When I get downstairs, Ellie is piling her things into her purse. She’s dressed for a night on the town. Things have been a lot better for us in the time since Jace was left home alone. Ted must like her, because he added an extra couple of shifts to her waitressing schedule, and either she feels guilty over leaving Jace or she’s too tired to go out, most nights. So I can’t complain as I walk past her, to the couch, and flip on the game.

  She glances at me in the foyer mirror as she applies lipstick. “You should go, you know.”

  I flip off the television, sure she didn’t say what I think she said. “What?”

  “To Chicago. Did you get offered a job there?”

  I nod. “Foster & Foster is shuttering.”

  “Really?” She doesn’t seem all that fazed by it, likely because she’d had plenty of businesses she worked for shutter, in her long employment history. “That sucks. So what is this new job?”

  “It’s partner.”

  “Partner? Isn’t that like a big deal?”

  I nod.

  “Wasn’t that the position you were fighting Tenley for, here?”

  I nod.

  “It pays more?”

  “Substantially.”

  “Dude. Why haven’t you jumped on that? And don’t give me your excuses. I don’t want to hear that bullshit about me dragging you down.”

  Now I really want her to go out; I don’t want to get into this. “I never said—”

  “You might not say it. But you’d think it.” She caps the lipstick, tosses it in her bag, and spinning to fix me with an accusing stare, folds her arms in front of her. “You already think it.”

  I glance up the stairs and keep my voice low. “Don’t. I’ve never—”

  “Right.”

  Raising my voice so that it’s not much of a whisper anymore, I continue. “I’ve never considered either of you to be dragging me down.”

  “Oh, yes you did. Me, at least.” She pushes aside the curtain and looks out, probably for her ride. “And so I think you shouldn’t worry about us. Just go.”

  I give her a doubtful look. As if I could do that.

  She catches me and shrugs. “It’s true. Ted loves me. I made over $200 in tips last night alone. I’m doing well.”

  For now, maybe. But it only takes one bump in the road to send her life into another tailspin. “What will you do without my free babysitting?”

  “I have friends that will help me.”

  Her friends are the same ones who drag her out at two in the morning and spend most of their lives high. I don’t consider them viable options for Jace. “What if you came with me?”

  She gives me a horrified look. “Hell, no.”

  “Wait, now listen.” I sit up on the edge of the couch and turn off the television. “Look. I’m going to be making really good money. They have great schools in Chicago. Jace could go anywhere. And—”

  “And me?” Ellie’s still looking at me like I’m insane. “What’ll I do?”

  “You can do anything! The city’s a hundred times the size of Portland. You can do—”

  “That’s just the thing,” she says, hugging herself. “It’s too big. A city like that would swallow me.”

  I stare at her. A city like that would swallow me.

  I know what she means. Ellie has been through a lot. I’ve seen her, swallowed and spit out, every time, a little weaker. I don’t know if she can handle the trauma, if it happens much more.

  I want Jace to have it all. And yes, I can give many things to him with that job. But one thing I can’t give him? A mother who is well enough to take care of him. And he needs that, most of all.

  She pulls open the door. “There’s my ride.” Stepping out, she looks back at me. “Don’t make me.”

  And she slams the door shut.

  I could make her. But I wouldn’t. No job is worth what it might do to our family.

  37

  I have plenty of time to stop and look around now.

  Unemployment is the weirdest thing. For the first few hours of it, I wallowed in desperation. Then I looked around and realized how much I could get done, now that I didn’t have to work. I unpacked all those boxes, cleaned every room in the house from top to bottom, and even alphabetized my entire bookshelf.

  Now that all that is done, I’m back to desperation.

  Not only is my bank account not going to last out the month and the unemployment website is giving me trouble, but I’ve been scrolling through online job boards for an hour and haven’t seen so much as a single attorney job, in the entire state.

  I need some cheering up. So I climb into bed, grab my phone, and dial my mom. “Hi, mom. How’s life in East Bay?”

