Stiltskin, page 21
He’d finally reached the graveyard at Slack Top as the rain began to pour and lightning lit up the skies. For a moment, he’d thought that he’d seen a man and a child holding a big garbage bag standing in the graveyard, but then they were gone and Frank chalked it up to being really, really drunk. Frank lived not much farther up the lane, but something else in the graveyard caught his eye. Like any good Yorkshire man, he was profoundly superstitious and fully believed that banshees roamed graveyards at night to guard the dead. He could hear something over the sound of the rain. It was like a growl or a roar, and there was creaking, and then thunder.
Frank was not brave by any stretch of the imagination, but he enjoyed telling a good story as much as anyone. If he actually managed to see a banshee, then that would make a spectacular story to tell the lads down at the pub and so his drunken brain encouraged his jelly-like legs to propel him forward into the graveyard to investigate further. He tripped over the one sheep, who was no longer scowling but continued to be lost in the graveyard.
“Ba-a-a-a!” said the sheep.
“Bugger off wit ya!” said Frank as he scrambled to his feet.
He staggered up the overgrown path that ran through the middle of the graveyard. The lightning lit up his surroundings on a regular basis and Frank found that he’d begun to shake.
“What are you doing, Frankie old boy, this is no place for you,” he said to himself.
And then he saw the earth move over to his right. He stared intently through the darkness at where he’d seen the movement, and as his eyes adjusted, he saw it move again. It was like the grave was breathing.
He squinted at the headstone, which read Elise Marie Palmer. Frank remembered Elise. She was a large woman with eternally messy hair and a general hatred for pretty much everyone. She’d really gone off the deep end when her son had been killed in a tragic farming accident. She’d taken to dancing naked on the moors whenever there was a full moon, and when confronted about it, she hadn’t even known what she was doing or why.
“It just felt like the right thing to do,” she would say.
The earth heaved again in front of him and there was that growling sound again. Frank’s natural reflex urged him to back away from the grave. He did so as it heaved again. And then again. And then the earth exploded, along with splintered wood, just as lightning flashed across the sky.
Frank let out a squeal that sounded like someone had stepped on a guinea pig. A large, wolf-like creature clawed its way up and out of the grave, stood in the mud and the rain, and howled at the sky victoriously.
Frank was instantaneously sober. He screamed again and sprinted away, not down the path, but through the graveyard, up over one of the walls, and disappeared into the darkness. He was found the next day curled up in the corner of a field surrounded by grinning sheep, half out of his mind. Later in the week, he resolved to move to Lancashire where everything that had once seemed boring now seemed much more safe and normal.
Robert climbed and wriggled his way out of the grave, then lay on his back in the mud and tried to catch his breath. He had Lily’s clothes stuffed under his own sweater so they wouldn’t get buried in the grave. He looked up at the werewolf, who was looking back down at him. Its tongue hung out the side of its mouth and it was panting.
The werewolf knelt down beside Robert and licked his cheek. The creature began to shrink before Robert’s eyes. The claws retracted, the bones cracked as they realigned, the muscles shrank, long, black hair grew from its head while the wolf hair shed away. Breasts protruded from its chest and Lily knelt beside him, looking exhausted. She lay down in the mud next to him and put an arm across his chest.
“I need to rest a moment,” she said, and he put an arm around her and pulled her close.
As they lay there together in the mud, the rain falling toward them, lightning flashing above them, an empty grave beside them, Robert was thankful that they had escaped. He was even more thankful that they were together and with that in mind, he smiled contently as thunder resounded across the sky.
Rumpelstiltskin and Jack exited a door in Thiside and found they were on a mountaintop. It was still daytime in Thiside and the sun was only just beginning its fall toward the horizon.
“Where are we?” growled Jack.
“How should I know? You didn’t wish to go anywhere, you just wished for a door!” shouted the Dwarf.
“Why didn’t you tell me that at the time?”
