Stuck With You, page 8
‘It hasn’t been that many, hun,’ I interrupt. ‘By the way, did I just say girlfriend? Ugh, I’ll never get used to this,’ I lie. ‘I mean fiancée. Darling River proposed recently, but the ring didn’t fit. We’re picking it up next week, and I can’t wait. He designed it specially for me, spent a fortune, and it is to die for. Emerald cut, a full carat, and absolutely flawless.’ I gush over the ring I hoped I’d be wearing by now – the one I expected Conner to be interested in buying. I have a photo of it on my fridge. You know what they say, manifest the things you want. I’m desperately trying.
River’s face lights up with a grin and he gives me a slight nod, encouraging me to continue the act.
‘One carat?’ the woman asks, slowly removing her hands from the tabletop. Her barely there glare of a diamond on her finger inspired me to go big and River looks relieved I did.
‘Yep,’ he says. ‘Only the best for the most beautiful, amazing woman on the planet,’ he says, taking my hand and pulling it to his lips, kissing the exact spot an engagement ring would go, just like Conner did the day he proposed. But this feels different. We’re just acting out a scenario here, yet it feels more real now than it did when Conner did it. How’s that possible?
‘That’s great,’ Caitlin says, obviously not meaning it. ‘I’m so glad you finally found your person. If anyone deserves happiness, it’s you. Shall we make this reunion interesting and have a little double date?’
‘No,’ River practically barks, making Caitlin jump and the baby behind me fuss. ‘No, no, we uh, we’re celebrating our first anniversary.’ He motions between us frantically. ‘It’s kind of a big deal, and the last thing I need is to be staring at your faces.’ His gaze shoots towards the irritated man sitting directly behind me.
‘If you don’t mind…’ He scoots Caitlin’s way, practically shoving her out of the booth and onto the floor, but somehow she saves it. ‘We’re going to finish this at the bar. Where no children are allowed, and it sounds like yours needs you…’ The baby fusses louder, and Derek looks completely clueless as he glances back at Caitlin.
While she’s preoccupied, River starts grabbing things from our table. His drink, his fries, the pie plate, nodding for me to grab my stuff too. If he breaks into a sprint, I’m going to insist on hearing this story.
‘Sorry,’ I apologize. ‘We didn’t realize they’re playing, uh…’ I glance through the transparent wall overlooking the bar area. Every television is filled with some game. ‘SportsCenter,’ I say. ‘Wouldn’t want to miss that.’
‘You’re going to watch SportsCenter during your anniversary celebration?’ Caitlin asks, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead.
‘Of course I am. I’m his soon-to-be wife. We do everything together,’ I say, bumping my hip to his.
River nods, our hands now full of food and drinks. ‘She does all the things – clean, dirty, and then some,’ he brags, leading us away from our original table and into the bar, somewhat walled off from the rest of the place.
‘It was good to see you,’ Caitlin calls after us.
‘Pffttt… It was better not seeing you,’ River says under his breath. ‘I can’t believe we just ran into that woman.’ Once we’ve got our food back in front of us and are seated at the bar, he turns my way. ‘Or that you just did what you did. How did you know…?’
I’m a little surprised at what I did too, honestly. It was one of those follow-your-gut moments, and I went with it.
I hold up my fork, going for more pie. ‘When you lost all color to your face, I figured she was a person you weren’t on the best terms with, and it was quite obvious she was an ex. Running into exes is like hell on earth. I couldn’t let you go down like that.’
He grins shyly. ‘You have no idea how much I appreciate that.’
‘It’s no problem,’ I say casually. ‘I have this rule, no matter what the truth is, if I run into an ex, I’m happier than he is. Basically, I talk until he seems irritated. So, I went with that technique. If she’s happy, you’re happier.’ I glance back through the glass wall to see Caitlin staring our way. ‘Just play the part, sweetheart.’ I link my arm through his, planting a kiss on his cheek.
‘Are you serious?’ he asks, surprise in his voice. ‘You’re just going to help me out? What happened to Conner is the best man ever?’
‘Conner has gone radio silent. That’s actually why I invited you here tonight.’
‘Oh yeah?’
