Yours Cruelly (Paper Cuts #2), page 24
There’s nothing sexy about being insecure, and Alec has done nothing but demonstrate how crazy he is about me in the time he’s been back.
So I say, “Fine. Go. But bring me back some olives. Pimento please. And a brownie sundae. Thank you.”
He grins. “Deal.”
“Shouldn’t you start getting ready?” I ask after he doesn’t budge.
“I’m not going tonight,” he chuffs. “I just mean, sometime.”
Great—I was hoping to get all my worrying over and done in one night, now we get to stretch it out until whenever their schedules align.
Alec pulls me closer, his breath warm on the top of my head.
“I love you,” he tells me, as if I’ve forgotten since he last reminded me an hour ago.
“I love you too,” I tell him. “Don’t make me regret it though.”
“Regret what? Loving me?”
“Yeah.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it.”
32
Alec
Rossi’s Diner used to be the big hangout after hockey practice. It’s loud, smells like bacon grease, and it isn’t romantic in the least. It’s a good place to meet. A safe place.
At least, I thought it was, until Carlina walked in.
She’s wearing a barely-there red dress that hugs her curves and shows too much skin, her hair piled up loose on her head. Her lips are red, her eyes smoky. I remember those lips, wrapped around my cock, that night. She never was sedate or mild-mannered, as that unassuming nurse’s uniform would suggest. Now, she looks every bit like the woman I knew her to be—a regular femme fatale.
She ignores every male eye on her as she scans the place, looking for me. I have the momentary urge to sink down in the booth and slink out the back door, but then she locks eyes with me and smiles.
Shit.
She can cause a five-alarm blaze with the friction of those hips, swinging the way they are. She’s wearing high heels and has a sexy little pout on her face, ensuring she makes her way into the fantasies of every man in the room.
Not me. I refuse.
Stassi’s my Kryptonite, not Carlina.
I made a point to dress down tonight, faded jeans and an old t-shirt, not wanting her to assume this was anything remotely like a date. She runs a disapproving eye over me as I slip out of the booth to give her a hug, but she says nothing, squeezing me so tight her perfume rubs off on me.
Stassi’s going to love that …
She throws her clutch down on the table and slips in. “Interesting choice for a dinner date.”
Date. There it is. I sip my water. “I didn’t think this was a date, Car. We’re just catching up.”
Her face clouds over. But then she leans in and reaches for my hand. “Oh, I guess I just assumed … are you seeing someone?”
I nod.
“And who is the lucky lady? Do I know her?” she asks.
“Stassi Hutton.”
“Stassi?” Her eyes narrow, and for the tiniest moment I get the feeling she isn’t quite as fine with it as she says. “The nerdy blonde from our high school?”
“She’s not really nerdy anymore,” I say. “She’s actually gorgeous. And she’s pregnant with our first child.”
I make a point of saying first because I’m bound and determined to have more with her.
Carlina’s still holds my hand. “Wow. I just thought someone like you … I guess I just don’t see you with someone like her. You’re so out there, your personality so big. And she’s … not. But you used to be friends with Aidan and Cooper, right? Still, it doesn’t make sense.”
I shrug. “What in this world does?”
“Honestly?” She leans in, and once again I can see those breasts of hers obnoxiously on display. “You and I were the envy of the school. We made sense. I always thought we would’ve ended up together.”
She lets out a little sigh and straightens.
“But whatever floats your boat.” A wicked smile curls her lips as her leg brushes mine under the table. “Just so you know … I’m good at keeping secrets.”
I move my leg away. This was a mistake.
Still, I try to keep my tone light, charming. “I bet you are. We all were, weren’t we?”
Her eyes widen. “Wait. Are you talking about … Jonathan Cole?”
I nod.
“Whatever. If you didn’t buy the alcohol for that party, someone else would have.”
“Maybe. But he drank a lot that night,” I say. “Too much.”