“I wasn’t thinking about it at the time, I just wanted to get out of the damn rain and that wretched graveyard.”
“Then we should go back through the door until we’re closer.”
“You know, you’ve never told me, Jack, exactly why it is you freed me to finish the thing that you originally arrested me for.”
“I don’t need to tell you!”
“True, but it would sure help me understand things better. You have to admit it’s hard for me to trust you without knowing your motives.”
Jack grabbed the Dwarf by the shirt and picked him up so they were face to face.
“Look here, you little twerp! You should be thankful that I arranged for you to escape from the Tower. You’re lucky the Hatter is a gullible idiot who agreed to accept a smuggled-in spell to create a hole between your two cells! Most of all, you should be thankful that I haven’t changed my mind and killed you yet. I don’t like you, Dwarf. And I don’t need to tell you anything.”
He dropped the Dwarf in a heap and hoisted the garbage bag containing the remains of Elise Bastinda over his shoulder.
The Dwarf’s eyes narrowed as a nefarious scheme entered his devious little mind.
“Fair enough,” said the Dwarf from the ground, “I suggest you wish for another door, or even better, wish where it is you want to go.”
“Where is it we’re going, anyway?”
“To perform this spell, I need a strong magical field. The strongest there is.”
“And where would that be?”
The Dwarf smiled. Jack was big, he was old, he was an excellent interrogator, he was amazing when it came to hurting people. But first and foremost, Jack was an idiot.
“The Great Hall in the Wizards’ Council building, of course,” smiled the Dwarf.
“Fine. Let’s get this over with so you can work your spell. I wish for a door to take us―”
“Ah, ah, ah,” said the Dwarf. “Not us. You have to wish me. Any reference to yours truly will render the wish null and void.”
“I wish for a door to take me to the Great Hall in the Wizards’ Council building.”
“Granted,” said the Dwarf and a door opened before them. “I’ll take the bag; there may be wizards waiting on the other side and your authority will certainly be more effective against them than mine would be.”
Jack handed over the bag.
“Okay,” said Rumpelstiltskin, “let’s go.”
And with that the Dwarf jumped through the door. Jack dived after him…
…and rolled out into the Great Hall in the City of Oz. The wizards were having lunch and were surprised by the appearance of an Agent. Jack was equally surprised to see that there was no sign of Rumpelstiltskin anywhere in the vast hall.
“Excuse me,” said Jack, “did any of you see a Dwarf come through here?”
An elderly wizard with a pointy nose and long, flowing, white hair, part of which was sitting in his soup, said, “No, I’m afraid not.”
“This is rather inappropriate,” said another wizard. “Just because you’re an Agent doesn’t give you the right to disturb our lunch. We’ll have to speak to the Agency Director about this.”
“My apologies, I’ll look elsewhere.” Jack strode from the hall with his fists clenched. He waited until he was out of the hall and in a stairwell before he punched a hole through the wall.
“That damn Dwarf tricked me!”
The Dwarf in question stepped out of a different doorway that appeared to be in a lush field next to a small cottage. The smell of bread floated through the air. Rumpelstiltskin let out a chilling laugh in celebration of his own brilliance. What a fool, Jack is. He wished for him to go to the Great Hall, not me! He even believed that there was a miscommunication that caused us not to meet up outside the city. He’ll believe anything. Although I can’t help but wonder what he has to gain from me completing my little project? Either way, he doesn’t know the true location of the spell and therefore he will no longer be an issue. Now, on with the show!
Rumpelstiltskin stole a few bread rolls from the ledge of the cottage, which he assumed must be the house of the Muffin Man and, carrying his garbage bag, ran away down the Yellow Brick Road in search of a door to take him to his final destination.
Soaked to the skin and freezing cold, Robert couldn’t be happier. They lay together for around half an hour, during which time Lily had fallen asleep. Robert had discovered that she had a cute snore. Sort of like a puppy. Although he still found it hard to look at her without seeing a giant snarling monster, he couldn’t help but find her to be the best thing in the entire world that had ever happened to him.
