Genesis Lost - Books 1 - 6, page 52
And then another one came up, like an uninvited comment, sending shivers down my legs: what if this got out of control?
I wanted to be part of the experiment. Show him and all the others what they missed out on. Make him understand what their way of life robbed them of. I wanted us to be right, and them to be wrong.
But most of all, I wanted him to want me because I had what it took. Even if he thought otherwise.
Quick and shallow breaths came and went from Max’s mouth, his lips slightly parted. I placed my hand onto his chest, letting my fingers trace around his muscles. The thump of his heart against my fingertips grew stronger. Faster, too.
All noise around us disappeared.
The footsteps outside the hall. Gone.
The bird’s chirping through the opened window. Lost.
Nothing remained but the sound of his stuttering breath, and the scent of his skin. Sweet and clean, with a note of masculinity to it.
My mind yelled at me. Don’t go further than that.
I paid no attention to it.
The moment I lay my head atop his shoulder, he pushed his arm underneath me and pulled me against him. We stayed like that for a moment, allowing each other to get used to the heat and the closeness.
The combined heat of our bodies set me on fire, the embers clearly bedded somewhere between my legs. Shit! Never did being at peace feel so wrong.
“So,” I said. “You were saying something about your dad.”
The sigh which stuttered through his chest lifted my head and dropped it deeper into him. “My dad used to be a reverend. Or I guess he still is because I doubt that’s something you can ever stop being.”
“You mean like a priest?”
“Pretty much, yeah.” He wiped a thin tendril of hair out of my face, his fingers burning my skin at the touch. “The council banned religions forever ago since most of them interfered with the idea of the Newgenics program. He continued preaching throughout my childhood, though.”
A thirst to hear more flared up inside me, turning my mouth dry. For years I wanted to learn more about the old religions, with no-one to turn to. “You’re lucky you grew up with it. We have a church close to our village, and I go there sometimes. I try to pray, but it makes me feel so silly because I don’t really understand how it works. Like… do I fold my hands? Do I put my palms together with my fingers straight?”
“I don’t think it really matters. But if it helps you, I always folded my hands.”
I looked into his hazel eyes. “And then you prayed?”
“Uh-huh.”
“What did you pray for?”
“Um.” His lips flinched. “Mostly for my dad to stop being a reverend, and leave me out of all this.”
His answer shocked me, and I lifted my head giving him a for-real-now stare. “Why would you pray for something like that? I would give a whole lot for being able to meet someone who can teach me more. Our clan is a melting pot of whatever scraps we could find on any and all religions. There isn’t really any consistency.”
He swung his body on its side, facing me directly now. “You don’t understand what it is like growing up in the Drainpipes, and people staring you down because your dad is a nonconformist. I still get those looks today.”
Realization settled down on me like heavy iron chains. “That’s why they called you a traitor.”
He answered me with a slow and pained blink of his eyes, making the liquids in my stomach churn.
“I don’t get how you ended up working as a scientist. I mean, doesn’t that go against a lot of stuff the Bible teaches?”
“Sure does,” he said, his voice marinated in indifference. “All I needed was find something I am more passionate about than the Ten Commandments.”
“Science?”
He shook his head. “Helping people, so they won’t have to suffocate on their own breath.”
I took a quick glimpse over my shoulder and the blackboard before I turned back to him. “What does your dad think about your work?”
His eyes wandered down my face and lost themselves on my lips. My heart pounded so hard, I feared he could count the beats at the back of my spine. And it confused the hell out of me. We lay there like lovers, talking snippets of his life. This was way too nice to be ok. I let a little reminder echo through my head. He called me a libido inhibitor.
“He’s not happy about it.” His eyes jumped back up. “Not that it matters. No matter what I do, I will always be a traitor for either side. Not that my dad would ever call me that, but I’m sure he feels betrayed.”
“And you grew up in drainpipes?”
“No, not drainpipes. The Drainpipes. My best guess is that every district has its own, where the nonconformists live in filth and dirt.”
“I had no idea the Districts had areas like that,” I remembered the many times people talked about this place like it was the land of milk and honey. Everyone was cared for. Everyone was safe. Everyone was a happy vessel, void of love. “Thinking about it, we’ve never heard much about nonconformists either.”
“Of course not.” He forced the kind of smile on his face which might count neither as happy nor sad. “We have to keep up appearances, don’t we?”
“And what about your sister?”
His arm around my waist tensed as if his muscles rejected my question. “What about her?”
“Oh, come on, Max. You know what I mean.” I gave his chest a little push, but I could just as well have tried to move a wall. “What does she say about all this? You growing up with your dad, but then ending up as a scientist. And working at the fertility department above all.”
He wiggled his wrist. “We should probably grab something to eat and head to the lab. It’s been almost an hour, so I’m sure things have calmed down.”
I pushed myself up with both hands on his chest, pinning him into the couch. “I get what you’re trying to do. The night we met, you said you had a sister, and what you said got me curious. What is she saying about all this?”
His eyes desperately tried to focus on something. Anything. As long as it wasn’t me. “She’s not saying anything about it at all.”
