Stuck With You, page 10
‘What did you fee—’
I hold up a hand. ‘Bad things, Dad. Terrible, horrible, really nasty things. I also felt like a freaking loser, so I’m trying to block it out.’
Dad crosses his arms over his chest as he reclines on the bench. ‘You’re not a loser. Caitlin chose the life she did. You probably got lucky.’
‘Maybe,’ I say, not sure luck is a part of that story at all.
‘My lack of sleep was a tad more complicated. I bring life into the world, and currently, those lives are being stubborn as hell. Thanks for asking,’ he says sarcastically, a smirk on his face. His way of changing the subject has always been to talk about work. No guy wants to discuss a woman giving birth beside him.
‘To womankind, you’re kind of like God,’ I joke.
He lifts a shoulder, smirking as if he agrees. ‘Only difference is, I didn’t father the children,’ he laughs.
I scrunch my face at the thought of it. Brand new nightmare material, my dad fathering every baby he delivers. Gross.
‘Is that a wrap?’ Mom asks after they’ve gone through their entire set several times.
‘That’s my line, Mom, and not until I’ve looked at the photos.’
‘Let’s do another shot to celebrate,’ she says, not meaning a photo shot. The four band members gather around their case of Fireball that I will end up with afterward because they’re not exactly the drinkers they once were.
These photos turned out great. I think we even have cover material here. Wow. I may actually finish this documentary on time.
11
JADE
What a night. I lay in bed and thought about everything River and I talked about for a long time last night. Our conversations often seemed to wander into flirtatious zones, but he eventually answered my questions. Now I’m stressing if he’s right about Conner, and I’m just a huge idiot.
Another part of me wonders why he didn’t kiss me that night so long ago. There was a chance we could have been more, but we both missed it. Now I’m curious if it’s still there somewhere. He’s so much fun. I never laugh as much as I do when he’s around. But that feels wrong considering I have a fiancé. Like the time Monica told Chandler a guy at her work was the funniest man she’d ever met and Chandler proceeded to be offended then told every joke he knew. Would Conner be offended that another man makes me laugh? At this point, I doubt it.
This morning, I’m headed to a restaurant in SE Portland called Jam. When Laney and I moved out, my parents created this once-a-month breakfast outing as a family catch-up date. Just the smell of the place reminds me of my mom, and as I drive, I dread walking in to see her missing from our table again.
As usual, nearly every chair is occupied. Jam is always busy, probably because the food is so freaking good. The interior is open, bright, and cheery with mint green walls, a bar counter at one end, tall house plants separating seating areas, giving patrons a bit of privacy, and local artwork covering the walls. The ceilings are high, and all the HVAC, piping, and ceiling joists are visible. I wonder what this place used to be.
‘Jade!’ my sister hollers without shame, waving a hand my way.
They’re sitting near the windows, with cups of steaming coffee in front of them as they scan the menus in their hands. I sit at the chair beside Dad, where a full cup of joe and a menu awaits me.
‘I’m so glad you guys can read my mind,’ I say, pouring sugar and vanilla-flavored creamer into the hot black liquid before me. As I stir, I glance through the menu. Seconds after the first sip of bean juice, our waitress arrives, taking our orders.
‘Are we all caffeinated enough to feel alive yet?’ Dad asks after the server leaves.
‘Nearly there,’ I say, coffee cup practically to my lips again. ‘You two started before me, so feel free to chat amongst yourselves.’
He chuckles, turning his attention to my sister sitting across from him. ‘What have you been up to, Laney?’
‘You mean, besides her telling you all my business…’ I ask with a snap, halting my coffee drinking to stab at her with a little sisterly irritation.
Laney rolls her eyes, ignoring me altogether. ‘Let’s see…’ she says, setting her cup on the table. ‘Work, work, work, bought a pink taser – remind me to show you – more work, overtime, got my hair done.’ The required hair flip after announcing she had it done cracks me up. We all do it. ‘I also had my eyebrows reshaped. The left one finally grew back after the last place made it look like I’d lost it in a barbecue accident. What do you think?’ she asks, her eyes on me.
