Found by Drew, page 13
He cursed under his breath, pinching the bridge of his nose and exhaling slowly. “Lia, will you sit down, please?”
“Tell me her bloody name, Drew. Who is she?” I said, my patience with this game running thin.
I had no time for liars, and no respect for cheats, which is exactly what Drew looked like right then.
“Her name is Helen, and she is a friend, nothing more.”
“This isn’t the end of this. You are going to tell me everything about you both.” There was more, I knew it, but my sympathy for his pain and discomfort won over my curiosity over what he was still hiding from me.
He nodded, a pained look on his face. “Agreed, but please, not now.”
Taking care not to jostle him, I took a seat on the battered sofa and smoothed the hair from his face. I’d bide my time, but I was not leaving his house that weekend until I found out who Helen was, and what history she had with Drew. I wasn’t an idiot, and she most definitely was not just a friend. Or at least, she didn’t think she was.
Drew slept for the majority of the afternoon and had perked up in time to watch a movie that evening. Conversation was stilted, partly because of the atmosphere Helen had left, and partly because Drew was suffering badly from his fall. It turned out that part of his story was true, at least. I had gone snooping whilst he was sleeping and found the smashed fitting, the toppled ladder, and a patch of dried blood on the carpet. Donning some marigolds, I did my best to clear the mess for him. By the time I had finished, he was still out cold, so I did some social media snooping on Helen.
Without a surname, it was hard to find her, but I was no novice at this. Annie and I had completed many of these for each other, or the other girls, whilst we were on dating apps. That was before we’d all sworn off them on account of the sheer volume of creeps and perverts we’d come across. I’d finally found her by trawling back through Drew’s old photos. Whilst there were none he’d uploaded himself, there were plenty he was tagged in with her, and from where I was sitting, they definitely looked like more than ‘just friends’.
I sat, chewing the inside of my cheek, and watching Drew sleep. He looked so peaceful, but my desire to know the truth was eating away at me. I fought the urge to nudge him awake, the urge to demand answers. It was hard, but my common sense won out in the end. Drew had never done anything to hurt me; never shown any intent that he was even capable of hurting me. I needed to trust him, I knew that, but the more I fought it, the harder it became. I needed answers, and I’d get them, one way or another.
I woke, cold and cramped, tucked up into the armchair I’d been sat in as I’d watched Drew sleep. The morning light was breaking through the curtains, and Drew winced as it hit his face.
“Bloody hell. Hangover from hell and I didn’t even touch a drop,” joked Drew, pushing himself gingerly into a sitting position. “Did you sleep there all night? You could have gone to bed, you know, love.”
His concern for me threw me from my grim mood. Despite his own obvious discomfort, he was worried about me. Even after the way I’d behaved towards him last night. I was ashamed, but I couldn’t deny the secrecy around Helen was still niggling at me.
“Ah, it was fine. I didn’t even realise I’d done it. I must have just dropped off watching you sleep. How are you feeling? Up to catching up with the guys later?” I asked, hoping some time out with the lads would loosen his tongue a little. Or at least give me the chance to do a bit of digging from the guys themselves.
“Erm, yeah. Can do. Let me just grab a few tablets first, see if I can get the room to stop spinning. Ben and Rich should be free for lunch if you fancy it? The Golden Bear has got that two for one deal on.”
“Sounds perfect, lovely. You sit there. I’ll go get you some tablets before I grab a shower, if that’s okay?” I said, glad I might get the answers I wanted sooner rather than later.
“Of course it is. How many times, sweetheart? Treat this place like your home. I’ve got no skeletons waiting to jump out of the closets at you.” Drew winked, and then winced as the pain worsened. “Jeez, I need to buy me a better ladder.”
I nodded in agreement as I passed him water and two paracetamol. “I’ve cleaned the spare room as best as I could, but you might have a bit of a stain on the carpet. And if you’re all okay for a bit on your own, I’m off to freshen up and get ready before breakfast.” I pecked him on the cheek, earning a puzzled look before hotfooting it upstairs. Aside from the fact he had dried blood all over his face, I couldn’t bring myself to kiss him, not until I knew the truth behind Helen and why she was there yesterday. Hopefully I’d find that truth at lunch.