My mind goes back to that night, right before Thanksgiving. The haze of smoke in the abandoned house in the country we always used to party at. The beer and alcohol bottles all around. Most of us—the graduates—back in town for the holiday weekend. Cooper, Aidan, and I were hoping for a chill night. Music. Drinks. Reminiscing about our old glory days. This party, however, was bigger than usual. Even Stassi was there—with Jonathan.
She didn’t stay long that night though. She didn’t like those kinds of parties, and she had studying to catch up on. So after midnight, she jumped up off Jonathan’s lap, gave him a kiss, and hitched a ride home with someone’s DD.
Jonathan stayed though.
And the second she left, I could tell by the look in his eyes that he’d already forgotten about Stassi. I knew that look. I’d seen it a hundred times before. He zeroed in on things, and whatever he wanted, he usually got. That night, he was zeroed in on Hannah Honeycutt—some hot little freshman all the guys couldn’t shut up about.
I did my best to distract him, challenging him to do shots (I filled mine with water when he wasn’t looking), and always making sure he had a fresh beer in his hand. Jonathan, always the good time guy, went along with it. And the drunker he got, the more he drank. It wasn’t long before he was incapacitated, passed out on a sunken in sofa in the corner of the dusty living room.
I stepped outside to take a leak, thinking about heading home since my mission was over.
When I headed back inside, Aidan stopped me to ask if I’d get him home that night and we got to talking about something else. By the time I returned to the living room, though, Jonathan was gone.
Hannah Honeycutt, however, was sucking face with some guy I’d never seen before.
I let it go because at least I didn’t have to watch him cheat on Stassi this time, and then I waited until I was good enough to drive home before rounding up as many passengers as I could fit in my BMW and heading out.
When I woke up the next morning and heard the news … that was when the full force of what I’d done hit me.
“You can’t blame yourself,” Carlina says, placing her hand on mine.
But I do.
I bought and supplied the alcohol that night.
I made sure Jonathan was liquored up so bad he couldn’t walk straight.
I just didn’t know he was going to wander outside, stumble into a pond and die.
“Stassi was dating Jonathan when he died, right?” she asks.
I nod.
“Poor thing. Oh, I get it.” She links her fingers together in front of her. “She doesn’t know?”
“Nope.”
I throw up my hands. “That’s, uh, kind of why I wanted to talk to you tonight. I want to come clean to Stassi. Can you vouch for me?”
She frowns. “What?”
“Vouch for me. You knew what kind of person Jonathan was, how much he cheated on her. You know I never would’ve given him all that alcohol if I knew what he was going to do.”
“Yes,” she says slowly. “But … why do you need someone to vouch for you? I don’t understand?”
I draw in a breath, let it out slowly. “It’s not just the Jonathan thing. I haven’t been very good to her, period. And I don’t think she trusts me. We’ve been through a lot, and I worry this might be the one thing …”
“What do you want me to do? Sign an affidavit—Alec Mansfield is an okay guy? Give you a letter of recommendation? Put my stamp of approval on your forehead—Grade A?”
I just stare. I don’t know what I wanted. Just someone to tell Stassi, when she finds out the truth, that I’m not that terrible person who wanted to hurt her. Now that Carlina puts it that way, though, it sounds like a stupid idea.
She shakes her head. “I don’t know, Alec. I’ll think about it. But I live in the present. I don’t like to wallow in the past, and I don’t think you or that girl of yours should, either. A word of advice. You guys are together? Live for now. Enjoy each other. Don’t worry about ghosts. They can’t hurt you.”
She’s about to get up when I look up and see a familiar face. It’s Cooper’s fiancée, with Cooper, trailing behind.
He catches sight of me and waves, then sees Carlina. “Hey, hey. The gang’s all here. Reunion, huh?”
Carlina gives him her famous, flirty smile. “Look at you.”
“Long time no see.” He’s learned a thing or two about being in a relationship, because he doesn’t look, especially with his fiancée right beside him. “What are you doing with this old shithead?”
