Desire, page 7
“I’m only suggesting that you shouldn’t always believe your father.”
“Like I don’t know that.” Kylan rolled his eyes. There was no reason for Eero to lie about this, even he considered marriage sacred. He wouldn’t destroy Kylan’s happiness like this.
Kylan turned back to watch Aiden. “He still hasn’t learned Lightfire. Why aren’t you pushing him?”
“Your brother has a different learning pattern. While your strongest emotion is anger, Aiden’s are loneliness and insecurity. When he feels safe, he’ll learn it. Pushing him would only cause problems.”
“How do you know that?”
“The Rune isn’t just suppressing positive emotions, it magnifies one’s deepest traumas, causing an endless spiral of self blame.” Egon looked deep into his eyes. “Now, tell me, Kylan, how is your brother supposed to feel safe and cared for when the only person he ever looked up to despises him for something that wasn’t his fault?”
Kylan pushed himself away from the railing. “He killed my mother!”
He stormed inside but heard Egon say, “And there is the anger.”
Kylan jogged up the stairs. His heart pumped fury in his veins, but he didn’t care. Aiden had killed her, and it didn’t matter how. He left the main stairs behind, heading to the back of the mansion to climb the old wooden stairs up to the roof. He sat in his favorite spot. The burn marks he’d made while watching Alana leave a decade ago were still there.
Kylan sighed and pulled out a cigarette. Of course, he was angry. There wasn’t anyone he could count on, but himself. Every time he let someone in, he’d gotten rejected.
“Crazy old man,” he muttered.
He watched the ocean. Millions of tiny glittering diamonds. He smiled. That was how Alana had described the sun reflecting on the water. She’d been kind to him and he’d treated her like shit. Kylan touched his right shoulder. He still didn’t know how that little girl had thrown him over her shoulder and dislocated his, but he’d deserved it. He’d been an ass. The fire in her eyes during their training session should have been a warning sign to him, but he’d treated it as a girly tantrum. He’d been so sure he was the better fighter, he hadn’t seen it coming. That was the moment his view of her changed. From that moment, he’d seen the strength in her. He’d seen past her gender.
Kylan closed his eyes and ran his finger over his bracelet one more time. He let go of the Rune and for a second, for a tiny moment, he felt his love for Alana. Using the moment, and the power of the emotion, he summoned a small fire ball on his palm, and for a few moments it was the flame he needed. The white-yellow ball flickered in the breeze, but before his next breath, everything else flooded his heart hot and fast like wildfire. He couldn’t breathe. His body tensed. The flame turned orange, then it shot up towards the sky as he lost control. Pleading, screams, and cries filled his ears. Guilt, sorrow, and pain overwhelmed his heart.
It was too much. The memory of her flew away, and he had nothing to hold on to. He forced the flames back inside his body.
Kylan opened his eyes and used the Rune again. The screams stopped, the guilt vanished, and the feeling of love for Alana disappeared.
The wind changed, and he caught Egon’s scent from behind.
“I’m leaving on the next train.”
“I’d advise against it. You need more time to get ready.”
Kylan shook his head. “He wants answers. I need to leave.”
Egon nodded. “See you when you get back.”
There was an annoying smile on his grandfather’s face, one that suggested the man knew more that he revealed, one that said this mission held more secrets than Kylan knew about.
“What is it?” he asked. “What are you holding back?”
Egon touched his shoulder. “There are things in life you have to discover on your own, Kylan.” He looked into his eyes. “We’ll talk when we meet again.”
Kylan rolled his eyes. He should’ve known he wouldn’t get an answer. With a lump forming in his throat, and doubt creeping into his heart, he headed to collect his bags and dive into the unknown, hoping that his training was good enough to succeed with the mission.
