Lost Hart, page 25
What was going on?
Only one way to find out.
With his gut in knots and pulse racing, he climbed into his truck, pulled out of his parking garage and headed to the address. His brain rioted. He wanted to see Stacey in the worst way, but he also knew that it was just going to be torture because he’d scorned her and pushed her away. No way would she still want him after how he’d treated her.
So why was she asking him to meet her next door to Piper and Derrick’s?
None of this made sense. But then again, he couldn’t remember the last time the world had made any sense to him. Maybe their last family Christmas before his father died? That was over twenty years ago. So things in life hadn’t made a lick of sense in twenty years?
Yeah, that seemed about right, actually.
His mother was widowed way too early in life. Then she was forced to raise four young sons on her own. How did that make any sense?
His dad had been a cop and died when a drunk driver crashed into his car. How did that make any sense?
Then, as he grew up, he saw what kind of shambles the world was falling into. The hardships his family faced, how the man who hit and killed their father was released from prison after a short sentence, free to go on and live his life with his wife and children.
When innocent people suffered and the bad guys got away with murder—and worse—it made him realize the world was never meant to make sense.
And that it never would.
So he stopped trying to figure it out. He put his head down and went to college, got a computer science degree, then he enrolled in the naval reserves, worked his way up and joined Joint Task Force 2. He worked for years saving and protecting those who needed help the most. He fought for his country and tried to rid the world of the bad guys intent on hurting. And he’d done a lot of that.
But through it all, things continued not to make sense.
Children, innocents, families thrown into the crossfire of gang wars. Kidnapped and tortured by drug lords and arms dealers. Churches and schools bombed in retaliation to something those injured or killed had no part in. Children ripped from their families and sold on the black market like bags of heroin. None of it made any fucking sense.
And yet the closer he got to the address on Prospect Lake, the more his nerves calmed and things in his mind started to fall into place.
The address was an empty lot. So he parked on the weed-riddled gravel and got out. Stacey’s SUV was already there.
Thankfully, it was a nice day with fluffy white clouds in the sky and a warm sun overhead. The wind still held the icy bite of early spring, but he could feel the tendrils of summer working their magic, and the scent of freshly blossomed flowers eased the last of his jumpy nerves.
Gravel crunched under his shoes as he made his way deeper onto the property and down a gentle slope toward the water. She had her back to him, but he knew she knew he was there, and when she finally spun around, it was like a bolt of lightning straight to his chest. She was so goddamn beautiful.
Her smile was big and bright, and the way the sun shone in her eyes, they appeared to glow gold more than anything else.
“What do you think?” she asked, spreading her arms wide.
He shook his head, not understanding what she meant at all. “What do you mean?”
“I’m thinking four bedrooms. We can make one the office, put in a giant rec room downstairs for the kids. Floor to ceiling windows, of course, because why would we obstruct this view? We’ll have our room overlooking the lake, as well, put a wall of windows in there, too. A big deck off the living room and kitchen, and then we can put a dock off the beach for kayaks and stuff.” Her arms were waving around, and she was pointing. “I’ve talked to James, and he figures once we get all the necessary permits, we can probably break ground by mid-May or early June. We can get chickens, maybe some ducks. I’ve always wanted a pet pig—not for food, of course.” She shuddered. “Can you imagine turning Penelope Hammerstein into bacon?”
She was about to start speaking again, but he grabbed her shoulders and shook her gently. “What are you talking about?”
“I bought the property, and I’m going to build us a house.”
His brows pinched together so tight, a mild headache formed on his forehead. “What?”
She shook herself free from his grasp and walked toward the water, glancing over the glass-calm lake. “I realized something recently.”
He joined her, and they stood side by side, watching as a couple of ducks paddled lazily from one bunch of reeds to another. “And what have you realized?”
“That you don’t get to call the shots on my life. That men don’t get to call the shots on my life.” She spun to face him. “You’re a simple creature, Chase Hart. All men are. You’re like babies in a lot of ways.”
He resisted the urge to roll his eyes.
“Roll those eyes all you want. It’s true and you know it. You’re content with the basic necessities of life. But your basic necessities are a little different than most. You require wide-open spaces, light, patience and purpose. Those are your basic necessities.”
He was quiet.
She wasn’t wrong.
He just hadn’t had anybody serve him a dose of cold, hard facts like that before.
She waved her hand dismissively. “Sure, you need food, water, air and a roof over your head. But those are what you need to survive. Your necessities are different. And I think everyone’s necessities vary. They are what we need to get through to the next day. To make us the most bare-bones functional version of ourselves.”
He’d never thought of it this way, but the more she spoke, the more it made sense. “What are your necessities?”
