Zero Tolerance, page 4
I have a son.
It’s taking some time to adjust to the concept.
Most guys get about nine months to gear up for fatherhood. I’ve had maybe two hours to get comfortable with this new role.
In my entire life, I’ve never been this nervous about anything. Not when I started prospecting for the Lost Kings MC. Not when I realized I’d gotten myself involved with much more than a “club.” Not when Rock, Wrath, and I plotted to take out our last president so we could steer the club in a better direction to benefit all the brothers and not just those at the top.
I’ve had bullets fired at me. One or two even seared their way through my flesh. I’ve buried bodies, burned down buildings, been stabbed, and had the shit kicked out of me.
None of that scared me as much as getting to know my two-year old son does.
What if Chance doesn’t like me? What if we have nothing in common? What if I’m a shitty dad?
I’m good at mingling with strangers. Being vice president of the club means I have to socialize a lot. Convince the good citizens of Empire, New York that our motorcycle club isn’t a gang full of thugs. I manage our strip club too. Keeping a stable full of dancers happy and productive isn’t always an easy task.
As president, Rock has to be the public face of the club and handles a lot of the political bullshit, like making friends with politicians and paying off law enforcement. He’s cunning and skilled at it too, but that shit makes him cranky as fuck. He’d much rather be on his Harley, at the clubhouse on “club family only” nights, or home with his wife and daughter.
Wrath hates the world and approaches interacting with the people in it accordingly. But he’s our Sergeant-at-Arms, the one who protects the club and enforces our rules. He’s not supposed to be warm and cuddly.
Charming strangers—especially women—comes easy to me. Always has. But what the hell do I talk about with a two-year-old?
Heidi’s daughter, Alexa, just turned two. I talk to her all the time and she seems to like me. I kinda doubt Chance wants to talk about unicorns and mermaids the way Alexa does, though.
Shit, what if he is into girly crap? Lilly’s been his only influence for his whole life. I have no idea how much time Alex has spent with him.
Then I’m right back to pissed-off. What the fuck was Lilly thinking keeping my son from me?
For the rest of the drive, I waffle between excitement and anger.
I remember the way to Lilly’s secluded house on the lake easier than I care to admit.
All the lights are on downstairs and I sit in the driveway staring at the house for a few minutes.
Quit stalling.
Am I really going to stay here with Lilly? And do what? Play house? Pretend to be her friend in front of Chance when I want him to know I’m his father and I already love him so much.
Can I do this?
Six
Z
Lilly’s big brown eyes widen as she opens her front door. What? Did she expect me to forget about my son? Go back on my word? Change my mind about wanting to know Chance?
Now that I’m aware of his existence, I’m in his life for good, whether she likes it or not. Time to suck it the fuck up, pretty girl.
The panicked expression spreading over her face pisses me off. Especially since it’s aimed in my direction.
“You gonna invite me in?” I ask in as even a voice as I can at the moment.
“Yes, I’m sorry. You got here so fast. Alex dropped us off only a little while ago.” I hate the way her husky voice punches me in the groin. Just like old times.
I stand there studying her. She changed into a tight, long-sleeved, dark red T-shirt, with a V that doesn’t dip low enough for my taste, and a pair of loose gray sweatpants. All that beautiful long, dark hair I used to love still falls well past her shoulders, brushing her arms, framing her face, and making me want to wrap my damn fists in it.
Why couldn’t the last couple years have turned her into a hag? Fuck me if she’s not prettier than ever.
My gaze roams over her again. Curvier, for sure. But all I want to do is put my hands on those new curves. Explore every new and exciting inch.
Motherhood obviously agrees with her. Ironic, since she always swore up and down she never wanted kids.
I cock my head at the open doorway that she’s still blocking, finally prompting her to step aside.
It’s not like I’m a small guy—which she should remember. Still, she doesn’t back up enough and my arm brushes against her breasts as I pass. I might as well have jammed my tongue in a light socket for all the electricity that sparks from that small accidental touch.
Boy do I fucking hate how my body responds to her after what she’s done.
“Surprised he didn’t stick around,” I grumble.
“Ah, he wanted to.” She shuts the door and puts her back to it.
“Worried the big thug would do something violent?” I sneer.
“Yes.”
One thing I used to like about Lilly: she says what’s on her mind.
“That how you justified keeping my kid away from me?”
I promised myself I wouldn’t push for answers the second I got here. Chance is more important than any bullshit Lilly has to say. But, apparently, I can’t help myself.
“I told him you’re not like that.”
She must have been convincing. If he really thought I was a threat, he would’ve stuck around.
We stand there in the hallway, staring at each other.
Where do we go from here?
She doesn’t seem to know either.
She shifts, placing her hands behind her back, and stares at the floor.
“Where is he?”
“Napping. He fell asleep on the way home.” She glances up at the clock. “Some days he fights me at nap time. But I think he was overwhelmed today.”
Tell me about it. “Did he ask about me?” Christ, I sound pathetic.
She leans forward and taps her chest. “He liked your cut. The patches.”
