Ultimate MC (Romance Collection), page 49
Still, I couldn’t help the way my fingers clenched into fists, and I knew I was scowling when Victor turned to look at me. He clapped me on the shoulder, giving me a sympathetic look. “Bet this is pretty damned frustrating for you, huh?” he asked.
“Understatement of the century,” I muttered under my breath, and Victor cracked a smile.
“You know that the MC isn’t trying to attack you,” he said. “Xander’s just trying to make sure that you don’t end up in jail at the end of all of this. And Otis too.”
“What’s the point of staying out of jail if it means I can’t be part of the club anymore?” I sighed, looking unhappily off up the street. I couldn’t picture my life without the club anymore. What would I even do with myself? I didn’t know.
It was starting to feel like I wasn’t going to have any choice but to start picturing it, though. With the way they treated me, I didn’t think it would all blow over in a month when the therapy sessions were over. Otis sounded like he never wanted to send me on another collecting assignment again. And with Xander watching my every move, making sure that I didn’t do anything to piss off the sheriff, I wouldn’t be able to do things the way they needed to be done, either.
Like I had said to Olivia, I didn’t have any hobbies. I had never considered any other sort of life for myself. So what the hell was I going to do?
“What are you talking about, not being part of the club anymore?” Victor asked, though, sounding genuinely shocked. “Otis didn’t say anything like that.”
“Maybe not to you guys, but he’s not letting me do my job anymore. He told me to forget all about Jeremy and just to lay low.”
“That’s just for now,” Victor said dismissively. “Just until all of this blows over and the sheriff gets off your back. You just have to be patient.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know, man. It doesn’t sound that way from where I’m sitting.”
Victor shook his head as well. “Logan, dude, you should hear the way that Otis talks about you sometimes. He basically makes it sound like you run this MC, not him. And it’s kind of true, when you think about it. You’re the guy responsible for all our fortune at the end of the day.” He paused. “I know it’s probably frustrating to let this one go, but if that’s what it takes to ensure that you can keep being our collector after this all blows over, don’t you think it’s worth it?”
I stared at him. I was surprised to hear that about Otis, about the way he talked about me. I knew I had a slightly different relationship with Otis than the rest of the guys did, that Otis respected the work I did, but I didn’t realize I was that important to him.
“How are things going with the therapist anyway?” Victor asked. “Is it helping at all?”
I shook my head. “Massive waste of time,” I told him. “I don’t talk at all. I don’t know what they’re trying to find out about me, but I can’t tell them about work or any of that, so what the fuck am I supposed to say?”
Victor shrugged. “I don’t know,” he said. “Talk about the weather maybe?” He smirked, and then his expression sobered. “Like I said, we’re not all trying to gang up on you or anything, but I know you’ve got skeletons in your closet. Things that maybe even Otis doesn’t know about. And I’m not saying that this therapist could really help you, but isn’t it worth a try? Just once? If you have to be there, anyway.”
I stared at him, a frown on my face. It was almost the same refrain I’d been hearing from the other guys. But at the same time, when Victor said it, it did seem more like he cared about me, like he really wanted me to feel better about the whole situation. And I appreciated that.
“I make no promises,” I finally said. “But I’ll think about it.” I glanced at my watch. “For now, I think I’m going to head to the gym and go for a few rounds with the punching bag.”
“Sounds good,” Victor said, nodding at me. “Let me know if you want to go for a beer sometime or anything, okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” I said. I headed off, trying to forget about Otis, Xander, Jeremy, and the rest of it. Unfortunately, that just left me thinking about Olivia and the way she had kicked me out after we’d had sex the previous day. That wasn’t anything that I wanted to think about, either. I knew that we probably shouldn’t have had sex with each other, but I’d thought she’d enjoyed it as much as I had, if not more.
She’d seemed unimpressed afterward, though. Or worse than that, she’d seemed dismissive of it. Yet another person who didn’t care to have me in their life. Another person who just treated me like another problem.
I sighed and shook my head, my feet lagging as I headed toward the gym. The urge to punch something was draining out of me, slowly but surely. Instead, I just felt tired, sick of the state of my life in recent days. But there was nothing I could do about that. No matter how much I might wish things were different, there was no way to change them now.
Chapter 12
Olivia
I grabbed an extra copy of the school recital’s program as Hazel and I found our way to our seats. “The girls are going to look so adorable up there on stage,” I said, smiling as we sat down. Neither Jane nor Hillary had told us what their roles were in the school play, but I was excited all the same, and I knew that Hazel was too. Her little babies, up there on stage. We were both lucky enough to be there to watch them. Hazel’s husband was away on a business trip, unfortunately, but she had promised to buy the video of the performance for him to watch later, and the girls had promised to act out their roles in a special performance just for the family. And me, of course, as their “auntie.”
We had a little time to kill before the show started, having gotten there early to drop the girls with their teachers so that they could get changed into their costumes, so I got to spend a little extra time with my friend.
“You look tired,” Hazel said, peering over at me.
I rolled my eyes. “Thanks for saying I look like shit,” I quipped.