Chapter 10
Alana
Alana knocked on Dorian’s office and, after a moment, stepped in. Dorian sat at the desk reading some papers. The white wall behind him was filled with enchanted pots. Every bowl held the name of a city, and each of them was connected to another somewhere in the country, or even in the neighboring countries. They would light up in green, red, or yellow when a new message arrived, depending on its urgency.
The lamp’s light spread across Dorian’s face, highlighting the wrinkles sleepless nights had drawn onto his face. Since their kiss, the tension between them was worse than ever. Dorian still helped her, but he kept a distance from her he hadn’t before. A part of her was relieved, but another part of her wanted him back. At least as a friend.
“Hi,” she said as she closed the door.
Dorian glanced up over the edge of his glasses. “Hi.”
Alana stood and resisted the urge to chew on her finger. “The reports say that the protection spell is the weakest at the northern side of the town. Are we going to patrol there?”
“Yes.” Dorian kept his focus on the paper in front of him. “We’ll leave in an hour.”
Alana stepped closer and opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she couldn’t find the words.
Dorian leaned back and put down his glasses. “Do you want something else?”
She inhaled deeply. “I’m sorry. Okay? I shouldn’t have kissed you.” She lifted her hand and bit the skin next to her thumbnail. She realized what she was doing and put her hand down, picking the skin with her index finger. “I miss you.”
Dorian’s eyes flashed, but when he spoke, his voice was calm. “As soon as Lili is back, I’ll give her my transfer request, Alana. I can’t do this any longer.”
She gaped. “You can’t do that. You’re her right hand. You’re needed here. Don’t leave because of me.”
Dorian shook his head. “You don’t get it, do you? I love you, Alana. But this game you’re playing is too much. You push me away and pull me back as you wish. I’m tired of it. You asked for space after I proposed. I gave you time. I gave you space. Then you ended our relationship. And even after all that, you kiss me with a passion you’d never shown before, and say it was a mistake. What the fuck should I do with that? Hm?”
Anger filled her body, and she snapped at him. “You can’t leave me. I need you. I care about you, Dorian.”
He snorted. “Because it’s all about you, right? Your needs, your feelings, and your power. Now let me tell you this, just because your father spoiled you doesn’t mean everything is about you.” She opened her mouth, but Dorian wasn’t finished. “I get your insecurity, I really do, but your struggle with your power has infected you. It has turned you into a coward. I need to move on with my life, and I can’t do that if you’re around.”
“Not everything is about me,” she whispered, fighting her tears. “I just don’t know what to do.”
Dorian leaned forward and rested his forearms on the desk. Looking into her eyes, he asked, “Do you love me?”
“I… I don’t know.” She stared at the carpet and bit the inner side of her mouth. Did she? There was this aching in her chest as she thought about Dorian leaving, about never seeing him again. But at night, when she went to sleep without him, she didn’t miss him. When she thought about her future, he wasn’t the man she imagined her life with. And still, a part of her wanted to be close to this man.
“Maybe?”
Dorian shook his head. “Yeah, well, maybe won’t do it. Not this time.” He put on his glasses. “You should leave now.”
“But I don’t want to lose you,” she said.
Seconds flew away, but Dorian didn’t react. He kept reading without a twitch of a muscle. An invisible hand squeezed her heart as she realized that this time Dorian was serious. She couldn’t lose him. Not like this. But she couldn’t say anything else. She couldn’t say she loved him. She did, but not the way he wanted.
Alana turned and walked away. The door hadn’t even closed behind her when her tears started to fall. His words echoed in her mind. Spoiled, insecure, and a coward. Was he right? She didn’t have the answers. But she needed to figure them out before he left.
Stepping into the small living room, she curled up in her favorite armchair, the one she had gotten from their old neighbor. The huge sunflowers on the wine red base didn’t match the light beige and blue room, but she loved it. It reminded her of a time when things were simple.
She stared at the rainy garden. The trees were budding, and soon everything would be green. She enjoyed the calming rhythm of the rain as drops knocked on the windows and roof. A lonely thrush flew across the garden and found shelter under a thick branch. It looked happy as it finally got to safety.
