The Stardust in the Ashes, page 14
He trails off and I nod, slipping on my shirt.
“If I ever make you feel uncomfortable in the slightest, please, let me know.”
Cal nods and meets my eyes. “I will.”
I take a step toward him. “I really want you to be comfortable around me. As comfortable as you were with—”
I drop off, unable to complete the sentence. A shadow flickers across Cal’s face and guilt stabs my chest. I squeeze my eyes shut, clenching my hands by my sides.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter, turning my back to Cal. If I look away, I don’t have to see his pain. “I didn’t mean—”
I startle as Cal’s hand falls on my shoulder. I turn my head just enough to look at Cal.
“It’s fine,” Cal says, his voice barely above a whisper. “Talking about Makin makes me miss him, yes, but it also makes him seem alive again, in some ways.”
I turn to face him and his hand falls from my shoulder.
“Are you sure?”
Cal nods, a sad smile on his lips. “Yes. And I want to be as comfortable around you as I was around Makin. I really do.” He pauses, glancing away for a moment before he adds, “Maybe even more so.”
I open my mouth to ask he what he means, but he pulls away before I can get any words out.
“The fish we caught smell delicious and I’m starving,” he says, striding around the corner toward the camp. “Don’t forget your wet clothes. We can dry them by the fire.”
I smile and follow, my own stomach grumbling in anticipation of dinner.
After dinner, I add more wards around our campsite—wards that will protect us from detection and from any other creatures that may consider us tasty snacks. Pascal and Lorrell take one tent while Cal and I settle into the other. Cal lies down on his bedroll, his back toward me as he pulls the blanket up around him.
“Cal?” I whisper, as I snuggle beneath my own blanket.
Cal shifts to face me. It’s dark, but his eyes manage to catch what little moonlight shines through the tent flap, a light against the darkness. My breath catches and, for a moment, I forget what I want to say.
“Yes?”
I swallow and force myself to focus. “I wanted to say thanks. I don’t think I said it earlier.”
Cal smiles softly, his eyes twinkling. “You don’t have to thank me. It’s my job. I’m starting to have a whole new appreciation for everything you’ve put Bram through over the years.”
I grin, propping my head up on my palm. “Yeah, I know, but hopefully that’s not the only reason you jumped in and killed that beast.”
Cal swallows, locking his eyes on mine. His lips part and he shifts almost imperceptibly closer. My heart races so fast I feel like it might burst free at any moment.
“No,” he says, his voice low as he shifts even closer, “I reacted on instinct.”
I’m very aware that we are mere inches apart. It’s everything I can do to keep my voice steady as I close the distance a bit more and whisper, “Instinct?”
“Yes.”
“Instinct, like Guard instinct? A soldier’s instinct?”
He doesn’t speak for a moment, and my mind races with what he might say next.
“Yes, but also . . . I don’t know. I saw you in danger and I . . . I couldn’t let anything happen to you. Not just because you’re the prince, but because I—”
“Do you guys have an extra blanket in here?” Lorrell says, pushing aside the tent flap and poking his head in.
Cal jerks away, sitting up. “Yeah, we have one over here.” He reaches to his right and grabs a blanket, tossing it to Lorrell.
“Thanks!” Lorrell grins. “Somehow, we only ended up with one, and Pascal isn’t good at sharing.”
“Well, you have it now, so you can go,” I say, my voice tense, my irritation barely masked.
Lorrell doesn’t seem to notice my aggravation at his interruption and leaves with a smile and a parting nod. Cal lies down, his back to me again. I sigh and settle back on my own bedroll. I close my eyes, trying to will sleep, when a soft voice drifts across the darkness.
“Goodnight, Ehren. Sleep well.”
My mouth stretches into a grin. “Goodnight, Cal. I’ll always sleep well with you nearby.”
The tent falls silent but I still hear the whispered, “Me too.”
For the first time in weeks, my dreams are happy and bright.
Chapter Thirteen
EHREN
The morning after the lake monster attack, we wake up and debate whether or not we want to try to cut up the creature for food.
