Calumet, page 20
That Sean wasn’t anything like Daniel was a cause for
celebration. He was all Sean knew, though, so it was time to
be the bigger person, something she was sure Daniel would
never do for her. Perhaps she was maturing after all. She
pressed her fingers to the table and tried to think of
something to say to help the girl out, but she really didn’t
have a right to tell her anything.
The only consideration she took into account was what
she would want if she was Sean. “I have to agree with you
on that. Your dad and I were never friends, but I left. Any
animosity should’ve ended when I took off sixteen years
ago. Your mom and I were friends, and that ended as well. If
you’re looking for answers, you need to talk to your mom.
It’s not my place to tell you things she’s not ready to tell
you.”
“Were you her girlfriend? Is that why I look like you?”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’d like to think I’m a
good teacher, but I don’t have any talents you might call
extraordinary. Passing my DNA on that way isn’t in my
wheelhouse.”
That finally made Sean laugh and relax somewhat.
“Thanks for not telling me to get lost. At least you were
willing to talk to me.” Sean kept her head up now.
“I wish I could help you. Hopefully you and your mom get
along better than I do with mine. If you really want to know,
then don’t demand, but ask. If you don’t push, maybe she’ll
be more open to answering your questions.” The new
waitress refilled her cup and put one down for Sean.
“Can you tell me about the last time you saw her?”
“Your mother?” she asked, and Sean nodded. “It was
right before I left for LSU, and I met her on the bleachers of
the football field. She’d told me she needed to talk to me,
but it turned into a good-bye. We had that talk, and it was
the last time I saw her or had any communication with her.”
“You never called her?” Sean sounded almost accusatory.
“There were plenty of things we probably left unsaid, but
that might have been for the best. She got married and has
a family, so I hope she’s happy. Your mom was a good
friend, a good person, and she deserves it.”
“My birthday is about seven months after that. You
would’ve still been together.”
The implication made her laugh. Leave it to Iris to bring a
child into the world who didn’t belong to the peacock she
married. Considering the kid’s looks, Daniel must’ve had a
hard time not giving Sean as much shit as he’d given her
from the moment he laid eyes on her. Sean implied as
much, and it was a selfish act on Iris’s part. She had to give
it to her, though. Sean filled the role of the baby she
would’ve left behind if she’d had the power to get Iris
pregnant then skip town. But the implications of that made
the headache begin to pound at the base of her skull.
“I’m sorry—I’m not laughing at you. This is hard to wrap
my head around, and I hate to sound repetitive, but I’m not
sure what I can tell you.” Sean nodded and looked almost
antsy for Jax to keep talking. “Your mom and I were close
growing up, and with me looking the way I do, it made
people talk about the true nature of our relationship.”
“So, she was your girlfriend?” Sean leaned forward and
smiled.
“The secrets of our relationship will be forever between
your mother and me,” she said, smiling in return. “It doesn’t
matter that it’s her daughter who’s asking. Unless, of
course, she decides to tell you herself.”
“But I thought you said…” Sean fell back again, as if in
defeat.
“I don’t remember saying I’d give titillating details.” Jax
arched her eyebrow and waited Sean out. If she wanted any
more, she was going to have to accept what she was willing
to share. She wasn’t here to revisit old subjects that
deserved the burial she’d given them.
Sean sighed and nodded. “Okay.”
“Listen,” she said, not having the strength to leave this
kid hanging. “Your father was a year ahead of us and fell in
love with your mom the first time he saw her. That’s what
I’ve always thought, anyway. When he sized me up as his
competition, he wasn’t the nicest person. That didn’t stop
your mom and me from being friends.” When the pleading
expression crossed over to irresistible, Jax laughed and
added, “Okay, really good friends.”
“Why hasn’t she heard from you in all these years? I can
tell she still thinks about you. Shit, they’re still arguing
about you.”
How bizarre, to think Iris and Daniel had thought
anything about her at all in the sixteen years she’d been
gone. Bizarre, and sad. “Sean, honey, there’ll be people who
come into your life who make it seem like you’ll never be
able to live without them.” She paused, not wanting to give
Sean the impression she didn’t care about what sounded
like the most important thing to her.
“She wasn’t enough for you?” Sean asked and glanced
back at the waitress who’d brought their coffees. “Then you
really didn’t love her?”