I nod. ‘We can talk about that later, though. For now, dish on Caitlin. What’s the story, morning glory?’
‘Nope,’ he says through a nervous chuckle. ‘I’ve forbidden myself from ever reliving that story. Let’s just say Caitlin and I were in a relationship for a few years in college. Things were…’ He hesitates as though he’s picturing it and it’s not great. ‘So good, progressing the way relationships do. Or so I thought. Unexpectedly a string of lies and misfortunes created the perfect storm, along with the most volatile break-up I’ve ever had. Until tonight, I haven’t seen her since.’
‘Yikes,’ I say, pulling an onion ring off the stack. ‘So, we hate Caite. I’m on board.’
He laughs softly, shoving fries into his mouth possibly to prevent any more talking. For the next few minutes, the two of us focus on our food and drinks.
Finally, I lift my drink. ‘We need to make a toast, considering she’s over there watching us.’
‘Excellent idea.’
‘To your heartbreak and living through seeing her again. Love bites, that much I know.’
River lifts his drink, tapping it to mine. ‘Def Leppard themselves couldn’t have said it better,’ he says, casually glancing around the room, a sadness falling over him when his gaze reaches Caitlin’s table.
This woman broke his heart. It’s all over his face. I hardly know the guy but I already don’t like her just because she hurt this sweetheart of a man. Is this how he feels about Conner? If so, I guess I get it now.
9
RIVER
‘Wanna share an Uber?’ I ask, figuring, why not? Save us both some money.
‘That’s almost as good as the coupon you refused to let me use.’
‘You saved me from catching up with a part of my life I never wanted to rethink. The least I could do is pay for our anti-date. Which, by the way, is something I usually avoid at all costs, voluntarily paying. You must be special,’ I say with a wink.
We’re standing outside the restaurant; she’s in her squirrel-skin coat and looks adorable in the ridiculous thing. Even her purse is quirky. Red lips. I love it.
‘I’m the most special girl ever, don’t you know?’ she asks with a laugh.
‘Has your boyfriend ever called you special?’ I’m just curious.
‘Fiancé,’ she corrects me. ‘And no.’ The words leave her lips softly, almost regretfully.
I frown, shaking my head with disappointment. I want to tell her to dump that tool, but she’s still holding on to him like she’s all in, and I’m not sure why, considering the red flags are waving in the wind like a damn tornado is approaching.
Once our car arrives, we both get into the back seat, strapping on our seat belts.
‘To her place first,’ I say, wanting to ensure she gets home safely.
‘I didn’t expect you to be such a gentleman if I’m honest.’
‘Why not?’ I ask. ‘Am I not when I’m at the bar?’
‘No, you are, to me. But I thought you were being polite, so I didn’t spit in your drink.’
I laugh out loud. ‘You do that?’
She looks guilty as fuck. ‘I mean, I work in a bar wearing a bikini top and grass skirt. I can’t say I haven’t.’
‘If you have, they probably deserved it.’
We go back to silence, but she speaks after sitting through a couple of red lights. ‘Remember when I said I invited you to dinner to talk about something?’
‘Yep.’
‘Well, there is something. You’re a guy near Conner’s age, and I need guy advice. For scientific purposes.’
I side-eye her. ‘You’re a fan of science, eh?’
She shrugs. ‘I had one of those chemistry kits as a kid. And a microscope. Does that count?’
‘As did I. Squished ants under a microscope aren’t pretty.’
She grins. ‘I guess that makes us both amateur scientists. So, question one, how old are you?’ She’s got the notes app opened on her phone as if she’s writing all this down in proper scientific form.
‘Twenty-nine,’ I answer honestly.
She cocks her head. ‘Is that like a forever twenty-nine or a legit I’m almost thirty, shit?’
‘Not sure which of those is worse, but for “science”, I’ll go with the latter.’
‘You’re older than Conner, but I think you’ll still work.’
‘Older also equals wiser. I won’t be doing the stupid shit he is because I’ve already done it.’
‘I do see a slightly more mature River when we’re alone.’