Carlina giggles in that sexy way that made my high school self salivate. She squeezes my arm and presses herself into me.
“Oh, you know,” she says, “reminiscing about the good old days.”
Cooper nudges me and speaks into my ear. “Hell man, you nailing Carlina again? I always said you were the luckiest son of a bitch.”
“Nah. We were just leaving actually.”
He chuckles and winks at me, mistaking my sentiment for something else entirely.
“I bet you were,” he says.
“No, really,” I say but it’s too late. He’s turned his attention to his fiancée and the menu.
I wave him off, heading for the exit, behind Carlina, who is again capturing every male eye in the place.
When I get to the door, Cooper calls, “Stassi said you’re coming this weekend?”
I’m knocked so off-balance that it takes me a second to remember what this weekend is.
Sunday supper … the big announcement.
Fuck.
How is that going to look to her brothers when I’ve just been seen hanging out with my ex-girlfriend?
33
Stassi
I pop a pimento olive into my mouth and smile.
Okay, so Alec forgot to bring me my goodies after his “catch up” with Carlina last night. But I can’t bring myself to care. One, because when he realized he’d forgotten, he went out special, this morning, to the store, and I found them waiting in the fridge when I woke up.
And two, last night, he came home only an hour after his shift ended. Apparently, they didn’t have that much to catch up on.
So now, I’m eating my pimento olives and brownie sundae for breakfast and feeling pretty happy about myself. Funny, I never actually liked pimento olives when I didn’t have a bun in the oven. Or, really, brownie sundaes, either.
But put them together … it’s the most delicious thing on Earth.
I know, weird.
As I’m using an olive to scoop up some hot fudge, my phone rings. It’s my mom. Since I’m in such a good mood today, excited about our grand reveal to our family this weekend, I answer. “Hi!”
“Oh, you’re so chipper,” she says, but she sounds worried.
There’s only one reason for her to be upset when I’m happy. And that’s when she knows she’s about to ruin my mood. “What’s up?”
Her voice is low. “I just talked to your brother, and he mentioned he ran into Alec last night at a restaurant … and Alec was on a date.”
“Oh, that wasn’t a date,” I say, still chipper because it’s just a misunderstanding. “It was just a catch-up. She’s an old friend from high school.”
“Friend? Oh.”
My stomach falls. There’s more to this, something she’s not telling me. “What do you mean, oh?”
“Well. Apparently, they were quite cozy. I believe the words used to describe them was, Couldn’t leave there fast enough and all over each other.”
My gut sinks even lower. “They’re comfortable with one another because they used to date. That’s all. And you know how Cooper always blows things out of proportion and constantly has his mind in the gutter. I’m sure—”
“I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding, but those weren’t Cooper’s words, honey,” she says, pain in her voice for having to break this to me. “Those were Abby’s.”
I swallow. “Oh …”
“I’m sure it’s fine. I just… I wanted to make sure you two weren’t having any problems?” she ventures quietly.
“No,” I say. “Everything’s great. He told me all about it. I knew. He wasn’t trying to sneak around or do anything behind my back. I’m fine with it. He even asked for permission.”
“All right. I figured that. I just wanted to …” She laughs. “Forget I said anything.”
When I end the call, there’s a text waiting for me, from Alec. He’s been at work since this morning.
Alec: Good breakfast?
I smile. I’m never off his mind.
But then again, we haven’t defined anything. We never talked about it. The last time we had that conversation and labeled ourselves, we decided on co-parents. Or at least, I did.
No … the last time he talked about it, he said he wanted me to be his.
And I want that, too. I want to belong to him.
But then it’s things like this … little things … that put doubt in my mind. If I hadn’t been so oblivious with Mason, maybe I’d have seen the warning signs sooner.
No. There are no warning signs. I know Alec. I know what he did when we were younger was because of his parents and his inability to process how he felt about me. Whatever happened with Carlina was innocent. I’m sure of it. I’ll tell Cooper that on Sunday and make sure he understands that there’s no way Alec is going to hurt me. We’re solid.
