Sharon Green - Terrillian 04, page 31
“What would be more fitting repayment?” I asked in confusion, finally looking up at her blazing eyes. “Am I to remain here in gratitude, and next time fell twice the number?”
“I believe there has been enough of such talk,” Relgon said briskly from my left, tapping my arm once before beginning to urge me to my feet. “It occurs to me, Terril, that you have most often found yourself among those without the power. Am I correct?”
“What has that to do with …” I began in even deeper confusion, rising from my knees at Relgon’s urging, but she shook her head and interrupted me.
“I have no need to hear further upon the matter of your terrible, conscienceless failing,” she said, still brisk and even a bit impatient. “We will all of us sit and speak in comfort, as those who are grown rather than as wailing children. Come this way.”
She began leading me to a place on the carpeting where clean pillows had been put, a place closer to the fire than the original one had been. I could understand that no one wanted to sit down again where so much wine had been spilled, but what I couldn’t understand was what was going on. The rest of the women in the group looked more amused than angry or frightened, and even Siitil seemed more impatient than anything else. Relgon wasn’t as big as Leelan but she was still larger than I, and I really did feel like a child among grown-ups.
“Sit here,” Relgon ordered when we got among the cushions, helping out by pressing me downward. “Leelan, I believe we would all do well with wine, to replace what was so unfortunately lost.”
“It comes now,” Leelan answered, gesturing toward the three servants who were entering. One girl carried a tray of goblets and another two filled pitchers; the third was a man, and he carried a single goblet and pitcher. The girls went to the other guests who were seating themselves, handing out goblets and filling them, but the man came directly to me. By then I knew what was in the pitcher he carried, but was feeling too down to do more than take the goblet of juice when it was given to me.
“And now we may continue,” Relgon said when the servants had finished and were leaving the room. “I have no doubt that all of you here feel as I do, yet must the thing be said aloud for Terril’s sake. What occurred here a few moments earlier, the pain and discomfort we were given-this occurred for the reason that Terril wished us ill, did it not?”
“Certainly not!” one of the women said at once, her outraged voice rising above the instant hubbub of the others to startle me. “Had she wished us ill, we would likely no longer be among the living!”
“Then it was done for the reason that she is inept, and should not be the possessor of so great a power,” Relgon pursued, also needing to raise her voice.
“Which of us has the choice of what power we will have?” Siitil asked with a snort of ridicule, swallowing her wine. “One does what one is able to do-and to learn to touch a single mind among many others is far from my concept of one who is inept.”
“Then this wenda who sits beside me is evil,” Relgon said among the murmurs of agreement with Siitil’s comments. “She carelessly gave pain and cared naught for the doing.”
“In no manner is she the same as Farian,” Leelan said from my right, her voice flat with conviction, her eyes filled with annoyance. “The pain she received was greater than what she gave, a clear sign of a sense of honor-most especially as what was given was accidental.”
“Then there was naught to forgive,” Relgon said, reaching out to turn my face to her and away from Leelan, whom I’d been staring at. “Those without the power, those who have no concept of its existence, cannot know the agony of its possession to one of honor. We, too, have at times given uncalled-for hurt to others, and have felt as you do. Had we not felt so, we would have been as low and despicable as Farian, a thing, happily, we none of us are. Are you able to understand, girl? To feel upset is commendable, to wallow in guilt no more than childish.”
She was looking at me soberly and directly, waiting for an answer of some sort, but I couldn’t think of what to say. She wasn’t condoning my stupidity; it was as though she were sharing it, and I seemed to remember hearing something along the same lines from Dallan about the guilt I felt. Back at the creche on Central I’d been taught that there was absolutely no excuse for using my abilities when I shouldn’t, and the memory of that training kept rising up to confuse me. I might have sat there for hours and days, simply staring at Relgon, but Siitil was too impatient to allow prolonged silences.
“I, for one, would be willing to forgive far more than an ache in my head at the prospect of possibly being able to retain my life,” she said, her tone somewhat on the dry side. “Do you believe I estimate the matter correctly, Deegor?”
“I do indeed, Siitil,” Deegor answered, gleeful enthusiasm moving her to a grin as she sat. “We must, however, confirm our surmise with Terril.
“What surmise do you speak of?” I asked, putting words to what a lot of the others seemed to be thinking. In some strange way I reverted to where I had been before the accident, and maybe even beyond that. Somehow I was beginning to feel as though I were one of them.
“It has come to us that one who possesses precise control of the power as well as great strength, will likely find it possible to save many lives,” Deegor said in a comfortable way, Siitil nodding in agreement. “In order to attack the palace, one must consider the three greatest obstacles to success: the w’wendaa of the guard, the abilities of Farian, and the Hand of Power on duty at the time. Farian herself must be faced only after the other two obstacles have been overcome, and although nearly half the guard are sympathetic to our cause, they may not be discounted. Should the palace be attacked, the Hand of Power will send fear and doubt to the attackers and confidence and loyalty to the guard, assuring a battle in which much blood will flow, for the most part ours.”