Dorian had been her shelter for so long. The warmth and goodness of the man, his gentleness, the way he’d held her in his arms had been nice. But she’d thrown that away because it wasn’t enough. Alana bumped her head against the armchair as she silently cursed herself. Why couldn’t she be happy with what she had? Why did she long for something that would never be hers?
Because despite the reports, despite the knowledge that Kylan had changed, she wanted him. And seeing him in her dream, in an episode, only strengthened those feelings. He still had good in him. If she had the chance… She shook her head. There was no way she’d ever see him again, so waiting for him was a waste of time, but she couldn’t ignore what her heart desired.
The thoughts about Kylan weren’t important. He was the past, a foolish love of a foolish girl. What she needed to do was to fix her friendship with Dorian, because he was here and he was real. Even if she couldn’t return his feelings, she should make it clear that she hadn’t meant to hurt him like that.
After deciding to right her wrongs, Alana changed into her black dicralux outfit. The flexible metal woven into the cotton created a stronger armor than anything else in the world. She fixed her swords on her back and slid a knife into her boot. On her way down, she pulled her hair up in a ponytail.
Dorian waited for her in the hall, but instead of his warm smile, he just nodded. Alana took a deep breath and kept smiling, even though his cold, emotionless eyes suggested it was too late to change his mind.
She followed him out into the pouring rain. The new lamps on the streets gave the city a different glow. The windows and shops reflected warm yellow lights in a million directions, creating a magical and warm feeling on the main street. It was safer, but it made the alleys threatening; the shadows there were darker, longer.
Tall glass and brick buildings lined the roads, towering over them with several floors. The sidewalk was wider, close to the center than in the suburbs. Here, all the roads were regularly maintained; there weren’t any cracks or missing cobble stones. The automobiles could ride on them easier.
The vehicles were more and more popular in the cities, but for long distance travels people still used horses or the train. Not because technology wasn’t ready, or they couldn’t build roads between towns; it was about keeping magic secret. Demons roamed the lands at night and common people couldn’t know about them. It was their job to protect magic and protect people from magic and magical creatures.
As they left the center behind, the tall buildings changed into shorter ones. Every now and then, family houses broke the monotony of the brick giants.
It stopped raining, but neither of them said anything. At the edge of the northern district, Alana couldn’t keep her thoughts to herself any longer.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. I acted selfishly.”
Dorian half-shrugged. “I need to go, Alana. I can’t do this any longer.” He sighed. “I just can’t.”
“Then I’ll leave.”
A short, bitter laugh escaped Dorian. “You’re the only adult fire mage. You can’t leave the capital.”
“You’re the strongest telepath.”
Dorian stopped and looked at her. “You’re wrong. I’m not the strongest. Alana, your powers are much greater than mine. I saw it, felt it.”
“I’m far from strong.” This short conversation was better than the silent treatment Dorian had given her. “Can we be—” Something metallic echoed in an alley a few corners away. “We should check that.”
Behind a bar, a group of humanoid demons fought with each other. Most of their body was covered, only their eyes gave them away.
“You should go home,” Dorian said, his hand at the hilt of his sword.
“Fucking mage,” a demon hissed.
Alana drew one of her swords as the creature stepped closer. “We don’t want to fight.”
The group stopped fighting and turned their attention to Alana and Dorian.
The demon smirked, showing his pointy teeth. “Then you should’ve walked away.” He licked his lips. “It’s been a while since we got fresh meat.”
Alana swallowed and guided her fire to her hands, keeping it under the skin. Her telepathic ability was useless on demons, their mind was wired in a different way. Which meant Dorian was powerless against them too.
“You know we can’t do that,” Dorian said. “Go before humans see you.”
The creature snorted. “Magic is changing, little human. Don’t you feel it? This order of yours won’t last for long. Soon, my kind will rise and take over.”
