Unclutter, page 8
“Your inner voice,” Dr. Kim stated.
“My inner voice,” I confirmed. “But it’s silent sometimes when I need it the most. It’s frustrating. For instance, I shudder when I think about getting tongue-tied when I meet Harriet or Laila.”
“Have you met them recently?” Dr. Kim asked.
I shook my head. “No, I always run away.”
I told her how terrified I was to meet my former friends, along with my other fears.
“It’s been a year since I started therapy. Sometimes, I feel I’ve progressed a lot. Other times, I feel stagnant.” I sighed. “I want to reduce the frequency of our sessions and become more confident to handle things on my own, though.”
“How about we do this? Let’s book an appointment three months from today to assess your progress. And if you feel the need to see me before that, simply call in,” Dr. Kim suggested.
I smiled at her for the first time that day. “Thanks, Dr. Kim. That would be great.”
I left Dr. Kim’s office with a wide grin on my face as I thought about how far I had come. When the self-harm video had leaked a year ago, I thought I would never get over my habit or the humiliation that ensued. But now, even if I still worked alone on all my school assignments, I had people in my life who cared about me. I had made a new beginning and was taking baby steps toward rebuilding my life, a few bricks at a time.
I had come to this clinic completely messed up. Six months later, I was now a little less messed up. And that felt good.
I headed to the university to meet Jai, excited to give him the news.
I jumped up and down like a kid. “I’m done. No more monthly therapy.” I opened a box from my bag and offered it to him. “And I got cheesecake from Recharge Café.”
“Wow. Look at you. Anyone would have thought you were forced to meet Dr. Kim,” Jai teased me, helping himself to the sweet treat.
“Hey, I survived. I’m proud,” I said, licking my spoon. “I’m less of a freak now.”
“I am proud of you too,” he replied. “And you were never a freak. Ever.”
I smiled at him gratefully. “Thanks, Jai.”
Jai patted me lightly. “A year ago, you smiled through a lot of your difficulties. Now your smile is effortless. That says a lot. I’m glad.”
“Thank you. You know, I feel like I achieved the sun, the moon, and the stars.” I giggled.
“It is a huge accomplishment, Little Monster,” Jai agreed with me.
I smiled again. “Yes, Fellow Monster. And I am grateful to you for approaching me that day, after my first therapy session at the healthcare center.”
Jai didn’t say anything for a moment and continued to look down at his plate.
“Actually, you initiated our friendship,” Jai said quietly. He chuckled softly and raised his cheesecake. “This is déjà vu to me. Ring a bell?”
I frowned at Jai, puzzled, and shook my head.
Jai hesitated a little. “I will give you a hint: mango cheesecake.”
Suddenly, it struck me, and a shiver ran down my spine when painful memories of that day came rushing back—Laila, Harriet, and Rory treating me like I didn’t exist. Me jabbing my pocketknife into my hand in agony in the bathroom stall, which got caught by a hidden camera unknown to me.
But my face cracked into a wide grin when I remembered enjoying the soft, silky, and scrumptious mango cheesecake in silence with the black-capped boy.
“Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up. It’s the past anyway,” Jai apologized.
I moved closer to Jai and placed my hand on his shoulder. “You know, I was lonely and felt like I didn’t matter to anyone that day, Fellow Monster. But the universe showed me that I was not alone. So, thank you.”
Jai shook his head and placed his hand on mine. “No, thank you. If not for you, I would have quit college that day. I had had enough of my classmates bullying me.”
I squeezed his hand lightly. “Well, I am glad we both are still here.”
Jai nodded. “Yes, I am grateful for that too.”
We ate our sweet treat in silence for the next few minutes.
“Hey, Jai, if it’s okay to ask, why did your classmates bully you?” I asked, wiping my mouth with a paper napkin after I finished my dessert.
Jai sighed. “I get anxious when talking to strangers.” He added with a humorless laugh, “It’s ironic that I want to become a doctor who will have to talk to patients.”
“How do you manage assignments that involve public speaking then?” I asked.
“I can manage public speaking because I am not speaking to anyone directly. Besides, I rehearse thoroughly. But if it’s people I’ve never met before, I can’t even open my mouth,” Jai answered. “On the first day of college, it was bad that I was younger than my classmates but worse that I went mute when they tried to talk to me. And they refused to give me a second chance.”
“It’s your classmates’ loss for not befriending you. You’re awesome,” I said.
Jai smiled. “You’re the second person to say that to me this week. The first was Rory.”
“It’s true,” I insisted. “And I’m glad you’re roommates with Rory. He is a great guy.”
Jai told me that Rory had moved in with Jai after breaking up with Harriet a few weeks ago. A couple of days ago, Jai had mentioned he was going to have lunch with me, Tina Lauren, and Rory had told him he knew me. That we used to be best friends.
Jai hesitated for a moment now. “Are you going to give him another chance?”
I gave him the rundown of what had happened a year ago to make me stop speaking to Rory. When I finished, I asked, “What would you have done in my place?”
Jai thought for a moment. “I would wait and see if Rory deserved to be my friend again.”