Hazel laughed. “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “I just was wondering if that meant that you were getting busier at work or something. You know, if you weren’t just dealing with a bunch of bored housewives anymore.”
“Honestly, in terms of appointments and things, I’m doing about the same number as I have been,” I told her. “It’s not busier. But I do have this one new client who’s pretty interesting.” I could have kicked myself as soon as I said it. I knew Hazel, and I knew that I had just given her the opening to ask for all the details I could possibly give her about Logan. And what could I say about him?
I definitely couldn’t tell her that I had gotten fucked by him in the middle of my kitchen the day before. She had nothing against casual sex, as much as she wanted me to meet my “forever man,” like she had met hers. But she was a doctor, and she had the same sorts of restrictions in place with her clients. She knew that I wasn’t supposed to be sleeping with my patients, and there was no way she would ever approve of that. Not only that, though; she knew me better than anyone else, and she would know just what that meant for me.
It had been a long time since I had slept with anyone. And not because there hadn’t been anyone who was ever interested in sleeping with me.
Still, I couldn’t avoid the questions now. I would have to try to answer them as truthfully and with as many details as possible without giving her too much information.
“What’s his case?” Hazel asked.
“He apparently beat up some guy,” I told her. “We still haven’t been able to get him to open up about what happened or who this guy was or anything. But anyway, the sheriff has sent him to us. He’s got to come for therapy twice a week for a month, Mondays and Thursdays. He’s been in twice now.”
“Huh,” Hazel said, peering at me. “There’s something that you’re not telling me about him. Are you, like, afraid of him or something?” She said that last quietly, and I could see the concern in her eyes. She knew my history with men.
I shook my head, looking down at my hands. Because the truth was, I was afraid of him, but it wasn’t for the reasons she thought. There was a reason I looked so tired that day, and it was because I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him the previous night, as I lay there in bed by myself. What if I hadn’t kicked him out? What if he had stayed and we’d talked for a while and then come up to my bedroom and gone at it again? What if he’d spent the night?
The idea of it wasn’t unpleasant.
What if I could get through to him, what if I really could help him, what if I could crack through those walls that he had up around himself, get into that dark past that I sensed just below the surface? What if we could become something more?
There was just something about him that resonated with me. I didn’t usually meet guys who were so much like me. Guys who intrigued me, guys who I wanted to get to know better. But Logan was different. And even though I knew he was dangerous, even though I could sense that darkness lurking there, I also knew, somehow, instinctively, he would never hurt me.
Or at least, not on purpose. The trouble was, I knew I couldn’t possibly be his type. If he even had a type. He didn’t seem like he wanted to open up to anyone, like he wanted to share his life with anyone. And I had to respect that. Hell, I understood that better than anyone else.
So even though I couldn’t seem to stop thinking about how much I wanted him to come back again, to stay over next time, I also knew that things couldn’t continue between us. Because if I let myself get too invested with him, if I let myself want him, I was going to end up hurt.
I bit my lower lip, trying to figure out just what to say to Hazel. She was my best friend, and we told each other everything. As much as I wanted to keep this to myself, I knew that the truth was sure to come out at some point. And I didn’t want her to think that I was lying to her.
I sighed. “He’s really sexy,” I admitted.
Hazel’s brows drew together. “But he’s one of your clients,” she said. And then, she blinked, clearly reading the expression on my face. “Oh, Olivia.” She sighed. “Is that why you’re so tired? Did you have a date that you didn’t tell me about?”
“It wasn’t a date,” I told her. “He just needed someone to talk to. And then we had sex.” I lifted my chin, challenging her to say anything about that. But she kept her mouth shut, just nodding at me. “I kicked him out afterward,” I added, even though I didn’t need to justify myself to her or explain what I had done.
Hazel gave me a one-armed hug. “Are you okay?” she asked.
“It’s not like I’m in love with him or anything,” I said, rolling my eyes.
“That’s not what I asked,” Hazel said sternly, and I had to smile. She always had my back, whatever I needed. I should never have been so worried about telling her. “I just hope you’re being careful,” she said.
“I am,” I said. “If David found out that I had slept with a client, I’d never get a chance to work in this industry again.”
Hazel frowned at me. “That’s not what I meant,” she said. “I know you, Olivia. Don’t get too tangled up in your emotions. And you know that I’m always here to talk if you need me. Even when we’re both busy, I’ll always make time for you.”
I smiled at her, nudging her shoulder with mine. “I know,” I told her. “Thanks.” The curtain twitched, and I pointed to the stage. “Show’s starting!” I was relieved for the interruption. I was glad that I had told Hazel about Logan, but I didn’t want to have the conversation that we really should be having, about the ethics of sleeping with him and everything else. I didn’t know how to explain just why I was willing to jeopardize my career to sleep with him.
Because that was something that I still didn’t know how to explain even to myself.
Anyway, there would be no more jeopardizing of my career, anyway. I wasn’t going to let him get that close to me. I was old enough and experienced enough to know just what I was getting myself into, and I wasn’t going to let myself get hurt again.