“Rich! Ben!” I shouted them over with a smile and a wave. We’d got a little booth at the back of the pub and were near starving by the time they eventually arrived. They headed over, heads shaking and sheepish-looking.
“’Bout time, boys. We’ve been here ages. Thought we said half one,” joked Drew, much perkier now his painkillers had kicked in and he’d cleaned himself up. He still had a slight lump on his forehead, but he was more his usual self now, even if his responses were still a bit slow at times. He hadn’t noticed their unusual quietness, but I had. Something was off.
“Sorry, Drew, darling. That would be my fault,” came a familiar, sickly sweet voice from behind the guys. Ben looked distressed and Rich cringed as the woman pushed him aside and took the space next to Drew. She kissed him full on the lips and started to poke and prod at his head.
My jaw hit the floor at her audacity, but my mouth had ceased working. Both Ben and Rich mouthed ‘sorry’ at me as they slid into the booth. I squeezed Drew’s hand tighter than I needed to, and he returned it with a feeble squeeze of his own. I could feel the sweat beginning to gather on his palm, or was that my own?
“Helen spotted us coming in and demanded to know who we were meeting,” explained Rich, rolling his eyes at me.
There was definitely some history there, something that had even the boys disliking this woman.
“Oh, I bet she bloody did,” said Drew, exasperation evident. “Thanks for that, lads. Real nice of you.”
“Andrew James, don’t you be cross at them. They’re only helping me because they know how worried I was when you stopped answering my calls. You can’t be too sure with a head injury,” she said, without even a glance in my direction. It was like I didn’t even exist to her.
“I had company, Helen, and I didn’t need to tell you anything,” said Drew, sounding unimpressed by her simpering and overly familiar nature. He hadn’t made eye contact with me since she’d arrived, and my suspicions grew with each breath we took.
“But, darling, I was worried about you. It’s natural to be worried about the ones you love.” She pouted.
Ben tsked from behind his menu and she shot him a look that could have killed.
“The only things you love are your next meal ticket and your plastic surgeon,” muttered Rich.
Helen pretended not to hear him, but her eyes narrowed dangerously.
“Helen, we’re done, and we have been for a long fucking time. This is meant to be time for me and Lia to catch up with the guys. She hasn’t seen them in a few weeks and we’d like to get on with our conversation. So, if you could just bugger off, that would be super.” Drew’s less than gentlemanly behaviour shocked her, as it did me. He was usually the epitome of politeness, but something about this woman caused his flawless manners to crack. The tension in the booth was tangible.
“Don’t you want to be seen with your fiancée?” she purred in his ear.
Drew flushed bright red and the sharp intake of breath from beside me told me all I needed to know.
My heart shattered as my mind ran amok with thoughts of what had happened between these two. This woman clearly had strong feelings for Drew, but what was her deal? Had he been two-timing us? Was he just another Alex, about to break my heart and run? I couldn’t handle it. My breathing became ragged. My vision blurred, and my heart raced.
“Sorry, I’ve… I need to get some air,” I said, pushing past Rich and Ben and bolting for the door.
I needed to get away from the situation. I needed space to process the bombshell Helen had just dropped on me. I needed Annie. As I turned for one last glance, I saw Drew, his head held in a vice like grip as that bitch kissed him.
“Forget about her. It’s me you love. It was always me.” The last words I heard before the door shut behind me were hers.
Grateful I’d stopped bringing a car full of crap each time I visited, I decided against waiting to get my stuff. The few bits I kept at Drew’s weren’t important, I could live without them until I could face seeing him again to collect them, or he could post them. I didn’t care in that moment. What hurt worst of all was how easily Drew had let me walk away. He really was just like Alex after all.
SEVENTEEN
There are only so many times you can tell yourself that everything is fine and pretend to ignore the tears threatening to stream down your face. A limit on how long you can stay strong for those around you whilst feeling like you’re crumbling into a thousand pieces. When you hit that limit, the walls come falling down like they were made of paper, and for a short moment, it feels like nothing will ever help you rebuild them.