  “Oh, it’s great, honey. So relaxing.”

  My mom deserves that rest, after everything she’s been through. I suppose it’s her reward, living in semi-retirement, in an oceanside community where everybody knows everybody else. Every time I see her, now, she’s practically glowing. There, she feels needed.

  I can’t say I would feel the same. That’s where a person goes at the end of their career. Not when it’s just beginning. “Good. How is everything?”

  “Good. Are you coming to tell me you’re taking time off to visit this summer?”

  “Oh, I wish.”

  It’s not that I don’t like East Bay. She moved there when I was in law school because the town’s only attorney was retiring and they needed someone local. Before she passed away, Ruth had recommended her for the job. East Bay is an island of just over 1,500 people, off the coast of Maine. It’s pretty far north, close to Canada, so it might as well be in another universe. The drive is four hours but the ferry only goes that way randomly.

  “You’re not?” She sounds sad. “Work still busy?”

  “Actually… work isn’t busy at all. Foster & Foster shuttered.”

  She gasps. “What happened?”

  “Some partners stole money from the firm, and it had to close,” I explain quickly. “So I think I’m going to be spending the next few weeks, scouring for jobs.”

  “You can do that from here,” she offers. “Or better yet, why don’t you work with me?”

  I laugh. She’s got to be kidding. My mother is my best friend, but we’re both ridiculously headstrong and always lock horns. I could just imagine the bickering, being heard all over that quiet seaside down. They’d probably force us out. “Mom, I don’t think East Bay really needs two attorneys. They probably barely need the one.”

  She sighs. “I guess you’re right about that. But of course you’ll find another job down there.”

  Something else has been pressing on my heart lately. Maybe it’s the abundance of free time. If anyone will understand it, it’s my mother. “I was thinking…”

  “Oh, dear. You sound worried. Do you need money, honey? Is that the problem?”

  “No, I’ve been putting money in my retirement account like you showed me. So I have a little in there. And I was thinking, this might be crazy, but… what if I cashed that out and started my own women’s center, here in Sapphire Shores?”

  For the longest time, it was just my mom and me, so we’re probably as close as two people could be. That’s why, even before I she speaks, I know she isn’t a fan of the idea. It’s the long silence that prevails, before she says, “Honey, your retirement is your future. You don’t sacrifice that for anything.”

  Yes, I understood that. The penalties of withdrawing from my 401k would be ugly, yes. But this felt more important than that. “I know, but… I really want to make a difference. I want to do something, give hope to people, the way Ruth--”

  “Hope and good karma don’t pay the bills, Tenley.” Her voice softens when she adds, “Honey, your heart is always in the right place. But the truth is, if you don’t have a way of sustaining it with regular employment, it doesn’t matter how much heart you put into the women’s center. Those places are hard to keep afloat, even when you do have adequate funding. Ruth was wealthy, and even she struggled.”

  I nod, my hopes deflating. But I can always count on my mom to give it to me straight. I’m glad to have her to stop me from jumping off the ledge.

  “Okay, thanks, Mom. I’ve got to go,” I say, and end the call quickly after that.

  Then I burrow myself deeper under the covers of my bed. My mother might have been giving me solid advice, but it doesn’t mean I can’t sulk and feel bad about it.

  So now what do I do?

  I grab my phone and start looking for jobs again. This time, I broaden my search to New Hampshire and Massachusetts.

  There’s a junior attorney position in Boston that pays three times what I was making at Foster & Foster. Higher cost of living, though. And I bet I’ll be the low woman on the totem pole, and have to claw my way up. Again.

  The thought makes me exhausted. Not to mention, how long is the commute by train into Boston? Like two hours, each way?

  Ugh. That’s a recipe for total burnout.

  On a whim, I enter Chicago into the location section, and press enter.