Dorian’s jaw clenched, and he changed his grip on the sword. “Just go home.”
The bar’s door opened and four men stumbled onto the street, drunk, barely standing. They stared at the demon, then at Alana and Dorian; their eyes widening at the sight of the weapons.
This wasn’t good. Alana swallowed and readied herself for a fight.
The humanoid licked his lips again and leaped, grabbing a man and biting into his shoulder.
Alana shot a fireball at him, pushing him away from the human. With one jump, Dorian was at the humans, shoving them behind him. A man, who looked the least drunk, pulled a knife, waving it in the air. As Dorian tried to keep the man away from the fight, the knife cut into Dorian’s neck. Dorian pushed the man back, trying to keep him from fighting, but the other humans joined in and one of them cut his arm before he managed to keep them contained.
The demons snarled and attacked, using their superior speed and strength.
One of them dug his claw into Alana’s skin. She cried out, but used the opportunity to stab the creature. By the time she turned to face another, the wound was healed.
“Enough!” a strong, deep voice shouted.
Alana turned. An automobile parked a few steps away. Yellow eyes flashed in the lights as the driver walked to them. He wore a fine cut three part suit and a long, black coat with gloves and a hat to hide his skin. The creature probably was one of the leaders among demons. As he got closer and lifted his gaze, Alana saw his bark like skin.
“Thank you for your help,” the driver said. “I got it from here.”
Dorian nodded. “We need to take care of the humans.”
At the sight of the driver, the other demons yelped.
“Get out of here,” the driver hissed. “This is your final warning.”
The demons hurried away with bowed heads, and the driver nodded to Alana and Dorian before getting into his car and drove away.
It amazed Alana how much these creatures feared their superiors, but showed violence towards anyone else.
She crouched next to the injured human and healed him.
Dorian put his fingers onto another’s temple and closed his eyes. When he pulled away, he stumbled a step back and shook his head.
Alana jumped to him. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, just a little dizzy.”
“Let me heal you.” Alana put her hand over the cut on his neck. “Your arm is injured too.” Her hand slid to his upper arm, under his shoulder, to examine the wound there. She frowned, wondering how the human cut through the uniform. Estril was rare even in the magical community, and even more so among humans, although it wasn’t impossible. “This is weird… it looks… different.”
The edge of the cut had a light green shade. It was almost like wolf-demon poison, but something was off. She put her palm over the injury and healed it. It took her longer than she expected, but the wound closed.
“It’s done,” she said.
Dorian leaned against the wall. “Can you change their memories? I’m still a little dizzy.”
Alana chewed on her finger. “Are you sure?”
Dorian smiled and nodded. “You can do it.”
She stepped to the next man, placing her fingers onto his temples the same way Dorian had done a few moments ago. Changing his memories wasn’t hard. They were recent, and the man was drunk. He just needed a little mixing up, but with the recent episode, her insecurity blossomed strongly inside her.
Dorian gave her a reassuring smile when she glanced at him, so she took a deep breath and changed the men’s memories.
“Where is the fourth?” Alana looked around when she was finished with the third man.
Dorian looked around. “There.” He pointed at a shadowy figure several corners away. He waved. “Just let him go. He was drunk enough to forget this on his own.” Rubbing his arm, he said, “Let’s go home.”
“Can we be friends again?” she asked.
Dorian inhaled sharply. “I don’t know. Probably. One day.”
Alana nodded. “I didn’t want to upset you with that kiss.” She glanced at him. “I was thinking about it a lot, and I think I channeled your emotions, and it confused me for a second.”
“That’s possible,” Dorian said. “You used your power.”
Heat ran to her cheeks, and she lifted her hand to chew on her finger. “I did.”
“And you didn’t hurt anyone and didn’t lose control.”
She peered at him. The pride was obvious in his voice. “I guess I didn’t.” Warmth filled her heart at the small success. “I did it.”
