He and I had always done everything together; we had always been so close. This damn separation was tearing me up inside, and I wondered how much longer it would be till I could hear his voice or see his face once more.

  I had just turned seventeen back in May, but I’d known what love was since Luke and I began dating. He and I had met during my freshmen year and since then, we’d been inseparable.

  Luke was a year older than me, so while I was getting ready to begin my senior year, he had just graduated, right around my birthday.

  “Sweetheart, would you like to go shopping for back to school? We could get you some new clothes and some shoes,” Mom said from her seat at the kitchen table.

  I had been nursing a bowl of cereal for the past twenty minutes. It had turned soggy, but I had no intention of finishing my breakfast. I rubbed the necklace Luke had given me with my free hand.

  “I guess,” I replied.

  I had always loved school, which was starting the following week, especially English and Science, but I wasn’t looking forward to going back. This would be my first year without Luke by my side.

  “Sweetheart, I know it’s hard, but you’ve got to try to enjoy your life. You’re so young. I know you miss Luke, but you can’t stop living because he’s not here right now.”

  “I love him, Mom,” I choked out, knowing I wouldn’t be able to keep the tears at bay.

  “I know, Hailey, but you don’t know for sure that something has happened to him,” she said.

  I shrugged, pushing the bowl away from me.

  “It’s been weeks… still no word.”

  Mom got up and wrapped her arms around me.

  “I know, sweetheart. But I have faith that he will soon reach out to you. He cares about you so much.”

  I let my mother’s arms comfort me and that was it. The floodgates opened and my tears soaked through her shirt.

  The first day back to school was tough. I spent the day practically in zombie mode, going through class after class. My friends tried cheering me up, but they didn’t really understand what I was going through. Some of them had boyfriends, but none of them were old enough to be taken away to war yet. Only my Luke had been taken from me.

  “Hales, we’re thinking of hitting up Patsy’s after school. Wanna come?” Samantha asked me during lunch.

  “Patsy’s?” I asked.

  “Yeah, that new diner that opened up over the summer. We’ve been there a few times since then. It looks like a 50’s-style restaurant and has jukeboxes and everything. You should really tag along.”

  “Yeah, Hail. We haven’t seen much of you this summer. It’s kinda sucked,” Cathy chipped in.

  I shrugged. I had been a crappy friend, but no one knew the hurt I was feeling inside. Being without Luke completely sucked. We went from spending every single minute of the day together to not even talking because of our circumstances. I was missing him badly. It was as if a piece of my heart had been ripped right out of my chest—a big piece of my heart.

  “I guess I’ll give it some thought,” I responded.

  Both of my friends frowned. Cathy pushed back a strand of her dark auburn hair, while Samantha looked down at the ground. I knew they were upset, but honestly, I just felt like lying on the ground or hiding under a rock. I didn’t even know how I made it to school that morning.

  When the bell rang at the end of the day, I ran to my locker to put my books away and grab the ones I would need for homework. A picture of Luke and me from a carnival we had attended back in April hung on the inside of my locker door. Tears began welling up in my eyes, so I looked at the small mirror hanging on the door instead and sucked in a breath. My hair had been pulled back into a messy ponytail that morning, but I was tired of it. I pulled out the scrunchie holding my hair in place, and shook my head, letting my long, dark tresses spring free.

  I grabbed my favorite Jane Austen book, Pride and Prejudice, and shut my locker. I quickly looked over to my right, and saw Samantha and Cathy heading down the hall. I immediately ducked, running in the opposite direction. I knew they would be disappointed, but I just couldn’t deal with people today.

  Racing out of the building, I made my way home, heading straight for my room when I got there. Mom was still at work, and being that I was an only child and Dad had passed away when I was just two years old, I could enjoy the peace and quiet for a bit.

  I threw my book bag on my bed and plopped into my desk chair. Moving the mouse, I brought my computer to life. I glanced at my inbox and nearly passed out. There, in front of me, was an email from my dear, sweet Luke. Tears of joy fell from my face.

  * * *

  My dearest Hailey Bear,

  First of all, I just want to say how sorry I am for not being able to reach out to you sooner. Things have been crazy over here, and just finding the time to write you was near impossible.

  Being away from you these past couple of weeks has been so difficult. I miss you so much. I miss your voice, your touch, your eyes… all of you. You’re always on my mind and I just hope that the time apart from one another won’t pull your heart away from me. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come home and hold you again, as we’re still trying to find our enemies, but they’ve got us going over plans of attack from the moment we open our eyes in the morning until we go to bed.

  But enough about all that; how have you been? How is school going? Today was the first day back, right? It’s so hard to keep days straight when you’re out in the middle of nowhere and all you see is desert sands and dust flying all around you.

  How are things at home? How’s Mom? Please tell her I said hello. Samantha and Cathy doing alright? I hope you are spending some time with them and not rotting away in your room just worrying about me. I’m okay, my love. I’m hoping to be back home before you know it.

