I figured that was just the only way. Everyone did it. Where I lived there was nothing unusual about finding someone drinking in the stairwell first thing in the morning, or worse.
“There was a party, I didn’t really remember anything about it. I woke early and knew I was in the wrong flat, asleep on a bed that wasn’t mine.”
“About three, four weeks later I was able to fill in the blanks of my memory.”
“You must have been so scared,” he whispered.
“Yeah.” My voice lowered, matching his. “I didn’t want an abortion—the thought was awful. Janine and Nana talked about adoption, and that was the plan until I held her. She changed everything.” Tears filled my eyes, prickling and hot. “They put Daisy in my hands. The pain had been awful. The doctors, they didn’t think I’d be able to do it naturally. They were ready to give me a C-section, but I was determined. I didn’t want my body to show the signs of what I’d done.” I breathed in deep, trying to keep steady. I didn’t want to cry in front of him. “But then they put her on me, made me lay her on my skin. She was bright red, her skin wrinkled like an old man. And it happened.”
“What happened?”
“I fell in love. The one and only time. I thought my heart would burst. I know that sounds cliché, but I really did. It was like it had doubled in size. She had made a mark on my body, just on my heart. There was no way I could have given her up. I fought hard. Everyone told me it was the hormones. Told me they’d settle down and fade.” I shook my head and then smiled up at him. “I knew they wouldn’t.”
“That’s why you don’t date?”
“Exactly. I’d hate for her to have any confusion about where she stood or what was happening in her home.”
“What’s she like?”
I chuckled. “She wants to be a princess; that’s her sole aim in life.”
“Doesn’t every girl?”
“Not me. I just wanted to live.”
We watched one another, no one moving.
“So you haven’t been on a single date in six years?”
“Nope. And not before either.”
His smile grew. “Honestly I’m regretting the toasted sandwich now.”
I laughed, until he shifted forward and caught my face in his hands, edging himself over the sofa and kneeling next to me.
“Do you understand why this can’t work? I don’t know what you think is happening here, but I will cause you so much bad press.” My words were bubbling as he stared at me intently. “Come on, the teenage pregnancy thing is one thing, but what about where I grew up? My mum? It’s just wrong.”
The firm lines of his face, the burn in his gaze, told me he didn’t agree.
His lips told me a totally different story. They drew me a dream I couldn’t dare to believe.
I shifted up, meeting him, my body reacting without the agreement of my head. I sighed, my lips parting, opening for him to invade.
One of his hands slipped down my body, brushing at my curves and his tongue moved faster. A flash of heat consumed me, burning me up from the inside out, and the monster so alert and desperate revelled in the touch.
I groaned, trying to pull back but he didn’t let go. “Leia,” he whispered my name. “I think you’re going to drive me crazy.”
“I think it’s you in the driving seat of crazy.” My lips moved against his as I spoke, my head whirling with the scent of wine and his aftershave. I pushed at his chest, my fingers spreading across the material of his T-shirt.
“My priority is Daisy; do you understand that? I can’t do this with you because it will hurt her. One way or the other she will get hurt and I can’t allow that to happen.”
He pulled back, his expression dark.
“I get the impression you are used to getting what you want?”
“No.” He shook his head, but it wasn’t the whole truth. “I’m just frustrated. So many things in my life are difficult. More than difficult. Then you come strolling in, and…”
“Fuck everything up?”
He laughed, his body relaxing. “That. Yes.”
With a sigh he threw himself back against the sofa cushions, running a rueful hand through his dark hair. The inky tangled strands stood up at angles the newspapers had never managed to capture.
“Will you play for me?” I nodded towards the piano, desperate really to break the tension.
“I’d hate to inflate my ego even more.”
I flushed. “I don’t say the right things, do I?”
His smile grew. “Strangely you do.” He stood up and held a hand out for me. “Come.”
I followed him, my fingers curled in his; utterly off the scale of believability.
After he’d sat down, he patted the stool. “Come and sit.”
I did, automatically. I wondered if there was anything he could ask me I wouldn’t instantly want to do.
Possibly not.
His fingers stretched and then he lowered them to the keys, running them in a light dance across the ivory.
I watched in utter awe as he pulled a tune from his memory, both hands lightly caressing the keys and creating a heavenly sound.
He might not be able to cook. He could play the piano.
I’d starve and listen forever if I could.
My eyes focused on his face, memorising the concentration on his features, until his lips broke into a smile. “I can’t possibly play with you staring at me like this.”
“Sorry,” I mumbled. “It’s hard not to.”
He smirked and I shook my head.
“I’m just wondering what else you can do that well.”
The music trailed off, his fingers still lightly tinkling the end notes despite the fact his face turned to mine; his expression one of deep hunger. I recognised it because I had it stirring in my own stomach.
I held a breath as he shifted around on the bench, his body angled towards mine. Lifting one finger, the same that had just played so skilfully, he brushed it across the opening of my blouse.
Heat surged through me, the skin on my throat and cheeks stinging with a hot blush.