  Dozens of jobs appear, for a number of different firms. I even find one that looks perfect—it’s a fast-track to partner in three years. Plus, Chicago has always sounded exciting to me. Actually, I’ve always wanted to see the world beyond Maine. Hmm…

  But then I remember that Brooks never told me he wanted me to go with him. The thought probably hasn’t even crossed his mind. That would make this more than a boyfriend-girlfriend thing. Moving across the country together? That would make things serious.

  And we’ve only been truly dating a few days. That’s the textbook definition of moving too fast.

  Besides, I know someone else who did that. She fell hard and fast in love and moved forward at lightning speed, giving up her own dreams in pursuit of a dream with her husband that never came true. She was left, alone and scared and pregnant, at the age of twenty-one, with no one, until an angel named Ruth helped her become who she was truly meant to be.

  So, no. I X out of the search and decide to stick close to home.

  My phone starts to ring, then, and my heart does a little dance when I see Brooks’s name appear on my screen. What are the chances he’s calling to invite me to Chicago with him? “Hey,” I say, pressing the phone to my ear.

  “Hey, you. I want to see you.”

  I smile at his directness. “I want to see you, too. We are people of leisure, though, so we should be able to fit it into our schedules. Unless you already bought your plane ticket to the Windy City?”

  “I have not.”

  “Well, why not? You should. It’s better than the garbage I’ve been looking at. There’s nothing available in this whole state. How much does it pay again?”

  He’s never told me. I got the feeling he was keeping it from me, so I don’t expect him to answer. But he does. “Two-fifty.”

  “Oh my god. For senior associate?”

  He hesitates. “Partner, actually.”

  “Oh my god. Brooks!”

  He’s quiet for a moment. “Are you trying to get rid of me?”

  “No… but I know a good opportunity when I see it.”

  “I can find a job in Boston. It’s closer.”

  “Not a partnership. You’d have to start as a junior, making at most, one-hundred. And commuting two hours each way? It’s not worth it, Brooks.” I know what’s holding him back, even if he won’t say it. “Did you even talk to her about? I bet you she would tell you to go. The last thing she wants to be is a burden to you.”

  He doesn’t say anything for a long time. Something tells me he already knows this, but it’s not helping. Their relationship is tenuous, and just like Ellie said, he doesn’t trust her.

  “I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” he says, his voice tight. “I called to tell you I want to see you.”

  I know what he’s waiting for. Since he can’t have me over, he’s waiting for my invitation. To tease him and break the ice, I decide to make him wait a little longer. “Please hold while I check my schedule.”

  He doesn’t even laugh.

  “All right. Looks like I’m free right now. Do you want to come over?”

  He grunts a yes and ends the call.

  I guess I found someone in this state who’s in a worse mood than I am. And why should he be? He has the amazing, life-changing job offer.

  And right now, I have nothing.

  38

  When I arrive at her place, I’m so worked up into a bundle of nerves that I think I might lose it.

  She’s waiting at the door for me, like in my fantasies, except everything else is different. She’s not naked underneath her apron; she’s wearing a little red dress that skims her upper thigh. Maybe a nightgown—who can tell? Whatever it is, it’s sexy. But I can tell she’s just as tense by the way she’s standing rigid, arms folded over her chest, gnawing on her lip.

  The gnawing on the lip is sexy, too. Jesus, everything this woman does turns me on.

  And that’s why I know it is right, to be here. When I’m with her, I don’t think about our problems.

  She opens her mouth to say something, but I don’t want to talk. It’ll end in an argument. So I silence her with a finger to her lips.

  Then I replace it with my mouth, devouring her.

  She lets me. She might have wanted a discussion, but the second her lips touch mine, I feel her anxiety drain away, and she relaxes against me. She throws her arms around my neck and grinds up against me.

  It’s just what I need. But I want more.

  Breathless, I break the kiss and say, “Your bedroom.”

  She nods and guides me upstairs.

  Inside, I pull off my jacket and toss it on the dresser, then stand by the bed and hook my finger toward her. “Come here.”

  She moves toward me with purpose, like a puppet on a string.

