The Boys Down South, page 24
The only one who mattered, the only one who would possibly be angry was Bray. Brent too, but not the way Bray would be. I’d ran from the disaster I created in their eyes. Neither knew that losing Bray, hurting Brent, would send me back to the darkness. Bray’s presence in my life had held it back. When I had been with him, there was a calm.
The music changed and the whispering around the guests stopped. Eyes shifted toward the house and the door opened. Out walked Asher Sutton. He was tall, beautiful, and the smile on his face was genuine. He wasn’t nervous. There were no second thoughts for him. No doubts. He knew his life was with Dixie. I envied them both that.
Asher was a good guy. Noble, steadfast, sturdy. You never doubted him. He was selfless. He was dependable. He was better looking than any one man should be. Dixie had chosen well. I was glad to know she would always be taken care of and loved so completely.
I held my breath as the next brother stepped through the door. I didn’t know who was next, but I thought there was a good chance it was Bray. It wasn’t though. It was Steel. That surprised me. I hadn’t imagined he’d be the brother standing next to Asher today. After all they had been through with Dixie, I figured one of the twins would be in that spot. Steel looked at peace. He didn’t look broken or pained.
The next brother to step out was Brent. I knew them apart, even from a distance. Their expressions, eyes, and stance were nothing alike. The friendly, happy gleam in Brent’s eyes was his alone. He didn’t see the world the way his twin did. It was as if he had been given all the joy and because of that, he could never understand me.
My nails bit into my palms as they fisted at my sides, anxiety making my heart pound in my chest. Bray would be next. I knew it. My entire body knew it and I was having a hard time inhaling. It had been so long since I’d seen him. As much as I wanted to, I was also so scared that a panic attack was right there about to grab me and this was not the place for it to happen.
I forced oxygen into my lungs and willed myself to calm down just as Bray followed Brent outside to join the others. I didn’t watch for Dallas to exit next. My eyes were locked on Bray. He walked down the stairs and stood beside Brent in front of the house. His eyes weren’t like the others. No smiling, no happiness, nothing.
His life had been nothing like mine. There was no reason for the dark gleam in his eyes. The anger always under his surface. But it was there. He didn’t hide it. To say I loved Bray Sutton seemed too weak a description. Because my tie to him, need for him, was so great it had controlled me. Owned me. He had become my medicine. Better than any tiny pill the doctors gave me in their attempt to fix me. I was damaged. Bray made me feel as if I weren’t.
But I wasn’t the girl who had left this town eight months ago. I was different now. Life was hard and it kicked you when you were down. Over and over. It didn’t care if you needed a break. It didn’t care if you needed a moment to regroup. It attacked when it wanted and let up if it felt like it.
I could see all five brothers standing there, but my focus was on just one. I watched his every move. I studied his expression. Soaked it in. Wished I could touch his face and say something silly to make him smile like I once had. Because making Bray Sutton smile was amazing. He didn’t do it often, but when he did, it was the most incredible thing I’d ever seen. Knowing it had been me to bring it to his lips was just another addicting attachment I had to him. When the memories began pulling me back, taking me under to that place I didn’t want to be, Bray’s smile stopped it instantly.
Asher stepped forward and they all fell in behind him. Each of them stopping on the front row to kiss their mother’s cheek as she smiled with tears shining in her eyes. She leaned close to Bray and said something in his ear. It wasn’t much, but I was curious as to what it was. She hadn’t spoken to the others.
My eyes stayed on Bray as he then followed Brent and took his place in front. It took me a moment to realize he was scanning the crowd with his eyes until only moments before they found me. Then they stopped. Held me. Darkened. His body tensed. His jaw clenched. He was angry.
My heart sped up and I fought the urge to flee. I was trembling, but I didn’t look away. I pleaded with him to understand. Or at least my eyes did. I felt them water, and I blinked the tears away. I wasn’t going to cry. I had to be strong.