‘Can’t even tell anymore,’ I say, sincerely impressed. Her eyebrow took months to grow back. I was starting to worry it never would. I’m actually relieved for her. ‘They look good.’
‘Wait. Back up. You bought a taser?’ Dad asks worriedly. ‘If you’re having an issue with a guy, say the word, and I’ll take care of him.’
‘I’m not fourteen. My daddy can’t handle my problems anymore. That would be weird,’ Laney insists. ‘Besides, Jade carries around a bottle of mace that I know for a fact she’s used at least once. Why aren’t you worried about her?’
He laughs, but it’s not humorous. ‘Because if I ever get a call that one of you needs to be bailed out of jail, I’m almost certain it won’t be Jade.’
I smirk her way, enjoying being the favorite child for a moment. Or at least the one he knows is mostly well-behaved. Luckily, there’s no time for her to argue as our waitress approaches our table.
Oh my Lord, the sweet smell of pancakes and fruit fills my head. I didn’t realize how starving I was until my plate was placed in front of me. I got my fave: fancy maddie cakes – aka three lemon ricotta pancakes topped with house-made blueberry compote and lemon curd. It’s like a dessert for breakfast. So good.
After we’ve silenced our hunger by allowing our food to distract us from words, we all start to liven up.
‘Do you also need a taser?’ Dad asks, studying me as he works on his Bennie Hashbrowns – fancy hashbrowns topped with bacon, ham, spinach, two poached eggs, and hollandaise sauce. It’s complemented with buttered sourdough toast that Dad slathers a spoonful of my blueberry compote across.
‘Not yet. But I’m a good girl,’ I tease Laney.
‘You’re boring,’ she retaliates.
‘I am not boring.’
Dad laughs under his breath like he always does when we girls fight. He has one brother, and no sisters, so the sister vibe took him a long time to get.
‘Jade has an attack parrot that barks at dogs; she’s far from boring,’ he says, coming to my rescue. ‘How was your non-date?’
Laney practically drops her fork from her mouth. ‘You had a date?’
Right. I never told her. Oops.
I shake my head to correct her. ‘I had an anti-date. With a friend. It was nothing.’
‘What friend?’
‘Just a guy from the bar whom I’ve befriended over the months. He’s harmless and sweet, so I figured he could advise me on Conner since he’s about my age.’
‘And the verdict is?’ she asks, as though she can’t believe I went to someone besides her for advice.
‘He thinks I could do better.’
Dad nods his head as if he agrees while he eats. ‘I like him already. Does he think the better is him?’
‘Um…’
Laney’s eyes are burning through me as I consider my answer. Things did get a little flirty in the Uber last night, and I did pretend to be his fiancée. Are those hints that he likes me? Nah. I think he’s just being nice. But maybe he does? We did have that ‘moment’ in the street a few months ago where I thought he would kiss me, and I’ll be honest, I’d have kissed him back. But that moment fled, and now I’m engaged.
‘I’m going to plead Magic 8 Ball and go with, ask again later.’
‘I will ask continually until you spill everything,’ she says. ‘You know this. Now when do I get to meet him?’
I freeze, my fork midway to my mouth. Inviting him out with me and Laney was probably a terrible idea. She’s obnoxious at times. But I asked, and he said yes, so we’re in it now.
‘Next week? I sort of invited him to the movie with us to pay him back for last night.’
‘Pay him back for what?’
‘The advice. And pie, drinks, appetizers, and the Uber ride home.’ I shove the halted bite into my mouth so I can’t keep talking. Why is talking about River making me uncomfortable? I don’t want to tell them about our conversations.
Dad clears his throat before sipping his coffee and changes the subject. ‘Any new emojis?’
‘Just a couple of question marks on some I sent, which I will not reveal because they may have suggested something dirty.’
That’s right, Conner didn’t understand River’s emojis, or at least he pretended he didn’t. This whole thing is stupid. Like a fight you’d have with a boy in middle school. I grab my phone from my purse to glance at what I sent back to his confusion.