“We therefore came to the conclusion that the Hand of Power must first be slain,” Siitil said, taking up the narration while Deegor paused for a swallow of wine. “The sole manner of achieving this seemed to be a force protected against their output by a potion, led by one or two who were clear-minded and therefore able to lead. None of that force, you understand, would strike with the expectation of surviving. Those who were not downed by the Hand before they fell, would surely be done for by Farian’s guard. All save those who were taken by the madness.”
“Farian has taught each Hand to protect itself with an output of madness,”
Deegor said while I stared at Siitil with chills touching me. “To face death is scarcely difficult for a warrior, yet the thought of madness-in which one would be left alive and forced to endure-forever, should one’s sisters fail to find victory-Suffice it to say that although there were those willing to dare such a fate, we others hesitated to allow the sacrifice.”
“And now such a sacrifice-to the cause of all in this city and elsewhere, to the cause of deposing Farian-may be unnecessary,” Siitil said with a sober happiness which seemed less personal than she had maintained it was. “To send one’s output into large numbers of minds is not difficult, not for the Hand and not even for myself. To send such output precisely where it must go, into the combined awareness of the Hand, with strength enough to halt their own output-would such a thing be beyond you, Terril?”
The question hung in the air supported by the silence of everyone in the room, buoyed up by the stares of ten pairs of eyes. Even before anyone could consider facing Farian the Hand of Power had to be knocked out, and I finally understood why Deegor and Relgon had hesitated to say they could best the Chama. To make people commit themselves to death or insanity on anything less than an absolute certainty would have been beyond them, just as it would have been beyond me. I listened to the crackle of the fire and the dull thrumming of the rain for a moment, then remembered the goblet of juice I was holding.
“The thing would need to be done just after a new Hand had taken its place,” I said, looking down into the juice before going for a swallow of it. “As I understand it, each Hand operates for a set amount of time before being relieved by a fresh Hand, therefore would the fresh Hand have none save those already drained by previous duty to call upon for aid or replacement. Their own replacements would not yet be assembled. “
“You would pit yourself against a fresh Hand?” the woman who had spoken once before demanded above a new babble, her tone more confused than accusing. “We had thought to attempt them when they were nearly drained, trusting to upset and fear to keep the new Hand from forming.”
“And if their fear of Farian is greater than that which they feel for us-which it likely shall be?” Relgon countered, speaking to everyone. “No, Terril is quite right concerning the time they must be taken on, and yet-Are you certain you will find it possible to down all five of them, girl? Apart they are somewhat less than Deegor and myself, yet in concert-“
“They comprise a strength which must be overcome,” I interrupted with a shrug.
“Those who broadcast must have their minds opened wide, else is such broadcasting impossible. If they lack the knowledge of the manner of protecting themselves at such a time, it should be possible to overcome them.
“
“There is a manner of protecting oneself during broadcasting?” Siitil asked in a small voice in the middle of the new silence which had fallen, sounding more awed than at any time previous. I had the distinct impression that she wasn’t really expecting an answer, and apparently everyone else thought the same.
Before I had the chance to say anything everyone was talking at once, and that was only the beginning.
The eager arguments and discussions went on and on, not just allowing me to be a part of them, but demanding that I add my bit. Everyone had something to say and everyone else did their best to tear that something apart, looking for flaws in the plans rather than leaving those flaws to be found the hard way.
Even what l occasionally suggested was attacked, and when I attacked one of Relgon’s ideas, at least half the women agreed with me. I had never felt like that before, a real, true part of something that actually wanted me to be a part of it, and I think it briefly went to my head. I argued and insisted and shouted down those who disagreed with me, and nobody minded! Oh, a couple of the women threw their hands up in disgust and called me a child, but that was actually better than having the others on my side. Even after what I’d done to them, they weren’t afraid to disagree with me, and that really made me feel I belonged.
“It h-as now become clear what our plan of attack must be,” Leelan said at last when most of the shouting was over, checking her goblet with a grimace to find that it was empty. “Shall we pause first for a meal, or come first to agreement?”
“Should we come to agreement, we will have no time for a meal,” Siitil said with what had to be endless impatience, already having given up on her own goblet. “Speak, Leelan, and then we shall go and do.”
“Very well,” Leelan agreed when almost everyone else nodded, ignoring the few grumbles, making herself more comfortable among the cushions. “The needs involved are not ours alone, therefore are we urged to now strike swiftly after having waited so long. Terril has brought us to the belief that we must indeed launch our attack as soon as we may, yet have we in turn convinced her that it may not be done this darkness. I believe the time has come to inform you that Farian herself may have set the thing for us: I have been summoned to the palace and must appear there upon the morrow, before the mid-day meal.”
Surprised and disturbed muttering rose up at that, and everyone frowned at a calm-looking Leelan. On my own I wouldn’t have known how to judge the revelation, but everyone else seemed to consider it more insulting than alarming.
“She means to name the one she will give you to,” Relgon said after the briefest pause, her eyes hard and angry. “And you, of course, will not be able to refuse her commands.”