“You are so very beautiful,” he murmured.
Oh God. His voice did something dangerously dark to my insides. I resisted the urge to close my eyes and purr like a cat.
I met his gaze.
His fingers travelled across my collarbone, from my shoulder to where the two delicate arcs met in the middle. Then watching me closely, he trailed it down until it reached the first button. He paused there, his gaze never leaving mine.
“Why did you learn to play the piano?” I tried to think of anything that would break the tension running between us. That magnetic force-field we seemed to create thrummed and buzzed.
He shifted closer, dropping his head so his lips could brush my neck. “I wanted to be a rock star.” He breathed against my skin and I held in a sharp gasp as desire shot painfully between my legs.
“The prince who wanted to be a rock star?”
He lifted his face a fraction, his gaze bright. “Tragic, isn’t it?”
“Terribly.” I bit on my bottom lip as his lips returned to my skin, trailing the same path his finger had just travelled.
Using two fingers he undid the top button of my blouse. His lips skimmed another inch lower.
Another button.
His right hand pushed at the light material, sliding it off my shoulder.
I was going to die. Of that I was utterly sure.
My need for self-preservation told me to run. The monster growled, telling me to stay still and take it. The high of his touch would be worth the pain.
He kissed across my exposed skin, along the edge of my black bra and I sat rock still, too scared to move in case the moment vanished. One of his hands slipped around my back, his fingers trailing down my spine, making me sit up straighter and higher, pushing my breasts out.
I was the puppet again.
The hand not on my spine, angling my body, undid another button. His mouth wandered almost carelessly to my exposed breast, pushing against the lace of my bra, his teeth just grazing ever so slightly through the material.
I jumped up from the stool, my legs wobbly.
“Stop, please.” I almost cried.
“Leia.” Confusion flashed across his face and he reached a hand for me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
I shook my head, too hard, making my brain hurt. “That’s not it.”
“So what is it?” He remained in place like he didn’t want to scare me off, but his hands bunched into tight fists.
“You make me feel things I don’t know.” I buttoned up my blouse. “I don’t even know if I want to. This isn’t who I am, or what I do.”
The monster within me growled loudly but I ignored it.
He nodded. “Tell me. If I was a man you’d met at work, if I wasn’t who I am, would you be feeling differently?”
I paused, his painful words slicing me deep. “But you aren’t. And I don’t know. I don’t know anything about this, but I’m sure you being the future king makes this almost criminally wrong.”
“So I can’t be happy?”
“Happy? Oliver, you don’t know me. You don’t know if I could make you happy, which I can guarantee you I won’t. I’m just an ordinary girl who has no role to play in your life. I never wanted to meet a prince, to feel…” I trailed off, but it was too late. I’d revealed already the intense stupidity of my feelings.
“Leia.”
“No.” I stiffened my resolve. “You said yourself you can never be a normal person. You’d never be able to turn up with flowers or take me out for dinner down the local. I can’t do that to Daisy. I can’t keep a secret from her. Not that big. You see this isn’t about me. I’m not just a me. I’m an us. And a prince of all things shouldn’t take that on. I’m not worth it.”
He stood then, his hands falling loosely, almost hopelessly, at his sides. “I think that should be my decision.”
“No.” I took a deep breath. I’d made my choice now.
This was madness. I knew it.
“I don’t know why I came. This is no place for a girl from Hackney.”
With my legs barely able to hold my weight I stepped forward and kissed his cheek. “Thank you for dinner.”
His expression was flat, those lively eyes almost lifeless. He nodded, his Adam’s apple bobbing.
“I thank you for your interest, but I think you’ll agree it’s best this way.”
I couldn’t help but remember his words in the car the other night. When he’d said he didn’t like the thought of not seeing me. They burned like acid.
I walked for the door, him trailing behind. “I’ll call Bill and tell him you’re on your way down.” His voice cranked with stiffness.
“I’ll get a cab.”
“No.”
His fingers caught mine, turning me. “I respect what you’ve said. But remember, Leia. I might be a prince. One day I might be king, but beneath all that I’m still only a man.” His lips lifted into a small smile. “It’s the one thing nobody sees.”
His words nearly brought down my defences, but I wouldn’t let them.
I turned and ran down the stairs, flying through the black door with the brass lettering and into the waiting car.
Bill was ready and he wordlessly started the engine as I slammed the door shut.
My tears fell the whole way back. I hated the tears. Resented them. Didn’t want Bill to see them. But I couldn’t brush them away quick enough. With every one I caught, another took its place.
Outside my small house with its tiny garden and red front door I pulled myself together. It was long gone midnight. I let myself in finding all the lights off.
Nana was in Daisy’s bed. I guessed Daisy was in mine. “Everything okay?” she asked in the darkness.
“Yes.” It didn’t sound right though so I quickly shut the door and went to my own room. Pulling off the stupid blouse with its stupid buttons I threw it into the corner. My skin still tingled where his lips had touched.
It’s just my imagination.
It’s just my imagination.