And maybe while I’m convincing my brothers, I’ll be able to convince myself, too.
Alec
Sunday at 1 pm, we pull into the cul-de-sac and our childhood homes come into view.
Stassi shifts uncomfortably in the passenger seat. She’s nervous; she hasn’t said a word all morning and is clutching her homemade whoopie pies for dear life on her lap.
“Hey. It’s going to be okay,” I tell her.
She looks over at me.
“If your whoopie pies suck, we can just buy them from Shaw’s from now on.”
She scowls at me. “You’re hilarious. Come on.”
I step out of the car, looking over at my old house. Whoever lives there built an addition over the garage, and so now it blocks out even more of the Huttons’ view than it did before. It’s square and imposing and looks even more like an impenetrable fortress than when I lived there, something I didn’t think possible. The solid, high fence with a gate screams STAY AWAY.
Guess the Huttons never had much luck with neighbors.
When I step inside the Huttons’ saltbox, I want it to feel like I’m home. Like I’m part of this family. That was how I felt, overwhelmingly, a couple months ago, when I was here last. But it must be the nerves, that feeling of betraying my two best friends, because I don’t. Back then, everyone hadn’t seen me in a while, and so they crowded around me. Now, they wave, and the boys joke with me, friendly as ever, but I can’t fight the feeling that something is wrong. That I did something wrong.
That I don’t belong here. And if I don’t belong in this place, this place that was a refuge all my life … where do I belong?
Stassi’s nervous as hell, too, because she barely says a word before supper, and when we sit down to eat, she picks through the antipasto for all the olives, but only eats a couple before pushing her plate away.
Luckily, most of the attention is on Bodie, Cooper and Abby’s new baby. It seems to have taken the pressure off us.
Not that it helps much. When the spaghetti comes, though I usually inhale it, I can barely look at it. I don’t have any desire to drink wine, though I know it’ll help me with my nerves.
It’s all fun, meaningless banter until Cooper says, “So, dude, you and Carlina are back together now?”
My insides clench. Why the hell did I decide to go out with Carlina? What was I thinking? I had no interest in catching up with her or reliving the old times. It was warped to expect she’d want to help me quiet Stassi’s worries about me. She only wanted one thing—me.
“No.” I wipe my mouth with my napkin, exchange a look with Stassi, and begin to speak.
But Aidan gets there before I can. “Are you out of your mind? I heard she was single. And it’s like you two belong together. You dated all through high school.”
“Yeah … and back then, I realized she’s not my type.”
Aidan says, “Since when?”
“Since always.”
Cooper laughs. “Dude. She’s every guy’s type.”
Next to me, Stassi stiffens. I expect she will kick me, but instead, she says, “He’s not dating her. Actually … Alec and I … we …”
She casts a look around the table and words fail her.
I need to get this out. I don’t have much time, knowing their knee-jerk reactions to things. I probably won’t get a chance to explain. I need to do this fast.
“What Stassi’s trying to say is that we’re dating,” I finish.
It comes out so fast, like a flyby, totally the wrong way I wanted it to. We’re not even just dating. We’re far more than that. I don’t think it sinks in. Cooper gives us a blank look. “What? You’re dating who?”
I point at Stassi, then at me. “We. Us. Each other. We’re not just dating. We’re together.”
Aidan squints. Cooper looks between us and then lets out a laugh. “Get the hell out of here.” He’s waiting for the punchline. When it doesn’t come, his voice is a warning. “You’d better be joking.”
“No. And it’s good. It’s fine.” With every shake of my head, I realize what a mistake this is. Because that isn’t even the bombshell. There’s a warning light flickering inside me.
Abort. Abort!
Aidan looks at Stassi.
“You—and him—” Aidan jabs a finger in my direction. “No. No. Our sister has more sense than that.”