  Well, Hailey Bear, I’ve got to say goodbye now. If you get a chance, write back to me and let me know how things are going for you. I miss you every single day and can’t wait to see you again. Send me a pic. I miss your sweet, beautiful face.

  I love you now and forever,

  Luke

  * * *

  The words suddenly became blurred from the tears that had welled up. I couldn’t believe after so long, I was finally hearing from my love. Without waiting another second, I hit the reply key.

  * * *

  My darling Luke,

  I am so thankful to know that you are okay! These past few weeks, I have been worried sick about you. I didn’t know if you guys were already at war or if something had happened to you on the way over. I check the news on a daily basis, but they’re so vague on details, I guess because they don’t wanna freak people like me out further.

  Anyway, everyone is doing well here. I will tell Mom you said hi. Cathy and Samantha are just fine. I was actually supposed to meet up with them today after school, but I couldn’t bring myself to do so. The only thing I’ve really been capable of doing is getting lost in my books. Sometimes, it’s hard to concentrate on the story, but that’s why I’ve been re-reading P&P by Jane Austen; I know that story inside and out.

  As for me, I’ve been missing you like crazy. It’s been so difficult going from spending every waking moment with you to not hearing from you at all, but I understand why.

  You don’t ever have to worry about my heart straying or no longer loving you because not even time or distance will ever change the way I feel about you. I will love you forever and a day, and I can guarantee you that that will never change. I will wait for you as long as I have to just to feel you in my arms once more. I miss you wrapping your arms around me and whispering in my ear how much you love me. I can’t wait to feel your embrace around me once more.

  I’ll take a picture for you now and include it in this email. I don’t know if you are able to, but if so, send me one as well. I miss your handsome face, too. I wish I could be placing sweet kisses all over it.

  Don’t worry about me and everyone else here too much. We are doing okay. We just worry about you and think about you all the time. At least I know I do. Whenever you get a chance, reply back, babe. I will always check to see if you got a chance to write to me. If this is all I can get from you for now, then I’ll take it with open arms and welcome it. I love knowing that you are okay. You are my ray of sunshine and until you return, all I can see are cloudy days.

  Till next time,

  Your beloved and totally devoted,

  Hailey

  * * *

  I quickly took a selfie with my phone and attached it to the bottom of the email before sending it off. Knowing that Luke was doing just fine made me so happy, and a new wave of excitement filled me. I decided to act on impulse and called Samantha.

  “Hello?” she said.

  “Sam, hey. You girls still heading to Patsy’s?”

  “We just got here, like ten minutes ago.”

  “Great, I’ll meet you guys there,” I said, before hanging up the phone.

  I grabbed my purse, kissed the picture of Luke sitting in a frame on my nightstand, and made my way out the door.

  Part II

  Chapter 2

  Cold December

  Months had gone by since the first time Luke contacted me. We would email back and forth, but it would usually take about a week before I would hear from him again.

  I would pass the time by either going shopping with Mom, delving into my studies, or just being a regular teenage girl with Cathy and Samantha. Whenever they’d go to parties and inevitably make out with guys, I’d pull away. I was faithful to Luke and couldn’t imagine falling for anyone else. He was my whole heart, and I would die before I’d move on from him.

  “What do you think of these black ones?” Mom asked, lifting a pair of boots from off the shelf.

  I shrugged.

  “They’re fine.”

  “Fine?” she asked, having a hard time believing that I wasn’t as excited as she was about yet another pair of shoes.

  “Yeah, they’re okay, I guess,” I added, shrugging my shoulders once more.

  Mom shook her head back and forth.

  “Sweetheart, these would look amazing with a nice pair of jeans, or even a skirt. They have them in your size. Try them on and if they’re comfortable enough, I’ll get them for you,” Mom stated, handing me the pair of size sevens from the rack.

  “Okay,” I answered, taking the boots from her and placing them on my feet.

  I modeled them in the mirror and had to admit they were very cute. My style was very similar to Mom’s so, more than likely, anything she’d like, I would too.

  “They look so adorable on you, honey! I’m going to get them for you.”

  “Thanks, Mom,” I mumbled, removing the shoes from my feet and putting my old ones back on.

  She began heading over to the register and I followed closely behind her.

  The boy behind the counter began ringing up our items, and even though I had been lost in my thoughts of Luke, I could tell he was eyeing me. He was probably a year or two older than me, and while he was fairly handsome, I just couldn’t picture getting involved with anyone else.

  After he took the payment from Mom and started bagging our items, he said to me, “Hey there.”

  “Hi,” I responded, meeting his gaze.

  “How are you doing today?”

  “Fine, thanks.”

  “You live around here?” he asked.

  “Yeah, not too far. I’m in Helmington.”

  “Oh, nice. I’m from the next town over. You’re a senior?”

  “Yeah,” I replied.

  Mom was pretending to look at items placed on the counter for sale, but I knew she was eating this up, hoping I’d give Cashier Boy the time of day.

  “Wow, you look older. Hey, I hope it’s not too forward of me, but I was wondering if you’d like to grab some ice cream or a cup of hot cocoa one of these days? I know this great place, just outside of—”

  He was wasting his time. I’d never go out with him. I cut him off before he could prolong the inevitable rejection.