I nodded in agreement. “Great minds think alike.”
Jai laughed. “Fools seldom differ.”
When I got back home, I received a text from Rory.
Rory
How about we drive to Duckville together next weekend?
***
The day before Thanksgiving, Rory and I took turns driving my car on our way to our parents’ houses. The drive was beautiful, and the colors of fall were vibrant. It was bright and sunny, with a clear cloudless sky. The highway didn’t have much traffic, making it all the more pleasurable to drive. The familiar fragrance of wheat and corn fields made me nostalgic, and I was glad to go back home to my parents.
Autumn is my favorite season, not just because it’s the season I was born. For me, fall is to let go of the past, forgive previous errors, and try to make amends.
I loved this used ten-year-old vehicle I’d purchased a few months ago with my savings. It wasn’t a luxury ride, but it functioned well.
“When are your parents moving out of Duckville?” Rory asked me.
“Next week. This will be our last Thanksgiving there,” I answered him. “They’re moving to Birch Town, two hours away from Strollfield.”
An awkward silence lingered between us, and I could see Rory was trying hard to keep the conversation going.
“Have you read Walt’s latest book, Relentless, the one that’s all the rage?” Rory asked, referring to my father’s most recent novel.
I nodded. “I’ve read all my father’s books. I like his new bestseller, but, to be honest, it’s not my favorite.”
“Hmmm. I always thought Walt would take over Lauren Industries,” Rory stated. “He even went to an Ivy League business school for that. Didn’t he?”
“Yeah, but he writes amazing, gripping thrillers,” I replied, carefully evading his question. I never talked about why my father had chosen to become an author, despite being the heir to Lauren Industries.
“Of course, he does. I don’t read the printed books, but Walt’s audiobooks keep my interest alive,” Rory said.
I wondered when Rory and I would stop pretending that things were perfectly normal between us. An honest talk was long overdue, and it would be better to address the unspoken sooner than later.
Suddenly, Rory pulled over at the side of the road. “T, I can’t do this anymore.”
“Do you want me to take over the wheel?” I asked. “We’re almost there anyway.”
Rory shook his head. “No. We’re behaving like strangers and making small talk. I meant, I hope we can be honest with each other.”
He read my mind.
I crossed my arms across my chest. “What do you want to talk about?”
Rory took a deep breath. “I know that Harriet and Laila are Parker’s underlings. I accidentally saw their text conversations on her phone a few weeks ago. That was one of the reasons for our breakup. Why didn’t you tell me?”
I shot him an angry look. “Why didn’t I tell you?”
Rory’s eyes widened in horror. “Do you think I was also involved?”
I shook my head. “No. Because we wouldn’t be having this conversation if I was suspicious of you.”
Rory raised his voice. “Then why?”
“When Laila and Harriet...” I started, then stopped. “Forget it. The damage is done, anyway.”
“Please, T,” Rory requested. “I want to know why you ghosted me for a year. Five years ago, when you took a break from school, you stopped talking to everyone else, but not me.”
“Why did it take you a year to come and find me?” I shot back. “Why did you remember me only after breaking up with Harriet?”
“I was furious that you left our apartment without discussing it with me. When I texted you numerous times to see if we could meet, you didn’t reply. At that time, I didn’t know that Harriet and Laila had forged the video they played at graduation. Why didn’t you respond to my messages even once?”
“Did you ask me even once if I was okay?” I asked, my voice barely a whisper. “You kept saying you wanted to meet or rambled on about your coach. Did you care to check on me at all in the past year?”
Rory looked at me guiltily.
I sighed. “You never stood up for me in front of your ex-girlfriend, time and time again, but especially that day. I blamed you for hurting myself at the university that day, when all three of you behaved as if I was nonexistent. The same day, they caught me cutting myself on camera. I would have never done that if you had been on my side. I doubt you remember that.”
“Of course, I remember,” Rory exclaimed. “I’m so sorry, T. Harriet gave me a hard time whenever I took your side, and I noticed she doubled down on you too. So I tried to remain neutral. I was wrong.”
“It devastated me,” I informed him. “During my therapy sessions, I realized that I blamed you for that incident because I felt betrayed by you. However, I’m alright now, and don’t hold anything against you anymore.”
“I’m extremely sorry for hurting you. I won’t give any excuses or justifications. I wish I could turn back time and make everything right. But, unfortunately, I can’t do that,” Rory said.
I gave him a small smile. “Apology accepted.”
Rory gripped the steering wheel, his eyes blazing. “You didn’t do anything wrong. Parker deserved to be hit. Now, Laila and Harriet should pay for what they did.”
I shrugged. “I don’t have any proof against any of them.”
“I promise, I will make it up to you,” Rory vowed. “I won’t let you down this time.”
***
“Surprise!”
I jumped, taken aback at the yelling. I had gone to the skating park to practice my stunts for the upcoming holiday fundraiser and had come back home to a party. My parents, Rory, Jai, Madison, and the MyWay band twins, Keith and Kenneth Wright, were all here.
“Happy birthday!” everyone wished me.