“My children. A sense of purpose. A sense of safety. And going to bed each night knowing that I gave the day and all the problems that came with it the very best of myself.” The way she looked up at him so earnestly had him falling in line with her way of thinking almost immediately. “You might have pushed me away, Chase Marvin Hart, but like I said, you don’t get to call the shots on my life. You’re not my bodyguard anymore. You are the man that I love. The man that my children love, and … the man that loves us. We are your family, and we will stand beside you and hold your hand through every obstacle, every setback. We will fight your demons right along with you. We will vanquish them together.” She stepped forward and took his hands in hers. “I don’t want to be a part of the Hart family unless you’re the reason we belong. You can’t fight for us right now because you’re too busy fighting for yourself—so until you’re better, I’m going to fight for us. For what we know is meant to be. You don’t get to call it quits on us. Not without me agreeing to it, too. And I don’t. So you’re stuck with me. Deal with it.”
He hung his head and stared at her navy tennis shoes, his throat raw. “I’m so broken, Stace. I can’t—”
She growled and stomped her foot. “Stop saying that. You’re not broken. You were lost. You cracked a couple of ribs. You were kidnapped, held hostage, thrown in prison, beaten. But when I look at the man standing in front of me, I don’t see somebody who is broken. I see somebody who is so damn strong, it amazes me. I see a man who doesn’t realize just how strong he is, and rather than harnessing that strength and building on it—rebuilding on it—with the love and support of those around him, he only sees the small, fractured pieces of himself and focuses on those.” She shook his hands until he glanced up at her. “You need to step back from the mirror. You’re too close. You’re only seeing the small, scuffed parts of yourself but not all of you. Step back and see what I see. See the whole man. The strong man. The worthy man.”
The worthy man.
He sure as hell didn’t feel worthy. Not of Stacey. Not of her love. Not of everything she was offering him.
“You are worthy of my love,” she continued. “And you have it. So you can push me away again and again and again, but I’m not going anywhere. Just like you fought for my child, I’m fighting for you—for us—and I won’t stop until you see yourself the same way that I see you.”
He’d been clenching his back teeth together so tight, he had to work his jaw side to side a couple of times to release the tension. But when he did that, the emotions, the love, the acceptance came barreling in, and he felt the backs of his eyes begin to burn.
Even though he knew his mother and brothers would step in front of a moving train or a bullet for him, it meant something different to hear how hard he was loved by a woman. That a woman like Stacey could love him for everything that he was and, even more importantly, everything that he wasn’t.
That he was a man worth fighting for, a man worth battling demons for.
“It’s okay to cry,” she said, the tears breaking free from her eyes and sliding down her cheeks. “You’re no less of a man for showing your emotions. It’s okay to ask for help. To say you’re struggling and to take a step back and take care of yourself. You don’t always have to be the one with answers or the one doing the protecting.” She wiped a tear from her cheek and smiled. “If there is anything this past year has taught me, it’s that I don’t need a man. I can make it on my own with my children just fine. And we will all be okay. But I don’t want to make it on my own. I want to share all this love we have—Connor, Thea and myself—with someone who we know loves us back. He’s just too stubborn, blind and buffoon-like to admit it.”
His lip twitched. “Buffoon-like?”
“Your mother has me on the word buffoon. It’s very fitting for a lot of situations. Particularly when it comes to the Hart men.”
He snorted, and one side of his mouth lifted up. “I’m a lot of work, Stace. A lot.”
She shrugged. “I know.”
“I’ll have good days and bad days.”
“Don’t we all?”
“Yeah, but my bad days aren’t like everyone else’s bad days. They can get really bad.”
“And we’ll get through them together. We’ll make a plan so when you feel a bad day coming on, we turn to the plan. So everyone feels safe and considered.”
So everyone feels safe.
Did she think he would hurt the kids if his demons got to be too bad?
“I will never, ever, ever hurt you or the children. You have my word on that. That’s not what happens when the darkness closes in. I don’t get violent. I swear.”
She shrugged again, and this time the shrug was accompanied by a smile. “I know. I’ve known that since day one. I trust you completely, Chase. It’s not my safety or the kids’ safety I’m worried about. It’s yours. You need to feel safe enough to be yourself, to feel your feelings and deal with your issues. We will be that safe space for you. Let me be your soft place to land, just like you’re mine.”
“You’re sure you want me?” How he got this fucking lucky, to find a woman like Stacey, he would never understand in a million years. But then again, not much in the world made sense, so maybe it was okay that he didn’t understand why Stacey loved him. But she did, and that was all that really mattered.
“I’m one hundred percent sure,” she said, stepping into his space and wrapping her arms around his waist. “But I need something from you first. Before we can move forward.”
If he had it in his power to give to her, he’d bring her the damn moon. “Anything.”
“I need an apology.”
Yeah, he owed her about a thousand of those.
Bowing his head, he looked deep into the gentle brown of her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for leaving months ago and not calling. I’m sorry for assuming you were with my brother and not just asking. I’m sorry for the things I said when I was delirious and for the things I said in the airport parking lot. I meant none of it. I have loved you since the moment Connor came out of your bedroom wielding your dildo around in the air like a sword and your cheeks turned the color of a cherry. And I will love you and those children for as long as I live.”
She was blushing. “And you’re sorry for taking so damn long to realize that we’re stronger together than apart,” she added, regarding him with a challenging look.