  “I’m flattered, but I’m sorry. I’ve got a boyfriend.”

  “Oh, I see,” he said, disappointed.

  “Sweetheart, that wasn’t very nice,” Mom interrupted. She faced the boy behind the register, bringing her hand up to cover her mouth, so I wouldn’t hear her. “Luke’s not here right now. He’s in Afghanistan.”

  Sorry, Mom. I heard it all.

  I turned back to Cashier Boy and said, “Sorry, I’m just not interested,” and walked out of the store.

  Minutes later, she was running after me with bags in her hands.

  “Hailey Donna Griffin! You stop right this second!”

  I stopped dead in my tracks, waiting for her to catch up. The annoyed look on my face wasn’t going anywhere, though.

  As she reached me, she stopped right in front of me.

  “What is the matter with you, young lady?” she questioned.

  “Nothing,” I responded.

  “Nothing? Nothing? That young man was just being polite, trying to get to know you, and all you did was blow him off before he even had a chance to finish. That wasn’t very nice. I know I raised my daughter to have better manners than that.”

  I crossed my arms against my chest and said, “He was wasting his time. I’m not interested in getting to know anyone.”

  “Why? You’re young. You should be going out and enjoying your life, not being stuck at home every single night, missing out on your childhood.”

  “Because I love Luke, and I am not missing out on anything. All Samantha and Cathy want to do is go to parties, and flirt with guys. I’m not like that. I don’t want to do that,” I answered, a tear escaping my eye.

  “Sweetheart,” Mom began, wiping my tear away, “I don’t want you to do irresponsible things like that, and I’m so proud of you for making responsible decisions. But I also don’t want you to miss out on being a kid. I don’t want you at home, just waiting for Luke. You don’t know what the future holds. I just don’t want my daughter being upset; it breaks my heart.”

  Shrugging my shoulders, I said, “Mom, I’m not doing anything that I regret. I want to wait for Luke. I know you don’t like the fact that I’m so tied down to him, but I can’t help how I feel. I love him so much.”

  “I know, sweetheart,” Mom responded.

  She let out a deep breath and wrapped her arm around me as we began walking toward her car.

  “Oh, my sweet little Hailey bunny. I just want you to be happy. Look at me. I haven’t dated since your father passed, and I never had any intention of doing so. I was so sad and so alone for the longest time, but he was my one true love, and we got you out of it. So, I know how you feel. But I just don’t want you to be so alone like how I felt. It’s not a fun or easy road. It’s so difficult and heartbreaking. Please just promise me that if you don’t hear from Luke one day, you will move on with your life and not accept living a life alone without him.”

  She waited for me to answer as I thought over her words. I knew she meant well, and if anyone understood what it felt like to be apart from your one true love, it would be her. Dad had died so unexpectedly one day that no one had even gotten a chance to say goodbye. I was too young to remember it, but Mom had told me stories, and sometimes Gramma would also talk to me and let me know how hard it had been to pull Mom out of her depression.

  “Hailey bunny?” she asked.

  Crap. I needed to give her an answer.

  “Sure, Mom. I’ll move on from Luke if one day I no longer hear from him.”

  “That’s my girl,” she said, placing a kiss on my forehead as she opened the car door for me.

  I hopped in and buckled my seatbelt, praying to God that I would hear from Luke again soon. It had just been two weeks since I’d last heard from him, and I was getting nervous.

  Forever Alone February

  * * *

  My one and only Luke,

  It’s been just about three weeks since I’ve last heard from you and my heart is aching. I’ve been watching the news and there has been a ton of speculation that we’ll be going to war soon. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand not knowing if you’re alright or not. I worry about you constantly and pray to God any chance I get that he’s watching over you and keeping you safe.

  Senior year is going okay. Nothing new, the usual stuff. I have plenty of book reports and papers to write to last me a lifetime.

  Anyway, people have been talking more and more about the prom lately. Sam and Cathy have been begging me to go, but I can’t bring myself to even consider it. I could, of course, go alone, but just the thought reminds me of last year’s prom when I was by your side for yours. I think I might just skip it altogether and that’ll be that. I did promise the girls I would help them pick out their gowns though… I think we’re going to hit up the mall next weekend to pick those out.

  Baby, I know I’m totally rambling in this message to you, but it’s only because I don’t know what to say. I’m trying to hide my fear of what may have happened to you, my love. If you please get the chance to just message me “Hey,” letting me know you’re all right, it would mean more than the world to me. I need to know you’re okay.

  I love you so damn much and pray for your speedy return back home… back to me.

  Your one and only,

  Always and forever yours,

  Hailey

  The following weekend, just as planned, I accompanied Samantha and Cathy to the nearest mall to check out all the hottest prom gowns for the season. It made me a bit depressed, knowing I wouldn’t participate in such a monumental teenage experience, but if Luke wasn’t going to be able to go with me, I didn’t want any part in it.

 

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