‘What are the most recent you’ve sent?’ Laney asks. If she could take my phone and do this for me, she’d love it. But since I won’t allow that, I have to explain or she really will continue to pry for information until she has it.
‘Praying hands, a phone, a swearing face, wind, and a black hole.’
‘Which means?’ Laney asks.
‘Uh, praying you call so I can swear at you, ya blowhole.’
A laugh bursts from Dad, filling the whole room and turning some heads. ‘That’s a good one, though if he didn’t understand the dirty stuff, he’ll never get that message decoded. What was his response?’
‘Stop sign, hospital.’
‘Let me see that thing,’ Laney says, snatching the phone from my hand and tapping the screen frantically.
‘Laney, no.’ I reach for my phone but she pulls it away from me.
‘Trust me…’ she insists, but I do not trust her in this scenario. When she’s done, she hands the phone to our father, who pulls his reading glasses from the neckline of his shirt to see better.
‘Sword, heart, man, coffin, and she signed off with my name. Perfect,’ he says sarcastically. ‘I’ve just threatened to kill a guy without saying the words. I’m sure that won’t come back and bite me in the ass.’ He’s amused, though. His tone says he’s proud, and his nod confirms it.
‘Laney!’
‘What?’ she asks as if innocent. ‘He didn’t respond to the thing I shan’t say aloud because our dad is in the room, so maybe he’ll respond to a death threat from him.’
Shockingly, my phone rings almost immediately. Both Dad and Laney glance at the screen where Conner’s contact flashes. I throw up a finger, toss my napkin onto the table. Grab my phone from where Dad set it on the table, and bolt out of the restaurant to the parking lot.
‘Hello?’ I answer as if I don’t know who it is.
‘What the hell?’
‘My God, Conner. You’re alive! I thought maybe you’d been kidnapped and were trying to get help via emojis. But you’re fine?’ Yes, I’m putting on a bit of a show. My tone is angry and a little mixed with shock that Laney was finally the one to smoke him out of silence.
‘You thought I’d been kidnapped? We talk every day.’
‘No, we emoji every day. Talking consists of words, either written or spoken.’
‘Jay,’ he says, clearly already tired of this conversation. Or maybe just tired of me. ‘I promise, I’m just busy with school. Residency is no picnic. I don’t have time to flirt via text or have long, drawn-out, giggly conversations anymore.’
‘Then say that, Condor. I’ve been worried.’
He groans a forced laugh when I use his nickname. ‘You don’t need to worry about me. I’m completely fine, just back to my real life, and that has me stressed, a little traumatized, and I don’t want to lay it all on you.’
Back to his real life? Holy freaking spaceballs. River might be right. He wasn’t serious about anything while he was here. I was literally something for him to ‘do’ while on summer break. Now that he’s back to his real life, he’s no longer got time to woo me, his fiancée. Fuck. Now I’m mad.
‘How about laying anything on me? Tell me about your day, or ask about mine. Anything, Conner. Whatever happened to the sweet good morning and goodnight texts you used to send? You swooned me with that, and now that we’re engaged, all those sweet things just stopped. Then we had the whole Masterblake incident. What am I supposed to think of your “real” life?’
‘First of all…’ His tone says we’re fighting. Our first, besides the day he left, which had me so disheveled I didn’t know how to respond. It was like he was a different person to the one I’d gotten to know. Does that guy even exist, or was it all an act? I clutch my chest suddenly because something hurts.
‘Blake isn’t exactly Satan on my shoulder,’ he says, defending his asswipe friend. ‘He’s more of a free-spirited, try anything once, live in the moment kind of guy, and he certainly doesn’t watch his words. He says what he wants, but he’s not influencing me. Truthfully, it’s nice to be around that kind of honesty. It makes my days go by fast.’
‘He’s a mean truth-teller, though, Conner. He insulted me when we “met”, and you said nothing. In fact, you just stood up for him, and I’m the girl you supposedly want to marry.’