“I’m especially sorry for that,” he said, feeling all the tension he’d held on to for far too long lift off his shoulders and get carried away with the gentle zephyr.
“No more pushing me away. If you need some space, just say so. I’m a big girl, and after the year I’ve had, asking for a little space won’t offend me.”
Jesus Christ, as strong as Stacey said he was, as much as he could take out the bad guys with a swift kick or a right hook, Stacey Saunders was by far the strongest person he had ever fucking met. She stared straight into his eyes, knowing exactly what she wanted, and for some crazy reason, that was him.
“No more pushing you away,” he finally said. “Never again.”
She nodded. “Good. Now that we’ve got that settled, I hear you know and have saved the life once or twice of our new neighbors.”
And as if on cue, Derrick, Piper and their one-year-old daughter, Holly, were making their way through the tall grass that divided their property with what was apparently now Chase and Stacey’s property.
They’d work out the finances later. He’d pay her for half of the lot and building costs. He knew she had money from Ted’s life insurance policy—the one good thing that man had done for his family was take out over a million-dollar policy on himself—but if this was going to be their home, then he wanted to have a financial stake in it, as well.
“There goes the neighborhood,” Derrick said, all grins. His stormy gray eyes danced as he balanced a flaxen-haired Holly on his hip, the little girl sucking furiously on her thumb while clutching a stuffed bunny. He reached out and took Chase’s hand, giving it a firm shake. “Nice to see you again, my friend. It’s been far too long.”
“Agreed.” Chase smiled and gave Holly a gentler smile before turning to Piper. She lunged right at him and hugged him hard. “I’ll kick your ass next time you leave for months on end without telling us.” Then she swatted his good shoulder.
“I’ll remember that,” he said letting go of Piper and looping an arm around Stacey’s waist. “Though I don’t think I’ll be going away for any long periods of time anymore. Got a lot to do and a lot of people who need me here.” He glanced down at a now beaming Stacey. She had the kind of smile that made everyone else smile, too.
“I’m Derrick, and this is Piper and our daughter, Holly,” Derrick said, offering Stacey his hand.
“Nice to meet you guys,” Stacey said. “Hope you don’t mind that we bought the lot beside yours.”
“Couldn’t ask for better neighbors,” Piper said. She was a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty who Chase had helped in Peru. Through a series of circumstances, they’d become entangled, Piper, Chase and Derrick. Piper was framed for smuggling drugs, and the Peruvian authorities wanted to take her to prison. But Chase gave himself up as the mule instead and went in her place. As much as he had endured, as much as he was still going through, whenever he saw his friends and their perfect, happy family, he knew it had all been worth it.
And now, he was going to have a perfect, happy family of his own.
Derrick and Piper had only recently moved back to Canada, as they were teaching abroad for a few years, but they bought their house on the lake the moment they decided to make Victoria their home. Chase had stared longingly at the empty lot beside theirs, hoping it would one day come up for sale.
Apparently, it had.
“Where are your kids?” Piper asked, taking Holly from Derrick and setting her down on the ground. The little girl took off into the grass at an awkward toddle.
“They’re with Chase’s mum,” Stacey said.
Chase’s arm around her tightened. “She needed to knock some sense into me, and that’s best done without the children around.”
Stacey was back to grinning up at him, her eyes sparkling, face radiant.
“I didn’t even know this lot was for sale,” Derrick said.
“It wasn’t,” Stacey said, lifting a shoulder. “But I know a Realtor who has some magical powers, and he tracked down the land owners, told them there was an interested buyer, and I made them an offer they couldn’t refuse.”
“Sounds like a cement shoes kind of deal,” Piper said with a chuckle.
Stacey shook her head. “Not at all. I knew you guys lived here after talking to Heath, and the moment I saw the lot, I fell in love and knew I wanted to raise my family here. It’s such a beautiful location, and I hear the schools in the area are great. Particularly that Montessori school out on West Saanich Road.”
“That’s where we have Holly registered,” Piper said.
“Well, welcome to the neighborhood,” Derrick said. “We’re glad to know the new neighbors aren’t going to be jerks or steal my Weedwacker.”
“I’ll bring it back with a full tank of gas,” Chase said, his heart and soul feeling light but also full. He took in a deep breath and filled his lungs with fresh air. He could already see himself out in a canoe on the lake or sitting under the stars in the backyard with the kids during the summer. Wide open spaces. There was plenty of that out here. And all those windows and the love and understanding of a good woman. What more could he ask for out of life?
And like the last remaining pieces of a puzzle, the pieces that had fallen to the floor and been swept under the couch for months only to be found during a good, thorough spring cleaning, everything finally started to click into place.
He was a man who had the love of a good woman.
Not being able to have children didn’t make him any less of a man.
He had children.
He had two beautiful kids who would grow up calling him Dad. He would walk Thea down the aisle at her wedding, help Connor pick out his first car, chaperone field trips and school dances, give his kids piggyback rides and teach them how to ride their bikes. He would be the best damn dad he could be because now he knew he deserved the life Stacey wanted to give him.
