Zero Tolerance, page 3
“Listen,” he says, taking his hand off me, “I get how pissed you must be—”
“I don’t think you do.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know.” A harder look settles over his face. “I’m warning you though—lay a finger on my sister and I’ll fucking kill you.”
Rock’s shoulder brushes against mine as he takes a place next to me. Rock’s my MC president. My brother by choice. He always has my back.
In spite of this fucked-up situation, I have mad respect for Alex because he doesn’t even flinch at the both of us staring him down.
Rock’s been my best friend for more than half my life. Closer than a brother. Normally, he’d answer a threat like Alex’s with a fist to his face.
Although Rock stands next to me, silently offering support, he doesn’t say a word. What Alex doesn’t understand about us is if Rock thought I’d hurt Lilly, he wouldn’t have brought me here in the first place.
I ease back an inch or two. “I ain’t gonna fuckin’ hurt her.” Shit, is that the kind of guy she told him I am? Is that how she justified keeping my son away from me? “I just want to meet my son.”
He sighs. “Please don’t upset him.”
“I don’t want to upset him.”
“Z, I’ll do whatever I can to help you…to make this right. But you have to promise me you’re going to do whatever’s best for my nephew.”
I’m not really sure what to say to that. I can’t think beyond the next five minutes. His offer seems sincere.
I nod, acknowledging his request. In the distance, my brain’s spiraling through all the ways my life’s about to change after today.
Satisfied that I won’t flip out, Alex steps aside.
Finally, I take Lilly in. My heart jumps.
Still, after all this time.
After this huge fucking betrayal that I can’t even wrap my mind around.
Ignoring the painful thudding in my chest, I take a few more steps closer.
I’ve never seen Lilly anything other than sexy and confident. Flirty. Teasing.
Now, she’s trembling. Coming apart. She opens her mouth, but I don’t want to hear anything she has to say. Any excuses or explanations. Those can come later. Nothing justifies what she’s done. What she’s stolen from me.
“What’s his name?” I ask a whole lot gentler than I’m feeling.
I can’t believe I have to ask her what my son’s name is.
She leans over and picks up our son. “Chance, this is my friend, Z. Want to say hello?”
Christ, I can’t even fucking breathe. My son. I have a son. “Hey, buddy.”
He’s shy and ducks his head against Lilly’s shoulder. I pull my hand back. Try to appear smaller. Not as threatening. I’m trying so damn hard not to scare him.
There aren’t words for this moment. Too much anger boiling up inside me. So many moments I’ve already lost. So many days with him I’ve missed out on. But I’m also overwhelmed with wanting to get to know this little guy who’s a part of me. My blood.
Even if I could express what I’m feeling, Chance wouldn’t understand. He catches sight of Hope holding baby Grace and wriggles out of Lilly’s hold. His tiny feet carry him over the grass as he races over to say hello.
“He really liked Alexa and Grace when we ran into them earlier,” Lilly says softly.
“I bet.” I can’t come up with anything else to say.
No, that’s not true. I have lots of things to say to her.
“Why, Lilly?”
She drops her head, her long hair covering her face, and shakes her head. “I was going to call you.”
“When? When he went off to college? If you hadn’t run into Hope today, would I even be here right now?”
“What do you want me to do?”
“I want you to give me the last two years back! How old is he? When is his birthday? Why did you fucking disappear?” She doesn’t answer me. I fight to bring my voice down to a more reasonable level. “I want to know my son, Lilly.”
“Yes.”
“I’m not asking.”
Finally, she picks up her head. Fire’s in her eyes and I’m ready to fight her tooth and nail if she offers up any excuses for why I can’t be in Chance’s life.
“I understand. I know how angry you must be. I’m sorry.”
It’s hard to yell at someone who’s agreeing with you and apologizing. I open my mouth to yell at her some more.
Then stop myself.
What the hell do I say now?
She glances at her brother who’s hovering over Chance while he talks excitedly with Hope and Rock, playing with baby Grace. “I know this is my fault.”
“Ya think?”
“Please hear me out. He doesn’t know you. I’m not letting him go off with you alone until he’s comfortable—”
“Yeah, fine. I’m not fucking stupid. I don’t want to do anything to upset him. But I will get to know my son, Lilly.”
She bites her lip and nods. “Once he’s comfortable with you, we can tell him. He’s little, so we won’t have to explain—”
“Explain why you hid his existence from me for two years? Yeah, I can see why that would be uncomfortable for you.” I sneer and she flinches.
“That’s not what I meant,” she whispers. She takes a second to collect herself and seems to come to some sort of decision. “I’m back at my house in Lake George. As of yesterday. My father’s in the hospital. I came home to help my mother.”
“Okaaay,” I answer slowly.
“You can come stay with us—in my spare room. When I’m sure he’s comfortable and he’ll handle it well, I’ll go stay at my mother’s so you can spend time with him…you know, without me.”
I hate myself for even thinking it, but I don’t want to do any of this without her. I would have wanted to be there for her through all of it. Do it together as a family. No fucking way will I admit it to her, though. Not today. Maybe not ever.
“Fine.” I almost say thank you. But fuck that. I’m not thanking her for shit. This is the least of what she owes me.