Meg, a cousin of Dixie’s, then walked down the aisle and I briefly glanced at her as she passed. A brunette I didn’t recognize then passed by. These were Dixie’s bridesmaids. It made my throat clog up to think my best friend had girls standing up there beside her that I didn’t even know. She had a world now that I wasn’t a part of. It was my fault. One last bridesmaid walked by. Yet another unknown face. Bray’s eyes kept me suspended though. I was unable to think about much more. Regret was coming at me from all angles.
The bridal march began and everyone stood up. I did so slowly, unable to break eye contact with Bray. I knew Dixie was walking down the aisle. I heard gasps and whispers about how gorgeous she was. I tore my eyes from Bray and turned to watch my best friend. The pure joy beaming on her face as her eyes were on the front. On Asher. Seeing it made my heart squeeze. Bray’s angry gaze didn’t matter right now. Not in this moment. I was here. Seeing this.
Dixie’s dad was teary-eyed as he walked beside her. He was smiling too, but it was clear he had been crying before they walked out here. Dixie was his only child. His baby girl. Tears welled up in my eyes as I saw her father’s emotion. It was beautiful. Everything it should be. Everything I knew I’d never know.
They stopped in front and Asher’s expression was breathtaking. A tear slipped down my cheek and I reached up and quickly swiped it away. Another tear followed. I wasn’t up there like I should have been.
My eyes went back to Bray of their own will and his were still glaring at me. He didn’t want me here. It hurt but then pain was a part of life for me. I lifted my chin and glared back at him. I was here and I didn’t care if he didn’t want me here. Bray Sutton could try and scare me. I wasn’t weak anymore. I would stand my ground.
As the crowd sat and the preacher began to speak, I continued glaring at Bray, my shoulders back and my head held high. I would crawl inside myself and shatter when I was alone. But not here. I would stand my ground.
Then the bastard smirked.
8
bray
She came.
Why had I expected her not to? This was Scarlet. She was strong-willed, stubborn, passionate, and she had a temper. All of which were flaming brightly in her eyes as she threatened me with a glare. I’d been shocked when I saw her. The red hair had been hers this time. I wanted to smile like a damn idiot because she was here. Only a few feet away from me.
She swung her gaze back to Dixie and Asher. But I didn’t. It had been eight long months since I’d seen her face and I wasn’t taking my eyes off her. Not even to see if Brent noticed her in the crowd. I didn’t give a fuck. His girlfriend was standing beside Dixie. Sadie and Dixie had become good friends. Brent’s attention would be on the bridesmaids. Or that particular bridesmaid at least. He wouldn’t be looking out at the guests. I doubted he’d realize Scarlet was here until after the wedding.
Red hair must not grab his attention, slam into his chest and cause a riot with his damn pulse. Which means although he had claimed to love her when I couldn’t do that, I was the one who had the stronger attachment. Fuck. It was an obsession. Might as well call it what it was. No reason to sugarcoat things.
Scarlet was biting her bottom lip nervously. Her mean scowl gone. When she noticed that she had relaxed, her shoulders once again straightened. She was mentally coaching herself through this and it was fucking hilarious. Did she think she was going to leave here without talking to me? Seeing me? She knew me better than that. I wanted answers. I wanted what I had deserved when she fled this place without a word.
Fuck all that, I just wanted her to come home. Brent was with Sadie now. He didn’t look at me with that hurt expression anymore. He didn’t even talk about Scarlet. No mention. Nothing.
“Shit,” I heard Steel mutter under his breath, and his head turned to look at me and Brent. I could see him out of the corner of my eye, but I didn’t break from Scarlet. I was afraid she might vanish if I did.
“What?” Brent whispered.
He didn’t respond.
Dixie and Asher said their vows. I knew when they kissed because the place erupted in cheers. But I missed it all because of Scarlet. Brent was laughing and clapping beside me, obviously watching the kiss. Scarlet was stealing glances at me then quickly looking back at the now married couple.
Her eyes never went to Brent. Only me.