“With all of you and half the city held hostage to those commands?” Leelan said with a snort, her own held-down anger clear. “She believes I have no choice save to obey her, yet I may indeed have a choice. We have agreed that to avoid a great deal of bloodshed, Terril and a small number of others must enter the palace first, before an attack is launched. Come the new day, Terril will enter the palace with me.”
“In the light?” I blurted, still convinced that any plans including me would have to be executed at night. “When my dark hair would be seen by all who looked upon me? I might well find it possible to cause them to pay no mind to what they see, Leelan, yet the drain on my strength … .”
“No, no, Terril, your strength must be preserved for use against the Hand and the Chama,” Leelan interrupted my protests, waving them aside and dismissing them. “Clearly you must be disguised and shall be, for such a thing will not be difficult. The question to be answered is this: are we to agree on that time as the one for attack, or do we require additional time which only the pledging of my word will secure for us?”
“A word which you will then be honor-bound to hold to, even should Farian fall!” one of the other women growled in disgust, strangely enough one of the two who had been completely opposed to attacking immediately. “No, Leelan, this puts a new light on the matter. You have sacrificed enough.”
“Indeed,” said more than one of the others, and I just couldn’t stand it any longer. I substituted my curtain for the shield, made the effort to touch their minds, and found that every one of them had made the same decision.
“We are in agreement, then?” Leelan asked as she looked around, her mind filled with relief and gratitude. “We will make our attempt on the morrow?”
“We will,” they all said aloud, completing some sort of formula or tradition, and then they all laughed. The agreement really was unanimous, which we discovered in the next minute.
“I, personally, will be most pleased to make the attempt on the morrow,” an unexpected voice rang out, causing half of us to turn around. Dallan stood just inside the room with Hestin to his left; none of us had noticed either one of them arrive.
“And in what manner do you believe you may join us, l’lenda?” Relgon asked, speaking when Leelan didn’t. “Would it please you to raise your sword with our w’wendaa? Should our intentions prevail, there will be few to raise such a weapon against.”
“I am honored that you would accept my sword among those of your own warriors, lady,” Dallan said with a bow before beginning to walk toward us, deliberately having used the word w’wendaa rather than l’lendaa. “I, however, am bound by a previous honor, one which demands that I remain beside the woman of my friend and brother. Where Terril goes, there, too, go I.”
“You cannot!” Leelan gasped, outraged, annoyed-and suddenly worried. “Your presence would alert the guard, Dallan, and even were you to be admitted you would not be allowed to walk the corridors without escort. The presence of an escort would greatly complicate our plan.”
“And should any harm befall Terril, my honor would be no more,” he countered, stopping to look down at the woman he argued with. “Would you ask me to compromise my honor out of deference to your need?”
All of the women suddenly flashed annoyed frustration so strongly that I could feel the waves of it through my curtain, but not one word was spoken in answer to Dallan’s question. He had as much as accused them of being ready to sacrifice his honor to their cause, and that was something most of them would not find it possible to do. Dallan knew that and had been trying to get at least one of them to say he could go along no matter how out of place he would be, but Deegor spoke up before anyone could put an irretrievable foot in it.
“The request of this l’lenda to accompany you is the least of the matters we have before us, Leelan,” she said, starting immediately to get to her feet.
“We will now take our leave to see to as many of them as we may, and will send you word as to our progress. We will meet again before your departure for the palace.”
Leelan nodded with a smile as she, too, rose to her feet, and in another moment everyone was following suit. Deegor had momentarily neutralized Dallan by calling his demand a request, something he couldn’t correct on the spot without making himself look foolish. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t be a problem, but arguing it out with him could be done more easily without so large an audience. The women all said good-bye to me before heading for the door, and Leelan followed along behind them to see them out. I was drifting along too, listening to two of them making some afterthought comments on one of the suggestions I’d made, but the last of it got said without my hearing it. Just as I reached the doorway I was snagged by Dallan and Hestin both, one taking each of my arms, and the parade continued on without me.
“You seem to have been rather fully occupied, treda,” Hestin said from my right, looking down at me calmly. “In my distraction, it had not come to me that this would be so.”
“And I, too, had not realized that Leelan and the others would fail to dissuade you from leaving your bed,” Dallan chimed in, his stare from my left quite a bit more on the chilly side. “A thing which was done, sister, without the permission of either Hestin or myself.”
Each one of them had a big hand wrapped around the arm nearest him, and although they weren’t hurting me they also weren’t holding on loosely enough for me to pull free. I closed my eyes for a minute with a sigh, trying to keep my temper in check, then looked up at each of them in turn with the meager results of my efforts.
“I refuse to allow this to continue,” I stated, not only annoyed but embarrassed. “I am a grown woman, and will not be ordered about as though I were a child.”
“You are a grown woman who is banded, and one who was badly hurt,” Dallan said with an air of repeating himself for the hundredth time, adding patience-finally-wearing-thin.
“You cannot march about as you please, disregarding everything said to you.”
“And yet, what else might be expected of her?” Hestin put in, this time speaking to Dallan. “A treda such as she cannot be expected to behave with a full knowledge of honor, as witness her recent behavior. You blow your breath into the gale, Dallan.”