“Oh.” Now I wish I’d worn it inside. I let out a chuckle. “Wrath and I got a little baby-onesie version for Grace. And Murphy made up one for Alexa for this trip we took last fall... I’ll have to…”
“He’d probably love that.” She seems to shake herself out of whatever fog she’s retreated into. “Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat? Drink?”
“Water’s fine.”
I don’t have any intention of helping her, so I’m not sure why I follow her into the kitchen. It’s a small kitchen. Whoever built the house put most of their effort into the living room’s massive windows overlooking the lake. I used to like it because Lilly had to brush up against me while cooking. I’m pretty sure I’ve fucked her on the edge of that sink more than once.
I lean on the counter and brace my hands behind me so they don’t do anything stupid, like touch her.
The whole situation’s awkward as fuck. Obviously neither of us know what to say to each other. Her hands shake so badly, she sloshes water all over the floor.
Good, at least I’m not the only one having trouble here.
“Are you still managing Crystal Ball?” she asks softly, throwing me a quick look over her shoulder.
“Yeah. Dex and Rock got it covered for a few days, though.”
Better put the idea that I’m leaving any time soon out of your pretty head, Lilly.
“I thought Rock…is Hope going to be mad?”
“Rock’s the one who can’t stand working there. But under these extreme circumstances, he’ll do it.”
She swallows hard. “Right. Brotherhood. Rock’s a good guy.”
“The best.” I cock my head and study her. “That why you kept my son from me? Because I run a strip club?”
She lets out a sigh and dips her chin. “Can we not do this right now?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. When would be a good time for you?”
“Z—”
“Mommy!” Little feet thud over the carpet, screeching to a halt when he slides onto the kitchen tile. “Hi!” Chance grins up at me. Hair sticking up every which way, Thor pajama top twisted halfway around his body—cutest damn kid ever.
My kid.
“Hey, buddy. Have a good nap?”
“Uh-huh.” He turns his attention to Lilly and pats his little round belly. “Hungry.”
“I’m going to start dinner in a few minutes. You want something small before then?”
“Roni and cheese,” he says with lots of emphasis on the eese and an even bigger grin.
“Um…” Lilly hesitates and opens the fridge. “I meant to grab milk on the way home.”
“Had your mind on other things?”
She slides her eyes my way. “Sort of.”
“I can go grab some.”
“Ooo! I wanna go!” Chance jumps around in a circle.
Lilly’s panicked eyes meet mine, although I think we’re panicking for different reasons.
“That’s cool with me,” I answer without taking my eyes off her.
“Go change, Chance. You can’t go in your PJs.” She waits until he clears the kitchen before facing me. “You sure that’s okay with you?”
“It’s a quick trip to the store, Lilly. We’ll be fine.” I stand up straighter and stare her down. “I’m not gonna kidnap him, if that’s what you’re worried about.”
“That’s not what I’m worried about,” she snaps.
At least she hasn’t lost her fire. I hate how much I want to be burned by it again.
“Ready!” Chance announces, throwing his arms wide.
He’d pulled on a pair of jeans and traded Thor for an inside-out green shirt. “I guess that’s an improvement, buddy.”
Lilly squats down and straightens him out, running her hands over his hair and kissing his cheek. She whispers something in his ear, and he nods.
She stands and plucks her keys off a pegboard. “You can take my car. He needs a—”
“I have one.”
“Car seat.” Her eyes widen. “You do?”
“Murphy installed it for me while I was packing.”
She blinks a few times, maybe taking a second to remember who Murphy is or just absorbing the fact that one of my brothers would think to do something like install a car seat for the son I’ve only known about for five seconds.
I hold her gaze while she works it out in her head.
Lilly
Should I be scared to send Chance off alone with Z?
Maybe another mother would be. I’m not. I know he’d never do anything to hurt him. I’m actually more worried about Z being overwhelmed with Chance’s endless questions.
Chance fusses while I slip a hoodie over his head, then looks to Z to pick him up. He’s not usually so trusting of strangers. It’s almost as if on some level, he already knows and trusts his dad.
I follow them outside. “New truck?”
“Last year.” Z shrugs.
“Still black.”
He tosses a faint smile my way. “Of course.”
Not that I thought he was lying, but there really is a car seat carefully strapped into the backseat of his four-door truck.
“You can check it if you want.” A hint of a smirk plays over Z’s lips. His dark blue eyes drill into me, making it impossible to look away or form an answer.
“I’m sure it’s fine.” Although, on second thought, maybe Z said it because he really has no idea how to strap Chance in properly.
Which is my own damn fault.
Chance helps Z figure out the buckles and squeals at the fluffy green dinosaur sitting on the seat next to him.
Z shrugs. “Murphy must have tossed that in too.”
That’s the Z I remember. Completely honest. Not trying to show off or claim credit for something he didn’t do.
He cocks an eyebrow. “Guess I should stop teasing Heidi about all those gender-neutral toys she insisted on for Alexa.”
I burst out laughing. “I always liked Heidi. Something about her bossing around a bunch of bikers over girly toys is especially funny.”
He grins even wider. “There’s a reason we called her Hellraiser when she was little.”