“Jesus, let her breathe,” Brent said teasingly to Asher.
I felt Dallas step up behind me. “Don’t make her regret this,” he said quietly. At least someone other than me had noticed her. “She was hard to convince to come.”
That last comment got my attention. I jerked my gaze off her to look at my youngest brother. “What does that mean?”
He shrugged. “Took a lot of convincing and guilt to get her to this wedding for Dixie’s sake. Don’t make my wedding gift a nightmare.”
“You got her here?” I asked furious. I’d never wanted to hurt my youngest brother until this moment. I didn’t like the idea of him talking to her. He had warned me that he knew where she was. I hadn’t realized they were chatting. Fucking communicating. She’d left me. Sent me into a dark place and instead of contacting me, she contacted the fucking kid.
I moved then.
“We aren’t supposed to go yet. We wait until—”
I kept walking, ignoring Dallas’s instructions. I knew the damn drill. They were walking out, greeting people as they left, and then we were to follow them out. Steel was getting Momma and escorting her down the aisle. I wasn’t needed. They wouldn’t even realize I’d gone. With the guests all standing and their attention on Asher and Dixie, I escaped out the back of the white wedding tent and circled around away from the people to get to Scarlet’s side.
Just as I rounded the corner, I saw her redhead dashing away from the crowd. She was escaping. Like hell. Not until she talked to me. Answered my goddamn questions. I broke into a run and although the noise from the wedding was loud from all the talking, she must have heard my footsteps because she too began running. Back to the Monroe’s barn. Away from all the activity. Good. Perfect. I wanted her alone. Keep running, baby.
She almost stumbled in the heels she was wearing. The green dress was short and the back kept fluttering with the breeze as her legs did their best to get away from me. I got two glimpses at the white lace panties she was wearing and my anger was turning into something else.
When she reached the barn opening and didn’t slow down, but continued to flee, I picked up my pace and grabbed her waist then, tossing her over my left shoulder, I took the five swift strides it took to the barn.
I didn’t set her down until I’d closed the door behind us.
Bright, furious eyes glared up at me. “What are you doing? Are you crazy? YES! Why am I asking that? You’re completely insane!”
I waited until she was done yelling and hitting me in the chest.
“This is Dixie’s wedding day! I am here to see her. Not cause a scene. That’s what I was afraid of. Why I didn’t think I should come. I don’t want to ruin her day!” She was yelling all of this and now her finger was pointed at my chest and her eyes were glistening with unshed tears.
No one had noticed us. Their attention had been elsewhere. Only Dallas knew what had happened. I let her continue to fuss though. Simply because I was trying not to throw her on the nearest hay bale and fuck her until we were both sated.
“Do you ever think of anyone other than yourself? Ever? This day is important, Bray! It is your brother’s wedding day! You should be up front with your family. They will notice you are gone! Brent will come looking and this will be a disaster. I can’t even see Dixie now. I will have to leave!” She said the last bit with a sob and covered her mouth. A tear finally breaking free and rolling down her face.
“You,” I replied.
She frowned through her tears. “What?” she asked.
“You. I think of you.” She’d ask if I ever thought of someone else and that was the truth.
She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Don’t. We… that’s done. It has to be. Just don’t.”
“Nothing has to be.”
She sighed and wiped at her face. “Yes, it does. Us, it hurts people. We can’t hurt people. It’s not fair. What we… what I did. It was wrong. We were wrong. Now all we have is regret.”
I’d rather her slap me and call me a motherfucker than that. Anything but that. Hell, she could have taken a damn hoe off the wall and whacked me across the chest and it would have hurt less. We hadn’t been wrong. Not to me. She’d been the only thing that had ever felt right in my life. I’d thought it was something she felt too.
This changed things. I’d be damned if I fought for someone who didn’t want me.
9
scarlet
He walked out.
No more words. Nothing. He just left me standing there in the barn. I didn’t move to follow him. I didn’t call out his name to stop him. I wanted to do both, but I stood there. Hating myself for what I’d said and the look in his eyes when I had said it. They were lies. Lies we both needed to believe. Lies that had to end the disaster we had created.