Lily began to wake up, and Robert couldn’t resist asking something that had been bothering him. “Lily, who is Jack?”
“You mean in relation to the fairy tales of Othaside?”
Robert didn’t want to offend Lily, as he now knew that Thisiders who had been replicated as characters in fairy tale stories in Othaside often found the comparison insulting.
“I know you don’t like to talk about Thiside in those terms, but yes. The Agency seems to employ particular kinds of people.”
“The kind with a long life span,” said Lily.
“So where does Jack fit?”
Lily snuggled closer to Robert. The rain had subsided to a light drizzle. “Jack was just a man. A farmer. He belonged to one of the few human families that lived in Thiside over a thousand years ago.”
“He’s over a thousand years old?”
“Doesn’t look bad, does he?”
“I suppose, if you like that tall, blond, muscled type with striking features. Of course it’s not everyone’s cup of tea.”
“Certainly not mine,” said Lily.
“You two never… you know… got together?” said Robert with a certain amount of hesitation.
“Absolutely, lots of times.”
“Really?” said Robert with obvious disappointment.
“No, I’m just playing with you,” said Lily and laughed. “Jack is a very distant person. He doesn’t relate well to anyone.”
“I could see that.”
“When he was around thirty years old, he lived in a village that fell under the rule of the Evil Queen.”
“She was actually called the Evil Queen?”
“Don’t interrupt.”
“Sorry.”
“The kingdom was attacked by a Giant who destroyed almost everything and was responsible for over a hundred deaths. Jack killed him.”
“That’s it?”
“Do you have any idea how hard it would be for a human to kill a Giant?”
“Actually, I have no idea.”
“Even being a werewolf, I doubt I could take down a Giant. No one knows how Jack did it. The archives don’t have any information on the event other than what was passed down by word of mouth.”
“If he’s just human, how is he still alive?”
“The Evil Queen was a powerful sorceress. As a thank you for saving her lands, she granted Jack and his family the gift of immortality. He can’t die.”
“Ever?”
“Ever. He can’t be killed, he can’t even be injured.”
Robert thought about it. “Jack and the Beanstalk.”
“Yes. Only without the beanstalk or the magic beans.”
“Remarkable.”
Lily slipped back into her clothing, which was also soaked and covered with mud, but there were now more important things at hand than the state of their clothing. There was the state of reality to think about. Lily had assumed that Jack had wished for a door and that the pair was probably back in Thiside already. Not knowing where Rumpelstiltskin was going to perform the spell left them at a bit of a loss.
“What about the wizard? Niggle? Couldn’t he tell us where the magical fields are located?” said Robert.
Lily looked thoughtful. “He’s probably the best chance we have. We’ll need to find a door first, though, and who knows how long that’ll take.”
“There’s a door over there,” said the voice in Robert’s head and Robert instinctively looked to his left. Hovering twenty feet away next to an ornately carved sculpture of an angel was the telltale distortion in the air.
“That’s amazing,” said Robert, “how do I know these things?”
“Know what?” said Lily as she tried to scrape some of the mud from her sweater.
“There’s a door over there,” said Robert, pointing to the door.
Lily looked at Robert. “That is amazing. How did you know that?”
“The voice in my head told me.”
Lily looked troubled as she always did when Robert referred to the voice in his head. “Has this happened before?”
“The voice? All the time, damn thing never shuts up.”
“No, I mean a door appearing when you needed it to?”
“Just one other time, in the forest where you were about to ki… ehh… attack me. Or maybe you were just trying to hump my leg. It was hard to tell at the time, what with the snarling and growling and such.”
“Funny. You door jumped for hours and didn’t get any stranger than you already are. And doors appear when you most need them.”
“What does that mean?”