“What would it even taste like?” Pascal muses with a scowl.
“Probably like fish,” Lorrell says. “It does live in the water.”
Pascal rolls his eyes at his brother. “Just because it lives in water doesn’t make it a fish. It has legs, you idiot.”
“It could still taste like fish,” Lorrell mumbles with a frown.
“But it pro—”
“Let’s just leave it,” Cal cuts them off with a wave of his hand, exchanging a look with me conveying his irritation at their bickering.
I duck my head to hide my smile. “Cal’s right. We don’t know anything about it. It could be poisonous. Astra would never let me live it down if I ate a poisonous lake creature and died.”
“If you’re dead, she couldn’t berate you too much,” Cal counters, grinning.
I shake my head and chuckle. “She’d find a way to raise me from the dead just to yell at me for being so stupid. I can promise you that.”
Cal laughs. “You’re probably right.”
Our morning may start out lighthearted, but it quickly turns into a frustrating battle up the mountain. The pathway is narrow and steep, littered with uneven rocks jutting out at odd angles. The wind whips around the edges of the mountain, cold and bitter. I clutch my cloak around me, my fingers nearly numb by the time we stop for the night. The ledge is relatively narrow, but there’s enough space to erect the two tents with the horses secured between them. I set up more wards and make sure Lorrell and Pascal each have their own blankets before I settle in for the night. When I duck inside my tent, Cal already looks asleep, so I don’t bother him.
I slip in and out of sleep for a couple hours, unable to get comfortable. I try to keep my thoughts focused, but they start wandering to memories of blood-soaked castle walls. I squeeze my eyes shut and decide to use the dream walking spell. Quietly, I rise and gather the necessary supplies. I whisper the enchantment over my feather and slip it under my pillow. I take a deep breath and lie down, whispering the incantation. Almost immediately, the tent fades around me and a snowy field appears. No, not just any snowy field—a battlefield, soaked with blood and lined with fallen soldiers.
“I’m sorry,” Astra sobs. “I’m so sorry.”
I spin around and race toward where she stands, the hand of an older woman on her arm.
“My son,” the woman says. “You killed my son.”
“I . . .”
“Astra!” I cry out.
She turns and faces me, tears on her cheeks. I halt a couple feet away and her eyes search my face, trying to make sense of my presence. After a moment, her eyes widen in realization.
“This is a dream,” she says, her voice filled with awe as the she looks around. “It’s just another dream.”
As the reality settles, the blood and bodies fade, leaving us standing in a field of only snow. She turns her eyes back to me and smiles softly.
“I thought these dreams had stopped,” I say, frowning.
“They had, more or less. I think it was the soul bond. Having Alak so close helped to calm my nightmares,” she answers.
Guilt washes over me. “And I sent Alak away. And then I left, too.”
Astra reaches out and places a hand on my arm. I can’t quite feel it in the dreamworld, but the memory of her touch is enough to make it feel real.
“Ehren, I’m okay. It’s all temporary. I’ll be fine until one of you returns. Maybe I’ll check with Healer Heora and see if she has something that can help me in the meantime.”
I force a smile and rake a hand through my hair. “Yes, that might be good.”
“Now,” says says, smiling, “I assume you had a specific reason to enter my dream besides discussing my nightmares? If I recall correctly, this spell doesn’t last long.”
I nod. “I mostly wanted to check in and see how everything is going on your end.”
“Nothing exciting here,” she confesses with a shrug. “Just more of the same, really. Kai and Ronan keep me company.”
“You mean Lord McDullun? It still throws me when you refer to him so casually.”
Her cheeks redden slightly. “He’s not that much older than we are. It feels silly calling him Lord McDullun, especially since he’s told me to call him Ronan.”
“I wasn’t suggesting it was incorrect,” I say quickly, trying to hide my smile.
She straightens her shoulders. “Well, get used to it.”
My smile breaks free. “Yes, Ma’am.”
She grins. “Anything happening on your end?”