“You don’t wanna tell me,” I jokingly pushed him down once more, “because you don’t wanna confess she’s against it.”
His hands grabbed my arms, almost squeezing, and he pushed me off him with a strength I didn’t expect from him. He lowered me onto the couch and jumped up. “I don’t wanna talk about it, Autumn.”
“Why not?” I immediately regretted the sharpness of my voice.
“It’s none of your business, and I would appreciate if you would give it a rest now.”
He crossed his arms in front of his chest, his eyes narrow like the gap we had between our bodies just a moment ago.
“I don’t get why you’re so upset about this. I just want to —”
“Why did you jump like that when I touched you today in the morning, hm?”
The heat I had in my chest now rose to my head. “What?”
“You acted like you expected the worst to happen.”
My throat constricted as if the chains from earlier now wrapped around my neck, and my answer came out changing its pitch several times. “I told you, I’m just not used to being touched. There’s a law —”
“Yeah, I know about your law. That doesn’t change the fact that you felt terrified. I heard it in your voice. Maybe it was just for a fraction of a second, but during that time you feared me.”
I gasped at his words, my head dizzy from what he might think. What he might know already. I searched my head for a good answer or a good lie. Either way would work just fine at that moment. But I found none and heaved myself onto the only crutch I could find. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“No shit, Autumn.” He turned away and grabbed his jacket from the kitchen island. “Neither do I.”
Chapter 12
Max
Pale purple veins showed across her forehead, like a roadmap of directions gone wrong. “I don’t wanna talk about it.”
“No shit, Autumn.” I grabbed my jacket, which seemed safer than grabbing her. Why did she have to start asking questions? And why did I even care? My body quickly cooled out from whichever heat she had left behind on me. “Neither do I.”
Her head dropped. Her shoulders dropped. Those hands of hers which had caressed my body less than two minutes ago rolled up into clenched fists. I hit her bullseye — a big red dot of agony. My prize? Probably her eternal resentment. Good job, Max.
Questions spun around my head making me dizzy. Did something happen to her in the past? The thought that she might be a number on an assault report twisted my guts. But the fact that she had feared me today, even if just for the blink of an eye, made me sick to my stomach.
“Please be honest with me for a moment,” I said.
She took a step away from me turning for the window, but I continued. “Don’t walk away from me. It’s about something else. Why do you want to be part of the experiment? And please, please be honest.”
I heard myself saying I wanted her honesty, but my body rejected my own words, turning my throat bone-dry. Honesty was fine as long as it contained that she liked me, and enjoyed being close to me.
And holy shit I knew everything about my need to hear it was rotten from the roots up.
Rotten like my failed experiment.
Nothing about my formula protected me from how my heart raced the moment she touched me.
She didn’t look at me, but stared at the window and stated matter-of-factly, “I want to prove those people wrong who came at me today. And if I can’t do that, at least I want to prove you wrong. The dynamic between men and women are natural and a terrific thing to experience.”
Terrific? Surely she meant terrifying because I wanted to pull those dynamics out of my chest and burn them at stake. They wouldn’t let me sleep at night. And if they did, they made me dream about her. A naked her, mostly. Some scientist I am…
But whatever she meant, I had my answer, and it burned like a cactus on my ballsack. I had something to prove, and I lost. She had something to prove — and she had no idea she already made her point.
“Alright then. You’re in.” The moment I finished the sentence those rotten roots spread a bit deeper. Clawed a bit harder into my guts. I shrugged it off as me making it up to her. Or as me being the serious scientist. Me trying to get her close to me once more? Never!
But whom was I kidding? No matter how close it would bring me to her, this would be nothing but an experiment for her. And I was the fucking rat.
A knock on the door made us spin around. When I opened, councilwoman Kenya stood in the doorway. She gave me a quick nod, then walked right in, followed by two young men.
“This should never have happened,” she said to Autumn and pulled her into a hug. “I assure you, dear, we took care of those individuals. Please do not let this make you think that everyone in the Districts feels the same way about your presence here. Surely, people have different opinions where you come from?”
Kenya released her from the embrace and waited until a nod came from Autumn. Then she turned to me. “Max, you did a wonderful job bringing her here. Out of sight, out of mind. I’m glad you reacted so quickly.”
“Of course.”
She took Autumn’s hand and pulled her over to my couch where they both sat. “Now, if this event taught us anything, it is that our communication with the people is lacking. Tyler here came up with a wonderful idea.”
Her age-mottled fingers snapped, and Tyler jumped to attention.
“Yes councilwoman,” he said. “My team came up with the idea to interview the clanswoman, and broadcast it across all districts.”
The other guy stepped up. “We might wanna ask her about the things she likes about the Districts and the things she has experienced so far. How she helps at the lab. Anything that will make her look less outlandish, and show proof of integration.”
Autumn moved from one butt cheek to the other. “But I didn’t come here to integrate.”