Three
Z
I hate like hell leaving my son behind. But Chance is thankfully oblivious. He’s more upset about saying goodbye to Grace than me.
“You’ll see her again soon,” Hope assures him. She turns her green-eyed glare on Lilly. “And often. I promise you, Chance.”
I’d laugh at Hope’s unspoken threat if so much pain hadn’t gathered in my chest.
Chance seems somewhat reassured and returns to Lilly’s side. I crouch down next to him. “I’ll be up to see you in a little bit. You cool with that?”
He turns his big blue eyes my way and smiles. All chubby cheeks and dimples. “Oh-tay.”
“Can I give you a hug?”
He tips his head back, seeking Lilly’s permission, and she nods.
At first, he’s tentative and it’s so awkward I want to crawl in a hole. Finally, he wraps his arms around my neck, and I lift him in the air.
“Weee!”
“Like that?”
He sputters with laughter and I don’t want to let go of him.
“Mommy?” He twists, seeking Lilly.
“You’re fine, I’m right here.”
In my arms, he struggles, and I reluctantly set him down.
“See you in a bit.”
“Bye, Thee!”
Back in Rock’s truck, I slam the door and stare out the windshield. “You all right?” Rock asks.
“I’m not gonna bust up your dash if that’s what you’re worried about.”
Rock snorts as if it hadn’t crossed his mind. “You wanna stay longer?”
“No. I’m gonna pack a bag and stay at her place for a few days.”
Rock lets out a relieved breath. “Good.” He slips the truck into gear and backs out of the spot. “Let’s get you home then.”
Hope sits forward, placing her hand on my shoulder. “He’s such a sweet little boy, Z.”
I can’t help smiling. “He is.”
“It’s going to be okay.”
Is it? How is this ever going to be okay?
We ride in silence for a few miles. Even Grace is quiet, although, every time I turn to check on her, she seems to be staring out the window.
“What do you need, brother?” Rock asks in a low voice.
“Time.” Like the last two years of my life rewound and done over. But since that’s not something my president can give me, I ask for what he can. “I’m sorry to drop out like this, but—”
“You take whatever time you need.”
“Dex—”
“He’s back. Seems to have a clearer head. He can handle Crystal Ball. If he can’t for some reason, I’ll help him figure it out. Just focus on your son right now.”
My throat tightens. Rock hates working at the strip club our MC owns. Pretty much dropped the day-to-day running of it in my lap once he and Hope got together. So, it means a lot to me that he’s willing to take it on again to give me this time. “Thanks.”
As he pulls the truck through the gate to the clubhouse, Hope squeezes my shoulder again. “If you need anything at all—” she pauses and glances at Rock. “—and it’s not something Rock can help with, please promise you’ll call me.”
“I will.”
“Anything, Z. I mean it.”
I reach up and squeeze her hand. “Thank you. I don’t know what would’ve happened if you hadn’t run into her.”
A slight tension runs through the hand I’m holding. If I had to guess, I’d say she’s pissed at Lilly. “I’m glad I was there,” is all she says.
Part of me wonders how hard Lilly fought Hope. Did Hope have to push Lilly to agree to meet me? Did she try and ask Hope to keep things quiet? They were friends for years before I got tangled up with Lilly.
Do I really want to know the answers to those questions?
As we pull around to the front of the clubhouse, I spot Wrath’s giant, bulky frame swaggering down the front steps. He stops and waves at us. Rock parks next to the garage and I turn his way. “Can you fill Wrath in for me? And let the club know why I’m ghosting on everyone for a few days?”
His mouth twists in a not-unkind smile. “Gonna be more than a few days.”
“You know what I mean.”
“We’ll handle it,” Hope assures me.
I jump out and barely avoid a lung-crushing bear hug from Wrath. “Can’t right now. Gotta go.” I slap his shoulder as I hustle by.
Behind me, I hear Hope’s soft voice. She must be explaining the situation to him because before the clubhouse door closes behind me, Wrath bellows, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Tell me about it,” I mutter as I jog upstairs. Thankfully, I don’t encounter anyone else on the way to my room.
Inside, I put my back against the door, allowing my head to bang against the wood. For a few brief seconds, I close my eyes.
Family. Kids. I won’t admit it often in front of my brothers. Hell, I’ve probably only said it out loud once—to Hope. But I’ve wanted my own for a while now.
But not like this.
My fists clench.
I’m scared by how much I wanted to wrap my hands around Lilly’s perfect neck and squeeze really fucking hard.
I’d never hurt her. That’s why the impulse bothers me so much.
It’s too soon to examine the other feelings I had. The ones where I wanted to wrap her up in my arms and kiss her again. I haven’t felt those soft, plush lips against mine in way too long.
Stop thinking about making out with Lilly and get in the shower.
Jesus, I met my son with the scent of two women I couldn’t care less about still clinging to me. Maybe that’s why Lilly did this.
No, that’s on her. Never would’ve been with those girls if Lilly hadn’t disappeared from my life.
And hidden the existence of my son from me. Let’s not forget that part.
“Fuck,” I mutter on the way to the bathroom.