That was exactly the point I had reached as I left the pub car park, wiped the tears already escaping my tired eyes, and drove as far and fast from the place causing my problems as I could. This nasty twist in our relationship was more than my delicate heart could take. It was the proverbial straw, and I was the camel.
“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” I chanted at my in-car handset as the dull rings sounded through my speaker.
“Lia. What’s up, buttercup?” came the voice I was longing to hear.
“Oh, Anns, I’ve never been more grateful to hear your voice.”
“What’s wrong? Are you crying? And are you driving?”
“He’s fucking engaged to some plastic slut, and he didn’t even fight for me,” I sobbed down the phone. The tears were falling thick and fast as I drove, faster than was probably advised given my current state, back to my home and the safety of Annie’s arms. I needed her comfort.
“Lia, I want you to take a deep breath, calm down, and find somewhere to park up until you’ve stopped crying. Let’s talk about this, okay?”
Whilst I did attempt to slow my breathing, there was no way I was going to stop. I needed to get as far away from there as possible.
“I can’t, Anns. I need to get away. I need to… I need…” I broke down in sobs, my chest heaving and my arms shaking. God only knew how I was keeping my car on the road. It wasn’t safe, and I needed to pull over, but I didn’t care. I’d gone past the point of caring for my safety. I’d been through pain like this before, and it had nearly killed me then. I couldn’t do it again. Not this time. Not when I knew it had been real. Or at least I’d thought it had been.
“Lia, you still there? Lia? What’s going on?” came Annie’s panicked voice, her concern stopping my dark thoughts. Just because I was having a shit time didn’t mean I needed to drag her down with me.
“I’m fine. Absolutely fucking peachy. I’m going to go. I’ll see you when I get back,” I said, hanging up over her protests of how I needed to stop and calm down before I drove any further.
I did pull over, but only to switch off my phone and pick the longest route home on my sat nav. I needed time to think, and I usually found I did my best thinking whilst driving. I certainly had an awful lot to process. Drew lying to me. Drew being engaged. Helen and whatever she was. Add to that what made Drew interested in me when he had been engaged to Miss Plastic. Yes, I had plenty to think over. A long drive would be needed.
My journey was peaceful, if only in the way there’s a calm before the storm. I knew from my experiences with Alex that I’d be spending a lot of time in tears, sobbing into cushions and hiding from the world. That was just how I dealt with these hands life kept dealing me. But as short as my time with Drew had been, this time the pain was worse.
The tears swam in my eyes, pooling before falling. Before long, they left patches on my thighs from how many there had been. My breathing, which had slowed, was still ragged, each new breath hitching in my throat. The noises I was making belonged in a wildlife show. I was broken. Utterly, completely broken. I didn’t notice the storm clouds following me home, the sunny day dissipating as my foul mood came into contact with it.
“Why, Drew? Why?” I asked, repeating the question and failing to find an answer. He knew my problems from the past. He knew how he’d helped pick me up from that. He knew all of this, had promised he was different. Yeah, right. He was exactly the same. The crushing disappointment was as painful as the lies, the deceit, the time I’d wasted being fooled by love again.
I’d really believed we’d been thrown together for a reason, that we were in it for the long haul. Houses, families, growing old and reminiscing on how we met to our grandkids. It might have only been a few months—four months, two weeks and a day to be exact—but it had felt like nothing I’d experienced before. Is this what love did to you? Build you up and rip you down, again and again? If that was love, I’d rather live a lonely life. It wasn’t worth it, not even for the highs.
The rough edges where my heart had been ripped from my chest by his failure to move, to fight, to stop me - those raw edges were the epicentre of my agony. And it was agony. A burning chasm ready to engulf my entire being. Drew’s face swam in front of my tears, drowning in them. But no matter how hard I cried, the burning grew stronger. Each mile farther from him made the pain worse. The whispers of my heart wanted to give him a chance, go back and let him explain. And I nearly did. I wanted answers, needed them. But I couldn’t. Going back there, facing him, her - together. A new round of sobbing left me gasping for breath, so much so I had to pull over in a layby to retch in the fresh hedgerow. I sat there for a long while, listening to the innocent, excited trilling of the birds in the shrubbery behind me. Eventually, I brushed myself off and climbed back in my car to continue my journey home.