She noticed that, did she? I’m not all jokes and ridiculousness. Not when I vibe with someone romantically. Not that this is what she and I are, but I kind of wonder if we could be.
‘Tit for tat, girl – how old are you?’
‘How old do you think I am?’ she asks with a coy smile.
‘Would you like me to guess your weight next?’ I laugh and then shake my head. ‘No way am I playing that game. I know you’re at least twenty-one because you’re a barkeep.’
She lets out a slightly tipsy laugh. ‘A barkeep?’ she asks. ‘What century do you live in?’
I balk. ‘What is everyone’s problem with the word barkeep? Mercy makes fun of it too. I think it’s a cool as fuck word. It makes you sound like a badass who takes no one’s shit. I mean, why bartender? That puts you at the same status as coat-tender, chicken-tender, tender-ly. I don’t see you like that at all.’
‘How do you see me?’ she asks.
She gets distracted in conversations as easily as I do. ‘Let’s put all loaded questions on the back burner, and you answer my question first. Age, woman?’
‘Twenty-six. A total adult.’
‘Legally.’
She chuckles. ‘You say that as if you fall into the same category.’
‘I do. Twenty-five, possibly even to seventy-five, I’ll likely never be what others consider an “adult”. I tried it once, and no, thank you.’
‘You look like an adult; that’s something.’
‘Oh, physically, I’m completely a man,’ I say, lowering my voice to get my point across. ‘Ev-er-y part of me…’
‘Ahh,’ she says with a wide grin. ‘There it is. You’re a teenager in a man’s body. Are you also the guy who laughs at farts?’
Her eyes are a little glassed over from earlier drinks, and she’s way more easily amused than usual. My ego likes that she thinks I’m funny.
‘I’m the guy who will laugh at the word fart. Fart. Balls. Boners. All funny. Why exclude them from our vocab? They’re hilarious, so I sprinkle them into conversations along with other ridiculousness that I won’t spill right this second because I can’t show you just how weird I am yet. A little at a time; a man must have some secrets.’
‘In total transparency,’ she says, lifting a finger. ‘I laughed my way through sex ed in middle school with a couple of boys, and we got sent to in-school detention for a private class taught by the weirdo football coach/PE teacher, Mr Knix. He fumbled trying to put a condom on a banana, and only managed to get it half rolled on, then couldn’t get it off.’ She realizes what she’s said. ‘The banana,’ she quickly corrects herself. ‘He couldn’t get the condom off the banana.’ She slaps a hand to her forehead playfully, obviously a bit tipsy and cute as fuck.
‘How were your condom skills?’
‘It was like I’d done it in another life. They were all impressed.’
I nod, attempting not to picture that, but the more I’m with the woman, the more I do.
‘We’re like one soul, girl. I got detention for a month when I was thirteen because I sketched out elaborate genital drawings copied from the health book. The principal called my mom to “chat” about my newfound hobby, and she assured them that I’d be grounded. However, my parents were pretty open with us kids about things like that, so those drawings are now framed in my dad’s office. Like medical genitalia maps drawn by a kid who’d never visited a vagina.’
This has her in complete giggles. ‘Would this make you an “expert” in the subject?’ she asks, pulling herself together.
Could this conversation be a slippery slope? Hell yeah. If she didn’t have a fiancé she’s tied to. That said, I’m still answering her question.
‘Are we talking an expert in drawing them or in general? ’Cause the drawings were bad. But face to – ya know – I know what I’m doing.’
The look on her face is part amusement, part shock that I said what I said, and – maybe this is just me hoping – but a little bit of wonder? She laughs, then stops, then laughs again. ‘Is it hot in here?’ She shrugs off her coat.
‘I think it’s the spicy conversation,’ our driver, Jacob, says, glancing at the two of us in the rearview mirror.
We both grimace, knowing a stranger is super into our somewhat ‘spicy’ conversation, but that’s the risk you take hiring a guy you don’t know to drive you around.
‘Maybe we should stick to my science experiment,’ she suggests.
Ya made it awkward, Jacob. Well done, dumbass. While I internally lecture myself on thinking before speaking because I’m sure I didn’t help the conversation stay clean and shiny, she gives me the rundown on all the Conner bullshit that happened last week. This is a Jade I’m not used to. She’s no longer gushing over him. She’s more crushed he’s not speaking in more than emojis. I don’t blame her.