I shake my head. “No, just lots of boring travel. I think we’re nearing the peak. At least, I hope so. It’s getting steep. Oh! I did almost get eaten by a lake monster.”
Her eyes go wide and she hits my arm. “That is not nothing, Ehren Andrewe Daniel Montavillier!”
My grin fills my whole face as I say, “Hey! You finally learned my whole name!”
She rolls her eyes but doesn’t hide her smile. “That is beyond the point. What even happened?”
I wave my hand. “It was nothing. I wasn’t paying proper attention, and the next thing I know there’s this monster charging toward me.”
“Did you kill it?”
“Cal did.”
Astra sighs dramatically. “Let me guess—Cal had to kill it because you didn’t have your sword?”
I glance away sheepishly, and she hits me again. “Ehren! For gods’ sake! We should have known better than to let you go off without me or Bram.”
“Cal was there. He’s responsible.”
“Thank the gods for Cal.” She pauses and then narrows her eyes at me. “You didn’t eat it, did you? This strange creature?”
I shake my head. “No, though there was some debate over that fact.”
“Well, at least you had that much common sense.”
I laugh and Astra meets my eyes, smiling.
“You seem to be doing okay.”
I nod. “I am. At least, I think I am. I still have my dark moments, but . . .”
Cal’s face flashes in my head and I smile, my cheeks warming at the memory. Astra cocks her head curiously at me.
“What aren’t you telling me?”
I shake my head, laughing. “Nothing.”
I feel the dream flicker and I glance around. I’m not ready to leave yet. I look back at Astra.
“I miss you, Ash.”
She reaches out and wraps me in a hug. Gods, I wish I could feel her warmth. I return her embrace, even though I’m sure she can’t feel it either.
“I miss you, too,” she whispers. She draws back and looks up into my eyes. “Come back to me safely. Okay?”
I nod, kissing her forehead. “I promise.”
The dreamworld fades and the cold of the mountain rushes back in. The tent is dark, and for a moment, I feel alone and lost. Cal shifts in his sleep, drawing my attention. I twist and look at him. He’s little more than a shape in the dark, but just having him there is enough. I smile softly and drift to sleep.
We rise and get on the road early the next morning, the desire to be off this mountain our driving force. The day starts off much like the previous one, but quickly gets worse. A slow, half-frozen drizzle begins midday. When we stumble across a shallow cave a couple hours before nightfall, we make camp. After a bit of searching, we manage to scrape together enough wood for a decent fire. Its warmth floods the cave, and soon I’m able to feel my fingers and face. Cal brews a pot of tea that warms me up inside.
Even though we mostly agree that no one would bother us, I set up some basic wards around the mouth of the cave before we settle down for the night. When I’m done with the wards, I go to grab my bedroll, but find it already laid out next to where Cal is stretched out. I meet his eyes and raise my eyebrows in question as I lower myself into a seated position. Cal blushes and glances away.
“I figured I should keep an eye on you so you don’t get eaten by a cave monster or something.”
I throw back my head and laugh. Lorrell and Pascal shoot me half-curious, half-concerned looks from across the cave. Cal looks back up at me and grins, tucking a hand behind his head.
“Thanks, Cal.” I grin as I straighten out my blanket and slide beneath its warmth. “I think, though, it’s probably my turn to save you. We should keep this even.”
Cal’s smile softens. “You’ve already saved me.”
I furrow my brows. “How? When?”
“It doesn’t matter,” he mutters, turning his head to stare up at the cave roof.
I decide not to press the issue. “Goodnight, Cal. Sweet dreams.”
Cal opens his eyes and turns toward me. I meet his eyes and my heart skips a beat.
“What other dreams would I have with you sleeping nearby?” he whispers, so quietly I know there’s no way Lorrell or Pascal heard. I’m not even sure I heard him correctly. My breath catches as my brain scrambles to find a reply.
“You dream of me?” I ask, breathless.
He smiles and closes his eyes. “Goodnight, Ehren. Sleep well.”