Bray was the black sheep. The bad boy in the Sutton clan. Everyone in town talked about him. Expected him to mess up. But I was just like him. He’d wanted something bad enough, he took it no matter who it hurt. I had done the same. Our need for each other had consumed us and we’d not cared what the future held. We had lived in the moment.
Those moments were gone now. This was the future, and if I had known then what I knew now…
I’d have still done it. Because like all decisions, it was my past that drove me.
Hanging my head, I let the emotion consume me a moment. The pain slicing through me and the ache that was always there now pumping heavy in my veins. I was strong. The weak Scarlet was gone. She hadn’t won. I would make it through this. I would get it together and walk out there. Find Dixie. Tell her congratulations, she was beautiful, it was perfect and I loved her. Then I would leave.
Tonight, when I was alone in my trailer, I would crumble. Get it out. Inside my trailer, there was no pretending. I could be honest. Real. I would let it all out. Then I would move forward. But right now, I had to pretend. Suck it up and deal.
One more long exhale and I wiped the tears from my face. I held my shoulders back, lifted my chin high and faced the door that Bray had left open in his exit. Time to do this. I had come for Dixie.
The sun was warm on my skin, but the warmth did nothing for the empty coldness inside. There in that barn, for a moment, I had wanted to run into Bray’s arms. Tell him I loved him. Beg him to forgive me for leaving. But that was the old Scarlet. The one who didn’t care about those she was hurting. Who thought she had to be in Bray’s arms to survive. I was different now. I saw what destruction could be caused if I didn’t face my own demons. I wasn’t doing that again.
The wedding guests were moving from Dixie’s front yard down to the Sutton’s where the reception would be held. They’d drink, dance, and eat with laughter filling the air. Smiles all around. Happiness, joy and all the emotions I had always wanted. I’d longed for them. And only found them with Bray. It was ironic and unfair that a guy that would never love me brought me the only happiness I’d experienced.
The time spent in Bray’s arms had been my moments. The ones I would never forget.
I turned to look up at the tent where the ceremony had been held and saw the wedding party getting photos taken. Bray and Brent would both be there. But so was Dixie. The worst of this was over. I’d seen Bray. Spoken to him. It had shattered what little strength I had, but I would muster up all I could to speak to my best friend. And hope she forgave me.
The walk back up the hill toward the yard gave me time to get myself back together. Find my poise. Prepare to face this. I didn’t know how Brent would react. I trusted Bray to remain silent and ignore me. I had said what needed to be said and he’d walked away. No words needed. He was finished. I had ended it for him.
I swallowed several times past the lump in my throat. I had to forget the look on his face as I had lied to him. In order to speak, I had to push that away. The lump was massive and I didn’t expect it to leave anytime soon.
As I reached the tent, the bride was smiling up at the groom while the photographer took photos. The Sutton boys were all talking and laughing. All except Bray. He was missing. Dallas was grinning from ear to ear at Brent when his gaze shifted to me. His smile changed. He was studying me. Trying to decide what had happened between me and Bray. I’m sure he was wondering if he had made a mistake urging me to come.
“Scarlet!” Dixie’s voice snapped my attention back to her and she was standing there one moment then picking up her dress and running toward me the next. Tears were back. This time they were bittersweet. I didn’t want her running in that dress, so I made my way toward her just as quickly. Her face was filled with joy and I felt even more guilty for not being up there beside her. Not being by her side while she planned the wedding.
The moment we were close enough, she wrapped her arms around me. “You’re here!” she said joyfully. I blinked and the tears escaped.
“It’s my best friend’s wedding day,” I reminded her.
She squeezed me tighter as I hugged her back. “I haven’t heard from you. I didn’t know. But you came. Thank you.” She sounded as if she were getting close to tears now too. She didn’t need to mess up her makeup. She had more pictures to take.