“Don’t put words in my mouth,” she said, shaking her
head. “The truth is, someone fills up something in you that
you might need in that one fleeting moment, but then that
piece of you grows empty again, and you have to let go and
keep on searching.” She paused to make sure Sean
understood what she was saying, though she probably
sounded a little like a vague fortune cookie. “Your mom and
I were like that. I needed something more, and she wanted
to stay here and make a life where she felt she belonged.
She turned me down and waved good-bye. I’ve never
blamed her for that, and I’m glad she has two children and
someone in her life. It’s not perfect in every way, maybe,
but what family is?”
“Did you find something to make you stop wanting
more?”
Margot’s face and her laughter came to Jax’s mind. “I
found a something and a someone, yes. Now instead of
wondering if that part of me will grow empty again, I worry if
I can make enough room for the gift love can be.” She’d
been an idiot for not making Margot believe that, and it was
time to correct her behavior.
The truth, now that she thought about it, was that maybe
Iris’s rejection had affected her more than she had allowed
herself to admit. To her shame it’d been Margot who’d
unwittingly paid the price in her attempt to protect her
heart. But then again, her first relationship hadn’t exactly
ended in rejection. It had been more of an inability to
compromise on both their parts. Enough years had passed
for her to admit that.
“My mom didn’t ever find that, not really. My
grandmother always says something about lying in the bed
you make. I want to know where I came from because I
don’t want to end up in the same situation. I’ve heard your
name all my life, and I sometimes wish I did belong to you.”
Sean was talking fast, to either get it all out or because of
nerves. She couldn’t tell. “I know I can’t biologically belong
to you, but when you’re a kid, wishing’s all you got.”
“Have,” Jax corrected.
“What?”
“Wishing is all you have. I’m sorry, you didn’t come to
see me for an English lecture, but I can’t help myself. You
should sit with your mother and try again. Up to now she
might’ve thought you were too young. If you’re planning on
college, you have one more year at home, so she might be
willing to tell you what you want to know.”
Sean looked down to her hands pressed to the tabletop,
dragging out their time together with her silence. Jaxon
couldn’t help but notice that their fingers were shaped the
same.
“Will you talk to her and tell her the same thing? If you
don’t want to, that’s cool, but she might listen to you.”
She blinked and the only thing on her mind was
fantasizing about beating Bert until he cried. There was no
way he didn’t know about all this, and he’d still encouraged
her to come. “Sean, tonight I’m going to a cocktail party
with a bunch of people, and all I have in common with them
is the year we graduated. The next night it’s off to the gym
to talk about what I’m sure they’ll describe as the good old
days.”
Sean nodded but did appear confused. “What does all
that have to do with talking to my mom?”
“This town wasn’t the best place to grow up, not for me.
Hopefully you’ve had better luck even though your house
isn’t the ideal situation all the time.” She thought about
being in the same position as Sean and what she’d truly
want from someone she thought held all the answers. It
wasn’t the same, though, and she didn’t want to get sucked
in. “To tell you the truth, my parents weren’t thrilled with me
either, and that hasn’t changed.”
“Was that your mom, before?” Sean pointed in the
direction her mother had disappeared.
“It sure was, and she hasn’t changed her mind about me.
Your mom, though, I can’t imagine would ever do that to
you. The girl I knew back then would understand what was
best for her children. You need to give her a chance to do
that.”
“So…you’re not going to help me?” Sean’s eyes watered,
but the kid held firm.
“After this weekend I’m going home, and I’m not coming
back. Standing up for yourself and the things you want isn’t
always easy, but it’s something you’ll be doing long past
this issue. If your mom doesn’t tell you what you want to
know, it must be for a good reason.” She didn’t know why,
but she felt the need to defend her old friend just a little
even if she didn’t deserve it. “I didn’t say that as a copout.
Try to believe me. Just be patient with her. Iris may surprise
you if you don’t push too hard.”
Sean nodded and looked at Jaxon for a long moment
again. “Thanks for not just telling me to get lost. Have fun at
the reunion.” The beginning of her good-bye didn’t sound
very enthusiastic, but Sean seemed not to want to overstep
too much. “See you around, but I doubt it, huh?”
“Hold on.” Jax reached out and put her hand over Sean’s.
When she dropped back into the booth, Jax fished through
one of the side pockets of her bag. She took out one of her
cards and wrote her cell number on the back. Sean held it
like it was a lifeline when she handed it over. “I didn’t mean
to sound like a bitch who doesn’t give a crap. If you want to
talk again, just give me a call. You’re a junior, though, and
you sound like you should be done already.”
“How can you tell?” Sean looked at her as if her answer
would make a difference.