My birthday fell on Thanksgiving this year, and I thought no one had remembered. After dropping Rory at his parents’ place the day before, I had had dinner and plopped on my bed at home. I was fast asleep when my parents came back home later that night. This morning, no one had wished me happy birthday, and I assumed they were busy with the festive preparations.
“Th-Thank you so much, everyone,” I stuttered. “This means a lot.” I was genuinely moved but not very good at handling all the attention.
After a quick change, I cut my birthday cake as everyone sang to me. Later, MyWay played live music.
“Happy nineteenth birthday, T,” Rory said.
“Thanks! You planned this, didn’t you?” I asked.
“Madison helped,” he replied.
Madison scoffed. “It was Jai’s idea. Rory didn’t come up with it. Besides, I did most of the work.”
I laughed. “Thanks a lot. All three of you.”
Madison pulled me into a hug, and I didn’t resist. “No problem, Teensy. You deserve to be happy.”
I smiled. It felt good to hug my friend and not feel icky. I still felt a little awkward but was slowly getting over it. I gave Jai and Rory awkward side hugs to thank them as well. They were surprised by my gesture but accepted it graciously.
The MyWay twins were the highlight of the party. They had become stars on social media, and it was a big deal that they were here. My relatives flocked around them, gushing over their good looks and music. They didn’t seem to mind the attention at all. They smiled, waved at me, and mouthed “Happy Birthday.” I thanked them and gestured for them to continue entertaining the party guests.
I went to find my parents. I wanted to patch things up. After my outburst a year ago, I hadn’t seen my parents in person. We had spoken over the phone and texted, but I was too scared to face them.
While searching for my parents, I spotted a slightly stocky guy, a few inches taller than me, attending to everyone at the gathering. I went over to him. This person had single-handedly assembled the refreshments and served everyone.
I recognized him instantly. “Mr. Okoro, you work at the Recharge Café, correct? Thank you so much for taking time out to help us out today.”
He smiled back at me. “Oh, it was my pleasure.”
His smile was so infectious that even my paternal grandmother, who was always grumpy, was grinning ear to ear.
“The cake was so delicious, I wished I didn’t have to share it with any of the guests. Please tell your chef how much I loved it,” I said.
He beamed. “That would be me. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Are you a chef at Recharge Café then?” I asked him.
He nodded and smiled politely.
“I am addicted to your food,” I told him. “I hardly go anywhere else for a bite when I’m in that area. I wouldn’t eat desserts before, but now I am obsessed with everything at Recharge. You’re a magical chef.”
And your eatery got me through my worst days.
Chef Okoro smiled again, blushing slightly this time. “Thanks. That’s really high praise. I will convey your feedback to my boss.”
He has a great smile, and that blush is cute.
Has my face gone red too?
One of the guests called the chef, requesting for him to get them more cake, and he excused himself.
Thank goodness, he didn’t see my face just now.
I could have got lost in his eyes—those decadent pools of chocolate.
Did I notice him before today?
“Tina, happy birthday,” said Keith Wright, one of the MyWay twins. I was grateful that someone had interrupted my thoughts.
“Hey, Keith, Ken,” I greeted them. “Thanks for coming today despite your crazy schedule. And congratulations on the success of your latest album.”
“It’s our pleasure,” Kenneth said. “We owe you big time for continuing our musical careers. We thought we were goners after flunking math in our first year.”
“Well, I only remember both of you doing well in the re-test and all subsequent ones,” I replied with a reassuring smile. “You both are smart. Just believe in yourselves.”
“Thanks, Tina,” they said in unison. “We should all plan to hang out together sometime. It’s not fair that only Jai gets to eat your delicacies,” they added, pointing to the person who had just joined our conversation.
Jai stuck his tongue out at the twins. “Well, Tina is my best friend, and I’ll decide if we should include you mere high schoolers in our sophisticated lunch parties.”
Kenneth shoved Jai playfully. “Please. It’s hardly a party. You guys eat in the emergency stairwell.”
Jai rolled his eyes at his boyfriend. “You’re such a snob. MyWay fame is spoiling you.”
Jai and Kenneth continued their love banter. I excused myself and continued to search for my parents.
I finally saw my father talking to my paternal grandmother, whom I called Grandma. I didn’t get along well with her because she didn’t like my biracial origin. Today, she was bickering with my father about the same thing as every year.
“We should have celebrated Thanksgiving in style. This house doesn’t compare to the Lauren family mansion. That’s where we should be celebrating, just as we always have. There’s no reason to have changed to your house, when we are right across town. Your wife is responsible for brainwashing you into abandoning our family heritage. You’re even following her to a godforsaken town far away—”
Dad interrupted her. “Mum, we have spoken about this multiple times. Please, let’s change the subject. It was always our plan to move out of Duckville after Tina left for college. Besides, Birch Town is just a three-hour drive from here.”
She put her palm on her forehead. “I want to spend one holiday in my own home before I die. Just one. Is that too much to ask?”
How melodramatic. But no, I am not stepping into that place, not in a million years, even if it is just across town.