It takes several minutes for my heart to stop racing enough for me to fall asleep, but I do have very good dreams.
Our sixth day of traveling starts out even drearier than the previous day. The annoying drizzle continues all morning, turning into swirling snow. Ice coats my eyelashes and my cloak is so soaked it’s almost useless against the cold. The only good thing about our travel is that sometime mid-afternoon, we start downhill.
When we stop for the night, it’s too damp and wet for a fire and there’s no shelter beyond our tents and small overhanging bit of rock that we use to shelter the horses. We erect the tents as quickly as possible. I duck inside mine, lighting a lantern with trembling hands. Its warmth is slight, but it’s better than nothing. Cal is helping Lorrell cover the horses with blankets and making sure they have food, so I’m alone. My clothes are soaked through and I can’t stop shaking. I fumble with my shirt, eagerly ripping the frozen fabric away from my skin, and am kicking my pants off when Cal ducks into the tent. When he sees me standing mostly naked in the center of the tent, shaking so hard my teeth are chattering, his eyes go wide and he quickly crosses to me. He grabs a blanket up off the ground and wraps it around me, gathering me against his chest. I melt into his warmth.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“M-my cl-clothes were s-soaked.” I shiver. “I-I n-need—”
“You need common sense,” Cal sighs. “Stay wrapped up and I’ll grab your clothes.”
I nod as Cal releases me. He digs through my bags and produces a fresh shirt and pants. I drop the blanket and dress as quickly as I can before wrapping the blanket back around me.
“You should change, as well,” I say, eying Cal, who’s also shivering.
He swallows and nods. He has enough common sense not to strip entirely, removing one article of clothing at a time and replacing it immediately. I give him a semblance of privacy, focusing on laying out our bedrolls side-by-side. I sit on top of mine and stretch my frozen fingers toward the flickering flame of the candle in the lantern. Cal wraps a blanket around his shoulders and sinks down next to me.
“Is that lantern offering any warmth at all?”
I shake my head. “I don’t think so.” I pause and glance around the small tent. “We probably can’t start a real fire in here, can we?”
Cal looks over at me, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a smile. “That would probably not be the best idea. This tent isn’t made for that. Someone insisted we leave the larger tents behind to travel faster.”
“That person was an idiot.”
Cal chuckles. “He has his moments, for sure. For example, a few minutes ago he was stripped completely naked, nearly freezing to death.”
I grin and shake my head. “My logic was sound. I had to get out of the frozen clothes. My execution was just flawed.”
“To say the least.” Cal laughs.
I glance toward the tent exit. “Will the horses be okay in this weather?”
Cal nods, stretching his fingers toward the lantern. “I think so. We made sure they were safely stored out of the wind and elements. Their blankets are thicker than ours, too. I think they’ll be okay.”
I pull my blanket tighter around me. “Yeah, these blankets don’t seem as thick as I first thought.”
“They’re not too bad, but I wish I had an extra I could use tonight.”
“You know, technically,” I say, staring very intently at the lantern, “we do have two blankets in the tent.”
Cal’s eyes snap to my face, and I turn toward him slowly.
“What do you mean?” he asks, his voice oddly controlled and even.
“Well, we each have a blanket, and they’re fairly large. We can both fit underneath one easily enough, so we could, in theory, share both blankets, doubling our protection from the cold. Plus, we could share our body heat. Keep each other warm.” I jerk my gaze away, my cheeks flushing a deep red. “Never mind. It’s a stupid idea.” I wiggle my fingers above the lantern, eager for a change of subject. “I think I can almost feel my fingers again.”
Cal reaches over and wraps his hands around mine. I inhale sharply and look over at him. He slowly lifts my hands to his lips and blows a warm breath over them, never taking his eyes from mine. My stomach flips and my heart races as he repeats the process, my fingers tingling with the heat.
“We can share the blankets,” he says, his voice low as he releases my hands. “It makes sense. It’s a good plan.”
“Well, you know me,” I say, trying to keep my voice light but failing miserably. “I’m good at the plans.”