He sighs heavily into the phone. ‘I had a few drinks in me, Jay. I’m sorry. I apologize for both Blake’s and my behavior that night.’
He’s apologizing for them both? Right now, I really wish I wasn’t the kind of girl to forgive people easily. But I am. I am because I’ve lost so many important people, and I’d never want to live with hate towards anyone and then have them die.
‘Fine. I accept an apology from you, but Masterblake can kiss off.’
‘Fair enough,’ he says, sounding relieved. ‘I’m walking to the cafeteria for my first meal in ten hours. Tell me things. How are you?’
He wants to talk. Now? While my dad and sister stare out the window, discussing and probably making up words that each of us is saying because that’s one of their favorite games – muting the TV and making up their script. They’re shockingly good at it.
‘Conner, I’m fine. Life is exactly as it was before you left. However, currently, I’m at my monthly family breakfast, and I feel like I can’t leave them to catch you up because it’s already weird not having my mom here. I can’t bail too.’
‘Oh,’ he says. ‘I guess I’ve been so busy I haven’t considered that you have your own life there. I get it. I’ll try to get better at calling when I’ve got a minute. Alright?’
He’ll what? I feel like I need to ask him to repeat himself, but I’m also sure I’ve heard what I’ve heard. I just don’t believe it.
‘Oh-kay?’
Perfect response, Jade. He’ll never know you’re questioning everything about your life right now.
‘I promise, Jay. I love you.’
I practically drop the phone. ‘I. Love. You. Too.’ I say each word slowly with a hard stop and shut up just before the rise of a question mark alerts him to the fact that my emotions are everywhere.
‘Talk later,’ he says gently, hanging up first and leaving me speechless with the phone to my ear long after he’s gone.
The sound of a fist pounding on glass wakes me up, and when I turn towards the window, Laney is sitting at the table with her hands in the air.
Right. Breakfast with my family. I feel like one of those frozen computer screens you swear at before doing the one thing you probably shouldn’t do: intentionally forcing it off and rebooting it. Did Conner and I just have a hard reset?
12
JADE
I’m relieved to be at work tonight. You can’t spend too much time thinking about one topic because the place is always buzzing with people and conversation. That doesn’t mean Kai isn’t interested in knowing exactly what is happening in my personal life. ‘Did you two talk yet?’ were the first words out of her mouth when we finally got a chance to breathe. I tell her all about the phone call at breakfast, including how pissed it made me, and I’m not a girl who gets mad easily. Someone’s got to really push my buttons to activate pissed-off Jade.
‘He apologized?’ Kai asks, somewhat stunned. ‘Was it for the weeks of being a douche or just the one night you complained about?’
I hadn’t even thought of that. I guess it sort of sounded like it was just for that one night.
‘I was stunned he’d called at all, especially with the threat of my father murdering him, so I’m not really sure. But he promised to call more.’
‘You were stunned by his fear of death? Are you kidding? Your father is scary as hell. I for sure wouldn’t want to be on his bad side. He’s in a biker gang,’ she reminds me.
‘He’s in the same gang Thomas is in. Are you scared of him?’
‘I’m scared he’ll fall and break a hip,’ she laughs. ‘Thomas doesn’t count; he’s elderly and adorable. Anyway, we’re off-topic. Did Conner follow through and call you this morning?’ she asks, her tone demanding an answer. She’s pulling her long hair over one shoulder and readjusting our required flower behind one ear.
‘No,’ I say sheepishly.
‘Text?’ she asks, turning to me instead of staring at herself in the small mirror we use to ensure we look good throughout the night without leaving the bar unless it’s for our scheduled breaks.
He did text. But it wasn’t impressive, and if I say it out loud, Kai will undoubtedly lose her shit. She’s a little like Laney in that way. I’m the most ‘timid’ of our friend group, even though I’m not really, so she and my sister like to try to ‘take care of things’ for me. Like I can’t handle it myself.
I shake my head. Lying is easier right now.
‘Lolo kanapapiki!’ she spurts with hate.
