Always By Your Side: Evan and Ryan, page 1
ALWAYS BY YOUR SIDE
EVAN & RYAN
For all the Evans
that need a Ryan,
know that there’s always
gonna be someone for you
PROLOGUE7
CHAPTER 112
CHAPTER 220
CHAPTER 327
CHAPTER 433
CHAPTER 541
CHAPTER 650
CHAPTER 759
CHAPTER 865
CHAPETR 974
CHAPTER 1083
CHAPTER 1189
CHAPTER 1298
CHAPTER 13105
CHAPTER 14112
CHAPTER 15119
CHAPTER 16125
CHAPTER 17132
CHAPTER 18145
CHAPTER 19152
CHAPTER 20159
CAPITOLO 21168
CHAPTER 22177
CHAPTER 23187
CHAPTER 24194
CHAPTER 25207
CHAPTER 26217
CHAPTER 27228
CHAPTER 28234
CHAPTER 29250
EPILOGUE268
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS276
PROLOGUE
Ryan had spent the last six months staring at Mrs. Atkins' belly growing little by little and was looking forward to seeing the baby inside her. He was an only child and he would finally have a baby brother. Sure, he was the neighbor's baby, but their mothers had been best friends since high school and it was only fitting that he and the newcomer would become siblings.
Last night Mrs. Atkins had gone to the hospital, and that morning he woke up and his mother informed her that baby Evan was born. He could not possibly be more delighted. His playmate had finally arrived.
Eating breakfast that morning seemed like an inconvenience and a big waste of time, but he knew that if he did not eat, his mom would not take him to see little Evan, and he was desperate to see him.
The trip from their house to the hospital seemed to take forever, and the walk from the car to Mrs. Atkins' room even longer.
Once in front of the door, he did not even wait for his mother, went inside and headed straight for the crib in which baby Evan was sleeping without even saying goodbye to the adults in the room.
He was so small, Ryan found himself wondering how was it possible that he, too, had once been like that.
The two mothers looked at him with huge smiles on their lips, a little excited to see little Ryan, only four years old, looking at little Evan, only a few hours old, as if he were the most interesting thing in the world. His big blue eyes were wide open and his lips curved up to form a smile.
-Can I hold him?- He asked Mrs. Atkins jumping up and down excitedly. Not even on purpose, little Evan opened his eyes at that very instant revealing the most beautiful shades of green Ryan had ever seen.
-Sure honey. Take a seat in the chair and Mommy will put him in your arms-Ryan had never been more obedient than in that moment. In no time, he was on the little chair next to the crib with his arms outstretched, ready to welcome his new friend.
His mother placed the baby in his arms and he held him tightly, partly to keep him from falling, partly to show everyone that they could trust him and that nothing would ever happen to little Evan as long as he was with him.
He stared at the baby in his arms and whispered not too quietly, "I will always be by your side."
The two mothers had tear-filled eyes from emotion and could not resist the urge to take pictures. The most beautiful one was the one in which the two children looked into each other's eyes, blue meeting green and sealing a lifelong promise.
At the age of nine, Ryan was a very lively child and way too bossy with other children, but there was one person for whom he completely calmed down, and that was little Evan, who was only five years old at the time and followed Ryan everywhere like a lost puppy. The two children adored each other infinitely.
No one could give Ryan a present and forget about little Evan, because there would be trouble. The older child rebelled every time and cried until little Evan also received something. The two mothers considered him absolutely adorable when he was younger; now he was almost unbearable.
The other children were afraid to play with Evan because the little one was more fragile than the others and got hurt often, provoking Ryan's reaction, who never missed an opportunity to avenge his friend.
It was a wonderful friendship and the parents were happy that they were so close.
Evan was also perhaps too dependent on Ryan. For example, he could not sleep without his friend's good night. He did not eat much unless his neighbor was nearby. Since childhood they had been used to doing everything together, and Evan pitied every second of separation in unexpected ways.
That morning, Ryan and his parents were to leave to spend a weekend at his grandparents', and neither child was particularly excited about the idea. It would be the first time they would not see each other for three full days. The longest time they had ever spent apart had only ever been two days. One night only. This was new and the mothers were partly worried.
The two children hugged each other for a long time, and Ryan promised little Evan a thousand times that he would call him every day and wish him goodnight on the phone before bed, but that promise, did not seem to particularly interest little Evan, who cried as if he would never see Ryan again in his life.
The first night, the two children stayed on the phone with the younger one in tears, crying himself to sleep. It broke the mother's heart little by little to see her child so sad, and Ryan's mother wondered if it would always be like this between the two.
On the second day, Evan hardly touched any food and sat in his room the whole time staring at the picture of Ryan that he had on his nightstand. It was a picture taken the previous summer, and the two of them were in their bathing suits at the beach with smiling faces.