As the tears slowed, so did my speed. I dragged out the last of my journey, giving my emotions time to settle into the bleak mood I knew would last for some time. My nose was streaming, red and sore around the edges as I had wiped it so many times on my way home. My eyes were swollen, lids red and angry. My heart… the less said the better. It felt like I had dropped parts of it throughout my journey home, leaving it in far flung places to stop it being found. To stop me putting it together again. I never wanted to feel this way again. Ever.
Annie was pacing the corridor outside my flat when I arrived home, beaten and battered. The drive had been exhausting, even if it were peaceful. The scenic route I’d taken had soothed my nerves into a numb state of existence. The pain was still there, but controlled, or at least for now. Less raw, a dull ache. Ever present, hovering over my heart, the emptiness threatening to take me hostage.
“Lia! Thank God! I’ve been so worried about you! Why did you turn off your phone like that? I was just about to call your parents and the girls and get a search party and… why are you smiling like that?”
A small grin had graced my puffy, blotched face at the sight of Annie. Immaculate Annie, pacing the corridor, biting her nails and hair all out of place from where she’d no doubt been grabbing at it in despair at my actions. Annie, the only true constant in my life. The only one I wanted to see right then.
“I’m so glad to see you,” I whispered, and with those words, the mask cracked, splintered into a thousand tiny pieces. My body heaved with sobs as I fell into her arms, a mess of tears, snot, and dribble, as I lost the tiny amount of control I’d held on to as I drove home.
She half dragged me into my lounge area, grabbing a tea towel from the side in the kitchen on her way to act as a tissue. There we sat, Annie shushing and stroking my hair, me a complete emotional wreck, sobbing with abandon until the skies turned dark and light again. A new day started, and still we sat, talking about anything, everything. Drew, Alex, how I couldn’t do this again. I was hoarse by the time I had run out of words, of tears. I was exhausted. Drained of every tiny little bit of energy I had. I gave up on consciousness and fell into a fitful sleep.
“Rest up. I’ll be here. I’ll always be here.” Annie’s soothing words and gentle touch were the last things I remembered before my world turned to black.
In the days that followed, Annie had been my rock. My source of comfort as I tried to heal, yet again, from the heartbreak caused by men. Drew had called and messaged non-stop, his messages full of sorrow, begging me to answer his calls, read his texts. After the first two days, I’d started to delete them without even reading them. By the end of the first week, I’d blocked his number so I didn’t have to deal with the reminders. I’d purged every memory of him from my flat; the little coasters he’d bought when I’d told him how much I loved those silly little lemurs with the ringed tails, the photos he’d gotten printed and framed from our visit to Cyprus; a gift for our one month anniversary. It was all in a box, hidden safe within the depths of my wardrobe.
That was the funny thing, you see. As much as I wanted rid of the memories, I also didn’t want to let them go. I still loved him. Something I’d never had the courage to say to his face. What if I’d been honest with him about how I felt? What if I’d told him how much he meant to me? Would that have convinced him not to stay with Helen? Not bloody likely. He was engaged, but even so, the thoughts taunted me night and day, ripping my delicate emotions to shreds each time.
I’d started to venture out of my flat, only to the shops and occasionally over to Annie’s. Mostly, I sat alone, often in the dark, completely lost in my thoughts. Unlike with Alex, where anger at myself and at him were my main emotions, with Drew it was more like disappointment, like the whole thing had been cut short. I missed him terribly. I missed his smile, his emerald eyes full of emotions and unspoken feelings. I missed his warmth, his smell when I snuggled up next to him. I missed his laugh, that magical sound that never failed to make my own smile reach my eyes. But most of all, I missed his protection, that feeling of being safe, loved, wanted - the purity of the relationship.