“Of course not, dear,” Kenya said and placed a calming hand onto Autumn’s lap. “But surely there must be things you have enjoyed so far. The amenities. The security. And how about your first yoga class with Max today? Did you find that enjoyable?”
Autumn’s eyes sought out mine, too quick for the others to truly notice, but intense enough to give me goosebumps. A hue of red loomed on her earlobes. Just for a second, I contemplated, more like hoped, Autumn had bumped into my crotch on purpose.
“It was very, um, eye-opening,” she said.
“We need to bring you closer to our people,” Kenya continued. “Most people have never seen someone from a clan before, and they have no idea how to handle this encounter. Now, I want to point out that all this came at no fault of yours. Like I said, we could have done better. Is that not so, Tyler?”
Tyler sunk his head as if offering his neck to the headsman. “We could have done better.”
I leaned against the wall and let the scene in front of me unfold. Kenya might have been a bit crooked in the spine and a bit slow on her feet, but the authority she gave off remained unchallenged.
Tyler and the other guy looked crestfallen, their shoulders rounded and each one of them fumbling their fingers. Autumn, however, bit her upper lip over and over again, sucking it in and letting it go as if she weighed the pros and cons.
“When?” she asked.
“As soon as possible, preferably right now,” Kenya said. “We would like to broadcast it Friday evening at the latest.”
Autumn slapped her hands onto her thighs. “Ok, I’ll do it.”
I walked over to them, my pulse roaring louder inside my ear with each step that brought me closer to Autumn. “Kenya, Autumn never had the opportunity to see the ocean. I was wondering if Ruth and I could take her to the Peridot district for two or three days.”
Kenya’s eyes grew wide, making her wrinkles fall into deep craters. “After what happened? Out of the question!”
The hope in Autumn’s sparkling eyes pinned me down, making my stomach drop by a nauseating inch. Maybe if I did this for her…
“This district is particularly aware of her presence because people know she is here.” I opened my palms in front of my chest, offering one and the same solution for two different problems. Hers. And mine. “Nobody would expect her at the Peridot district, and it would give her time to make herself rare until the broadcast.”
“But think of the logistics if something were to happen, Max,” she said with a frown, crossing her legs. “Everyone can tell from thirty feet away that she is not one of us. I could even do that without my glasses on.”
Tyler threw his finger up. “Not if we provide her with clothing.”
“He’s right,” I said, “give her a couple of dresses and nobody will notice unless she starts arguing with people.”
Autumn replaced her tight lips with a mischievous smile as if she took my words for a playful invitation. And perhaps it was. I had the urge to smile back but suppressed it with a fake cough.
Kenya’s mouth twitched, tugged on by whatever thoughts worked through her brain. In the end, she gave me a slow and precise nod. “Very well. You can leave tomorrow morning, but you will have to be back Saturday afternoon. I will make sure you will be assigned one of the community quarters there. Perhaps even one of the remodeled oceanfront homes. They offer less potential for other unplanned run-ins.”
The way Autumn leaped onto her feet, her face the essence of joy, made warmth spread throughout my core. Warmth, and something else. Hope perhaps. I might just be able to turn this ship around and onto a better course.
She left together with Kenya and the two men, and I walked two blocks to the research center. Ruth startled when I entered the lab, the red blotches on her neck evidence of a rough morning.
“Is she ok?” Ruth asked, her eyes scanning every inch of my body as if checking for battle marks. “And where is she?”
“Sure is.” I walked over to my desk and gave her a quick but gentle pat on the shoulder. “They took her for an interview they want to broadcast on Friday. You know, ask her questions about stuff she likes here. Make people see her in a more positive light.”
“That shouldn’t be hard. I know you two got off on the wrong foot, but she can actually be adorable and gentle if you give her time to open up.”
Her words tasted like cotton-candy to me, making my stomach go all fluff. I looked down at my chest where her hand had been. If her devilish side had me open and vulnerable like this, just what could her sweet side do to me? A little bite of panic nibbled on my chest. “Is that so?”
She leaned over her desk and pulled a couple of light green mint leaves off a plant. “Uh-huh. She showed me pictures of her village. Even told me that her brother wanted her to marry a chieftain from another clan, but gave her the option to come here instead.”
My fingertips went numb. “Does she love him?”
“Oh yeah, I could tell she does. The way her voice softens when she talks about him.” She ripped the leaves, though it could have been just as well shreds of my guts, and dropped them into a glass, pouring half a bottle of water behind it. “But her parents are dead, and her brother is the only thing she has left. So I guess it’s natural they are so attached to each other.”
“Oh,” my voice stumbled at the breathy noise, “I meant if she loves that chieftain she was supposed to marry.”
“Are you not listening?” She turned toward me, punching the mint leaves into the water with her finger. “He gave her a choice, and she decided to come here. I won’t pretend I know a thing about love, but it doesn’t take a genius to see she doesn’t want to marry him.”
Why did I even ask? It’s not like it matters to me. “Right…”
“How was yoga?” she asked, a not-so-small portion of curiosity in her voice.
Her eyes pinned me down.
My heart thumped against my eardrums. Should I tell her the truth?