That night, due to a thunderstorm that caused the loss of signal, the two children could not talk and Evan did not fall asleep until very late and had the first nightmare of his life. His mother was awakened by the little boy's screams as he struggled in bed terrified. She spent the night clutching her son, hoping he would not have any more bad dreams.
On the third day, exhausted from the events of the previous days, Evan spent most of the morning sleeping, and when he woke up, his mother persuaded him to go to the park to distract him a little. It was a relaxing afternoon and the little boy was able to take his mind off his friend for a while, and he was really peaceful, at least until bedtime, when Ryan, exhausted from spending the day running here and there with his little cousins, fell asleep before calling little Evan.
The two mothers talked to each other and Evan was very disappointed, although he did not show it.
When they finally found each other on the fourth day, Evan did not run to hug Ryan, but the older of the two did not seem to notice. He had so much to tell his friend that he couldn't wait to sit down with him and talk about his cousins.
Although he was only a child himself, Ryan realized that something was wrong with little Evan after the excitement of the moment was over. He noticed the way Evan seemed distant and did not smile as he used to when Ryan told him anything.
The older of the two walked away to go ask Mrs. Atkins if Evan was sick, but the two mothers said no, and he did not seem convinced by that answer. When he returned to Evan's room, he found him asleep with the frame of their picture clutched to his chest and smiled.
-Maybe he was just tired- said Ryan covering his friend and leaving the room to let him rest.
Within a week of Ryan's return, Evan seemed to have forgotten about the missed phone call and they were back to being inseparable as before.
They did everything together and separated only during the hours they went to school. In the afternoon Ryan would do his homework quickly and then run off to play with his friend.
Evan had remained the shy kid he always was. Quiet and always on his own. Ryan, on the other hand, had become the ultimate playboy and was way too loud for young Evan's eardrums at times, but they still loved each other and were basically brothers.
Ryan protected Evan as if he were still the child of only a few hours he held in his arms on that very first day and Evan admired Ryan as he had always done since childhood.
CHAPTER 1
I hear my mother knocking on my door for the third time and I just wish I could sleep some more. I've always loved lunches at Ryan's house, but since he left for college everything is different. Being alone among four adults is horrible, however, we've been doing it for as long as I can remember and I can't back out now.
Saturday barbecue. What a nightmare. At least I used to have Ryan to keep me busy, but he told me yesterday that he wouldn't be there even this weekend and I couldn't come up with anything to avoid attending. This is already the fourth weekend in a row that he has stood me up. He comes home less and less. At the beginning of last year he would come back every week, then the visits decreased to twice a month until it became only once a month, and now not even that. Maybe he will come back for Christmas. That is, if his current girlfriend doesn't ask him to go to her place like she did last year for Spring Break.
I get out of bed resignedly, when my mother threatens to break down the door, and lock myself in the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. I put on sweatpants and a sweatshirt and go down to the kitchen to see what she could possibly need so badly to wake me up at ten o'clock on a Saturday morning.
-How can I be of assistance to you, my Lady?- I say still half asleep, despite the shower.
-Candy called. She needs you to go buy some things for her. They're needed for lunch- Ryan's mother misses her son at least as much as I do.
-Of course, I'll go right away- I say walking toward the door to go to the neighbor's house for the shopping list.
Candy, with the same wonderful blue eyes as her son, hugs me as soon as she sees me and then thanks me six times for offering to go grocery shopping for her.
Apparently, she called my mother to ask her if she needed anything at the supermarket while she went and my mother said I would volunteer because I was already planning to go on my own. Traitor.
The trip to the supermarket takes longer than it should because I'm half asleep and possibly starving. Heck, I haven't even had breakfast yet.
I pay for what I bought and decide to have a coffee at the coffee shop across the street. I don't think I can make it all the way home without getting run over if I don't eat something right away.
Behind the counter I find Ellie, a school friend of mine who has pursued me since we were in middle school and whom I have always rejected. She makes my coffee and ogles me the whole time I stay in the damn coffee shop to drink it. Heck, I might even feel sick if she looks at me again.
I leave the groceries with Candy and go back into the house to find something to eat before lunch. Luckily I find my mother's muffins and devour three of them. She is already at the neighbors' to help and my father is also there.
After not even an hour, my mother calls me to tell me to run straight to the neighbors and I leave the house almost running worried. I don't even look where I'm going, all I know is that I find myself standing in front of their door and opening it are the bright blue eyes of my best friend, the one who said he wasn't coming today.
I immediately hug him instinctively laughing happily. This is perhaps the best surprise of my life.
-What are you doing here?- I ask when we break away.
-Can't I come back to my own house now?- He asks in his deep voice. Puberty has been really generous with him. He has broad shoulders and the fact that he is in the college football team keeps him quite fit. Every time I look at him I'm amazed, because he seems to get more handsome day by day. And I probably shouldn't be so attracted to him, but I stopped caring about it long ago. I know I'm gay, hell I've known it since I was eleven years old. I remember one day during summer, he took his shirt off because he was too hot during one of the barbecues and I felt myself blush at the sight of his abs and my heart started beating faster than it should have.