“I have no idea. But let’s not waste it.” She grabbed Robert’s hand and led him toward the door. “They’ve got a head start. We’re going to need to door jump fast and get as close to the City of Oz as we can, and hopefully Niggle’s nerves are still holding up. Ready?”
“Ready!” he said with more confidence than he actually felt.
Lily took a deep breath. “Here’s hoping we can find them fast.” And they stepped through the doorway and stepped out…
…into the apartment of the wizard Niggle who screamed and spilled hot tea all over himself and then screamed some more.
“Well,” said Robert, “that worked out nicely.”
Lily looked surprised. Robert was proud of himself although he didn’t really know why, and the wizard Niggle continued screaming. At that exact moment, the front door was kicked open and in the doorway stood a very angry-looking Jack.
Lily dived at Jack, knocking him back into the hallway. The wizard Niggle waved his hand and the door slammed shut.
“Lily!” said Robert. He turned to the nervous wizard. “Open the door!”
“N-n-no way,” said the wizard. “What are y-y-you doing back here?”
There was a crash in the hallway. Robert ran over to the door and pulled on the handle but the door wouldn’t budge. “Open the damn door!”
“N-n-no,” said the wizard resolutely. He was clutching a now-empty tea pot to his chest as if it was his security blanket.
Robert didn’t have a temper. He was rarely angry. He often wished he did have some small smidgen of rage in him, but he’d never had the right motivation. Until today. He stalked up to the wizard, grabbed his tea pot and threw it against the wall.
“Open the door now!” he said directly into the wizard’s face.
The wizard looked terrified. He pointed at the door and it swung open by itself to reveal Lily carrying an unconscious Jack over her shoulder.
“See,” said Robert, “now was that so hard? Sorry about the tea pot.”
Lily kicked the door closed behind her and dropped Jack into a chair. “Rope won’t hold him. Wizard, I need you to bind him.”
Niggle sighed. He looked at Jack and muttered a few nonsensical words. Jack’s arms pulled tight to his side and his head snapped up. Lily walked up to him and slapped him a few times. Jack’s eyes opened slowly and he began to struggle, but the invisible bonds wouldn’t budge.
“Forget it, Jack, you’re bound to the chair.”
“Let me go, Lily.”
“Not until you tell us where the Dwarf is going.”
“Us?” said Jack. “There’s an us? You mean you and Darkly?” Jack laughed out loud.
Robert had known Jack only as a surly, angry individual. He now decided that watching him laugh was far more disturbing than his usual self.
“Are you just going to stand there and take that?” said the voice in Robert’s head.
“Shut up!” said Robert.
“Ohh, the Othasider’s grown a backbone. A couple nights with Lily here must have really loosened you up,” smiled Jack.
Robert walked closer to Jack. “I’ve heard of you.”
Jack laughed. “Going to interrogate me, Darkly?”
“Didn’t you have a beanstalk?”
Jack stopped laughing.
Robert continued, “And a cow. I seem to remember that you had a cow and you traded it for magic beans. Pretty dumb choice, when you really think about it.”
Jack was turning a pastel red colour. “I’ll get out of here eventually, you know.”
“Hit him with a hard one,” said the voice.
Robert bent over so he was inches from Jack’s face. “It’s a real honour to meet a fairy tale character such as yourself.”
Jack strained against the invisible bonds that held him. “I’ll kill you when I get out of here, Darkly. I’ll kill you! You’re just like your father and you’ll end up exactly like him! You’ll probably even share a cell!”
The wizard had been busy unpacking a new teapot, which Lily grabbed from him and smashed up the side of Jack’s head.
“Try and focus, Jack. We need to know where the Dwarf is going!”
Jack didn’t take his eyes off Robert, who was leaning casually against the fireplace staring back at Jack.
“Why does it matter?”
“Because we know what he’s doing. We know he’s going to remove the blood regulation from the door. It’ll break down the barrier between Thiside and Othaside. It’ll be just like it was before. Othasiders will pour into Thiside.”