Chapter 13
Logan
I considered skipping my therapy session on Thursday. First of all, I hated feeling like I was being bullied into attending these stupid sessions. They weren’t helping me at all, and I had no desire to be helped. You had to have something wrong with you to need to be helped, and I was still sure that I didn’t have anything that therapy would address. I certainly didn’t have anger management issues.
I was still pissed at Xander and pissed at Otis, and it seemed like an easy fuck-you to just quit going to those sessions.
But on the other hand, I didn’t want Olivia to think that I wasn’t showing up because of her. Nor did I want her to get into trouble at work for having slept with me. I didn’t think she would tell them, but if I just quit showing up for sessions and they asked her if she knew why, she might feel like she had to say something. She might feel guilty.
To be honest, she was one of the only reasons I was even considering going to the session. I didn’t know what it was about her, but I just had the feeling that she understood me better than anyone else ever could. Maybe it was just that she kept trying, between getting lunch with me, chasing me down with her car, giving me her card, and everything else. Or maybe it was that I could sense that coldness about her too. She had been through some things, I was sure. She wasn’t just some bimbo who wanted to tell me that everything was going to be all right, like it was that easy, like there was no hardship in the world.
So I considered blowing it off, but in the end, I decided to go. I told myself that it was because of what Victor had said about giving it one chance. But it was more than that. It was more to do with Olivia.
I didn’t think about that too carefully. Admitting that I wanted to talk to her was a little too close to admitting that I needed to talk to someone like her, a therapist. And I still wasn’t there yet.
I got to Thursday’s session early and hung around outside for a few minutes, dicking around on my phone. I knew that I could go upstairs and that the worst they would do was make me wait for a couple of minutes on my own. We might even be able to get started sooner, get this thing over with a few minutes early. But it felt a little overeager to show up early to my therapy session, and I didn’t want anyone getting the wrong impression.
So I was still hanging around outside when Xander cruised by, going slowly and clearly looking to see if he could spot me. Yet again, I felt my hands clench into fists. I had thought I’d made it fucking clear that I didn’t want him following me, checking up on me, acting like my life was his responsibility. I could take care of my own damned self.
But he drove off before I could confront him.
I thought again about walking off, not going up there. But before I could make up my mind, Olivia drove up and jumped out of her car. “Hey,” she said, seeming surprised to see me standing out there. She glanced at her watch and then smiled at me, raising an eyebrow. “You know, you can come upstairs if you want.”
“I know. I was doing something on my phone. Email,” I told her lamely, waving around said device like an idiot. I sheepishly followed her into the building.
My body wanted me to reach for her, to pull her close in the elevator and give her another bruising, mind-blowing kiss, but I held back. She was staring up at the numbers as the elevator rose higher in the building, and I could tell that she didn’t want to discuss yesterday, let alone have a repeat of it. So be it, then. It hurt a little, but I knew it was just to do with her career.
I liked that she had things that she cared so damned much about. Between that friend she had mentioned before and her job, she seemed like the kind of person who devoted herself to everything that she did.
So I didn’t understand why the other guy in the therapy room, David, didn’t let her get a word in edgewise. When we got into the room, he started off talking just like he had during Monday’s session, seeming unfazed by my lack of responses. Finally, after ten minutes of watching Olivia take notes on the nothing that I was saying, I cut David off.
“Look, I’m willing to talk today,” I told him.
“Oh. Good,” David said. He opened his mouth to ask me a question, but I cut him off again.
“But I’m only going to talk if Olivia runs the session.”
There was silence in the room. David looked over at Olivia, his brow furrowing. “That’s not the way we usually run things here,” he said slowly.
I shrugged. “Look, it’s your choice, man. As much as I love listening to you prattle on, I’m telling you, you’re not getting anything out of me unless Olivia runs the session. Or what, you don’t think she can do it?”
“It’s not that,” David said hastily.
I didn’t really know what I was playing at here, but I could see the faint smile on Olivia’s face. She ducked her head, trying to hide it, but to me it was obvious. And hey, if I could shut David up, maybe I could quit picturing Olivia on her knees on that couch while I fucked into her from behind. It was more difficult to keep thinking unsexy thoughts today when my mind kept straying back to how tight she had been in her kitchen, how vocal she had been about her pleasure, how hard I had cum, until I was utterly spent and sated in a way that no woman had ever gotten me before.
“All right,” David finally said, nodding at Olivia. “All yours.”
Olivia looked surprised that he’d agreed. She looked over at me, biting her lower lip. “So, uh, let’s see. You don’t want to talk about work or about what you’re doing here.” She coughed lightly, clearly trying to figure out what to ask about. I didn’t care what it was right then; I just wanted her to ask anything so I could stop thinking about how cute she looked when she was flustered like that.
“Are you from Greenboro originally?” she asked.
I blinked, not having expected that question. I shrugged. “Not originally, no,” I told her. “But I’ve been here for most of my life.”
“Moved here with your family?” Olivia asked, glancing over at David. Again, I had to wonder about the relationship between the two of them. Was she looking to him for approval? Was there a chance that she was sleeping with him? I was surprised to feel jealousy course through me. That would explain why she had been so quick to kick me out of there after we’d had sex.