No one knows because I never had the courage to tell anyone. And I want to tell him, but he's never around and I feel like I no longer know him well enough to know how he would react to the news.
-Of course you can, only I understood you couldn't make it today- I say nervously. I know I'm red in the face from embarrassment.
-Mrs. Candy threatened to shut off my finances if I didn't show up again today, so I called off my date and ran over here.-
So we've come to the point where, in order to see him, I have to have his mother threaten him? I remember a time when we couldn't live more than three days without seeing each other. And we talked every day on the phone. Or when I wouldn't sleep until he wished me good night. We were so close, but then we grew up and he discovered the wonderful world of relationships with girls and I faded into the background.
-Mrs. Candy would never do such a thing unless it was for a good cause- I joke, only partly, and he laughs.
In the backyard I find everyone else busy with different things, and Ryan and I stand on the stairs of the backdoor watching them as we used to do. For a second I am transported back to when we were kids and we would sit next to each other like this and exchange Pokemon cards.
Lunch is more fun with earthquake Ryan at the table with us. He makes jokes and teases everyone while making us have fun and I'm glad he's there. I really missed him and I only realize it now.
After eating and cleaning up, the adults stay to talk about grown-up things and Ryan asks me if I want to go for a walk. He's never been a quiet kid and that hasn't changed. Staying still has never been his strong suit.
I walk beside him in silence and he tells me about his teammates, his roommate, the girls he hangs out with, and I listen as always without really being able to talk, because it's always been that way between us. He the talkative one and I the silent one. I'm glad some things haven't changed, at least.
We find ourselves sitting under a huge tree near the park where my mother used to take me when she wanted to distract me from something, and I lean my back on the trunk and stretch my legs out in front of me. I am no longer the short kid I was until a few years ago. I have finally grown tall and am surpassing in height all my peers who towered over me as children.
-So, you don’t have girlfriends yet or you hide them well from me?- He asks lying on his back beside me. I look at his profile and notice that he has a slight smile on his lips. I could lie and say that I like a girl, but she’s oblivious of my feelings, or say I'm not interested in relationships, or at least come out to him.
I close my eyes and take a second before answering. I never lied to Ryan, because I was never capable of doing so. He has always been easy to talk to and I wish he still was, yet today for the first time I am afraid to open up with him. I am afraid of his reaction. I am afraid that he might not accept me and put a stop to our friendship. I can't imagine what it would be like for me if we were to be even further apart than we are now.
-I am gay- I say with my gaze fixed in front of me without having the courage to look at him even in passing. He stands still beside me without saying anything. There is a long heavy silence between us, yet the only thing I can think of is how liberating it was to finally admit it out loud to a real person.
I have said it out loud before, in the darkness of my room when I was sure no one could hear me.
-Have you told your parents?- Is the only thing he asks, and I try to parse his tone of voice, but I can't figure out how he might have taken it up.
-You are the only one who knows in the whole world- I say, folding his legs over my chest and hugging them with my arms. I still can't look at him, because I'm afraid of what I might see.
-How long have you known?- He asks again, but no emotion oozes from his tone. It is as if we were talking about the weather.
-I don't have a specific date. I have never been attracted to any girl, and sometimes I find guys fascinating, but not like a straight guy should?- That last part comes out as a question. I panicked. I couldn't tell him that I figured it out by looking at him shirtless when I was only eleven, he would run for the hills and not even his mother's threats would bring him back.
-How do you give the safe sex talk to gay people? Like I was going to tell you not to get anyone pregnant, but I don't have to worry about that anymore I guess- he says sitting up and I look over to find him with a huge smile on his lips. I try to hold back a laugh, because Ryan is an idiot. He has always been. He makes inappropriate jokes to lighten the mood. And I love him for that very reason.
-If everything you tell is true, I should be the one giving you the talk- I say and burst out laughing for good. I laugh too relieved that he took it well.
-On a scale of one to ten, how terrified were you that I wouldn't take it well?- He asks once we've both calmed down. I feel guilty for doubting him actually. In his own way, he's always been like a big brother, and maybe a small part of me knew he wouldn't take it badly.
-Eight, I think- I say without meeting his gaze. I feel ashamed of myself.
-I could almost get offended kid. You are my brother, how could I not accept who you are?- He says standing up, then holds out his hand to help me. Once on his feet, he pula me into him in a tight hug. -I will always be by your side, you know that- he adds and I nod my head on his shoulder doing my best not to cry.
I'm happy, don't get me wrong, but man, he just called me “brother”, who wouldn't be a little upset? My crush calling me "bro." The friendzone is almost better. From that there's a loophole at least.