One quick, scalding shower later, I’m packing a bag. Throwing in random pairs of jeans, some T-shirts, socks, I don’t even know. I’m just eager to get the fuck out of here.
I’d like to bring something for Chance. But what?
Downstairs, Wrath’s waiting.
“I can’t right now,” I say, holding up my hand.
“I’m here when you need me, brother.” He reaches out and thumps me on the back, saying more than words could right now. “Trin and I will keep the dogs at our place. Make sure they eat more than the weed and Doritos Sparky and Stash will feed them. Don’t want you to worry about a thing except spending time with your boy.”
“Thanks,” I rasp. Shit. Does Chance like dogs? Has he ever been around one? Ziggy and Zipper love watching over Alexa and Grace. I can’t wait to introduce them to Chance.
In the garage, our ginger-haired Road Captain is wedged inside the back door of my truck fiddling with something. When I get closer, my throat tightens with emotion.
This motherfuckin’ family of mine wants to see me cry today.
“Murphy?” I choke out.
He backs out of the truck and lifts his chin. “Hope filled me in.” He gestures toward the car seat now installed in the back of my truck.
“What are you…Where did you?”
He waves off the half-questions. “From my truck. Thought you’d prefer it to the one Heidi has in her car—it’s pink.”
“You need it, bro.”
“Nah, I can grab the one out of Hope’s car if I need to. I’ll even use the pink one.” He laughs for a second, then stops. “You don’t have time to stop and fuck around with buying one now.”
You’ve lost enough time.
He doesn’t say it, but the thought ripples in the air between us.
I hadn’t even thought far enough ahead to consider day-to-day items like what my son should sit in when he’s in the truck with me.
Murphy looks at the seat again. “I’m not sure how big he is, but it’s supposed to be good up until forty pounds.”
Chance didn’t feel like forty pounds.
Anger sizzles through my veins. I have no idea how big my own kid is. What size he is. What he needs. Nothing.
Godfuckingdammit!
I take a breath. Shake it off. I don’t want to be in a foul mood when I see Chance again.
Murphy seems to understand the torment tearing my insides apart. “It’s gonna be okay, Z.” He doesn’t ask questions or say anything shitty about Lilly, just pulls me in for a quick hug before giving me some last-minute instructions about the seat and sending me on my way.
Four
Lilly
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Alex asks for about the tenth time since he carried Chance inside.
“I’ll be fine.”
He pauses. Stares at the door. Rakes his fingers through his hair.
“Alex. Seriously, I’ll be fine.”
“If he shows up with his biker posse and tries to take Chance, what are you going to do then?”
“He’s not like that.” Damn, I’m getting tired of this.
“Then why?”
My jaw tightens. As much as I appreciate all the help my brother’s given me over the last couple years, I’m not going there with him.
He sighs. “Fine. I know you wouldn’t do anything to put Chance in danger. So, if you trust the thug, I guess I’ll have to trust him too.”
“Stop calling him names.” My gaze darts toward the hallway. That’s the last thing I want Chance to hear about his father.
“I can’t figure you out, sis.”
“You don’t need to figure me out.” Instantly I regret using such a sharp tone with Alex. “I’m sorry.”
My big lumberjack of a brother isn’t usually touchy-feely, but he lets me hug him. “Thank you for going with me,” I mumble against his shoulder.
“What was I going to do? Let Hope drag you and Chance to meet with the…with Z alone? I don’t think she was taking no for an answer. Don’t blame her either.” He pulls back. “How come you never told me she has a kid now?”
I slip out of his embrace and slap his chest. “The scary guy with Z was Hope’s husband. I’d let that one go if I were you.”
“Jesus. She went from the nerdy engineer to an outlaw biker?” He shakes his head and a hint of a smile plays over his lips.
Only Alex could make me laugh right now.
“Are you going to Mom’s?”
“If you need me, I won’t be far.” He glances around. “Take your time. Do what you need to do to work things out.” His mouth turns down. “You’re going to have to arrange some sort of custody or visitation schedule with him. If he takes you to court—”
“Alex, let me worry about it. Everything will be fine.” Somehow, my voice conveys a lot more confidence than I actually possess.
I have no evidence to prove anything will be fine. For all I know, Hope’s drawing up legal papers right this second. She’d been livid once she realized Z had to be the father of my son. No amount of trying to reassure her that I planned to contact Z as soon as I got settled seemed to appease her. No, my tenacious, passionate friend promised to show up on my doorstep with Z if I didn’t agree to meet up at the park. Immediately. At least she didn’t suggest the clubhouse.
The idea of some long, drawn-out custody battle makes me ill. After more turmoil than I want to dwell on, I’ve built a safe, simple, happy life for us out in California.
But I always knew it couldn’t last.
I’ve made Chance my entire world and now I’ll have to share him.
“Dad’s recovery will probably take a while since he refuses to listen to a damn thing the doctors say. When are you going back to California? Or will you stay?”
“I have twelve weeks of family leave to figure it out.” I tilt my head and absorb the familiar surroundings. “I’ve missed home, though.”
Five
Z
My mind’s moving at the same speed as my truck as I rocket up the Northway.
I’m a father.