I scrunch my face, genuinely disappointed in the guy. ‘Those aren’t even sexual, and this guy’s your fiancé?’ I balk. ‘If you were my girlfriend, you’d get sugar, spice, and everything nice. Not emojis.’
The two of us stare at one another awkwardly. Fuck, what is wrong with me? First, I talk about being an X-rated child artist, and now I say the words, ‘if you were my girlfriend’? Jesus, River. You’ll be lucky if you ever see this woman again.
Jade raises an eyebrow. ‘Isn’t that an old nursery rhyme for how girls are made? Boys are snakes, snails, and puppy dog tails?’
I blow out a breath. Thank God she’s going to pretend I didn’t say any of it. I nod, confirming she’s right.
‘Yes, and that makes zero fucking sense. I shriek like a girl when snakes are involved.’ I shoot her a playful glare. ‘Tell no one about that, calamity Jade. I like to pretend I’m scared of nothing, and as my friend, you’re required to uphold that lie.’
‘Cross my heart and hope to die.’ She does the movement with the words. ‘I’d never let anyone know long slithering reptiles make you shriek.’
I roll my eyes playfully. ‘Does boys being made of snails not freak you out? Ew – snails are just slugs with homes on their backs. I am not a slug. And don’t even get me started on the puppy dog tails. If someone out there is legit collecting puppy dog tails, it’s highly likely they’ve also got women in freezers in their basement.’
‘You’ve thought this through,’ she says, clearly amused.
‘I’ve got one of those overactive minds. They call it ADD. Overthinking some of these “stories”, I realized nursery rhymes are just a bunch of creepy bullshit that someone thought was genius to teach kids lessons, and they’re scary as fuck. I mean, look at Jack and Jill. Hey kids, wanna hear a story about a sibling pair whose physical labor killed them both in a tumble down a steep hill? It rhymes…’ I sing out the last two words, clearly intoxicated.
Jade giggles loudly, making our driver glance back at us in the rearview mirror again.
‘Our conversation is off the rails, but I like it. You’re fun, River. I do have one question, though.’
‘Shoot.’
‘How has some woman not locked you down yet? You’re so…’ She thinks about her words here, and when she’s thought too long, I take over, worried that whatever leaves her lips won’t be flattering.
‘Pretty sure the words you’re looking for are unconventionally charming,’ I say, leaning into her and bumping my shoulder to hers. ‘Now, do you want to know what I think about Corndog and his emoji attack or what?’
‘Conner,’ she corrects me. ‘I’m not ready to badmouth him.’
I smirk. ‘Well, I am, so prepare yourself.’
We’re headed through the Highway 26 tunnels into the city, and when we emerge, the driver turns up the radio for a Neil Diamond song I’m familiar with, ‘Love on the Rocks’.
‘I’d like to dedicate this song to your relationship. Blast it, Jacob.’ Our driver humors me and turns the song up, revealing that he’s a music fan, too, and has decent speakers.
‘I don’t even know this song!’ Jade yells over the music.
‘You don’t know Neil Diamond? My God, woman. He’s a legend. I’m going to need to introduce you to some stuff.’
‘Aren’t you a little young to be head of the Neil Diamond fan club?’ she asks, totally enjoying this.
I laugh. ‘My dad’s in the fan club, so whenever we got out the karaoke machine – I’m from a musical, sometimes obnoxious family – he’d belt one of Neil’s songs out, and I learned to love him. The guy is like Wayne Newton legendary; they’re Vegas-performance famous.’
‘So is Celine Dion,’ Jade says. ‘Does that mean you’re singing “My Heart Will Go On” next?’
‘Blech, no. But maybe one day I’ll serenade you with Britney Spears, another Vegas God. Who doesn’t love her?’
Jade nods her head. ‘Now, she is a legend of your time.’
‘Until I was eighteen, I fell asleep to her on my ceiling. Seriously, though, this was Neil’s number one song, and I feel like it could be the theme to your current “engagement”.’