“You sound much more mature than your age, and you
wouldn’t be in Miss Landry’s class if you couldn’t pull your
weight.”
“I was able to advance a year but could’ve skipped a
couple more. My parents, though, thought I was too young
to go away to school yet. It was no biggie. I didn’t want to
leave Adeline behind either.” Sean glanced at the waitress,
and it dawned on Jax that she had more in common with
this kid than just looks.
“I see. Good for you, but what are your plans after next
year? Don’t tell me you’re wasting that brain by not
pursuing something.”
Sean opened her book bag and put her card away. “I
want to go to college, that I’m sure about. I’m not sure
about what I want to study yet. There’s a good chance I’ll
get a softball scholarship, so I have a way to go no matter
what.”
Jax smiled. This kid really was her a million years ago. It
was hard to remember exactly what it was like to be so
ready to hit the road, not caring that she didn’t have a
complete roadmap for her final destination. The need for
escape was enough to make you swallow the fear and jump
in even if there were rocks you could crack your head on.
“Enjoy college for a while, and what you want to be when
you grow up will come soon enough.”
Sean surprised her when she stood and hugged her.
“Thanks.” When Sean walked through the swinging doors of
the restaurant, Jaxon noticed she wasn’t the only one
watching.
The guy wearing an apron picked up the carafe of coffee
and approached her table. He picked up another cup and sat
without asking. “Do you want another one?”
“I have a three-cup limit, but thanks.” Jax started packing
her bag, wanting to retreat back to her room at the B and B.
If there were any other surprises waiting to ambush her, she
wasn’t interested. Her mother and a kid who apparently
shared her DNA were more than enough. “Thanks for letting
me sit. I appreciate the space to work, but I’ve got to go and
change.”
The man put the carafe on a rag he had in his pocket and
shook his head. “You don’t have to leave if you have more
work to do. It’s too early to get ready for the cocktail party
tonight.”
“Thanks again, but I’ve taken up enough space here this
afternoon.”
“Do you mind a short chat? I’m sure you’ve had your fill
of uninvited guests for today, and you’re not dying for
another one. I promise to keep it brief.”
“Sure,” she said, closing her bag and trying not to let her
wariness show. Now what? “Jaxon Lavigne.” She held her
hand out.
“Oh, I know. You haven’t changed much from high school,
and I doubt you remember me, but we graduated together.”
Jax smiled again, wondering if this was the café of past
revelations. “No, sorry. I can’t place you, but I do know who
has the most popular hair in America.” The emotions of the
afternoon started to pile up on Jax, and she started
laughing, stopping with difficulty when the guy didn’t join in
with her. “I’m sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve come back
here, and it’s been a hell of a day so far.”
“No problem, and I doubt many of our classmates will
recognize me. I had much more hair back then, but that,
along with my waistline, are distant memories. Pete Lyons,”
he said. The answer made her lose her smile. “I know we
weren’t friends in high school, and if you tell me to fuck off, I
will.”
Pete was Daniel’s best friend even though he was a year
younger. While he didn’t treat her the same as Daniel, he
sat back and laughed at her misery. This was just the day
that kept on giving. “Pete Lyons, how have you been?” She
wanted nothing to do with this guy, but she’d withstand a
brief visit.
“I’m sorry, Jaxon. There’s no excuse, but I was a kid back
then, and I wanted to fit in. All that stuff doesn’t matter
now, but I’m really sorry.” Pete ran his hand through his
thinning hair and laughed. “All the shit I saw you go through
is coming back to haunt me because my kid is going
through the same thing now. It’s piled on the shame of my
actions higher than I can deal with sometimes. I’ve always
wanted to tell you I’m sorry.”
It didn’t really matter to her now. This asshole, along with
his friends, had taken pleasure in their tormenting of her
and people like Bert, and a quick I’m sorry years later
wasn’t going to make up for that. It wasn’t important
enough to fight over, so she simply nodded and smiled.
“Can I help you with something?”
“My daughter Adeline is Sean’s best friend…Well, she’s
her girlfriend, really.” He smiled and glanced over his
shoulder at the doors to the kitchen. “I bet she was a
surprise today, so thanks for not blowing her off. That kid’s
been waiting on you it seems like all her life.”
“Sounds like your pal Daniel won’t be thanking me for
talking to her. It actually sounds like he wasn’t too thrilled at
all.” She wondered if shit like this only happened in small
towns.
There was a certain level of drama you didn’t have in big
cities. Not that places like Los Angeles were perfect, but