  I know that look in her eyes. I know exactly what she wants. I grab her neck forcefully, drawing her to me so that all the air leaves her lungs in a rush. Forcing her head back, I devour her neck, taking in her sweet smell as she responds by arching her back, pressing her breasts against my chest. She massages my cock through my pants and then digs her hands under the waistband, sliding them easily behind me, grabbing savagely at my ass.

  I hoist her off the floor, wrap her legs around me and cradle her ass as she pushes us off the wall. “I want you to fuck me.”

  She unbuttons her way down my shirt, as I lay her down on her bed, quickly lifting up her layers of dress, sliding down her panties and diving between her legs.

  She comes almost the instant my tongue touches her clit, bucking against me and smashing my face into her pussy as it hits her in wave after wave. After she thrashes around for a bit, she sits up on her elbows, pushes a stray hair off her face.

  I pull my tie off and unbuttoning my shirt the rest of the way. That I can get her that excited? Fuck. “You clearly needed that.”

  “Yes. But I need more.”

  When I shrug the shirt off, she leans over so that I can untie the knot at the back of her neck, letting the top of her dress fall down to her hips. Ah, those beautiful, glorious, perfect breasts.

  She starts to pull on my belt buckle.

  “Come here,” I say gruffly, urging her up and pushing away the fabric of the dress that is scrunched around her middle. I wrap my hands around her hips and she straddles me, then lifting my dick into position, sinks onto me. I pull my hips up, meeting her halfway, and we both let out a groan at once as I’m totally engulfed in her. Then she starts to slide up and down on me, her eyes closed in bliss, slowly at first, then getting faster and faster. I let her control the rhythm and guide my hands to her breasts, where she wants them to be.

  It isn’t long before she’s screaming again. I start to moan, too, rocking my hips up into her. “Come with me,” I say, and just like that, as easily as if we’d planned it, we both come together.

  We both needed this.

  She rolls over onto her side and props herself up on her elbow, still breathing hard. I stare up at her. She’s beautiful this way, her cheeks red from the exertion, a light sheen of sweat on her sweet skin, her hair falling loose around her face.

  “Come with me,” I say as I come down.

  She gives me a confused look. “I did.”

  “No… I mean, to Chicago.”

  Her eyes go wide. I’ve surprised her. “You want that?”

  I nod. “Why not?”

  “Well, we’ve only been dating a few weeks. I don’t know, I— did your sister agree to come with you?”

  At that moment, reality crashes in. I was living in a bubble. Me, here with her, where nothing else mattered. But there are things that matter, and I need to think about them, first. So I don’t answer.

  She sucks in a breath and lets it out. “I told you, you shouldn’t pass up that job. I can be here to look after Ellie and Jace.”

  There’s something she’s not telling me. “Forget about them for a second. If I didn’t have them to worry about, you still wouldn’t come with me.”

  She looks down at the space of white sheet between us. “No. I wouldn’t.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I don’t have a job there.”

  I scoff. “Did you forget? You don’t have a job here, either.”

  “But I’d have nothing there, Brooks,” she says, her fingers working over a seam in the sheet. “You know my mother was a single mom. She had it really tough. And part of the reason she did is because she put all of her trust in a man who let her down. She gave up her hopes of a career, education, everything, because she believed that man would take care of her for the rest of her life. I’m not my mother. I’m sorry, but I’m not moving to a place where I have nothing, just so you can have everything.”

  Shit. I wish I could say her argument makes no sense, but we both know that it does. Things do fall apart. We have seen it, first-hand. We have to be cautious. “What if you got a job there?”

  She shakes her head, a small smile appearing on her face. “I don’t think so. I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve always wanted to travel, but I don’t want to leave Maine. I don’t have much, but what I do have—my mom, my place, Sapphire Shores—I want to keep close. I don’t want to give them up. If I’m going to make a difference in the world, I want to do it in a place that loves me back. Here.”

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28