A pang of regret thumps me in the chest. I gave up a lot of things when I took off.
Z’s standing in his open truck door, watching me. “Anything else?”
“No.”
He glances at the passenger side. “I’m just running down to Cumby’s. You want to come with?”
“No.” I hesitate and bite my lip. He’s going to think this is stupid. “Do you mind running to Jack’s Market instead? I prefer to give him organic milk.”
He doesn’t laugh or roll his eyes like I expected. “I can do that.” He shakes his head. “Should’ve thought of that. Trinity didn’t allow anything in the clubhouse that wasn’t organic-something while Hope was pregnant. Hope’s even more strict.”
I blink as I absorb that information. “Do you know where Jack’s is?”
“I’ll find it.” He peers in the backseat. “Ready, little man?”
“Ready!” Chance punches his fists in the air.
“Be right back.” Z leans in, almost like he’s going to kiss me, then retreats. The happy expression on his face vanishes, replaced by something cold, hard, and unreadable. “Text me if you think of anything else.”
I wave to Chance, even though I can’t actually see him through Z’s tinted windows. When the truck disappears down my driveway, I turn and head back inside.
Dinner. Right. Might as well start that while I wait for them to return.
Instead, my phone rings and I search my purse until I find it vibrating at the bottom.
“Hey, Ted!”
“Hey. Haven’t heard from you since you went home. Everything okay?”
“It’s been complicated.”
“That’s not good. Think you’ll be back by the end of the month?”
Unsure of what to say, I sigh and shake my head, which is stupid because he can’t see me. “Depends on how my dad’s doing.”
“You give any more thought to what we talked about before you left?”
I haven’t thought about anything since the second I saw Z. “I haven’t really had a chance.”
“I understand.”
“I’ll call in a few days.”
“Sure. Sure.”
My phone beeps and, since it’s my brother, I hang up with Ted and answer Alex’s call.
“Are you all right?”
I squeeze my eyes shut and rub my temple. “I’m shocked you waited this long to check on me.”
“Why? Did he do something?”
“Absolutely not. Calm down.”
“He show up?”
“Yes. Right after you left.”
That quiets my brother for a second.
“How’s Chance?”
“Fine. He’s out with Z.”
“You let him take Chance? What if he doesn’t bring him back?”
“He’s not going to kidnap him. What’s the matter with you?”
“Gee, sis. I don’t know. A guy who suddenly finds out he has a kid might do something dramatic.”
“Thanks a lot. They just ran to the store. Chance asked to go. I didn’t see why not. I’m glad he’s comfortable with Z already.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s a good thing.” I can’t miss the reluctance in Alex’s voice. Maybe he’s gotten used to being Chance’s male role model and doesn’t want that to change. He sure as hell has never cared for Z being part of a motorcycle club.
Seven
Z
Chance is a talkative kid. Can’t understand half of what he says, but I love his voice.
My GPS guides me to the store Lilly mentioned. It’s about a mile from her house. Small place full of uptight locals. The type of place I’d usually avoid.
After I park and wrangle him out of the car seat, he asks me to carry him. How can I say no? I grab the milk and briefly consider picking up a bouquet of wildflowers that we pass in the floral shop. But fuck that shit, I’m not trying to fucking date Lilly. I’m trying to get to know my kid.
“Oh my gawd. Your son looks just like you.” The cashier beams at me and bats her lashes. “Aren’t you a cutie?” She reaches over and squeezes Chance’s sneaker.
Fuck me, having a stranger acknowledge our relationship is one hell of a kick in the gut. Chance rests his chin on my shoulder, ignoring the woman’s comments and touch.
“Dad’s day out?” she asks. Her fingers twist in her hair and she thrusts her tits up in case I didn’t notice them almost popping out of her grocery-store uniform.
Jesus. I’m used to a slow smirk and a seductive word or two out of my mouth dropping the panties of any woman I’m interested in. Any other day, I’d indulge in some back and forth banter. Maybe grab her phone number. Not today. Somehow having a girl flirt with me while I’m with my son is creeping me the fuck out.
I steal a look at Chance. Did it register for him that she called him my son?
Don’t think so. He’s busy staring at a little girl in the shopping cart behind us.
That’s my boy.
I pay for the milk without answering her question.
“Can I set you down so I can open the door?” I ask when we approach the truck.
“Okay.”
A car pulling into the spot next to us gets a little too close for my comfort. I slap my hand on the hood, startling the girl behind the wheel. “Watch where you’re going,” I growl.
Chance is like carrying around a fragile piece of glass I’m terrified of breaking or losing.
My angry tone makes him frown and I hate that. I don’t want to scare him for fuck’s sake.
“Sorry,” the girl says, scurrying into the store.
“Time to get out of here, little man.”
“Hungry!”
“Yup. Your mom’s working on dinner.”
I hold up the gallon of milk. “Or she will be.”
“Mommy!”
Oh, man the way he says that just squeezes the hell out of my heart. I’m beyond furious with Lilly for keeping my son away from me. But it’s obvious he’s loved and taken care of. She’s a good mother and they have a tight bond.
